total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

a lady i know thought she couldnt get pregnant and fell in her early 40s it definitely worth another try. ooh all this trying is getting me excited. bring on the new bfps!

Well I have a cousin who was told that there was no chance they could have a pregnancy naturally and she had twins by IVF. I guess under those circumstances you don't bother to take precautions. Except somebody somewhere got that wrong and with twins just gone 1, she is now pregnant again 'by accident'. So in the space of 2 years she'll have gone from no kids and very poor chances to have 3 under 2. Yikes! You just don't know what life will throw at you.

I had a rough night. Couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning all night and a 4 year old visitor at 2.50am. I had all sorts going around in my head. Hope you all have a better day today.

Hello all, isn't it funny how the chat has moved on to trying again now? I think it is great hearing all the success stories of women in their 40's having healthy babies, gives hope for sure. I am wavering a little as one part of me dearly wants another baby / child and it was all so tantelisingly close there for a few weeks. But now another bit of me is hesitant due to my age and the fact that something clearly did go very wrong with this pregnancy. I know this will come across very selfishly but we have a nice life now , the three of us, and I don't know how we would cope with a child who might have serious health issues. And is it fair to dd take that chance and the effect it would have on her life? It is all well and good if it all works out fine but what if it doesn't? I think myself and dh have a lot of thinking to do over the next couple of weeks.

I wrapped a few presents last night and once dd went to bed, I don't know what came over me, but I just got so so sad. I went and found dh and just cried for about 20 mins. I think it was the fact that it was 2 weeks ago yesterday and in so many (external) ways it is like it never happened - christmas shopping, school plays, work, my mother telling me it is 'great to be busy and not to be dwelling' etc. I think I felt rushed back into normality and don't have enough time to really absorb what has happened. And I was SO cross and frustrated. Felt better to let it all out and have some hugs and then dh poured me a glass of wine (a bad habit!) and he went and got a chinese for dinner and I sat on the sofa (in front of the fire that behaved itself last night!) and watched Made in Chelsea.

I still feel overwhelmed today but trying to not let it all boil up again.

Hope you are all doing ok today. West how did you get on speaking to EPU?

well super there is no need to rush straight back to it if you are not sure take some time and really think about it. there are lots of testsetc they can do nowadays depending on how you feel about that but it is more than likely baby would be healthy and happy.

have another cry if you need to theres no hard and fast rules as to when it should all be over emotionally. it is your experience deal with it how you need to i dont think theres any right or wrong way just let it all out as keeping it in is no good for anyone. your dh sounds lovely and supportive and if you cant have a glass of wine now when can you?!

take it easy and be kind to yourself.

It's amazing how many stories of healthy pregnancy in your 40s there are when you start looking. I think the chances are good as long as you catch a viable egg. Trouble for us oldies is that too many of the eggs we have left are past their best before date. I'm sure in myself that these two miscarriages I've had this year and last are the result of faulty eggs. I don't seem to have had any difficulty actually falling pregnant. My DH is same age as me so can't blame his age!
I didn't bother calling the EPU today. She said I could call next week, it's up to me. So I just got on with my day.
I think it's best to express your emotions when you need to. I can't believe it's been two weeks for you already Super! It still feels like yesterday I read your story. Just one day at a time.

third time lucky west! as you say lots of good healthy and happy stories so fingers crossed for you all.

i have discovered today my medical management over the weekend hadnt actually worked, i was dubious since it wasnt the horriblesness i had read about.

contractions started again about 1.00pm qnd ive been stuck to the loo since about 3.30. still getting mild contractions and the rest hope they stop soon bums numb and im cold lol. dp is topping me up with ribena as i did got a bit lightheaded. feel ok now though just want to be able to move asap.

i almost returned to work today, so glad i never would never have gotten home in time as i had contractions monday and didnt think anything of them plus after speaking to the hospital they reassured me i had mc'd.

Oh ginger, my heart is in my mouth reading your update. I'm so glad you did not go to work today. Hopefully it will be all over for you soon. And I am really glad your dh is there looking after you.

West I think exactly the same as you about the eggs. Wouldn't it be great if we could see the ones we wanted ?

I am just feeling conflicted I suppose as I really want a baby but now I am scared too. How are you coping with the waiting? Are you ok?

Ginger, you poor poor thing. It's never ending isn't it?

Super Glue, I was really comforted reading your post as I have the same misgivings about trying again. At times I want to, at times I never want to set foot in a maternity hospital again.
I had my ERPC today. Posting from the hospital ward actually. They are sending away the sac and embryo for genetic testing to see if there are chromosomal issues. I'll be called back in about 8 weeks for the results. So that is good I guess. I don't expect they will find anything as I know my issues are hormonal but no harm just in case.

well 3 hours on the loo and i think the worst is over. i actually coped quite well and am glad i was sceptical that medical management hadnt worked or that would have been a massive shock today.

thank you ladies. hope you are all well.

oh sasha i hope it goes as well as can be for you. if the tablets work just focus on the worst of it being over the day you take them. it is awful this is happening arounf christmas time but at least the new year can bring a new start.

i hope you are ok. i am fine, glad i had read up lots and lots about what happens as i knew what o went through after medical didnt seem quite right.

seems silly of hospitals to tell women it is like a heavy period as it really is nothing like that. i have learnt tht from my own experience and everyhing i read online which they told me off for. if i hadnt read up on it and was able to move from the toilet it is likely i would have ended up in hospital thinking there was something seriously wrong.

ginger you have been through the mill, you poor thing. I am just glad that it all happened for you at home and not in edinburgh that time!! I'm sorry, I know it is no laughing matter really and I hope you are ok. I felt a huge sense of relief once it was over and I also felt 'different' somehow once the sac had passed - did this happen to you?

I totally agree that hospitals really really need to handle this better and give more information on the parameters of what is 'normal' and what needs medical attention as it is so upsetting and emotional when it is happening and the worry of dealing with it all at home is terrible.

I hope you are resting up now and taking it easy x

scarlet I am glad I am not alone with these thoughts. I would have liked to have genetic testing done but with a complete mc at home there was nothing left to test. It is a worry though and it niggles the back of my mind at times. Best of luck with your recovery now, hope you are doing ok?

wonky, chubby and west hope you are all ok today? x

i know i feel lucky in a sense that i got away with it in edinburgh although was always hanging over me. have to see the funny side at times. kind of felt empty afterwards but in a good way if that makes sense like acceptance and relief that the horror id been waiting for was finally over. ive known for so long that i didnt class that part like loosing the baby, i lost the baby 5 weeks ago.

the hospital thing is ridiculous even if youre filling a pad every hour its too much according to them. in the 3 hours i was sat on the loo i probs could have filled a pad every 5 / 10 mins although i do know thats relatively normal after researching it on here. for people who only have the hospital for info they would have a massive scare.

anyway enough of me. hope everyone else is well

I was reading up on medical management yesterday Sasha, as they had given me cytotec to help things along and I wanted to be informed about it. Like Ginger and Super, I would definitely read as much as you can on what to expect and don't be alone when you take them. Mine started kicking in after about an hour and I found the cramps just like period pain really, though I don't think we get as many for an ERPC.

Super, I have mixed feelings now about the genetic testing as from what I have read, it seems to come back as either a trisomy disorder (which would mean that he pregnancy was always doomed) or 'Normal girl' giving the gender and I would feel responsible that my own hormones weren't able to sustain a healthy pregnancy (they can tell the gender because of the DNA. I'm not sure what help either of those results would be for me when considering my options moving forward.

One of the lovely nurses advised me to take something to build me up like pharmaton or vivioptal as early pregnancy is very hard on the body, so just passing that on to you guys too.

Ginger, I felt the same yesterday. I lost the baby on Saturday, not yesterday. You have a great attitude, very positive.

West, how are you feeling today!

its a strange feeling isnt it scarlet. i am glad i felt like that though as i had four tough emotional weeks beforehand and i dont think i would handle all that again very well.

definitely read up. i am happy to share what exactly happened to me, if you want to know pm me and ill do it that way as i imagine it is hard for some people to read.

with regards to the cramps i did experience those with he medical management however yesterday was definitely contractions rather than cramps so i guess u can get either. also i get period pains in my back and the pains i had were also in my back not my stomache like a lot of people experience.

Hello ladies, I've been very busy, not able to post.
Oh Ginger, that was difficult! Interesting how you talk about the back pains. I get period pains in my thighs and bum and it's the same for me in early labour. Chances are that's how it will be for you.
I asked at my EPU about medical management at home but they don't do it. They think it's too risky. They want you fully monitored in hospital. It does seem very careless to just assess someone over the phone as they did for you. Especially someone who is going through it for the first time.
Of course it's important to get yourself informed! The same goes for labour as well. So many things came as a shock the first time I gave birth, just because I had no idea! It was much easier the next time.
As for me. I still haven't called the EPU. I've had to much to do. Anyway, I'm not going to book in for anything yet. Still waiting. Not bleeding. Could be here for some weeks to come!!

ohr west i am so sorry it is being dragged out for you at least you are busy and getting on with things.

if thats how you labour i would say if you get any twinges in your back or bum get yourself home asap as it could be the start of things. i had contractions about an hour and half before the first gush.

a nurse did consult me in the hospital too. they said i could be in hospital if i wanted to be but i felt like they prefer you to do it at home n tbh because it didnt work anyway im glad i did. i really didnt want to take the second lot of tablets as i was sick and that is enough to put me off haha!

oh i will research everything about labour maybe avoid any gory pics mind i dont need to see it but if im well informed i feel i cope better.

i hope you are coping ok emotionally must be very difficult for you, keep thinking of everyone on this thread

Well I have an appointment at my fertility clinic for February when hopefully I'll have had a post ERPC cycle complete. So I'm looking to the future. It feels good to have a plan.

West, I hope it happens naturally for you sooner rather than later. It seems so unfair that it is dragging out so long. Someone mentioned along the way that their body seemed to fight to hold onto pregnancy, I had to be induced with my DD, I wonder is there something in that?

Thinking of you all, you have been an absolute lifeline for me.

Emotionally I'm ok. I'm thankful that I'm usually very busy and really don't have time to dwell on anything. To a certain extent I'm glad to just push the whole issue to one side while I get on with my day.
And remember that I never experienced pregnancy symptoms and I never actually had a foetus in this pregnancy, so maybe that makes it easier.
Best wishes everyone.

That's good news and great to be looking ahead Scarlet.
I had to be induced with my first ones, twins. And my last miscarriage was long and drawn out too. My youngest child was a week overdue.
I don't give em up easy.

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you all even though I haven't been posting. I had to step away from all things miscarriage related for a while because I felt it was taking over my every thought and I was dwelling on it far more than is healthy.
I've barely left the house for the last couple of months, between being on bed rest during the pregnancy and then having to go through the miscarriage. I've arranged to go shopping and for lunch today with my sister-in-law. I feel really guilty at the thought of going out when I'm still signed off work (like I'm bunking off school) but I'll crack up if I don't have a change of scenery soon.

It's ok Chubby, you need a break. Maybe it will help to get out and see life going on as normal.
I called EPU. I hardly have to say my name now and they know straight away who I am. A doctor had a look at my notes and didn't know what to decide so has referred it on to the consultant. They will call me when he's looked at my case. I've said for now I will wait, so they told me to do a pregnancy test a week on Monday and if it's still positive I will go in for another scan. She asked me kind of hopefully if I'd had any bleeding, any clots. Nope. Just a few spots. I get the feeling I'm turning into an unusual case.
But I'm ok. I'll deal with it.

West - sorry your having it all drawn out too. Even when it's understandable as to why it doesn't make it feel any better.
It feels forever since my first scan showed a problem at the beginning of Nov... and the waiting is awful.
I'm supposed to wait until 18th til I contact the hospital again but I can't wait any longer with nothing happening the stress & feeling on edge all the time is terrible.
I was supposed to be 16wks next Monday and my body is clearly not budging on miscarrying either naturally or with the 2 doses of medication at home (week ago) so i'm going to phone them tomorrow & tell them I can't cope any longer they need to look at other options.

Chubby, I know exactly how you feel. I think I took about 3 weeks off after my first m/c and even when I went back to work I was liable to burst into floods of tears at any given minute. Take as muh time as you need.
Wonky I think you have given it enough time. See what they can do for you. Don't be afraid of having an ERPC. I had mine on Tuesday and you will all probably think I'm crazy but I went back to work today and I was fine. I just have minimal spotting at this stage. If you want to ask anything about it by pm, please feel free to.
West, I hope the scan brings you some closure and they can get moving. At least you are getting their attention.