total headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today...

[SuperGlue]

It was very hard to put this into a title but basically I had a dating scan 11 days ago when i reckoned i ought to have been 9 weeks pg. In the scan there was an empty embryonic sac measuring 7 wks but no yolk or fetal pole. The sonographer said it was most likely a miscarriage but that I would need to come back in 10 days to see if there was any growth during that time as a protocol.

I have spent the past 11 days in total turmoil and limbo. Waiting any moment to miscarry etc.

Went back today for the second scan expecting to be taken in this week for a d&c only to find that the sac had grown in the 10 days and there was now a yolk, fetal pole and an embryo measuring just 6 weeks. No heartbeat but she said heartbeat would kick in, if it was going to, over the next 7 days. SO basically she could not confirm that it was a miscarriage at this stage but that we would need to go back this day next week to see if there is a heartbeat. If not it will be confirmed then.

She was fairly certain that there was a problem with the development of this pregnancy and that the most likely scenario would be that it would develop this far and trail off and we would not find a heartbeat on Monday.

I just can't get my head around it all. Even if my dates were out a bit, I didn't think it was possible to be out that much.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

I feel like my head is about to explode trying to take it all in / work it all out and another 7 days waiting stretches out in front of me..........

i barely bled after, not even like a period for me. i could wear the same pad throughout the day, just changed for hygiene purposes tbh. didnt have any pain either so didnt require painkillers. i did suffer with headaches upon wakeing for a few days after, could have been related to the GA.

The worst thing for me was feeling lightheaded for a few days and physically exhausted. i walked to the corner shops two days after at snail pace and that was about all i could manage. i know wonky also commented she felt the same for about a week.

just to add, with regards to the bleeding i had done the medical miscarraige that didnt fully work, i then had what i thought was the real thing 2 days later (stuck to the loo 3 hours with very heavy blood loss) the same again 2 days after that and then once more 2 day after that so that could be why i didnt bleed much after ERPC.

you will be fine on your own the nxt day think i would just prefer to be with someone, maybe a friend?

I was the same as Gingerbread, very little bleeding and no gushes like a normal period. I was straight to ERPC so no bleeds beforehand. I haven't been testing but I would imagine I'd get a negative test at this stage.

i feel the same scarlett, it is only now my body has gone back i realise how much it chaned when pregnant.

hope u r ok and managed to enjoy christmas. its been a nice blur for me. just about to have a glass of rose and might make the most of my new nowtv box seen as though there is naff all on telly lol

I'm doing ok. I've had a bit of a weird Christmas. I normally love Christmas, this year it felt a bit as if I've just been going through the motions. I've been a bit off with people and I know it's just me. I suppose when you think of it, we have had a major medical issue and the emotional element of grief and that is a big deal and sometimes I don't give that enough weight, especially the emotional side of it. I'll be glad to ring in a new year. Such a pity because outside of this, we have had a lovely year.

MrsB hope you are holding up ok. You will know best when you are ready to go back. I will say that I went back very quickly this time as I know myself that I dwell and overthink when I am mooching around at home, but it really depends on what your work is like and how easily you can get a break if you feel overwhelmed.

I've found that on the two nights I've had alcohol this Christmas, I've felt very low the next day. Again, I know that it is just alcohol acting as a depressant and I can talk myself out of it when I know I won't feel so bad the next day, and then I'm ok. Sorry for bringing down the tone, I just wanted to share in case the rest of you feel the same at times.

Hi ladies. Thank you for the advice, just a bit worried about it all - unchartered territory really.

I'll see if I can get a friend to pop round for a little the day after. I'm useless looking after myself if I feel unwell and forget to keep hydrated.

Thinking of all the nice things that have happened this year, and although its been a horrible week, glad I'm met you all through MNs - it helps to vent and get support from those who know what I'm going through.

dont be silly scarlett werre all here to support each other. ive been wary about drinking so only been avin a glass or two although i might push the boat out depending how i feel.

u have every reason to not be yourself at the moment, like someone said we have had operations etc combined with grieving. i cant really compare it as for anyone it as actually happened to i know our pain would never measure theirs but effectively we have all lost wht we considered for months to be a new part of our families. it's a different kind of hurt because for most people it is never talked about in that way.

mrsb that is an excellent idea and im sure u av plenty of friends that will support you at this difficult time.

Just popping in to say hi, hope you are all doing ok.

hi west, how r u? im good thank you, getting through the season ok!

have you been doing much? how are you feeling?

I'm fine thanks Ginger. Been visiting my parents for the last couple of days. For me as soon as the doctor told me I wouldn't have to go back for any more appointments I moved on mentally and now the whole episode feels like it happened quite a long time ago. Which is strange, as it only really ended last week.
I appreciate others need much more time to process and come to terms. We all deal with things in different ways. Interesting how you and Super have found your mothers approach difficult to deal with. I think they would have suited me quite well! But as your mothers they should have known you better!!
How are you managing MrsB?

Hi ladies. DH took the puppy and went to the in laws today. I felt rotten all day - shaky and dry vomitting. Think its a combination of my IBD flaring and the pregnancy hormones I still have. Just want to stop feeling like a zombie, and sorry for myself.
I guess its all part of the process, but I want to feel normal again - or rewind to happily pregnant. But that's not going to happen.
Sorry, just frustrated is all.

Hope everyone is doing relatively ok - almost the start of a new year :)

good to hear west. i feel like ive moved on fast too. i dont think about it a lot and even when i do i find myself thinking as if all that has happened to me. i am a bit scared it is going to catch up to me.

ha is your mam fussing a lot? i suppose u cant win either way.

I haven't told my parents anything about it Ginger! They never knew I was pregnant in the first place.
Don't worry MrsB, time will pass and you will move on and feel normal again. The waiting is the worst bit.

oh west i didnt realise, are you happier keeping it to yourself?

i told mine the minute i was pregnant as it was a surprise i think i was shocked and scared although very very happy. also because i have brothers with children and i know for both my parents as i am their daughter it will be a bit different for them when i have a baby if that makes sense. it is something they have longed for for a long time.

mrsb that is a good way to think, focusing on the new year. the worst of it will be over for u in a few days and you can start to feel a bit more yourself hopefully. when did you get your puppy? i hope it is keeping you busy

So I just had someone in the HR department ring as I 'havent been in communication' with work. Um...i was there Xmas eve in tears with my sick note.
Evidently no one in management has communicated with them. Think the lady felt quite awkward as I explained that I was having an ERPC tomorrow.
Not much looking forward to going back.
But, lets get tomorrow over with first.

mrsb thats appauling. are you ok? kinda feel for the woman if she didnt know. how crap.

keep a note of things jus incase u need em for future ref. my work are hot on absences and the way mine happened im a bit panicky incase they try to do anything.

how r u feeling about tomo?

MrsB I'm so sorry that you had to face that kind of cock up on top of everything else. Last thing you need. Hope you are doing ok otherwise.
I've been a bit flat since my dad went home. DH has a nasty cold and so is miserable, he came home from work early yesterday as he felt rubbish and moaned so much I must admit I told him if he wasn't well enough for work then he needed to go to bed & sleep and to not bother me.
I'm having to avoid FB for a bit as so many people we know seem to be having post Xmas pregnancy announcements and I can't quite deal with them.
I need to get back to work so I can focus on something else for a bit.

I'm panicking about work too, they've never been supportive and seem to be cutting jobs all over the place - but I'm trying not to stress.

Anxious about tomorrow, I hate hospitals at the best of times. Once I get there I'll be ok, just fear of the unknown really. DH said he'd wait for me to come out, so at least I know he is waiting. Really hope the staff are understanding, couldn't deal.with any one else being rude.

Hope everyone else is.doing ok. I'll check in tomorrow when I can.

mrsb the staff were very kind and lovely when i had mine. it doesnt last long either so hopefully ur dh wont have a very long wait. i feel so much better after mine i wish id been offered it straight away. i hope u feel the same once it is over.

wonky u sound a bit down are you ok? its rubbish hearing other peoples good news so can understand u avoiding fb. did you have a nice time with your dad?

Aw MrsB you poor thing. I suppose it's a time of year when communication is poor as people are off. Best of luck tomorrow, once the dust settles you will feel better to be out the other side of it.

I was out on Sunday night with a group of people. Some were friends of friends. One who I don't know that well asked me would I go again (having a DD already). I laid it to her straight and said that I had just miscarried. I think if you ask those questions, you have to be prepared for those kinds of responses. I wasn't upset at all, which I was glad about. I think I'm in the same mindframe as West- move on. One of the upsides of having more than one miscarriage is that you do become hardened to them. I will never forget the devastation of my first m/c and my heart truly goes out to you ladies going through that right now.

New Year's Eve tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that.

Hope it goes ok for you tomorrow MrsB and that that work thing was just a miscommunication not a sign of disapproval.
Sorry you are feeling down Wonky.
I know what you mean Scarlet. I really want another baby, but I can't linger over what might have been. I don't allow myself to emotionally invest until I've reached the 12 week mark successfully. This was why I didn't tell my parents Ginger. We don't live near each other or see each other often so there was no chance they'd guess. No need to bother them with bad news, so I'd rather wait. I know I probably sound harsh, but it's self defence really.
I seem to have started my period today. At least that's what I'm assuming it is as the doctor said I would be waiting for it. It started very suddenly and painfully, but has calmed down now. Now I need to see if it's normal period length. It seems too soon, but I'll be glad if it is. I may do a pregnancy test in the morning. If it's still positive it may be old mc material, if negative it must be a period. Right?

Hello all, despite the reason we are all posting on here it is nice to see familiar faces (names).

MsrB good luck tomorrow, we will all be thinking of you and waiting here to hand hold afterwards. I am sure the work thing will be ok and was just a lack of communication due to the time of year etc. keep us posted.

Fromwest I think you are incredibly strong for holding all that so close to your chest for so long, having said that, I think if we ever were lucky enough to get pg again I might do similar regardless of the outcome. I am glad to hear you are doing ok emotionally. I know you are very busy but please look after yourself, no matter what way you process it, you have been through a very traumatic few months.

wonky and ginger have been thinking of you two and hoping you are both ok? It is such a weird place, this post-pregnant bit. I find myself very up and down, one minute engrossed in something or other as though nothing has happened and the next plunged back to reality.

Well, I have had a big dose of reality this past 24 hrs, I know this will be long so please bear with me and allow me to rant as I will explode if I don't do it here!

My folks live about 3hrs drive from us, and I have only seen them 1 since the MC when they came down 3 days later. I opted out of a family christmas as I did not feel up to it and they have been pushing for us to go visit so we suggested going Monday and coming home today. All good. Then my mother started pushing me to make sure this co-ordinated with when my sister and her husband could come (they live 2 hrs in a different direction). Lots of to-ing and fro-ing resulting in my sister not being able to commit until lunchtime yesterday due to her dh's work schedule. We were in the car on the motorway when she rang me to tell me that they had actually been at a first scan and she is pregnant. 9 weeks. I spoke to her briefly and then got off the phone and silently fell utterly apart with dd in the back seat on the ipad. I cried silently for more than an hour and dh made conversation with dd. Basically as we were losing our baby 5 weeks ago yesterday she was getting a bfp. I feel like my heart had been ripped out and torn to shreds. I am such a mix of emotions - I am glad for them as they had a loss 2 years ago but my god the timing sucks for us.

It was made all the worse due to the fact that we were already en route to my parents so there was literally nowhere to just hide and cry my eyes out. Then my mum started texting about the great news. Got to their house, the VERY first thing she says is 'well, what do you think about the news? Marvellous isn't it?' And of course it is. She did not chose to notice my red eyes. I said 'yes for them, but very hard for us as it is so recent' Basically she said 'well that's life, get on with it' and that was the last word mentioned on the subject of what has happened to us, or the fact that I ought to be 17 weeks pregnant now. Or the fact that my sister will be due 8 weeks after my due date.

I am in a bad place mentally with this and I hate myself for feeling it -there is nowhere in real life that I can say it, but I feel totally robbed, firstly of my happy incredible news, and secondly of my space within the family to grieve. It is a definite case of that's all over and done with, happier news to focus on now.

I don't think my mum meant it maliciously but her behaviour was pretty atrocious - she never once asked how I / we had coped over the past 4 weeks, never once addressed what had happened to us, when my sister decided not to come for the lunch (I am guessing she felt it might not have been the best thing to do) my mother went about with a face like a slapped arse and even dh commented to me after that he felt like we were viewed as the party poopers. I am sad and hurt to the core.

Anyway, that's my update. I have no idea how I am going to survive the next 9mths, I cam only hope that as I get used to the news it will become easier. It very nearly killed me to text my sister last night to congratulate her. I am not that person. I HATE feeling like this. I have cried secretly a lot in the past 24 hrs.

We are home now and I am so bloody glad. Sorry for the rant x

MrsB I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to let you know that work can't treat pregnancy related sick leave as normal sick leave.
They can't use it against you or discipline you for it.

I had a couple of days off leading up to my ERPC and then two weeks afterwards.

I was not emotionally ready to return before then.

I'm so sorry so many of you are going through such awful times. Please don't let your workplaces make you feel any worse.

Take care if yourselves and all the best for the future.

For what it's worth, I got pregnant 3 months later with my son who us now 2. We only waited one month to start trying again and that was just to get a period for dating purposes should I have fallen pregnant again straight away.

Wishing you all lots if luck xx

i undestand your reasons west for keepin it to yourself and as you can see from the posts you dont always get the support u would expect from your nearest and dearest it might even be a blessin that you are like that.

super my heart has just broken for you. i cant stop cying. as much as that is amazing news for you it is so close i cant imagine what you must be going through. i dont understand your mam either, shes a mother she must have some idea what youve been through. i think some people genuinely can just switch off to the fact it is baby. my dp is sat looking at me like im a right idiot btw sat here crying into my tablet woops!

please please please keep talking to your dp and letting your thoughts and feelings out on here, it will hopefully help. im so sorry even if it is amazing news for your sister.

mrsb thinkin of you for tomo hope it you get through it ok.

cant remember who said it but i for 95% of the time forget all about it, it seems so long ago already then it crashes down on me like a tidal wave completely out of the blue. luckily it passes quickly, it is definitely getting so much bette.

i am scared of letting in the new year tomo and getting all bloody emotional front of people, hopefully im all cried out after supers update ha. thinking of u all.

Oh Ginger, I didn't mean to make you cry!!! I am sorry. I know it was a really indulgent 'poor me' post but I figured I had to let it out somewhere. By the time we got home in the car tonight, after crying silently a lot of the way in the dark, tears just flowing down my face (I have never cried like that before!) I was a total ball of utter pent up frustration. I will say that dh has been completely and totally amazing and really understands how I am feeling. He has known my folks a long time and was shocked by what happened this visit. I think they are just not able to deal with emotions and it is easier to sweep it all under the carpet and now there is shiny new news to concentrate on. I can't dwell on it as it will break me in two.

I got it out now, had a proper cry with dh when dd went to bed and I am having yet another medicinal glass of wine.

I am getting fatter by the day (seriously, heaviest ever in my life right now! Even compared to full term with dd) and my skin has really erupted - I look a real mess and I know my mum noticed but she said nothing.

I have just finished first period today and it was really very heavy, and lots of clots (sorry for tmi!!) so that has made me feel ick too.

And to top it all, to escape my parents house last night dh and I went for a quick drink in town and I brought up the idea of trying again. I think my sisters news made it clear to me that I really do still have a strong desire to have another baby. Dh told me he is not keen. More tears! He feels he never wants to see me go through this again. And he is worried that because something went wrong this time, it will do again and the baby would have a higher risk of having health issues (secretly a worry for me too)

Happy fecking new year, eh?

Ginger, I hope you have a good eve at the party / with friends and even if you shed a tear or three no-one will mind xxxxx

Oh Super, that's really, really tough. I can't imagine. Did your sister already know about your situation? What a time to announce! It hurts most from family.
In the week before Christmas my DH invited his friend and his family over to dinner. I've only met his friends wife once before, and lo and behold she was pregnant! Didn't mention it because it was only a little bump and didn't want to make a faux pas, but DH told me she's due in April. That was a little wrenching for me, and that was from a new acquaintance. Aargh.
I'm not surprised your DH is feeling cautious. They hate seeing us in difficulty. I hide a lot from my DH, because if he knew the whole of it he wouldn't want me to go through it again. I just make light of it all, say it doesn't do me any harm etc. they just want us to be happy really.
Sorry it's been such a rough ride.