total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

hi super. hope you are doing ok

Hi ladies. How is everyone doing?
tomcat - thinking of you. Any decision you make is brave and we will be here to virtually hold your hand.

ginger - how is work going? Have you had a chat yet?

Had a wobble today - should have been my first midwife appointment and I am also starting to really stress about work on Monday. Luckily DH was at home to be with me whilst I bawled my eyes out. I just don't feel like myself, and although there is no such thing - I want to feel normal.

Questions - is severe bloating normal? Really bloated, no pain, just look pregnant still. Maybe the crap comfort food I've been eating doesn't help.
Also, when is it 'safe' to DTD. Not for TTC,but I want to feel close to DH, no pressure from him. I'm not bleeding anymore, maybe a teeny bit of brown discharge. Should we use protection for infection in case cervix is still open? Physically I may not even be ready, just wanted advice in case.

Enjoying a nice hot bath, just trying to relax and not let the million thoughts rush through my head.

hi mrsb ypu may want to waitfor others or to google for reassurance but im pretty sure once everything has been removed the cervix closes imediately. whn i had all my problems they knew from my internals that i had tissue stuck as the cervix hadnt closed.

me and partner dtd as soon as bleeding stopped as we hadnt been close very often and for a while because of everything. you dont get any pain or anything like that or i certainly didnt.

i had another return to work meeting today and as im feeling a bit more emotionally stable i brought everything up the workload and feeling likeit wasnt accounted for when i returned and allowances werent made etc. in all fairness my boss was absolutely lovely, i also tried to be as nice as possible taking some of the blame (no up to date guidelines) and saying i wasnt pointing fingers or anything. anyway we are having a meeting monday to talk about it and put a plan in action to ensure doesnt happen again. i am also being referred to occy health who was a mh nurse for some emotional support.

im sorry youve had a bad day, is it anything in particular thats set it off?

i still cry once most days tbh i dont feel down all the time or anything it just doesnt take much to set me off ha. think af is coming so could be that too.

Hi ginger I am ok thanks for asking though still being stressed out by my mother and her endless insensitivity and updates about my sisters pregnancy. Really testing my limits now but doing my best to ignore and not rise to it. I reckon I would be the real loser then as it only stresses me out.

How are you doing yourself? I can't tell you how often this thread and you all pop into my head during the days but work has been busy so not as much time for posting here.

So sorry to read that some of you are having a tough time in work due to the time off needed. It seems so draconian in this day and age. I am the most senior person in my job and I answer to a board. I told the chair of the board (female and has young children and she was sympathetic) and I told my 3 colleagues (I am their boss) and they were amazing, really really touching how they pulled together to keep the place going at an incredibly busy time and never made it hard for me. We all do have a great relationship which is one of the best things about working there. Having said that I came back to a mountain of stuff that only I could deal with and it did out a huge pressure on me at a time I could have done without it.

I felt I lost confidence in myself and was dreading going back and I found the first week awful. I felt as though I couldn't focus on anything properly. But it got easier and now I find work a good distraction.

Mrs - hope you are doing ok, it is such early days for you, your head is bound to be all over the place. I don't know about dtd after a procedure. Maybe someone else can answer this. It took me a good while to feel like it again but I found cuddling dh was very comforting and he gives excellent hugs and back and foot rubs - so that all helped!

Thanks ginger - much appreciated.
Glad work was understanding. Maybe I could ask about support from OH also.

Nothing in particular - just had a moment. Like you, I don't feel that way all the time, just think its all still very fresh.

Thanks for the reassurance :)

I still cry a lot too at random moments and mine was 6 weeks ago now. Though it is getting less and less. Inside I still feel ever so sad when I think about what has happened to us and how it ought to be now if we had not lost that baby. I am not sure that will ever go away really....

possibly mrsb. worth enquiring about. my work also offer a private counselling service which i have used for something else, could be f use to you too if your work do.

aww well im glad you dont feel emotional all of the time, think its like that in the very beginnig and its reassuring to see how far weve all come since then.

ahh super it was you who lost confidence at work i felt that this week, i do a lot of projet work but its been so long and it difficult and demanding at the best of times. was mentioned at work the other day and i found myself wondering if i should consider asking to change roles. i do feel better after my meeting today though.

i am so glad your work ar so supportive it must have helped when you had to go back. i am glad to here you are ok too. im feeling lots better every day thank you.

Thanks ladies, I guess the emotions are normal for an abnormal situation.
Stress certainly doesn't help!

DH and I need to talk the physical side of things through anyway, as I think he's apprehensive - wants to make sure I'm ok and ready and not just worried about neglecting him.

I really need to decide about work - do I stay and fight, or look elsewhere. The amount of stress it causes is not conducive to getting and staying healthy throughout a pregnancy. Having a dismissal over your head all the time is not a nice place to be in.

Actually got up earlier today and going to make an effort to get the flat tidied and organised before next week. Motivation! (kind of)

Thank you for always listening to the rambling - it helps :)

i would stay and fight if i were you, you should never be pushed out of a job.

do you want to share some of the things that have happened? have you been there long? what kind of company is it e.g. big, small, family run?

dont worry about rambling ive done my fair share and had nothing but great support thats what were all here for!

Its a big company, I've been there about 12 months. They've tried to discipline me/push me out before due to a long term illness they were aware of. Its just the off hand, side comments and attitude that's taking its toll. When I informed them I was pregnant the attitude was that they new I'd take tine off if it affected my illness. And my manager told me she was certain I'd take maternity leave and never come back.
Then with my MC and ERPC, all they were worried about was me ringing in every day until I had a doctors note.

I've had someone independent look at it before this latest time off, and they said it looked as if it was constructive dismissal - ie push me enough to affect performance and use that.
I don't want to give in, but adding it to TTC again and everything else, the thought of going back is making me feel physically ill.
I know all I can do is go back, do my job and stick it out, whilst perhaps looking for something else. I just hate people, particularly in management who think they can push and bully and get away with it.

I guess this pregnancy would have been a goal for me to work towards, and have something to occupy my mind and not worry about what people were like at work. And now I don't have that. I don't want to be stressed and have that affect my fertility and home life also. But I agree with you that I shouldn't be pushed out.
Logically I know what to do. Emotionally - I want to tell them how horrible they are and to cram their job. Haha

is there anyway you could leave your job?

have you documented things that have been said? they sound like a horrible nasty bunch only interested in their company and not peoples welfare.

have you looked into joining a union? i would seriously consider that. i dont really know what else to suggest...long term sickness whilst searching for a fabulous job and spending all that free time ttc lol?

oh and if it is a big company go directly to HR and speak to them and throw some bullying accusations around, that sometimes helps!

Document EVERYTHING. Don't attend a disciplinary meeting on your own, always have someone with you. Take notes and don't be afraid to read back 'so you are saying that xyz'. Get a copy of your disciplinary procedure and illness policy. Companies ARE allowed to take disciplinary procedures against you in the case of continued absences as a result of illnesses but they have to follow procedures to a tee. TBH though, things are unlikely to get better, keep your eyes open for something else. Sometimes, leaving a bad job is not the worst thing that can happen.

I'm going to enquire about unions this week. Also, no 'catch up' meetings when I go back. I went everything documented and witnessed by HR at least. My last resort is going to be a meeting request with the CEO. whether I stay or go, they should know what is happening to their employees.
I've got it all documented and written down, so its there if I need it.
It may come down to taking sick leave and job hunting. I'd probably just go back to an office work agency to get me through.
There are some lovely people I work with, but when the shit keeps coming from higher up constantly, it's hard to keep finding the motivation. I like my job - just not the crap that comes with it.

Maybe its time for a change, the past few weeks have definitely reminded me that life changes in an instant, and who will be there when you really need them.
Thanks ginger - its nice to get an outside perspective and re affirm that they're just complete c word twats.

scarletts added some good suggestions too, if you do join a union they will provide someone to attend any meetings with you. it will be good in the long run to have someone with you as evidence if you do ever need it. chances are HR arent aware of what has gone on so i woul arrange a meeting with them when you feel better. dont rush back to work though.

Thanks ginger and scarlet - some good pointers I can work on now.
Will make some notes for my HR meeting.
Also have contacted some agencies with my updated CV. Cant hurt to see what is out there.

you're very welcome. good luck with the agencies. that all sounds like some good idea.

Hi all - just a little update from me. MMC confirmed yesterday after another internal scan, and they said it was starting to break down but could still take some time, so I went for medical management. Luckily my appointment was early enough that they could book me in for this on the same day; I really didn't want to have to wait any longer, but I felt quite scared of what was to come. I had the pessaries but no oral tablets, then went home at lunchtime (via Tesco's to stock up on pads). The pain started at about 3 and quickly got quite intense. I stupidly tried to hang on as long as possible before taking any pain relief, which meant by the time I took the codeine, I could barely stand. I had sickness and diarrhoea, despite the anti-sickness tablet I was given. DH topped up hot water bottle at regular intervals, which definitely helped. At this point I still didn't seem to be bleeding heavily though. Once the codeine kicked in I actually felt quite euphoric, it was such a relief. I'm quite a small person so a 60mg dose of codeine obviously has quite a strong effect. Anyway, the pain was manageable after that. The bleeding confused me a bit - it only really seemed to flow when I either went to the loo or walked round the house a bit, and all I really wanted to do was sit down, hunched forward with my hot water bottle. This morning I still felt that I hadn't passed enough - it was heavy, but only when I went to the loo. But then an hour or so ago I passed something bigger - could've just been a bigger clot or could've been the sac. I didn't inspect it too much but it was definitely bigger than anything else and took me by surprise when it slid out. I just spoke to my mum (it is very useful that she's a midwife as she can take all the details!) and she says it sounds like the worst is over and maybe as it was apparently quite early (5-6 weeks they said) then I shouldn't expect it any heavier than that. I just felt like I had more pain than blood, if that makes sense. Sorry this is a bit garbled, I'm still high as a kite from all the codeine.
Does it sound to you experienced ladies as if this may be the worst, or could there be more to come?As it's now 24 hours since I had the pessaries, shouldn't most of it have come away by now?
As for my mental state, I genuinely feel ok and also quite lucky compared to how some of you say you're feeling. I feel like I came to terms with this quite a few days ago and just took it all in my stride yesterday when everyone was expecting me to cry. I just feel relieved to (hopefully) be through the worst of it. Maybe the tears will come in the next few days.
All this has made me very grateful for the NHS and the treatment I've had at the hospital - my local is the John Radcliffe in Oxford. They've been fantastic and everything was so smooth and efficient yesterday. I arrived at 9 and was out by 12. Also very grateful for DH ... for the hot water bottles, food and cuddles.
Sorry for the long and self-centred post. Hope you are all doing ok.

Thinking of you tomcat. I think the other ladies can give you more advice on the medical management.

Just rest and give yourself time to heal. I didn't cry the first few days, but it hit me later.

i'm not surr tomcat. sounds a little like my medical management experience which wasnt successful. i had lots of pain but not much blood although it does sound like you have had more blood than me.

when i started to bleed heavily a couple of days later i passed some huge things but didnt inspect either. right at the end i passed something really big and thought that was it but i later found out i had retained products so i think it really is difficult to tell which is why i think its useful to do it in hospital as they check everything you pass.

sorry i know that is not much help at all. glad you are feeling ok emotionally, sounds like ur dp was a great support too which is great. how are you feeling today?

i'm not surr tomcat. sounds a little like my medical management experience which wasnt successful. i had lots of pain but not much blood although it does sound like you have had more blood than me.

when i started to bleed heavily a couple of days later i passed some huge things but didnt inspect either. right at the end i passed something really big and thought that was it but i later found out i had retained products so i think it really is difficult to tell which is why i think its useful to do it in hospital as they check everything you pass.

sorry i know that is not much help at all. glad you are feeling ok emotionally, sounds like ur dp was a great support too which is great. how are you feeling today?

Sorry you've had a hard time Tomcat, with all that pain. It is hard to say whether or not that's everything as Ginger said. I had med management in hospital and had to pass everything into a bed pan for inspection. Actually even I could recognise the sac when I saw it. It did just slip out as you described. Mine was 7 weeks size at that time.
I think the most important thing is that if you get lots more heavy bleeding or pain to call the hospital and let them know.
My experience emotionally is that I come to terms with it quickly, once it's all confirmed. The hardest part for me is uncertainty. When I had MMC I just cried that first day of finding out. Then I was ok. Don't worry about how you process it. There's no right or wrong.

Hello everyone. Please may I join this thread for some hand holding and support?

Firstly, I'm so sorry to everyone who has had a difficult time early on in their pregnancy.

I will admit I haven't managed to RTFT...I don't think I can at the moment. I went for a private early scan today thinking I was 6+4, but the scan showed a sac and fetal pole measuring only 5+6. No heartbeat.

The sonographer was lovely and told us not to worry or lose sleep and that it was probably just a date mix up by a few days. I'm going for another scan next Friday.

In the mean time I've found this thread which seems to be (sadly ) full of ladies who have experienced similar.

I'm a confused mess. Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to get through the next week not knowing? I hate this limbo.

Sorry that you find yourself in this situation GinFace. The sonographer made a good point about your dates. At 6 weeks they can't always see a heartbeat, and not every baby grows at the same rate so at this early stage it really is hard to tell. Everything could be absolutely fine.
The waiting between scans is the worst thing. Nothing will make it easy, but you are welcome to keep posting here and we will offer you what support we can.

Thank you so much fromwesttoeast. That's really kind.

I am lucky enough to have my beautiful DS asleep upstairs. I am just broken that his little brother or sister is in there and I don't know if they're going to survive or not.