total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

Goodness me, what a day! So I rang epu at 9.15 and got an answering machine so left a message. Tried the other number for them (2 listed) and spoke to a receptionist. Outlined my concerns and she said she would ask one of the nurses to ring me back when they had a minute and it might take half an hour or so for them to get a chance. So. Waited till 11.30 and still heard nothing and I knew the epu clinic closes at 1pm so I rang again. Got put through to the sonographer we had seen on our 3 visits. She said as they were closing shortly and were very busy I would be best to go to my GP and they would take a swab and prescribe antibiotics. Otherwise I could come to Maternity A&E and wait for hours.

I took her advice and rang my GP - explained to receptionist there and she said of course, come in straight away, we live 30mins away so headed straight in.

Had to wait about 40 mins to be seen there and when I got to my GP she was pretty cross with EPU for sending me to her. She said she would be reluctant to give me drugs without knowing what was going on inside so I would have to go to maternity A&E afterall. She rang ahead and wrote a referral.

We then had to sort out the school run collection and dd had some friends coming to play so I headed to the hospital alone and dh went to do the stuff at home.

I queued for 3hours in maternity A&E in a tiny room with many heavily pregnant women and at one stage a woman with an absolute new born in a pram (think she was in the wrong waiting room as she seemed lost) but it was hard going emotionally. I buried my head in a trashy magazine.

Finally got seen by the doctor and she did an internal exam using a speculum and she took swabs to send to lab for infection analysis. She reckoned it looked ok, there were no large clots left and it was likely to be bad bruising but they will ring with results.

Home now and bought an M&S meal deal on way home so dh has poured me a glass of red and duck a l'orange is in the oven.

Still sore though.....

Ginger - hope your trip is going well. Wonky - how are you doing today?

thank you wonky and yes superglue so far so good.

oh heck sounds like you have had a nitemare today but hopefully you feel more comfortable knowing the aches are nothing to worry about and the worse is over. an m&s meal deal sounds like a lovely way to end a crapp day.

to cheer yous up we have just had the most randomest taxi rider ever...got in this xreg black cab thing with what was a lovely bloke only for him to ask if can sing to us, que random taxi driver singing us a frank sinatra number amongst others all the way back to our hotel. dp is convinced we have been pranked. he was an ok singer but my gosh hilarious. i couldnt meet my dps eyes bless him!

oh and just to add as i didnt mention it in previous post it is absolutely disgusting that people in our permission are sent to maternity services. i really feel for you having to go through that today super.

i would never begrudge anyone having that amazing experience but it is so tough when all you want for yourself is that and it has been taken away from you. poor thing.

Oh Superglue, sounds like you've had an awful day. You certainly deserved your wine!

Ginger, it sounds like your break away is doing you good. Love the singing taxi driver, that's ace!

What an awful experience Superglue. I always find that seeking care is the most traumatic part of these experiences.
As for myself, I've been laid low by a heavy cold. It got to the point yesterday afternoon where I couldn't carry on as normal and just had to lie down. Kids had to fix their own dinner (eldest are 15, so don't worry!). I haven't even got up yet this morning and it's 9am! That's quite shocking for me.
Meanwhile the miscarriage has mercifully taken a back seat and eased off on the bleeding with no more cramps. I am wondering actually if those two crampy days could have been it? Even though I didn't bleed as much as a normal period, maybe the bleeding has just been spread out for so long.....
The pregnancy was so undeveloped this should have been a chemical or late period in the first place.
I guess time will tell.

aww fromwest how terrible to be run down with a cold after all this. hope you are feeling better soon and your eldest is managing to cover what you cant!

i am back from edinburgh now, made it without any sign of mc so glad i went. for 2 days ive barely thought about it.

now back to my mouldy tiny cold apartment haha! i have a confession though, the christmas decorations are up woops bit early but think novelty of own place combined with needing happy thoughts swayed me

Hope you're feeling better soon West!

Ginger, it sounds like it was just what you needed. Our decorations are going up tomorrow too as DH had to go in the loft today so got them down while he was up there and now they're in the way.

Superglue how are you feeling today?

Shitty news at my scan today. There's no longer a heartbeat and in fact no sign of the baby either. They think that I've passed it already but the sac remains inside me. I now have to wait for nature to take it's course and pass the sac. I passed a tiny, tiny clot on Tuesday or Wednesday so that must have been the baby, I haven't bled at all since then. They expect I will pass the sac in the next 2 or 3 weeks.
I'm devastated and DS is heartbroken. I haven't even told DH yet as he's still at work (he couldn't get time off to come with me today).
I've cancelled my midwife appointment for tomorrow and I'm chilling a bottle of wine to cry into once DS is in bed tonight.

chubbymummy i'm so sorry to hear your news. It's been an awful journey for you and i'm sad it's ended this way. I hope you'll now get the time to begin heal and come to terms with this sad situation.
Wine and crying have been my main activity recently. I recommend them highly!
I spent this morning comfort eating a massive tub of celebrations (ironic much?) as yet another friend announced their pregnancy.
ginger I'm glad you enjoyed your trip. I'm actually based up in Edinburgh, we do have a few characters up here. So glad the cabbie brought a smile to your face!
I completely agree that it's so unfair for women in our situation to have to be exposed t heavily pregnant ones during such difficult times.
I wa lead by an EPU nurse through the maternity corridor on my way to my ERPC last wedsnesday and it brought me to tears seeing all those bumps knowing I was there to have my failed pregnancy surgically removed. Plus a woman who was clearly a drug user barged past me with her massive bump. I keep getting so angry about how unfair it all is.
I've been dipping in and out of this thread but wanted to acknowledge you all as you've been so lovely to me when i was going through the worst last week.
On another note a made a wee something today, I'm a graphic designer and artist (In fact I designed the 'No Thanks' logo for the Scottish referendum) and made this little quote mantra as i thought it resonated with the horrible journey we've all been going through. I've stuck it on stick on my fridge, thought you may like it too.
Hope you are all doing as well as can be expected.

chubby im so sorry! thats such sad news. a small condolence but at least u r in good company. if it werent for this thread i would have felt almost alone throghout this crappy time! im almost 4 weeks on from my first scan and no mc yet. been spotting since last weekend but nothing to indicate actual mc.

sizethree im glad thread has helped you too. really terrible about ur time in epu so sorry you had to go through that too. everytime i think of druggies or scumbags pregnant or with children it turns my stomache. soo not fair. just have t9 trust that one day it will work for us and our babies will have the best mammys!

you sound good at ur work too unfortunately cnt see ur pic on my phone sounds like jus what u need tho! hope everyone is ok.

Evening everyone,

chubbymummy you poor poor thing, that is such devastating news and it is impossible not to hold onto some shred of hope until the bitter end. I hope your dh is home soon and can keep you company with that bottle of wine. Sadly there seems to be no easy way through this, it is an endurance test from start to finish.

gingerbreadmam I am so so glad that you had your break away and it all went well. Sounds like you met a real character with that taxi driver! My dh told me that they have karakoe cabs in belfast - he went there once with work and was in one! Sounds fab.

I love the logo sizethree, very apt for us all here. Thanks for sharing.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? fromwesttoeast how are you doing?

I have had a very mixed few days since I have been on here. My parents came to visit last Thursday and my mum is a nice person but not terribly good at empathy. She spent most of the visit rubbing me up the wrong way telling me all about how she and my sister both had a harder time when they had a miscarriage each. I was exhausted by the end of it. And fed up and cross. So much for support! And the sad thing is, she would truly believe she was being very supportive to me :-(

It was this day last week I had the miscarriage and I went back to work this morning. I really, really did not want to but we have so many deadlines between now and christmas I felt I had to. I was doing ok until one of my colleagues (who was not aware of why I had been off sick) bounded in, delighted with himself and whipped out a scan photo to 'announce' their good news. he and his wife had their 12 wk scan this morning and I would have been 12 + 5 today so very very close timing wise and we could so easily have bumped into each other in the hospital waiting rooms etc.

I can't stop seeing that perfect tiny baby in the scan photo even though I barely glanced at it (I wasn't rude or anything I sort of gazed past it when he held it up) It was exactly what I had been hoping to see in our first scan and it cost me dearly to smile and offer congratulations without him suspecting anything.

I had a cry when I got home. They are in their 20's and have time so totally on their side for having beautiful healthy babies.

If we hadn't lost our baby I would have been announcing it in work this week too - what a coincidence that would have been - 2 announcements in the same day. I feel sad tonight. Now that I am back at work it feels sort of disrespectful to what has happened - 'that's all done and dusted and business as usual' though I know intellectually I am being silly.....

I just want things to have been different.

superglue i am so sorry you're having a bad day. if youre anything like me at the mo im assuming most of ur days are bad but today sounds on another level. i hope you get a good nights sleep tonight and tomorrow feels a bit brighter.

is theyre really no way you can take anymore time off? it sounds like you could do with it.

do you have anything nice coming up for a distraction, when i was away i barely thought about it which was a nice relief. could you plan a nice day christmas shopping somewhere with dh or a friend?

i hope you r ok. please kp posting or feel free to pm me if you are struggling ive found its only people on here who seem to really understand what its like and what we have really lost.

Thank you gingerrbreadmam you are so kind and you are right I feel it is only on here that I can really say how it is (apart from to dh and he really has been amazing) and there are (very sadly) others who know exactly what I mean.

I think I found it hard as it was tough to go back to work and my lovely colleagues news caught me off guard. I will be ok but it was a relief to come home and not to have to keep the act up iykwim?

As it happens we had a city break weekend to visit a beautiful christmas market and stay in a nice hotel with dd booked from before we ever found out about the pregnancy and we are due to go on Friday. At one stage we were planning on telling dd about the baby this week and then having the weekend away as a sort of 'bonding session' with her. That sounds odd but I was conscious that she may have had mixed feelings about a sibling after essentially 9 years on her own with us and I thought this might be a special weekend.

Then we had to cancel the trip to London last month and dh rebooked it for the weekend after next so we have 2 weekends back to back which is totally decadent and we will be eating beans for all of Jan & Feb but tight now I don't care (cats bum mouth from my mum though!!)

So, that was a long winded way of saying - yes, I do have a couple of very nice things coming up!

I hope you are feeling ok yourself, or as ok as you can be. x

i went back to work today too, had to have a return to work meeting. totally ruined my day worrying about it as i am a complete emotional wreck and was scared of breaking down in it. must admit tho that work has provided a nice distraction however being asked by line manager how im feeling was like a kick in the teeth.

i am ok. still waiting. still having massive downs. apart from all the support on here i feel so alone. for my dp it may aswel of not happened. feel like have to wait till laid in bed and have a silent cry or cry when on my own cos he doesnt understand. also my mam is a bit like yours. she had one when she was 17 that werent so bad apparently. she also had a baby at that point so i think its quite different to what im going thru. she has told me tonite to ring hospital and go for tablets and get ir all over and done with for christmas. lovely!

your weekends coming up sound just like what you need and who scares if youre skint jan itll be totally worth it. we put ourselves in the same position going to edinburgh for this month at least but was worth ir for the distraction.

it will be hard for you with your colleagues news, one of my colleagues is actually due 2 wks before i was and as i found out aboht her pregnancy we shared a few excited emails prior to me finding out i had mmc. it is hard but i am just glad someone is getting what we all want so much.

when having our worst days i try and think of something really bad thats happened to someone else and remind myself that i am ok and will get passed this. do you know anyone in that position? it really helps me to stop wallowing so much.

I think you have a great attitude gingerbreadmam & it makes me very sad to think of you crying on your own at night. Although it is not the same, if I met you I would give you a huge hug and we would have a little cry together.

I know how lucky I am that we already have dd and for that one reason alone I know that I / we will be ok because we have her and she is the light of our lives and I really do hope so very much that you get to have that very soon. One is all you need to change your life forever in the best way imaginable. Maybe it was greedy for us to want more.

I think it is related to the grief but I am worrying FAR more about dd and dh, if they are away from me (he took her to her after-school activity last week) I fret that something has happened to them and I will lose them. I am hoping this is a temporary grief / stress / shock thing as it is not my style to be like this.

I am also drinking more wine than is good for me! Not guzzling bottles of it alone or anything but I am tending towards 'just a glass watching tv' in the evenings. I am also gaining weight and not for the reason I had hoped / expected! Have to watch that!

I think you will be sorted by Christmas, so don't let other people influence your thoughts on how to handle things. Whatever you want to do will be the right thing for you. Funny how mums think they can just say whatever they like isn't it?

The one BIG thing I have learned from all this is if I come across someone in real life who tells me they are in the middle of a mmc or have had a mc, just be an ear to listen to them and don't butt in with my story as it is not helpful to them at that moment in time - at least that is how I feel about it all now.

But being on here has been a total and complete life saver for me.

I hope tomorrow is an easier day emotionally for us at work...

Sorry to hear about all the hard times everyone is going through. So sorry for your loss ChubbyMummy. These last few posts just seem to ache with grief in a way that is different from what went before. Then it was more shock, now it's just slow sadness. And that's how it is I think. After the shock comes the long learning to accept
As for me I'm over my cold and still bleeding lightly as before. I'm kind of hoping those two slightly crampy days were it, although it seemed too easy. It would be nice to have reached the recovery stage. My confirmation scan is next Monday.

oh superglue i do apologise when posting about my mam already having a baby i didnt mean she was lucky and im not. i just meant she was 17 with a baby that would have just been a month or two old. my eldest brother is 33 and my second 31 she mc between the 2 and had 5 children by the age of 25 so all very close together.

it doesnt matter whether u already have a child or not when u have wanted one so bad it means as much to you than anyone else the only thing i think about already having one is they probably provide a nice distraction anyway getting ready for work will update later.

Hi everyone - superglue, gingerbread and west.

I was hoping I may be the still pregnant one on this thread. We went for our last scan a week and a half ago and we had a tiny baby with a heart beat! Went back today and no heartbeat - should have been 10 weeks and could see straight away there was nothing there.

God I feel crap - you feel the whole next 6 months disappearing or at least the plans you wanted. My husband was going to get my maternity clothes out of the loft with the decorations and I do have a bump and I'm feeling sick with sore boobs :-(

I'm hoping we may be covered on our private health insurance for a erpc - i had a missed miscarriage before my little boy and just remember waiting for hours for a scan at my local nhs epu and it was a week before I could have the procedure.

I'm hoping the private scan will be enough to get the gp to refer me to our insurers but that means I have to call the drs and the insurers tomorrow and I feel like just hiding under my duvet.

Oh, hohoho so sorry to hear this news. What a crushing disappointment. I think it's worse when you've seen a heartbeat.
I hate having to go to the medics to get things sorted out, so I totally empathise with you wanting to just avoid contacting them. You know it has to be done though, for the sake if your own health.
I don't think anyone has had good news on this thread. No wonder no one else joined and Sasha never came back.
Take care of yourself, and keep posting here if it helps as you try to make sense of things.

im so sorry hohoho as has already been said i cnt imagine the pain when you have seen a heartbeat and probably thought all was well.

i hope for your sake your medical insurance covers you even though its going to be a difficult process getting to that point. i am so sorry for your loss.

keep posting if it helps, these threads have been the most support i have received and have kept me going. thinking of you

Thanks guys - I was hoping one of us was going to get a happy ending with this pregnancy but doesn't look so. After a lot of rushing around this morning between the drs and insurers I have managed to get booked in for an erpc on saturday morning.

Just can't wait to draw a line under this one and fingers crossed for the next. Should be 12 weeks on saturday and no spotting or cramping so I was trying to be hopeful. But I think deep down I knew it wasn't going to happen.

i was like you hohoho had half convinced myself dates were just out and everything would be fine at rescan, fortunately symptoms started dying down so i kind of knew really.

its terrible i really feel for you but am glad that on saturday as scary and sad as it is at least u will get some closure.

u called hospital today cos it was 2 weeks after my rescan (so 4 weeks since my first) and i still havent mc. my hospital only offered me medical management over the phone, i am meeting with them tomo and getting prescription then plan to take it at home saturday so hopefully the worst part will be over for me then too. i am getting stomache ache low down today so wonder if it is going to happen naturally in mean time. still no blood though.

Hi everybody sorry to hear everyone's news and that everybody is still going through this.
I have been avoiding the world a bit on this latest wait but we have our third scan this morning.
We are fully expecting confirmation of the bad news. My body seems to be ignoring the possibility of miscarrying naturally and making me feel as shit as possible, I have a quite obvious bump which has led to people now asking if I'm pregnant - the response now has been to burst into tears or stumble into a rambling 'yes but probably not explanation'
I've also not been well - I have a long term medical condition usually managed by meds but I can't take the ones that control it whilst pregnant, only pain relief & steroids... This was ok & I could cope with it when the trade off was a baby but it feels mean when it's just another thing to suffer through. I can't go back on the meds until there is no infection risk from miscarriage so I just have to keep waiting in pain.
I'm hoping that today we can sort out a way forward from today's scan as I can no longer keep waiting in limbo it's driving me mad, I need to start to move on.
Thinking of you all even when I'm quiet on here x

It's good that you are able to think positive and look ahead to trying again hohoho.
Gingerbreadmam don't worry about the medical management. After my MMC last year I waited four weeks but nothing happened. Sometimes our bodies just hang on! It's so strange.
I'm seriously thinking that my miscarriage may be over, although I barely noticed it. Bleeding has become very light, barely there. Either it's over or my body has just given up trying.

Just seen your post Wonkylegs. So sorry you are suffering so much. If you do get the bad news I hope you'll also be offered a quick resolution so you can get back to normal ASAP with your meds etc.
Although it seems from the info in your post that you could still have some hope of good news, I am a believer in a woman's instinct, so if you really feel it's over I would be inclined to take your word on that. So sorry.