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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

had a miscarriage? waiting to get back to normal to TTC? come join us..

328 replies

tedmundo · 13/03/2012 18:04

There are so many of us in that we deserve a thread....

MC and waiting to get the cycle back to normal before TTC....

Come here to share the stories of never ending bleeding, praying for BFN's and the return of the lovely AF in all her glory!

OP posts:
MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 20:31

teaandchocolate do you know, it really hadn't occurred to me (doh!) I have wondered if friends are pregnant and am trying really hard to be pleased for them (I mean, I would be but ...)

It's almost unbearable isn't it?

teaandchocolate · 19/03/2012 20:55

Oh no so sorry if you'd not thought of that! It is really hard there's no denying it & I'm always fine when people have had their babies (thank goodness) but I find the 12 wk excitement really difficult. When I was pregnant with DD it was actually even harder as I was sick with worry for most of the time. It's awful that mc can change you so much. Altho it has all made me so much more grateful & thankful for DD. She's a proper miracle.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 19/03/2012 21:06

Hi all, hope you're all ok and sorry to see more new ladies on here, but hope we can support each other.

Well, i am almost 6 weeks on from ERPC and still no sign of AF. I am starting to get impatient now as really want to get a feel for my cycle again. I have never been so desperate to have a sodding period!!! Gaah.

MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 21:13

teaandchocolate while I knew people would have babies at the same time, it didn't occur to me that 1) they would announce it the week I would have or 2) have a baby the week I would have. Durrr ... As someone else said, I feel even more sad as if I do manage to have another one (I luckily have a ds too) it won't be a 2012 baby :(

Oh Ethelred, I was only 4 weeks ago and am waiting as well. Wondering whether maybe I am pregnant but know that 1) it is very unlikely and 2) it will be a pain if I am because of the dating (but I could bear that!)

MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 21:13

Gosh, I like my 1)'s and 2)'s in that post. Sorry Blush

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 19/03/2012 21:19

You are right musicflower it is really hard. One of our really good friends is pg and is due pretty much the same time as I would have been. So pleased for them, but still just a bit Sad for us. To be fair though, I think that I feel less like that every day.

There is a very slim chance that I could be pg, as had a brief spell of quite a bit of sex a few weeks ago. It was quite out of character for us... I blame all those hormonesGrinGrin. I don't want to get my hopes up though, so trying very hard to not really think about it. .

MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 21:24

Good luck for that Ethelred. Just when would you do a pregnancy test? I did one last week (I had one in the cupboard) and it was negative so if I get a BFP (v v unlikely) it would presumably mean I am pregnant. but when do you test ...?

MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 21:24

Glad it gets easier. I guess you just get used to it. It's just a shock the first time!

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 19/03/2012 21:31

I have no idea! I haven't done any tests at all since my ERPC as wasn't advised to... I guess if nothing has happened in another week or two, I might do one? maybe if no AF after 8 weeks maybe? Just you watch, it will turn up tomorrow now...

blondiemermaid · 19/03/2012 21:37

What do you all say to people who tell you to just get on with things etc I lost a lot of blood last week and have only today had enough energy and feeling like i wont burst in to tears for nonreason to get out
I've listened to what I would say are insensitive comments being given as pep talks and I just don't know how to answer these people (also mis carrying twice has also been compared to broken wrist Hmm)
An I being stupid? Should I be over this by now? I'm so confused as I'm upset but now feel like they think I'm being a drama queenConfused
Dh is excellent but these other family members have me questioning myself and I'm all over the place as it is
Sorry if this is all garbled I'm just trying to get it out there as in my head I don't know how I'm ment to feel or be anymore Sad

MusicFlower · 19/03/2012 21:52

Hi Bondie

Sorry you are struggling with this. I am not really sure either. I smart pretty easily at people's insensitive comments. I know most people do;t mean it but it does stay with you.

I have read some people have had counselling. And the dr said I could make an appointment and go back and chat it through with them if I needed it (although I went to the dr's 5 times that week and never saw the same one twice Hmm)

I have found it easier as time has gone on (mine was 4 weeks ago last Friday) and I try not to think about it. Easier said than done.

And, of course, there is this thread, created for this very reason. We all know what you are going through as we are too!

blondiemermaid · 19/03/2012 22:04

Thanks music Smile
I now put on this front to them when I see them as cant face the comments anymore I'm normally a very positive get on with it sort of person but this second one made me so ill and really knocked me as just didn't expect it!
I'm so glad to read everyone else's posts (but not in the same way as we are all here for the same sad reason Sad) as its only place I can be honest over how I feel
Driving home from school run this mornin I had a cry as another mum who is at same stage as me we were due same week n was stood stroking her (teeny no bump) stomach and it hit me when before I saw her It wasn't in my head i was jus happy and normal iykwim?

teaandchocolate · 19/03/2012 22:19

Hi Blondie. Can't believe people are being so insensitive that's so awful & unhelpful - I presume none of them have ever been through this? I don't know how you ignore them as think it's normal to be very sensitive - you've been through a physical & emotional trauma not to mention all the hormones.... Like music said I think time does help but the only thing that really helped me last time was getting to about 16 weeks pregnant. I even had counselling for a bit as was getting so stressed about not being able to conceive but to be honest it didn't help much as I knew why I was miserable- I wanted to have a baby!

I hope you find things get easier. Just avoid the people who make you feel crap & spend time with people who are kind & understanding...as they should be!

Last time I just kept telling myself that chances are things will be ok next time & I was just at the start of the having a baby 'journey'. Ultimately it's stil true that the vast majority of people are able to have a baby so I just kept telling myself that. But as everyone on this thread knows it's really really hard xx

wrigle · 20/03/2012 08:59

Hi everyone, what a club to want to join,eh? I'm sorry to read your experiences and comforted to have a place like this, thanks Tedmundo and everyone. I started with a light pink spotting Friday, a bit more Saturday, bleeding on Sunday and that evening had the most disturbing experience ever. We had gone to visit my partner's parents for mother's day, we hadn't told them yet and as I knew I was miscarrying we decided not to, I sarted to experience pain over dinner and shortly after told his mother it was my period and was painful so we would have to go early. On the hour drive home we had to stop twice where I was shocked by what happened to me in petrol station loos. Went to A&E when we got back home, where I messed up one of their loos while I waited the 10 minutes for my turn with the doc. Everyone there was kind and gentle and we were seen quickly, I was given some pain relief and pads as it was late and I didn't have anything, and came home.

I tried to have a glass of wine and a cigarette, it'd been 10 weeks since my last, and I was actually still physically going through it, so it was a stupid decision and I nearly passed out.

It's been pretty crap. Lots of crying and watching tv. Parterns's work have been really generous and he can stay with me this week if need be. Bleeding is more "normal" now, cramping is subsiding. Have the scan tomorrow - as others have said, hard not to think about what that would have been for, instead of looking for a heartbeat and hoping for a decent pic to share, I will be hoping that it's all come out without needing medical intervention.

I don't understand all of the acronyms, but I am curious about what some of you are saying about being more fertile in the first 3 months, I need to find out when we can start trying again (ttc?) and how to know when I'm ovulating as the sticks never worked for me. And I'm also wondering if I will be able to go to work next week. Kindness is desabalising at the moment.

Sorry for TMI and writing too much. I feel a little crazt about it all.

izzybizzybuzzybees · 20/03/2012 11:58

Hello again.

Sorry for not namechecking but my head is in a bit of a spin right now.

I got all my blood results back including some that we're taken at 9am this morning. The levels have risen. They went from 2726 to 4440 to 84 something today!!

Midwife was very kind and said that there is a little hope because the levels have continued to rise so I have to have another scan tomorrow to see what is going on.

I don't know what to think just now. I hadn't accepted the baby was gone as I have had no bleeding since Wednesday. I just hope to god it will be good news tomorrow.

teaandchocolate · 20/03/2012 12:04

Izzy I really hope you get good news from your scan - they should be able to tell from the scan shouldn't they? Must be so hard all this waiting and wishing...
But the levels sounds like they're doing what they're supposed to do don't they and are doubling?
Will cross everything for you!! Let us know how you get on xx

izzybizzybuzzybees · 20/03/2012 12:13

I think they should be able to tell from the scan. I'm only 6 weeks by my dates though so I don't know what they will be able to see. I am hoping to god that baby has clung on but I am not too convinced that everything will be ok. I will update tomorrow.

MusicFlower · 20/03/2012 13:43

Good luck Izzy. I have everything crossed for you. Let us know how you get on x

MusicFlower · 20/03/2012 13:48

Friend just posted on Facebook that she is pregnant. Oh God, it's started :(

HollyBeGood · 20/03/2012 14:35

Hope you are OK Music. :(

People can be so insensitive. The worst thing I have been told is "it's for the best". I would take it at the time but go home and rage inwardly!
I had my ERPC in December and it's been about 3 months now. We started trying again after a month but no luck as yet. Will let you all know if something happens though.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 20/03/2012 21:02

Hi all,
hope you get some positive news izzy and really sorry to hear your story wrigle.
Well, as predicted last night AF has arrived today. Very light to start with, still nothing actually coming into a pad, just when i wipe, but started off very pale brownish and getting darker. Still brown though, not red, so more like the end than the start of my normal periods, but hey ho. Plus it is exactly in sync with my previous cycle so that is helpful in terms of TTC.

MusicFlower · 20/03/2012 21:22

Well, at least that's a positive Ethelred. What are periods meant to be like after a miscarriage, e.g. length and flow rate? Off to google ...

tedmundo · 20/03/2012 21:54

Hi everyone, old and new. I have been having a break for a couple of days as trying not to think about mc so much. Wasn't really working....

For all of you dealing with insensitive people - I am just so sorry to hear these stories. People just do not think sometimes do they? They know where they should shove those 'pearls of wisdom' hey?! Nah I am being mean because I think it is generally well meant, but really, nothing anyone can say would help at present. Even DH has said something along the lines of 'we will just have to try again'. Grrrrr.

I am a bit sad tonight as STILL bleeding, STILL pregnant according to the flipping preg test, supposed to have a baby scan today with consultant so that's another scribbled date on the calendar. I will be glad to be able to turn over to April so I do not have to see the scribbled out dates anymore.

Just watched One Day with a glass of wine. Not sure if I feel better or worse now.

ethel sorry to hear af has turned up but good news that the cycle seems regular. I will be so glad to be out of this no man's land of body thinking I am still preggers but mind knowing full well there is and won't be a baby. Just seems so cruel.

OP posts:
tedmundo · 20/03/2012 21:55

Izzy - good luck with that scan tomorrow. I really do hope it goes well.

OP posts:
MusicFlower · 20/03/2012 22:10

I know how you feel tedmundo. I do OK most of the time but then something reminds me and I am off. I don't cry really just dwell and make myself feel worse. It is amazng how you feel, isn't it? I mean before you have a mc you know it is awful for the person but you don't realise how awful.