total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

Hi fromwest, thanks, I can see the logic in your approach re keeping things a bit closer to the chest!

Yes, my sister knows all about our situation from the start. A thing that really grates on me is that she is very open with her emotions - cries very easily etc. I don't. Not that you would think it on here (and that's why this is such a life line) but I rarely cry in front of anyone other than dh and did not cry with my parents etc at any stage during our failed iui's, ivf or MC. My sister does cry and my mother tells me at every opportunity for instance: very sad and lots of tears when sis and her dh had a MC 2 years ago, lots of updates on this from sis herself and dm. Then 2 years later after that, dh and I finally get the bfp after 7 long years of privately hoping and wishing. Tell my parents and try to as sensitively as possible tell my sis our news - get an update from her and then also my mother that it made her 'roar crying'; then we have our bad news - again an update that it made my sis cry, now she has her good news and my mother was a great pains to tell me how hard it was for sis to tell me the news and was roaring crying. Not once a mention to how any of this good or bad news made me feel.

I guess we all deal with stuff differently. It is very hard tough.

You poor thing being thrown by your guests pregnancy. It just eats into the very core of your being doesn't it. Some days I find myself really noticing pregnant babies every-bloody-where and trying to gauge how many weeks along they are.

aww super dont be silly. im glad we can all share our emotions. my dp saw me crying and asked 'is that bad?' we really are quite alone, thank goodness for mumsnet.

your dp will come round, it is heartbreaking what we have had to endure but the statistics for the next one being succesful are in our favour. also for the heartbreak we have faced in comparisson to the joy of welcoming a baby, it is worth the risk im sure. you just need to work on dp.

i know i just hate the thought of people feeling sorry for me. im usually a happy drunk tho so i hope i step into that territory tomo.

glad to hear people are getting their periods back, i have forgotten who had what. those with heavy periods did you have erpc?how long ago was it and is your period heavy? i am afraid of anymore heavy bleedig when already aneamic so hope i can skip that bit

Ahh Super, maybe your mum and sister just don't get it. If emotions aren't all out there on display they don't guess what's going on underneath? They should know you better, but it seems they don't.
Did a pregnancy test this morning and it's still faintly positive, so this can't be my period after all. It must be mc bleeding again. That's a bit of a disappointment.

oh west im sorry but at least your body is doing what its supposed to and you will be there soon. i hope u r ok.

mrsb hope all goes well today let us know.

Mrsb thinking of you today x

fromwest crap to the neverending ordeal for you. Hopefully this will be it now and then you can get on with life / trying again.

ginger hope you get on ok tonight, we are hiding away at home, I really don't feel up to socialising just now, though up till Monday we had been thinking of taking up an invite from friends to visit. I am just not in the right head space for it today.

I had some very good chats with dh last night and this morning and some more tears but if def feels better to get it out there in the open between us and he is really 100% understanding about it all. I feel so utterly let down, sad and heartbroken but I think it is something I have to process in my own head/heart for a bit.

We have some nice food in the fridge and a bottle of prosecco so we are sorted for tonight. The outside world can feck off.

chubby, wonky and everyone else I will be thinking of you all as we head into a new year.....And I will have everything crossed that 2015 is THE year for us. On a positive note dh did say last night that the conversation about us trying again is definitely not over.....so there is some hope on that front!

Out of surgery and back on ward. For the sh*t that NHS gets sometimes, everyone has been lovely and literally held my hand through it all.
DH was with me right up until theatre and we've been given a private room.

2014 has not ended likea lot of us wished, but we are strong women. Hugs to you all for new year and lets be there for each other through 2015.

Thank.you for th virtual hand holding and I shall keep you updated. Codeine is kicking in, so I shall stop.rambling.

So glad you are out the other side Mrsb. It has been a particularly shit ending to the year for you. But tomorrow is another day and another year and I don't say that glibly. I know how hard it is to get your head around what has happened.

Yes, hugs to all and let's keep each other going. One thing I have learnt over the past 3 mths is that not many in real life can offer the support I have had on here from you all. xxx

So glad your dh is there taking good care. Hopefully you will be home soon, feet up resting x

Just popping in quickly, party here tonight (what were we thinking!) so up to 90. Glad you are out the other side MrsB. Take it easy for the next few days and take the good with the bad.

Super, bloody rotten timing. I will agree with you that no-one else in the world can offer support like you find on here because you have to be slap bang in the middle of it to know how it feels. Even a few months down the line we will be in a different place, a little more removed from it. I think your DH will come around to trying again too. It's still very raw.

Hello to everyone else. I'll raise a glass of bubbly to you all tonight. X

Glad the nhs staff made it as easy an experience as it could be MrsB.

Glad you are doing ok MrsB
Sincere thanks to everybody who has handheld through this shitty end of the year. Hope 2015 brings you all positive vibes whatever you may do.
We are just having a quite one at home tonight with good food & wine in front of a roaring fire which is about all I can manage today as I'm feeling a bit ropey anyway.

mrsb im so glad you were treat well and out the other side. like u say crap way to end the year but u can start the new year knowing that it is all over with and now you are in a position to think about starting again.

nice to hear from everyone else. i am good and as othera have said the support on this thread has blown me away at times and is one of the main things that have pulled me through so thank you. when you enter the new year remember just how special each and everyone of u r!

decided to stay in tonite didnt feel like going out anyway think its the best decision. i have some sparkly rose stuff to hand and will see the new year in with this to you all. bit early but happy new year!

Glad the op is over now MrsB.

Super, I've been in your shoes. My niece was actually born on my due date with my second miscarriage. It was incredibly difficult for me but I rarely think about it now.

Happy New Year to you all and I hope 2015 brings you everything you wish for! x

chubby great to hear from you, you have been on my mind a lot these past couple of weeks. Hope all is as well as it can be with you?

Thanks for that update about your niece being born on your due date, I know it is all so so raw and fresh now and it feels like my sisters news has brought all the heartache to the surface again and I was fretting about how I will survive the next 8 mths with all the scan updates etc and not let it affect how I feel about what will be my only niece / nephew. Your post has given me hope! It is such a shitty place to be as I always wanted to be excited about any potential nieces / nephews and I feel nothing but simmering resentment and sadness and if I am honest hardcore jealousy - really unattractive isn't it?

Anyway, we got through last night in one piece with the help of prosecco and Aldi party food. Today is a new day and a new year - happy 2015 to you all - hope it is a good one for each and every one of us xxxxxx Thanks for all the support in 2014 xx

super we r all super fertile right now, i know it wont make up for what we have lost but just thimk you could soon be joining your sister on her journey and wouldnt it be lovely to have children close in age?

hey chub, awful that you went through the same thing and how unfortunate for the baby to arrive n your due date. i am glad you are doing well with it now. hope you had a nice new year!

think we all go through these emotions. my dp's side of the family are into illegal stuff i hate and have all recently had children. i barely know them or how they are with their children (which i imagine will b near enough perfect, theyre nice enough well to do people) but when i hear they have nights out and dont collect their children till the next night i think why can they have one and not me. i wouldnt do that. then i feel bloody awful for thinking like that sounds even worse wrote down but its all part of the process i think.

Thanks ginger. I think one of the worst aspects of this whole thing is how it brings out such negative feelings. I guess it is natural enough but it just leaves you feeling extra crap on top of everything else!!

Yes, I have been thinking of the extra fertile side of things. Just have to work on dh a teeny bit more and we'll see what happens. I have a real urge to just go for it again and see what happens and not to waste this 'fertile' phase.... We'll have to see what happens.

How are you doing? Are you now waiting for the first cycle to get going again? Good luck !!!

Super, I found my sister-in-law's pregnancy the most difficult. She announced it as I should have been announcing mine, continually rubbed her bump and talked about nothing other than her pregnancy (even though she knew about my loss). I couldn't bear to be around her for a while. Then when she gave birth on my due date I felt like she'd done it on purpose to rub salt in the wound (irrational I know). Once my niece was here though I didn't feel that way at all. She recently turned 4 and I had to actually check my calendar to see when her birthday was - I never thought that would happen in a million years!

I've spent the day today sorting through all DS's old baby things:- clothes, toys, bedding, pram, crib etc. I've held on to them long enough and it's time they went to new homes now. My step-sister is having her first baby in the next 3 weeks and I have a friend who is a month further on than I would have been, they're going to come round next week and take the things they want and then everything else will be donated to a local charity that helps people who are in financial difficulty. It's been emotional sorting through the tiny clothing and favourite teddy's and blankets, more than once I almost stuck it all back in the loft but I ploughed on through. New year, new start and I need to move forwards rather than hanging on to an impossible dream. I'm going to focus my efforts on loosing weight and planning our trip to Australia to visit my brother-in-law, sister-in-law and nephew.

Oh chubby that has brought tears to my eye. How hard to sort through that stuff, you are really very strong. I think it is wonderful to have some goals to focus on and that trip sounds just the ticket. Losing weight and getting some lovely new clothes will help too I am sure. Not implying you need to lose weight just that doing something that makes us feel more in control is always a good thing. I am thinking the same myself. I have gained a fair bit of weight for me and now I need to eat healthily and get back on track.

Sounds like a very hard time with your sil's pregnancy. I am sort of dreading the next next months as there will be a lot of family focus on the new arrival, as there ought to be, but I know I am going to find that hard especially as I ought to still be pregnant throughout and should have an 8 week old by her due date. But what can be done? Nothing. Just grin and bear it. I am glad to hear that it became easier once the baby was actually there though. That really gives me hope.

We just had a lovely new year's dinner, the three of us and made a sort of wish list of all the places we'd like to go in the coming year. That always makes me feel better even if we never make it to some of them it is nice to daydream if better days.

i dont know about waiting. i still need to take a test and get a negative, cant bring myself to do it. i have psyched myself up and decided tomorrow is the day.

i havent looked into it much but am i right in thinking you are only advised to wait for dating reasons? i think we will just go back to normal and if i fall i fall. we werent trying before just not 'not trying' and i think ill deal better with it that way. if i think too much i am scared i will just be consumed by panicing all the time.

sounds like your almost there with your dh, i hope so. lovely to have plans for the year and something to focus on, a little part of me hopes you have jinxed yourself ha!

chubby sounds like you have had a tough day, hope u r ok. im glad that things get easier as time goes on, im actually surprised at how much better i feel now than a month ago. time really is a great healer.

Ginger, from what I have read it's only dating reasons they suggest you wait. No medical reasons, especially as you know you had nothing retained, so no risks. Just if you conceive without a date to go on they wouldn't easily reach conclusions should you have an early scan. Hopefully you wouldn't need one anyway.
I posted my "is it a period" confusion on a couple of conception threads and others came forward to say that they had a similar experience of AF with positives after mc. So, I'm still hoping that's what it is for me. I will still need to wait for a negative test because I never passed my sacs and so I have a risk of retained stuff. I want to rule that out before anything else.

Super, someone just posted stats lists on the 40 plus conception thread. Quite a few ladies had babies age 44/45 .....

Oh ladies you are all a bad influence I never even thought I would get to this stage mentally again. I am a bit afraid of getting hopes up as it took 7 long years to get that last BFP.

Ginger - best of luck & fingers crossed it happens v quickly for you.

Fromwest I really hope it is over for you and that you can get going again soon if that is the route you decide to go down.

I am having a g&t watching atonement on TV x

tested this morning bfn, who would think be pleased to see that?

i am going to wait for af. i know you shouldnt believe everything you read on internet but seen a few things saying lining is thin after erpc so might make it difficult to carry a pregnancy. probs absolute bs but for the sake of a few weeks i may as well wait as id blame myself if it happened again. going to start my folic acid today though and invest in conception vits.

thanks for your advice west i actually think youre right as seen that a lot too just have a seed of doubt now. bloody internet!

super youre getting me a bit excited

It's good news Ginger. You are still young and have time on your side. Those extra few weeks to make double sure will make no difference in the long run.

Hi ladies. Just checking in to see how you all are and update.

I'm doing ok physically, some bad cramping, mainly at night, but not a lot of bleeding. More tired and shaky then anything else. Just been doing little bit of housework and resting.
I'm panicked about going back to work, but I still have a week to go, so trying not to think about it.

Emotionally its been tough - some close family and friends have been wonderful - others are better off just keeping their mouth shut. I'm sure you know what that's like.

I want to try again, but naturally - I'm scared of this happening again, and all sorts of thoughts swim through my head. I guess this is this case with anyone who has suffered a MC.

I hope 2015 finds some peace for us all- in one way or another. Only those of us who have gone through this awful journey know what it is like, and when we are through the worst of it. Sending hugs and good wishes to you all.

Really glad to hear from you MrsB, it is such early days for you yet, it really does take time. It's great that you have a bit more time off work, I am back Monday and dreading it for all sorts of reasons.

Ginger - good news about the bfn (WHO would ever have thought we'd be congratulating you on that) you won't have long to wait now, fingers crossed. As West says, you really do have youth on your side xx

I had to go to Boots this morning to get toothpaste etc and was going to get some vitamins for myself and ooops a pack of conception vitamins fell into my basket. I have not told dh yet! I know it is a bit silly to get my hopes up and I am not really, it is more of a daydream for me as in reality, the chances of it happening are very very slim. Still, the vitamins can't hurt can they????