mmc...totally lost

[brickiemum2]

This is probably covered in other threads so apologies, but I don't have the strength to read them right now.
I went for an early reassurance scan this morning due to a couple of previous very early losses. On those occasions I always knew something was wrong as bfp' s were weak and symptoms non existent. This time I've had the strongest symptoms I've ever had, even compared to my two pregnancies that resulted in my children. Unfortunately I have a sac measuring 7 weeks (my days put me at 7w3d) a yolk sac but no fetal pole at all. Totally empty.
I still feel so pregnant though and my symptoms are strong.
How long can I expect to still feel like this and any idea when my body will realize there is no baby and let it go?
I'm finding this so so hard compared to my spontaneous mc' s.
Thanks.

Oh no brickie hope everything is ok x

Just been for the scan...everything internally looks just fine and no obvious tissue left. Perhaps microscopic tissue still generating bfp but nothing to worry about.

But the best need was that she did an pregnancy test on a 20mlu and it was a bfn! I'm still getting a bpf on a 10mlu but at least this shows my levels must be very low now

Oh good news then! My tests are 20 mls and I showed negative on those. Just give it a few more days xx

Ah that's fab news x

I'm tempted to throw the 10's in the bin as I've done another since I got home and it's clearly still a bfp I know that means my levels are low but they're still definitely there so I'm no closer to ttc. If I was just going on what the hospital was telling me I'd be feeling quite upbeat instead of stressed now

When there's a pregnancy test around its hard not to piss on it eh but I'm not I've got 3 of them cheapies left but I don't find them appealing they are the ones without plastic around them I don't like them so I'll wait till I'm desperate to poas!

Strange how it's showing a bfp but I would try not to worry too much how long is it supposed to show up positive if everything has been removed? I haven't done a test I think it would upset me too much I'm 2 weeks post Erpc

I've asked on other threads on here and some answers were up to 9/10 weeks post mc
I think microscopic amounts can be left and generate hcg for a while.
Laura I caved and pissed on another one with fmu today and it was just a very faint line. I'm using ic as well.

It's so annoying tho isn't it I bet if I peed on a decent one it might show up faint but I'm not buying any yet lol, probably your period will flush it all out when it comes?

Thought I'd update I had scan today everything has gone, so that's good news, the lining of my womb is thickening nicely and my left ovary looks like it's going to ovulate in around a week she said! I asked if I should wait and she said she saw no reason to wait, and if I wasn't ready then I would feel crap and not want sex, well quite frankly I'm the opposite at the moment can't get enough lol, she said if we were left to it ie nature and no medical interference then we would just go and get pregnant if our bodies were ready. So I'm just gonna go with it and see what happens.
How is everyone?

Great to hear Laura.

I feel so weird.
I can't believe I was pregnant and now I'm not. And how I'm out in the world just like before except with a big hole in my heart. It seems odd to be carrying on, and I feel guilty when I do normal things. Then I get all upset and it feels like it's not going to stop and I'll never feel normal again.

I saw my counsellor yesterday (this is an ongoing thing so getting support from her) and went for a massage today.

It totally does make you feel guilty when you are doing normal things I felt so guilty when I wasn't able to cry about it felt as though it wasn't right and now I'm back to reality it feels it's all over but you will start to get back to yourself it's at quiet times in my day I feel so sad so many hopes gone! Glad to here you had someone to talk to and did something for yourself x

Aww stoaty you sound really upset still, but you must try to get back to normal if you can and don't feel guilty, I don't know if I've coped with it because I already have children it makes it easier I can't imagine what it's like with your first. I did feel a little emotional when I went for the scan today as it was the same lady who scaned me with my children so it felt a bit odd.
I think it hit me last week I just thought I'm not pregnant anymore I was but now I'm not and it is sad, but we have to move on and look forward to the future. And just because you've had a miscarriage doesn't mean it will happen again.
Are you leaving it a while before trying again?

I'm carrying on with my folic. I would like to get pg again but I think what I will do is just shag if I feel like it and just take it from there rather than thinking about the grander TTC thing. We got caught the first month so part of my issue is engaging with the TTC mentality, I just want to be relaxed about it. I'm trying to handle this with grace and positivity that I have said goodbye to this baby but not to being a mum. It is hard though. After all that soul searching to be going back to my old life.

Certain songs make me cry, so I listen to them and remember my baby each day, and then I do normal stuff.

I just didn't feel the same way as you I don't think I even thought of it as a baby yet either!? I wonder if deep down I knew it would end badly???
It was a planned pregnancy tho and obviously I did make plans and think about what would be etc, but if we ever talked about things I always said "as long as everything's ok at the scan" and I wasn't really that sad either I cried when I first saw blood because I knew it just wasn't right then I just accepted it and even at the first scan I didn't have much hope, then I cried once about a week later but I think that's more to do with mental hormones than anything. I feel fine now and I'm glad my body did what it was supposed to do if it wasn't a viable embryo. I'm glad it's over and I can draw a line under it and I've learned a lesson- keep it a secret till I know all is well.
But I really hope I never have to go through it again.

No I take that back I did think of it as a baby I was even thinking about baby names! But I didn't get truly exited. Anyway yadda yadda I'm blathering lol xx

It was and wasn't a baby to me. I think it's contradictory thing really and I think given your two posts, you might have felt the same.

Biologically, it was a maybe baby that never got there. (Because it was a sac and nothing else). That helped me deal with the mc to an extent especially because what I passed wasn't a tiny formed anything.

I didn't get the chance to get that excited as I spotted after a week of knowing I was pregnant so it was all worry. I had the shock (even though planned) of the BFP and then a week later, it was all in doubt.

But emotionally, to me, I have lost a baby. Whatever the biological thing was, to me, in my heart, it was my baby. I have howled for it. I gave up drinking for it. It made me nauseous. I sang and spoke to it, mainly once we had been told it was small, we spent two weeks shouting GET BIG BABY at it.

I also have faith in my body now, it tried it's best to hold onto it and it sent me the messages that I was pregnant so I'd behave as if I was and protect my baby. I also have faith in my mind, I am listening to how I feel and seeking support. I have faith in my heart that I have capacity to love and be a mum.

I also deep down knew this wouldn't work out. That's not woo about the baby though, my life just tends not to go smoothly compared to other people's.

I probably won't keep it a secret though. I hated doing that. I only told a few people and it was only because of the problems so I only got to tell my sister. I'M PREGNANT!!!! Anyone else, I told them but it was a 'I'm pregnant but there are problems so I'm told to expect the worst'. I wished I'd told more people because my miscarriage is public knowledge anyway.

Yes you are right I suppose it's all very confusing isn't it.
Onwards and upwards xxx

Hello brave ladies, reading your thread has helped me so much. Found out today my baby stopped growing somewhere between 5 and 7 weeks (I am supposed to be 10+2) and I have been bleeding lots since the scan. I have some pains, so I am hoping it all ends "naturally" and soon. I first read the thread last night and it really prepared me for today so a heart-felt "thank you".

Aww sheildbug sorry to hear about that I hope you are coping as well as can be. We will be here if you need to chat xx

I think ill just stay on this thread for a while longer it feels cozy!? I've tried the march ttc bus but it's too busy and confusing I don't know what half of it all means lol!
This feels like a cozy chat in a pub the bus although friendly feels like a shouty club lol

Sorry for your loss shield

I like this VIP area laura

On a weekend away, we got given complimentary champagne and I cried (first drink)

I got my blood results back from gp yesterday. Hcg still at 47 hence the bfp still here. No chance of cycle returning at the minute. Had a very very down day yesterday...just want all this to be finished so it's actually in the past.

Totally understand brickie you just want to move on now, are you still spotting then? What did they say ,would you still get a period this month to help clear everything?

Stoaty you have done well not having a drink until now! I think I got pretty drunk on the Saturday after the first scan ( I wasn't being risky I bled loads that day so knew it was over) in fact I may treat myself tonight to a few drinky poos we are having steak for tea.