mmc...totally lost

[brickiemum2]

This is probably covered in other threads so apologies, but I don't have the strength to read them right now.
I went for an early reassurance scan this morning due to a couple of previous very early losses. On those occasions I always knew something was wrong as bfp' s were weak and symptoms non existent. This time I've had the strongest symptoms I've ever had, even compared to my two pregnancies that resulted in my children. Unfortunately I have a sac measuring 7 weeks (my days put me at 7w3d) a yolk sac but no fetal pole at all. Totally empty.
I still feel so pregnant though and my symptoms are strong.
How long can I expect to still feel like this and any idea when my body will realize there is no baby and let it go?
I'm finding this so so hard compared to my spontaneous mc' s.
Thanks.

Ah I see! I hadn't done any tests either just done one.. It's still positive 4 weeks past Erpc feel a bit deflated now! They didn't really tell me about doing another test.. Not
Sure if it's something to ring gp!?

If on Friday I'm still showing 'retained products' (and bleeding seems to have stopped so I think I will), they want to do an EPRC. I am vehemently against this.

I hope it all will be gone and you won't have to do the Erpc did you want to wait to see if it would pass naturally?

I'm in for a scan on Friday too now :( so hope it's all gone can't go through that again!

I wanted naturalish - I passed something so not sure what else is left. Fingers crossed for both of us. This is so hard.

How is everyone? I've found today hard.

Hi stoaty and Sams fingers crossed for you both that you are getting to the other side of this. Having had a natural spontaneous mc and then a mmc I can honestly say this is 100% worse. It's the loss of trust that hit me hardest...but I'm trying to turn that around and reinforce to myself that my body was SO up for being pregnant and tried to support it so much that it missed the fact the baby didn't develop. That's a good thing right? Our bodies went hell for leather to keep growing the parts that we could to provide a home for the baby. As hard as it is to accept I think In retrospect I would feel worse if my body had failed to maintain a viable pregnancy. Small comfort perhaps....

Yes I feel totally the same x

Hi, can I join you ladies? Found out at the end of feb that we had suffered a missed miscarriage and our baby passed away at 6 weeks.

Words fail me to express how we feel but I knew that I couldn't just wait for nature to take it s course as we had already been in limbo before we had our last scan which confirmed the mmc. Decided to do medical management at home last Monday which has helped me to accept what has happened and wasn't as painful as I expected. This worries me as my bleeding is tailing off and a bit concerned that not everything as been expelled. We will find out on Monday at the hospital one way or the other anyway.

My gp has signed me off for two weeks which has been great to give me space to grieve and not worry about work.

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble. I haven't had the strength to talk to anyone other than dh about it x

Aww sorry to hear that we are all here to talk nice to talk to people who are in the same situation. I was signed off for 2 weeks too I so needed that time to find my feet again. I've been reading about people who have had to re do medical management feels so crappy that you go through it once not fair you have to go through it again so I'm trying to stay positive. Do you get another scan then after having the tablets if that's what you had?

Hi sam. Yep, they arrange another scan a couple of weeks after taking the tablets to check if anything is left. The risk with the tablets is that it doesn't work and then surgical management will need to be done.

Mixed feelings about going back to the hospital though as the result is still the same and there is no longer a baby ?.

cs2012 so sorry for your loss. How long did you bleed for? I think someone else said they bled for a week. It might be ok that you have stopped bleeding. I bled very heavily for a few days, but nearly 2 weeks after the initial light bleeding I'm still bleeding very lightly; it can obviously vary enormously. I really hope everything is ok for you and you don't need any further treatment. It's bad enough going through this without having it protracted medically.
Was talking to a friend who went through a mc years ago and said it really helped to give the baby a name (I know it's too early to tell the sex, but go with your heart). She says she imagines what age he would have been at different times and it really helped her. Dh says it would make it worse for him (I suppose by highlighting just what we have lost), but I had already called it Melody because she had such a brief but (to me) beautiful song. I daren't tell dh in case it upsets him more but it helps to share it with you lovely ladies.

I bled for a week but only really heavy for a couple of hours. I guess I just expected to pass lots of big painful clots which hasn't happened ( passed clots but not in pain, just weird feeling of something coming out - sorry if tmi!)

I was also thinking of a name for my baby. Haven't mentioned it to dh either yet. Sam keeps springing to mind but I have never really liked the name so not sure why! We have talked about a tree or plant to help signify our loss but not decided yet.

I bought a special frame for the picture we have and have placed it on my dressing table. Part of me wants to not be reminded as its still so painful but I need to accept what has happened to allow myself the space and time to grieve. Talking (or typing!) feels therapeutic so I wonder if I should think about counselling. Has anyone else found it useful?

Hi cs2012.

MMC here picked up at 8 weeks and which happened at 5 weeks. Had medical management (mine was a pessary - some people are having tablets? I was not offered this). I definitely passed the sac, DH saw it and it upset him. Yet at my scan it showed retained products. So lord knows what's going on. I bled for a week but now it has slowed to dirty blood like at the end of your period, enough not to be able to wear nice pants without a towel, not enough to be comforted that the rest is coming. I am having a second scan on Friday. I will leave the country if they say I need an op.

I can't bring myself to name it, I wished I could, that would feel nice. I bought a bracelet to remember my baby by.

brickie, I feel the same about my body, comforted that it tried to hold onto the baby with all it's might.

I have counselling off and on but am in a definite on phase with it at the moment. It is good. At the moment, though we are having to spend time on making me assertive at hospital because I'm not happy with it all. I can't clinically call them on anything, but their communication skills are woeful and it's bothering me.

stoaty so sorry to hear you are still in limbo land as to what's going on. I really hope things are clear on Friday and that everything has gone. Thinking of you.

cs2012 sounds like you may have passed the sac, but it's hard to be sure. I agree about sharing with others being therapeutic, but personally don't feel the need for counselling at the moment. I know others have found it really helpful though.

I'm the same if they tell me there is still retained tissue still and I need another op I literally will have a break down its hard enough going back there after it all!

Hi everyone

Stoaty - really hope the scan goes ok for you on Friday. If you are still bleeding that must mean that there is a chance that you wont need surgery? Fingers crossed for you anyway .

I don't like the idea of surgery either! Was chatting to my dh about it and feel like if I have to, so be it but will need to understand why I couldn't just wait until my next period. Guess I am trying to think of all my questions in advance as the communication at my hospital wasn't great either and the pharmacy was so insensitive (bordering rude) when we collected the drugs to start it off. Counting the days in the hope that this will be all over soon.

Hello all,
I've been lurking on here for a while and I'm so sorry that everyone is going through this. Stoaty, I really feel for you.

I had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks - we only knew for a week as I was convinced af was just late - we've been ttc for 9 months so getting used to monthly disappointment, then there was this glimmer of hope! Anyway, not sure I handled it very well cos carried on at work for the week I was bleeding (worst was at weekend), then had a couple of wobbles and a week after that I went home to see my parents overnight and pretty much cried the whole time. When I came back I felt a bit better and tried to get on with things again. This was about 4 weeks ago, and I've had some tears but generally OK.

Anyway, last night, my DH says that we are going to visit one of his friends and their new baby on Saturday morning. (We are going away to stay with his parents for the weekend- a 6 hour drive- so I thought he'd want to see his friend if possible while we we there, but he just mentioned it so nonchalantly last night I just felt devastated.) All the feelings came back and I pretty much cried all night, DH gave me a hug and I think tried to help but I didn't feel supported at all, even though before now I have found him amazing. I just feel like such a failure - his friend started trying about 3 months before us and they had their baby last month and I just feel that it's so unfair on DH - all his friends now have children and he's stuck with me, a mental case who can't stop crying and takes forever to get pregnant then it doesn't work out. Even when I write this I feel it's very self indulgent but it just hurts!!!! I've taken the day off work cos I can't concentrate on anything and don't know what to do. His parents are really close to his friend as well so they are excited about seeing the new baby with us, but that just makes me feel worse as they want more grandchildren as well.

Sorry, that's all me, me, me. Just looked back and seen this is a mmc thread so I could move this if you like

That's totally understandable I still find myself staring at babies feeling sad! We have friends that are trying for a baby and I do think if they get there before us I will be so sad but have to think it wasn't meant to be able hopefully for all of us next time will be the right time. Do you think you will start trying again? Was supposed to be due for a scan today but woke up and decided to do another test and thankfully it was negative was so happy and then a few hours later my period started to arrive so I'm glad that my hormones are going back to normal I think we will try again after period has finished x

hello brickie

firstly, im so sorry for your loss. as you will see from the other posts, this is such a commen and devastating occurance :(

bakingtins is very wise, she was a great help and comfort to me when I went through similar (12 weeks scan, no growth since 6 weeks).

i too had the surgical removal, and I know your surgery date has come and gone, but i'm hand holding here xx

Hi haven't been on here for a while how is everyone getting on? I managed to get pregnant again 4 months after miscarriage been feeling unwell this week so thought I would check by doing another test a week after a positive test I got negatives and now I'm bleeding really heavy so seems another failed pregnancy seems like a cruel joke :(