Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 18 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bakingtins]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Hello everyone - I have been told that my cervix is still open and may need d&c, having scan tomorrow to check. I am trying to arrange childcare which is tricky as all of my family are away at a 90th birthday party. How quickly after scan do you usually get the d&c, assuming that it's not life threatening? Did any of you have a hysterscopy copy whilst they were doing it? I was going to request one anyway due to horrendous infection following c-section which I feel may be the root of my mc's.

Oh tanny that must be so hard. Look after yourself. This is the final final stretch and your baby will be in your arms soon.

Well done to all the resigners!! I’m a firm believer in change, I actually quite like making big life changes! Sadly I’m also the main (in fact at the moment only) breadwinner.

Enjoy the shopping brummie I always spend loads of money right afterwards. It’s not big, it’s not clever but it makes us feel better and god knows we deserve it.

Hugs sun baby bombs are so hard and bumps/babies due when yours would have been are hardest of all. I’ve been feeling much more positive recently, probably the excitement of wedding planning - I’ve felt for the first time that ttc/mcs weren’t completely dominating my every waking thought. But last night for the first time in a few weeks I woke in the night and couldn’t stop thinking about it all and running through all the people I know who have had babies/are about to have babies with ease. I have a list and my mind runs through it and I feel so angry and bitter and jealous I can’t get back to sleep.

I remembered something that my therapist (who I saw after my dad died) said to me about ‘psyche dramas’ – I can’t explain it as well as him but the upshot is – when your brain gets stuck on things like that, those people can start to take on enormous significance and become larger than life in your mind but in reality, the conflict in your mind is never about that actual person, it’s about you and what you’re experiencing and what they represent is somehow caught up in that. It helps me just burst that bubble sometimes – remembering that they are just people. This is not a race. They are on their journey and I am on mine. Their experience is of no consequence to me. They have their troubles, and I have mine. We are all no more or less important than a blade of grass or an ant ….. I’ve explained that really badly. But you might get the gist.

Thinking if you Tanny. I wish those negative thoughts would piss off for you and you can return to your relaxed, peaceful state of mind. It really isn't long now, you're doing everything you can for you and your baby. This time tomorrow you may well be holding her (or him) in your arms and the moment she (or he) looks up into your eyes, it will have all been worth it and you will have done it!!

Apparently a massage on the Achilles heal can bring on labour by encouraging the uterus to contract (was told by masseuse when I was 36 weeks with DS), my hubby did this for me and I had DS at 38 weeks. I had also gone for a brisk walk up a big hill the day before. (Not sure if that's recommended tho ) Could be all coincidence but you never know...there's also the usual scrubbing the floor, hot curry and the other that are meant to speed things up.

Not that you've asked for any of these tips, by the way. X

ditsy I'm not sure in that one sorry! would have thought within a couple of days though. I hope you can get it sorted sooner rather than later though and it goes as well as it can do.

monten I think I get what you mean. When my cousin announced she was pg with her unplanned 4th child I was quite angry, it was so unfair (and the fact she was still smoking really pissed me off). But then I tried to separate our lives and realise that there are aspects of her life that are shitty and mine in comparison would be viewed as much better (eg her violent ex(father of her 3 kids) vs my loving hubby), yet she's never shown any jealousy or anger towards me. And also that it has no effect on me how ever many kids she has, it's her own life, and my life is my own. And when I thought of us separately I didn't feel anger any more and actually felt happy for her. (Like I would have if I'd never had a mc)

...But then I went and had another mc so now I'm back to being a bit angry again. I'm trying to work back to that stage and face seeing her, but now she'll have a big bump as well!

Oh I'm angry bitter and resentful all the time

Thinking of you tanny. Hope you've got back to your zen-like state and that things are moving again. So close now . He/she is nearly here x

Grrr....feeling shite! Finally got a bloody call from my consultant at hos as i sent a letter last week and have an apt for 31st of march, knowing my luck i'll be on a fourth miscarrige at that point. Immediately did not like her, she was on the defensive and basically just reiterated what she said to me when i was 6 weeks pregnan in january, that at 40 i could go through numerous miscarriges before i get a good egg. Said over 40 i had a one in ten chance of getting a good egg and that there isn't really any medical proof that progesterone/heparin or anything like that actually works ( I was quite proud that i said that if she'd had 3 miscarriges she would throw glitter at if if there was a ghost of a chance it would work - and every shade of it!) Just felt she was quite damning and not reasuring at all. How can i have hope if the fecking gyno doesnt! Just as a matter of interest, who is 40 or over on here and already has a child? What did their consultants say? Cant help but suspect her opinion is that i should be greatfull for what i have....and i SO SO SO am, but it took me a long time to convince my man of marrige and children, and my ds deserve. A chance of a sibling!!!! Arrrgh brain-fuck!!!!!!

freckle she sounds like a right insensitive, unhelpful bitch! Is it possible to get another one? Hope you can get another one that will actually try to help you rather than be dismissive.

brummie that's totally understandable, particularly given you have to face a big bump everyday!

Freckle me and tiny are both over 40, I has DS2 without any problems at 39, and at no point has any consultant mentioned my age. I have, but they have waved away my comments. Of course it has a bearing, but age doesn't just affect egg quality, it affects everything, so it is an injustice to only look at egg quality as you can be missing so many other things, such as the idea that RMC can be caused by an autoimmune response that was triggered in a previous pregnancy. What a dismissive cowbag. Any chance of getting someone who wants to help you achieve a successful pregnancy?

Tanny youve just broken a thought pattern I had looping around my head as to why i had my son with no problems at all yet just haven't been able to hold a child since. I didn't realise that you could develop an immune response as a result of a pregnancy, that does make sense and i'm assuming the low dose steriods dappens down the immune system and allows the pregnancy to continue (assuming of course the egg is ok).

My sister was O neg like me and had both her children in her 40's, no effort with a miscarriage inbetween. So even though i keep blaming my blood group i suspect there is more going on.

I think it's still a theory sebs, but something to look into. It has resonance with me, and in fact my early bloods in this pregnancy showed elevated white blood cell count. By the time of my 28 week bloods they had returned to normal. Not sure what to make of it really, but I haven't stopped wondering why...

Freckle, I'm 43, and even though my consultant agreed that time is not on my side, he very strongly stayed that I have still a very good chance of a healthy pregnancy. I was 39 when I had DS, no problems. Your fertility doesn't just fall off a cliff the minute you turn 40! Your consultant sounds like a right cow, can you change?

monten - definitely understand what your therapist was driving at, is just so hard to put into practice when it feels like everyone else just sails through ttc without a care in the world . I'm definitely in the bitter, resentful camp at the moment!

freckle - your consultant sounds like a right cow. Isn't there some kind of nhs choose and book thing? Am sure someone mentioned this on the last thread - where u can look up and choose the doctor you want to be seen by? You need someone who actually wants to help you and is willing to through some more innovative solutions to the problem - especially as there is a long evidence that women who feel they are being supported and cared for in pregnancy have a lower mc rate.

tanny - hope you are holding up ok. You will be holding you beautiful little baby very soon.

X

Hmmm, it appears one of my friends is probably pg!! 4 of us are going out on sat for drinks and to see 50 shades and she's said she's not drinking and having a 'healthy march'!! (But that we can feel free to go ahead and drink- why thank you!) This is the same group of friends that were talking about fertility problems etc a few weeks back when I got upset and earlier this week I told one of them about it. She said she'd tell the others to go easy on that kind of talk for Saturday. Can't wait for Saturday now!!

I'm 40 now, was 39 and a half when I had Faith and 37-38 for the miscarriages. I think we would all acknowledge that maternal age can be a factor, but it by no means precludes success, and it's not something you can change, so why dwell on it? I think it's often used as a way of being dismissive and unwilling to address other issues that can be changed.
My consultant said since I was getting pregnant easily my fertility was still good, and in fact in the loss that was tested chromosomes were normal.

sebs I think you said your partner was also rhesus negative? In which case forget the blood group thing, you can't get rhesus incompatibility with two negative parents.

My consultant says she's seeing more and more women who had a straight forward, healthy pregnancy and then went on to suffer from Recurrent miscarriage - she was hoping to do some form of research on it as she said it's so many that come through that she thinks something must happen either during or following the first birth.

Go Tanny Go. I also dig the 'autoimmune response following simple pregnancy' theory as it fits my pattern too.

My Granny died on Tuesday. I'm alright-ish so far although there's plenty of tears in the post. For sure. I'm lucky to have had such a tremendous matriarch in my life. She lost a baby actually. And had 3 healthy girls that terrorised the village.

Thanks for sharing, Monten. You only tread your own path. Everyone's path is different.

Well done on leaving jobs Jady andTwilight

Sorry the hospital is being annoying, Freckle.

I have spoken to the TABLET nurse and moved my scan forward a week. I want her to run bloods as early as poss, because there's a chance if I'm on the placebo she'll spot things going downhill and be able to get GP to prescribe the treatment and save the pregnancy. A chance mind. tonight i'm feeling sensations in my lady womb which I think is ominous. Trying to ignore.

Hope sat goes OK flower. Hope your pals are more sensitive this time. A lot more.

I'm sorry about your Granny, counting it sounds like she was an amazing lady.

Oh - so sorry to hear about your granny counting. It sounds like she was a wonderful force on your life. x

Hugs to you andcounting, losing such a person is very painful xx

Freckle I am 38 1/2 and my age hasn't been mentioned at all. And after 2 ds's I have had 3 losses, and recently had a blood test show I am positive for lupus anti coagulant so my blood is causing clots that cause miscarriages/still births and premature births. I believe this is one of the immune issues that can occur after having a baby, but people who have never had a baby can also have it. Where abouts in the country do you live? Someone else might be able to suggest a more sympathetic doctor for you if we know where you are?

And counting sorry about your loss.

Tanny I hope baby makes an arrival tonight, someone said they think it might be a full moon? Babies love full moons!

Thank you all. Amongst other things, Granny was a great shopper. She'd approve of your purchases, brummie

Your granny sounds amazing andcounting

I'm totally shocked at your consultant freckle! What an awful woman! Can you change?

I hope I didn't sound smug earlier about the psyche drama stuff - I'm so not saying I have it all sussed, quite the opposite (as you'll se below) but it does help me sometimes.

I've just seen a new pregnant after miscarriage thread in active convos and clicked on it (don't know why) and it's full of people from the old ttc after a mc thread I was on. Who joined way after me. And I've come over all . Christ - I'm even envying those ladies now. I just want to be pregnant again! Why is is taking so long?!!

Sorry, realise you can't answer that. Just needed to vent.

cloud my hospital is a holding a memorial in December and I’m going to go. I’m an atheist so it doesn’t really make sense but I want to as it’s some kind of public recognition of my ds’ life and, atheism aside, I think it will be some kind of rite of passage for me/her. But obviously understand why you wouldn’t and if it’s awful I won’t go again!

freckle not an acceptable response from your consultant. Both recurrent miscarriage clinics I’ve attended have totally dismissed age as a factor for recurrent miscarriage (I’m 38, nearly 39) because loads of older women have babies – always have done, and, increasingly so, always will do. Can you get a second opinion form a different hospital nearby? Is it worth a trip to the GP to ask for advice?

counting really sorry to hear about your gran.

boozle would totally take part in this research as it completely fits my situation as well (hence me holding out for the Coventry test in a couple of months).

tanny really thinking of you.

Monten that’s rubbish. I’m sorry. I think you need sebs’ longed for crystal ball. In fact, I think we all need it.

Hello to everyone else. Thanks for the ‘that’s really shit’ support yesterday. You are all lovely. Today has been better – ds parents’ evening went well (he’s only 2 and a half, ffs. Tried to not be too much of a teacher about it but it's hard!) and have actually laughed a lot today. Let’s see what tomorrow brings…