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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Recurrent miscarriage testing and beyond.. Part 6.. Over here!

994 replies

orangebowl · 28/12/2012 18:55

We have filled up the last thread so here is the next.. Deep breath and grit your teeth for the roller coaster of emotions that continues... Hope tea and butterfly and all find it!

OP posts:
butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 20:50

Thanks everyone you are all so lovely your kind words have brought on a good cry I really needed it. The bleeding keeps tapering off then coming back a bit it's very light brown at the minute. At no point today has it actually "came out" I'm having to wipe to get it, I've got no cramps yet either. I'm under no illusions what's happening though I'm not in denial. This is just so shit why can't we just have a little bit of happiness that we so badly want :( The last week has been stressful I've worried about every little twinge then this goes and happens again I want some answers now x

teaandchocolate · 28/02/2013 21:05

I'm not going to say it could still be fine and tell you stories of people I know who bled throughout pregnancy as its just annoying. But there is still a chance it's ok. How many weeks should u be? It's good you have your scan tomorrow as you will hopefully get clarity one way or the other. If its over then let's discuss next steps - obviously you will also talk to your consultant but there might be more you can do. However for now you just need to get through tomorrow. It's just so f*ing unfair when we all want it so much and really is a baby too much to ask for?! Feel very hacked off for you. Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 21:30

Thanks tea I know there's still that little chance but when you've been through what all of us on here have you can't think positively can you I would like to think it's all ok I've prayed all day and I'm not religious! Going by lmp I should be 5+2 I think at this stage the scan was likely to be inconclusive anyway so not sure there'll be anything at all to see :( I've got a spare pg test I'm tempted to do it in the morning but am I just torturing myself? I really need to sleep tonight hope I do x

twentythirteen · 28/02/2013 21:39

Sending you hugs butterfly. I how the night passes quickly.

twentythirteen · 28/02/2013 21:39

And thanks Tea.

butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 21:47

Thank you twenty I hope you are ok have a rant if you feel you need to x

twentythirteen · 28/02/2013 21:59

That's kind of you butterfly. There aren't words to express how disappointed I am at my childless state at the moment. When I find them, or this passes, I might have more to say about myself!

butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 22:03

Sorry you are feeling like that, here to chat when you feel ready. Just to make you feel better I feel like topping myself (I'm not going to but it's crap isn't it) x

twentythirteen · 28/02/2013 22:10

Aw, more hugs. I know the feeling. How many times has this happened to you butterfly?

LandsN · 28/02/2013 22:17

Butterfly I am so sorry you are going through this just wish there was something we could do to stop this happening to us all thinking of you and sending you big hugs, u need to rest Hun and stay off work for as long as possible :( I was only thinking today I am 6 weeks tomorrow and that is when it all starts to go wrong I have my scan next Friday and am scared stiff I won't make it to then life is so bloody unfair xxx

butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 22:19

If this is definately happening again which I'm sure it is, this is the 4th time in 11 months :(

twentythirteen · 28/02/2013 22:24

Hope this isn't the 4th, that's a hell of a lot to go through In such a short space of time. And LandsN, I think we are all incredibly brave, facing a known fear and forging ahead. You both have my deepest respect.

teaandchocolate · 28/02/2013 22:35

I feel so bad that you're both feeling so terrible at the moment Butterfly and Twenty. I know you probably think I really shouldn't moan as I'm so lucky to have DD but all I can say is it appears to have been total luck of the draw that she was pregnancy number 2 (I know I've said that loads before!). Also I guess we can take some hope from the fact that all the previous posters on this board appear to have left & gone off and had babies...

I know its absolutely not consolation at the moment but it does seem that if you keep going the vast majority of recurrent miscarriers get a baby. Added to that there are so many tests to have, doctors to see and things to try we can't give up hope yet. I've had a bit of a wobbly morning as another close friend had a baby & I'm terrified at how I'd cope with another mc so I often don't take my own advice but deep down I think its possible it'll work again.....fx

Butterfly if this does go wrong have you considered going down the nk cells route? Think that's what I'd try next.

Anyway huge hugs to you all

LandsN · 28/02/2013 22:37

I totally agree it is so hard but we all keep trying, butterfly I did not realise it was such a short period of time I had 2 6 years ago gave up trying changed life chilled out etc and decided to try again and had last 1 in dec I just thank god for this thread that help so much and really feel the support from people who really understand not just sympathise xx

butterfly86 · 28/02/2013 23:01

Lands fingers are firmy crossed for you! Just take it easy hopefully it's going to go ok for you x

It isn't until I sit back and actually think about it properly that I realise how much I. actually have been through in a short space of time. Never mind the physical side of things it's the toll it takes on you emotionally, I'm so fortunate to have my dp it would have torn many relationships apart.

Tea never think we would think that about you, yes it's fantastic you have your dd but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feel the same as the rest of us about your mc's!

Yes I think nk cells will be the next step, I'm sure if we kept trying it would eventually go right but I need to rule everything out I don't want to keep losing babies unecessarily. I think we will have a break from ttc even though this was just a see what happens baby, I need to get my head straight it's too much x

coffeeandwalnut · 01/03/2013 12:28

Hey Butterfly sending hugs and keeping fx for your appointment. Its just so shitty and nothjng anyone can say can change it. xx

Twenty its a comfort (for me anyway) to know I can rant and ramble on here and not one thinks any less or judges me! Even if I'm haut lurking on the thread and not posting it makes a difference to know there are other people out there - if that makes sense.

butterfly86 · 01/03/2013 14:35

Hi coffee thank you but unfortunately it was what we expected there was only a small area of fluid left and the womb lining was thin :( They did internal scan which was awful because I'm bleeding quite heavily.I asked loads of questions about tests etc but she isn't going to do anything. I said I knew a lot of the tests were only available privately and that was fine but she said really a lot of the tests are just research including nk cells? She suspects it is down to the fact that we are super fertile and my womb is just allowing poor embryos to implant. She is happy for me to keep being treat at. my local hospital for now because I'm young she isn't concerned, she did say it would be a good idea to take a break which is what we will do maybe 3 or 6 months depending how we feel she said I'm not a machine and it's too much for anybody to cope with. I have to have my thyroid re tested incase it's slightly underactive but I go back in 6 weeks so will prob do it then.
It's crap and I want today to just be over with I need a rest from it all....

LandsN · 01/03/2013 17:32

Butterfly I am so sorry xx

twentythirteen · 01/03/2013 18:25

Here Brew Butterfly, I'm sorry to hear this.

twentythirteen · 01/03/2013 18:31

Thanks Coffee, perhaps I should rant but being angry has eaten a lot into my spare time, it exhausts me and I've been going to bed ridiculously early every night. I'm due to ovulate soon so am hoping that will shift things moodwise!

coffeeandwalnut · 01/03/2013 18:39

I'm so sorry Butterfly, sending hugs x

teaandchocolate · 01/03/2013 19:04

Sending you big hugs Butterfly.

You've been through so much you're right. Having a break might do you good - it definitely helped me. Although I do now feel in a bit of a panicked rush! Maybe just focus for a bit on looking after yourself. Shopping, massages, reflexology, nice food, weekends away etc. especially really unbaby friendly. It maybe a bit extreme but we went to Vegas after my 1st mc which was amazing as definitely wouldn't take a baby there!!!

Did your consultant mention progesterone at all? Just wondered whether she could prescribe for next time just in case especially if your lining looked thin? Xx

teaandchocolate · 01/03/2013 19:05

Meant to say unbaby friendly places...if that's even an expression!

butterfly86 · 01/03/2013 22:27

Thanks all of you x

Tea I definately think a break from ttc will do us good, in a way it feels wrong because it's all we want but I do need to have a period where babies, ttc, ovulation, miscarriage doesn't consume my thoughts every waking minute.
I asked cons about wether my hormones weren't high enough her reply was "your body is absolutely doing what it should be" but low progesterone has been my worry with the spotting and overly tender breasts. I have wondered the last 2 times how my hormones can be high enough to give a positive test then a week later be so low they can't be detected I thought it took a while for them to drop. Strange thing is my boobs are still mega sore can't even have a real tight hug off dp it hurts too much :(

twentythirteen · 02/03/2013 19:17

Just wondering how you're doing Butterfly?