total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

Sorry, I've just read that back and it sounds awful! I'm not trying to scare anyone. It was my clumsy way of saying that the amount of tissue passed during a miscarriage can vary massively. Sometimes it is a lot and sometimes it isn't much at all.

Oh ChubbyMummy that sounds awful! Are you ok? I suppose there is a certain amount of relief knowing that it surely must be all over now?
Yes you are right. Things can vary a lot. I should hang on to that, especially as my pregnancy wasn't developed. Thanks for sharing.

thanks chubby i hope your are ok today. that sounds awful you poor thing.

it has reassured me a bit though, all i passed yesterday after medical management were a few clots about 50p sized and i was panicking today thinking it cant have been it. not loads of blood either and barely any today. rang hospital which was pointless tbh couldnt give any answers and asked me to call back tomo.

i hope ur ok that sounds awful.

Chubby, you poor thing. That sounds awful. I hope you have been feeling better today. Well I've spent the day googling misdiagnosed miscarriage. I did the same thing last time of course, I think we do that don't we? We try to find hope. I know that this won't be the case for me as an embryo was seen but no yolk sac. I have a tilted uterus and of course there are loads of stories of misdiagnosis. I'll tell you, if this is the case I will be in serious trouble as the first reaction I had to the scan was to buy a box of cigarettes. Can you imagine? Well fate, consider yourself tempted!!

And to qualify that, I don't smoke, haven't for years but thought the hell with it.

Scarlet so sorry you have found yourself on this thread, but having said that, the support here is brilliant.

chubbbymummy you poor thing, that sounds awful and quite scary when it was different to what you experienced last time. I hope you are resting up now? It sounds similar to my experience though mine happened in the very early hours of the morning and I had no inclination to get in the bath.

wonkylegs hope you are doing ok?

gingerbreadmam it is good that you have taken the medical management tablets now and fingers crossed you are over the worst of it physically at least.

fromwestoteast perhaps you are physically over the worst too? I have my fingers crossed for you.

It is so hard isn't it? It is 2 weeks this morning since mine and in some ways it could be yesterday and in others it is like a lifetime ago. We had a nice weekend away, though having dd (8) with us meant it was a different sort of break away and there was no opportunity to talk about what happened. I felt maybe we needed to have been able to do that as I have been so full on in work last week and had not really connected with dh all week. But what can you do..While it was a nice distraction to be away I sort of felt guilty about being there having a good time and I don't know why. I found myself in a foul mood by bedtime last night at home and I was very mean to dh and still felt the same this morning so we are sort of fighting. I feel so bloody angry and I don't know at what. I am so spoilt - I just had a lovely weekend in a nice hotel and I am acting like a brat and now my normally loving and kind dh is very cross with me. I am sitting in work distracted and irritated and sad all at once. I feel like my hormones are all over the place and I have the worst PMT ever. But I suppose that is no excuse is it?

And we are fighting over the most stupid stuff. Dh took a lot of time off work (self employed) to be with me during the waiting weeks and now he is under huge pressure with deadlines. I know this. We got home from the hotel and the house was cold. He lit the fire but we have a chimney in the sitting room that smokes when the wind is blowing a certain direction. It was mildly smoking last night and it annoyed me. It has been smoking for 10 years at this stage and in bed I wound myself up thinking how dh does not care about this stuff and is happy to leave it go year in year out and of course I said all this out loud. Not good timing.

This morning I got mad because I discovered he had emptied the tumble dryer on Fri before we left and just piled everything in a heap and never shook and strightened dd's school uniform out so now it is a ball of creases and I will have to iron it. Not a big deal I suppose in itself but it felt like the straw that broke the camel's back. I saw it as 'helping' that actually creates more work that it helps with.

We are fighting now and are both miserable.

super i can really register with how youre feeling and how this is affecting things with your dh. remember though you are not a spoilt brat you have been through a terrible experience and yes your hormones are all over. dont worry about it, apologise to dh if you feel like youre in the wrong and just remind him how all of this is making you feel. you said yourself you havent had chance to talk, hes a bloke. maybe he just doesnt know.

last week i was ready to throw the towel in with my dp, my hormones have clearly settled cos last nite as he was giving me cuddles on top of cuddles i thought i cnt believe it even entered my head. deffos hormones and also probably the stress of going through a traumatic experience.

im glad, other than all that, your weekend away was good. dont feel guilty for enjoying yourself you deserve it.

i spoke to hospital and thankfully they seem to think i have mc'd so i am mega relieved today and am feeling good if not a little tired.

hope everyone else is well today.

Hi ginger, glad to hear you spoke to the hospital and they believe you mc'd, what a relief that the endless waiting is over. It is so draining. Now you can get on with life which has been on hold for the bones of a month. It is so hard to put it into words to anyone who has not been though it, just how awful that was! Look after yourself and try to rest a bit. I am still very tired though sometimes I think it is mental tiredness at this stage.

I read your message and then I sent a text to dh telling him I was sorry for being cranky and that I am feeling cross and unreasonable today. And that I love him and hope he is getting some work done. We'll see how it goes. It is good to know someone else has felt the same too. I thought we had been doing so well, dealing with it together. I think it was fine when I was at home but now real life has intruded again..

I have good news too in that I don't need to have a second scan after today to confirm the miscarriage. I'm waiting to be seen by the Dr now to get booked in for an ERPC and all going well, it should all be over this week.
Don't underestimate the strain that a miscarriage can put on your relationship. There were times when I often felt resentful towards my DH, that he didn't have to go through what I'm going through, that there was nothing wrong with him physically, that he wasn't doing or saying the right things. That took a long time to get past but we did and we are stronger for it.

Glad to hear some good news from Ginger and Scarlet. Weird to be calling it good news, but within the context of this thread it's good.
Sorry you are having a tough time Super.
Not good news for me I'm afraid. I had a scan this morning and I have not passed anything. Still have two sacs inside. They are now described as "collapsing" and they have grown slightly since the last scan. However they still have not reached the magic minimum size of 20mm to confirm pregnancy failure. The largest is still only 12mm.
Furthermore, in the last two weeks I have managed to grow a sizeable cyst on my left ovary. There were no cysts there before.
The problem now is that despite the obvious I cannot be immediately referred for treatment. This is because they cannot confirm pregnancy failure until the empty sacs reach 20mm. They can ask the doctor for permission to go ahead with medical management, but this will be classed as abortion!!!
I couldn't make any decision at the hospital so they said I could just call them when I'm ready. In the meantime they will ask the doctor to permit a procedure.
I've totally stopped bleeding. However, the nurse did say I could start bleeding again anytime and there is still a chance I could just pass everything naturally if I wait long enough.
Not to judge anyone else but I would never have an abortion of a real pregnancy, and don't want one recorded on my notes, even though I know this is not a viable pregnancy.
So looks like so far I've managed a failed pregnancy and a failed miscarriage.
I'm going for the record of longest miscarriage ever I think.

super your post just made me well up. your dh will hopefully understand, accept and be fine with you. i sent a sorry msg to my dp at some point because i realised i was taking a lot out on him mostly because he just didnt understand and its not really his fault. if you can get through this tough time together you are a strong couple. good luck and i hope things are better by the time he returns from work.

are things still busy at your work? any opportunity for a few days off to get your head around things, sounds like it would do you good.

scarlet, good news i hope things go well for you and it must be a relief to know this time next week you will be on the ment.

west im so sorry. that is just such a stupid rule about the sacs etc. you would think it would go on duration and then size. i understand your thoughts on abortion. medical management was a horrible option to me too as my stance on abortion is it wasnt for me and i would never do it (dont get me wrong i understand people have their reasons and thats fine but its just not for me) and then felt like the choice was out of my hands.

even though it is recorded as abortion is it just the same process as medical management? i cant get my head around them having to record it as abortion it is appauling really. how are you feeling about things and what do you hope is the next step?

It's such a stressful horrible thing that it's amazing how well everybody on here is coping.
DH & I had a fight about lightbulbs last night and as people who never really argue it was weird but I knew straight away it was just the stress of everything. It's easy to forget the effect on him emotionally when I'm still going through the physical stuff too.

Ginger, for now I'm going to wait and HOPE I miscarry naturally. Maybe review in a week. The hospital didn't insist on any timescale.

It is the same as medical management. It is medical management, just that they cannot officially confirm the pregnancy has failed, therefore it is seen as termination.

God west that is really hard and so unfair after all this time. You must be cracking up. I am exactly the same re: abortion but it seems so terribly cruel that they could not classify it as medical management given the length of time and the fact that it MUST be unviable after that length. You poor poor thing, so horrible to have that hanging over you though.

Wonky - I know it's terrible but I am glad to read your your lightbulb fight! We were doing so well when I was just sad and dh was / is very very supportive but then suddenly my mood plummeted and I just feel cross and was directing it at him when it was not his fault at all. I am / was just lashing out.

He hasn't replied ginger and that in itself is unusual as he usually makes contact at some point during the morning..... I will have to wait till I see him i'd say

That is just terrible West. I understand your reluctance not to go ahead with a procedure under those terms. You need to do what you feel is best for you, regardless of what decision you make, this is not comparable to a normal abortion. You have not failed at anything. There is nothing that you could have done differently at any stage to influence the outcome. I always hate when I see posters gleefully exclaim that a line is a line and there is no such thing as a false positive because there bloody is. You will get through this, you will look back on this as an extremely difficult period in your life but you will come out the other side of it stronger. I feel that there is very little that life could throw at me now that I wouldn't be able to overcome. I'd rather not have had to go through with my miscarriages to have found that out about myself but I'm glad I know it. Take it easy on yourself.

ohr west thats umbelieveable i am fuming at medical professionals on your behalf. to have to keep waiting it out for the right to have the correct medical term recorded its just horrendous. i am so sorry this is being made worse for you. i hope for your sake things happen naturally. thinking of you at such a difficult time.

super, heard anything yet? hope everything is ok.

Thanks for all your kind words. This thread is amazing.
I'm actually ok. I was very disappointed when I came back from the hospital, but I've adjusted to it now. I accept the reasons why they can't confirm. The guidelines exist to prevent misdiagnosis of miscarriage, and I think that's very important. So, situations like mine are an unintended consequence of rules made to keep women and embryos safe.
I always feel better once I'm home and getting on with things. I will probably call EPU tomorrow to find out what the doctor said, and to tell them I'll continue waiting for the time being. I can handle that.
I know there is nothing I could do to change this. I'm even crazy enough to say to DH that I think we should try again when all this eventually ends.
You know, just one more miscarriage! (Dark humour).

well west sounds like you are dealing with it very positively and trying again is the one thing that has pulled me through.

hope you get when you need when you speak to epu and i sincerely hope the ones of us that want to try again meet on the antenatal boards at some point...ill be one of those tentatively dipping their toes in ha!

There is no reason why you shouldn't try again when you are ready West. I find it helps me to have a plan. My first reaction on Saturday was to say that I was done with pregnancy, but it was a knee jerk reaction. I suppose I'm a little sad to be back at the miscarriage stage because I had drawn a line under it when I had DD, and I was the person who had miscarriages but had a happy ending. Now I'm back there again. I am trying to move forward. I conceived DD with the help of a fertility specialist and medicated cycles. We were hoping that things might have corrected themselves after a successful pregnancy but they obviously haven't so I've emailed them today to try to get an appointment in the new year.

Hi ginger he rang me just after lunch, his phone has been acting up and he couldn't text. The first hing he said was 'let's forget all about earlier, it's a tough time, I love you' and he hadn't managed to get my text at that stage! So all is well here thanks. I am home now and we have had a few hugs :-) Its amazing what a difference feeling connected again makes, I was miserable today.

I had a coffee in town earlier as I had some christmas shoppint to get and I had a Costa gingerbread latte and it make me think of you gingerbreadmam, isn't that funny - none of us have met and yet I have told ye more than I have my own sister!

west I am glad being at home has made you feel better, I love being at home too, nothing beats it.

Do you know, I have been thinking of trying again...and then I think I am mad for even thinking it, but I think I would be ok if we had another mc as I survived this one so maybe it is doable? I reckon I will wait till after christmas before making any decisions and then I will have to 'persuade' dh!!!

west hope the wait is not too long and the EPU can advise you tomorrow.

Hi to everyone else. wonly, chubby and scarlet thinking of you too

For what it's worth SuperGlue, I found each m/c progressively easier to deal with and I'm not at all upset or emotional this time though it may hit me like a ton of bricks at some point. I think it is the pure shock of the first one that is so hard to deal with. On my first m/c I was 14 weeks and my GP couldn't pick a heartbeat with a Doppler but said it was probably nothing and to have a scan just in case. The EPU were really dismissive of the GP trying to get a heartbeat so early and there I was delighted with myself to be getting an early scan to see my little bubs, fully expecting to see it bouncing around the screen. It was just such a shock when it didn't. I'd never even heard of a missed miscarriage. Sorry if I'm over sharing. It's good to get it out though.

super thats funny, i hope i was a lovely latte. i am addicted to their orange hot choc btw mmm its like terrys chocolate orange.

id have been lost if it wasnt for all the lovely people on here helping me through.

i am like you i already know i want to try again but may aswel enjoy myself over christmas and then seriously start e.g. get on the vitamins (didnt take these last time bar folic acid which was probs too late) eat healthily and avoid coke as that is oje of my big downfalls.

glad your dh apologised too he sounds like a great man. bet he was relieved as well when he did finally get your message. hugs all round yeyy!

scarlet sounds like youve had a terrible time im so sorry i hope you get your happy news very soon!

Scarlet, thank you for your encouragement. I don't think you can over share on this thread. We need all the details.
Yes, there is no reason not to try again (except that I'm 42) but if Super is ready for another go then where's my excuse?
Glad to hear the day has ended happily Super.
Best wishes everyone.