Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Two miscarriages:

1. Missed - no heartbeat at scan. No bleeding or cramps etc. Had surgery the day after I found out and it was very easy. But then I had a bad reaction to antibiotics and there was just blood coming out of every hole. Not nice but cleared up when I stopped the antibiotics.

1. Earlier but didn't have the surgery. Didn't happen over a couple of hours - just had a very long period - think the bleeding went on for about three weeks or so! Some cramping which generally indicated stuff was going to come out more quickly for an hour or so. Then had a break from bleeding for a week and started bleeding again. Was then concerned and went to the epu who confirmed it was actually just my period.

Both times I took a couple of weeks off work which I recommend if you can. Sometimes the grief caught me completely off guard and I was overwhelmed very suddenly.

General point is there is a lot of blood. So much blood (dark and "stringy" lots of the time in my case). But it does stop and you do heal physically - your body is amazing and knows what to do.

Hi, this is my first time posting but looking for any advice right now. I had my first miscarriage two weeks ago on 11/02, I was five and a half weeks along roughly and appeared to have a natural miscarriage as they did not pursue a d&c and checked my uterus the day I miscarried (talk about dehumanizing miscarrying in a waiting room for two hours around a ton of pregnant women, pretty traumatizing) I went home and just rested took a week and a half off work and my body mostly felt okay, I bled for maybe five or six days like a heavy period then everything appeared normal. However today I left work and went home and had a sudden amount of extreme pain and bloating in my abdomen I couldn’t tell if it was gas, my uterus, or the fact that I have endometriosis and have random attacks with pain and growth in my uterus especially because I had a laparoscopic procedure gone wrong for my endo and ended up in the ER less then 12 hours out of surgery with a 3 liter distended bladder and begging kidney failure. Thankfully all of that has cleared up and functions normally now aside from the scar tissue. I had a fever of 100.9 and last I checked it was 100.4 but don’t even feel feverish at all which is stranger. I called my doctors line on call and they scared me saying I might have an infection from the miscarriage but it just doesn’t make sense when I was feeling better not worse and didn’t have any other complications aside from the actual miscarriage. I feel completely lost on what to do I refuse to be alone in a hospital as I am traumatized enough and not in good shape after my miscarriage it was my first pregnancy and we wanted our baby so beyond badly so I’m just heartbroken and beyond sad I can’t deal with another issue... please let me know if anyone else has experienced any of this or just any tips of advice I could use as much as possible this has been such an isolating, lonely time and I don’t have people in my life who understand going through this all of my friends have had successful pregnancies so it’s just tough especially when I’m now worried about things being worse. Thank you for reading this and letting me vent my fears and of course sadness, hoping to hear from some of you ladies ❣️

I have just finished my 'period'.

I miscarried at 4+5 so lucky, in a way, I guess.

For a couple of days up until i started bleeding i had quite intense, lower abdominal cramping and then started bleeding on my af due date. 3 days before I had got my BFP.

I took the afternoon off of work and sat in the bath. I use a menstrual cup and that did its job well, I didn't bleed that much nor for longer than my usual af. So lucky, i guess...

Hi ladies
Sorry to jump on hoping to see if there is any hope for me!
Suffered a missed miscarriage in March, ended up being rushed into hospital after suffering a hemmorhage and had to have a D&C to remove everything to stop the bleeding, before I fell pregnant I had a cycle of 30/31 days, since suffering this miscarriage I have had nothing but irregular periods, ranging from 29 days to currently on 40 days! I had a blood test and found out I have under active thyroid which I am now on medication for and have been for 3 months, but periods are still super irregular and this month according to the cheap ovulation test kits I’ve not had any positive ovulation, has anyone experienced anything like this and still managed to conceive, I’m super worried and doctor has booked me in for more tests but can’t have them done until next period starts and I’m on day 23 of that cycle but as I said I’m on day 40 and still no sign!

Hi all. I’m 8 weeks and started to miscarry yesterday on the school run. EPU is closed over the weekend so they can’t scan me until Monday. I’m not sure what to expect- so far it’s been like a normal period, but will it intensify? Do the EPU do an abdominal ultrasound or internal?

I expect they’ll send me home to manage naturally, is there anything I should get to make it easier? Going out this morning for maxi pads and iron supplements. This is my first MC and I’m scared.

Hi all,

Just need to write this down and have a little vent/cry.
I started spotting brown discharge on Friday night, only when I wiped. I have a haematoma (sorry spelling) so I was told to expect blood time to time. No cramps or anything. Went to epu Saturday morning and they couldn’t scan me as the EPAC team wasn’t in but they put me on a triage list to give me a call Sunday. Obviously I couldn’t wait so went and had a private scan later Saturday night.

The scan was abdominal, lasted all of 1-2 minutes and she said baby was measuring 6w5d 7.8mm and couldn’t see a heartbeat. She then told me “sorry baby has passed away” and turned the machine off, no offer to scan me internally. The whole process lasted maybe 5 minutes of walking into the office.

Thing is I had a scan at epu 17 days ago and I was measuring 5-6 weeks at 3mm with a heartbeat, this was an internal scan.

Is it hard to find a heartbeat at this stage using abdominal scans? Or should there definitely be a heartbeat?

I’ve still had some brown discharge (not a lot) and no cramps but EPU rang me this morning and won’t scan me for a week to see if there’s any change then.

Just holding out for a bit of hope I guess... has anyone experienced anything similar? x

I had experienced something similar, I had a scan at about 6 weeks then when I reached 10 weeks had a tiny bit of mucas type blood when I wiped, called Epau and they got me in for a scan the following morning to which they broke the news that there was no heartbeat and that baby is measuring about 7 weeks so looks as if it had passed away a week after I had the first scan, they gave me tablets to help pass it because they called it a “missed miscarriage” where my body was still developing like I was pregnant although baby had died, tablets didn’t help though as I ended up in hospital a few hours later being rushed into surgery because I was hemorhaging I would call Epau back you should definitely be able to see a heartbeat after 5/6 weeks if they said they can’t see a heartbeat I would call Epau without telling them you’ve had a private scan and just say you are having blood when you wipe etc and they should get u in x

I miscarried on the 25th of this month and it feels so trashy, av been bleeding for a few days now after taking misoprostol on doctors prescription but I feel severe pain on my lower abdomen, the pain is so extreme that I feel like I'm dying. This occur mostly at night and I'm so scared of d pain.

Hi everyone,

• 5.5 weeks chemical natural miscarriage Sep 20
• 8 weeks MMC picked up at 12 week scan. MVA under local Dec 20

I'm recovering from an MVA which took place yesterday. I spent a lot of time reading people's experiences on here before so thought I'd share. I was incredibly anxious going into it as the Dr had advised that there was no guarantee I wouldn't feel extreme pain. There were 6 staff in the (brightly lit) room which I also found overwhelming at first. In reality the procedure was 4-6 on a pain scale for me, and totally manageable. Chatting constant rubbish to the staff really helped distract me. The gas and air made me feel as though I would faint, so I didn't use it.

Today I've been suffering with boughts of nausea and dizziness. I had to stop working and take the day off. I'm really tired too and have needed a couple of naps. The EPU didn't seem concerned when I called them to check if this is normal.

What was your recovery like? Keen to hear others experiences and when I can expect to feel back to 'normal' physically.

Thanks x

Hi Ladies

Long time since I have posted (originally @ChattyK) last July. Email got hacked and then realised I couldn't remember my password and couldn't reset it as closed my email account down! 🤦‍♀️

Just wanted to update everyone after my horrific experience last summer to help others heal and know that there is hope.

DH and I, in October, decided to have our final embryos implanted. Two little beauties and I can honestly tell you I have never, ever been so scared! The 7 weeks to my first scan were quite honestly the worst in my life after the missed miscarriage and the threat again of another lockdown and DH not being with me, almost turned me insane. Thankfully thought, he was allowed in and....1 little Bean was seen 🥰

The next few weeks were also very hard, you know you have had confirmation of a 'viable' pregnancy but that doesn't take the worry away. Our 12wk scan was booked for 3 days before Christmas! My anxiety was through the roof. I just kept thinking, what if I have lost Bean? I had no miscarriage symptoms before, what's to say the same hasn't happened again... We also lost our beloved woofer just before so that stress didn't help 😔

However, on 22nd Dec, Bean was there, DH was allowed in and we both saw a very strong heartbeat! I cried so hard!

Bean (a little boy, as we now know) is still growing well and due this July 2ndish ☺️ He is a wriggler from around 6am through to when I go to bed. Also if I have to get up for a wee. As I am typing this, he is wellying me! So ladies, there is hope. Keep staying positive and post on here if you need support. It helped me so so much! Everyone has been so kind to me. Don't get me wrong, every single day I worry; Is he OK, god I haven't felt him move. The missed miscarriage has taken the 'fun' out of my first pregnancy but I have to say, little by little, the further along I get, the more 'comfortable' and happier I am starting to feel.

I do hope this post helps at least one person.

Take care all xxxx

I was sent a link to this thread. On Friday at a 9 week scan the baby was measuring over 6 weeks with no heartbeat. We had a scan at 6+5 and saw the heartbeat, everything was ok :(

I still have symptoms, although diminishing, I'm really struggling. I'm back into the hospital on Friday and I'd like to go for medical or surgical management, just will talk to the doctor first. I'm taking today off work, my boss has been wonderful and said yo take this week off, but if if nothing has happened I'll need to take some time next week after procedure.

I don't understand why its taking so long.
We've told a few close friends and family, their words of support have been incredible, except for my mother who said to my husband that it was "good to get them out of the way" ie the miscarriage. Which has just set me off. :(

@Conundrum12345 I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you and your DH a big hug.

It is so hard to understand what's happening when you still have symptoms. I felt that bit for me was the hardest and frustrating. Almost resented my body. Have a good chat through with your Dr. And EPAS. They will help you make a the best decision based on how you are feeling mentally and physically. Remember, everyone's experience with the management of a miscarriage is different. Don't think that one form of management is worse than the other as all our bodies react differently. I would say that you need time off after the procedure to process what has just happened. If your employer has been understanding so far, I am sure if you called afterwards and explained, they would allow you a bit more time.

My mum always says things that she really shouldn't. I think sometimes they don't think and remember, this would have been dealt very differently with them. No one would dare talk about it so she probably doesn't know what to say. Just a few weeks ago my mum told me she was fed up with hearing about their first and possibly their only grandchild. I could have chewed her alive!

Take time hun. Both you and your DH. Process it together as it's happened to you both. Xxxx

I'm due back in the hospital tomorrow, however over the past few days cramps have been increasing. This morning they're quite bad, I would say almost like contractions would feel (I've never been pregnant, but I feel like something is pushing down inside me).

Is this it? If so how long would it take for the bleeding to start?

@Conundrum12345 How are you? Xx

@chattykp

I'm doing ok. Got home from hospital yesterday evening and took second round of misoprostol early this morning. I'm hoping all the clots and cramps have passed.

I'm desperately hoping the physical aspect of this is over so I can focus on healing after the mental pain. I'm written off work for 2 more weeks so this extra time will be good to start recovering. I was saying to my OH today that I just want to stop feeling sad and normal again. I know its a time away yet, but I'd love to hear inspirational stories.

It was our first pregnancy, and on a positive note its brought us closer together and totally reaffirmed that we want a family.

@Conundrum12345

I am glad you're doing OK. Hopefully over the next week, your body will start healing but it can take time so don't get down if you carry on bleeding for a few weeks. Just rest and let your body do what it needs to do.

Being off for a few weeks is a good thing. As the physical aspects start to calm, you can focus on the mental side. I had a chat with a councillor, just to try and realign my mind as our missed miscarriage was after IVF. She suggested, when you are both ready, get something to remember the baby by as you were pregnant. Something like a plant or an ornament. We brought a rose bush and popped it right where we can see it every day. Also, when you are ready, talk about it. I didn't want to initially but when I did, I was then able to process properly, what we has just been through and realised actually how common it is to lose your first pregnancy. There seems to be such a stigma around a miscarriage of kind but talking really does help to heal.

You will feel better, in time. It doesn't feel like it at the start. I cried and cried. The smallest of things set me off but over time, it will ease. Everything you are feeling is normal for what you have experienced. Read my threads from May last year under @ChattyK. I have written how I was feeling there. You are not alone.

It brought me and my husband closer. We have been together for 21yrs (since we were 14) so having fertility issues for 8yrs then to lose our first baby when going through IVF in a pandemic was horrendous but as we had to deal with it on our own, it brought us so much closer together and also we found a new respect for each other.

It was very hard to us to make the decision to try again with our final 2 embryos but we are now almost 28wks pregnant. When it feels right for you both, talk it through and try again but always remember, what you have been through is not rare. It happens to a lot of first time pregnancies.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Cry when you need to cry, sleep when you need to sleep.

Xxxx

[quote ChattyKP]@Conundrum12345

I am glad you're doing OK. Hopefully over the next week, your body will start healing but it can take time so don't get down if you carry on bleeding for a few weeks. Just rest and let your body do what it needs to do.

Being off for a few weeks is a good thing. As the physical aspects start to calm, you can focus on the mental side. I had a chat with a councillor, just to try and realign my mind as our missed miscarriage was after IVF. She suggested, when you are both ready, get something to remember the baby by as you were pregnant. Something like a plant or an ornament. We brought a rose bush and popped it right where we can see it every day. Also, when you are ready, talk about it. I didn't want to initially but when I did, I was then able to process properly, what we has just been through and realised actually how common it is to lose your first pregnancy. There seems to be such a stigma around a miscarriage of kind but talking really does help to heal.

You will feel better, in time. It doesn't feel like it at the start. I cried and cried. The smallest of things set me off but over time, it will ease. Everything you are feeling is normal for what you have experienced. Read my threads from May last year under @ChattyK. I have written how I was feeling there. You are not alone.

It brought me and my husband closer. We have been together for 21yrs (since we were 14) so having fertility issues for 8yrs then to lose our first baby when going through IVF in a pandemic was horrendous but as we had to deal with it on our own, it brought us so much closer together and also we found a new respect for each other.

It was very hard to us to make the decision to try again with our final 2 embryos but we are now almost 28wks pregnant. When it feels right for you both, talk it through and try again but always remember, what you have been through is not rare. It happens to a lot of first time pregnancies.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Cry when you need to cry, sleep when you need to sleep.

Xxxx

[/quote]
Thank you so much. I'm so delighted that you are 28 weeks. Fingers crossed for you.

We named our little baby, after my late father, and will do something in his honour. Its comforting to think my dad is looking after him in heaven. My mother has 2 grandkids here with her, so its nice he has a little pal too now x

Thank you everyone who has added to this thread over the years. I'm awaiting miscarriage after my 7 week IVF scan showed that the embryo stopped growing at 5 ish weeks.

The care from the gynae assessment unit has been poor. Standard women's services - underfunded and overly busy.
They won't give me the information leaflet until a doctor reviews my bloods to rule out ectopic. I live 35mins drive from the hospital so I can't just pop in to collect it.
No one would listen that my veins are very difficult and after 6 tries last night we waited 2 hours for an anaesthetist to do them.
The lab forgot to analyse my bloods last night.

Currently the only info I have about my options and what can happen is from this thread. Thank you to every woman who has contributed during such a horrible and painful time 💐

Hi everyone. I know this post is old but firstly thank you to everyone who contributed. It has helped me massively this last week. I'm so sorry for each and everyone of you for your losses!

Ive stalked MN for so long and felt it was time to contribute.

I went for my 12 week scan last week and was confirmed my baby had no heartbeat. This was confirmed again 3 days ago. I was devastated and in shock as I have miscarried before after 8 years of TTC so this time we tried not to get too positive but the marker of the 1st scan was too much and we got excited! I opted for a natural miscarriage but changed my mind the next day and was booked for surgical management today. Last night I was bleeding and clotting quite heavy, the pain was manageable, my DH wanted me to take pain killers but I wanted to feel it (dont ask why?!). So I lied and didnt take them. The pain was in waves on a harsg but bearable pain. After 2 hours or so, DH demanded to take me to A&E but I refused. The compromise was to call 111 who I thought would say it was normal but they told me to go to A&E.

I ended up being rushed to surgery at 1am. I was very nervous and emotional but everyine was amazing! I have woken up this morning feeling so much better physically and mentally. I have no bleeding at all now and no pain. Emotionally I kind of feel like a page has been turned. I wish I chose this option last time. Im waiting to be discharged. I feel knackered but I think thats mainly due to crying the last few days and the late night last night. I feel positive though that I will concieve again soon. I'm 38 and thought I would be told Im too old but everyone has said thatvim still young and it can still happen.

Good luck to all of you out there on whatever path you are on. X

Large size nappies/pull-ups ripped at the sides and held by substantial granny undies, saves spending endless time on loo and just replace fairly frequently.

This thread is so helpful, but heartbreakingly sad. I have shed a tear for every woman who has experienced miscarriage and shared their stories on here.
I was due to have my dating scan today but last week started to bleed whilst on holiday so had to go to hospital there and we had a scan. Unfortunately the sonographer couldn't find a fetal pole or heartbeat, but I have to have a second scan back in my area later this week to confirm it. In the meantime, I'm waiting at home as I'm on leave until Monday. Because they want to confirm the miscarriage they haven't given me any literature so this thread has been helpful in terms of what to expect.
I'm scared, I don't want any of this to happen. I was supposed to be sharing my first scan photo today but instead I've stocked up on painkillers and sanitary pads. The bleeding is just like a period at the moment but from reading the threads I can see it may worsen.
I raise a glass to you all, my silently weeping sisters.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this @justsayso. I’ve been there and the waiting is torture. Everything will feel hopeless right now. Have you got friends or family you can talk to? Talking about what I was going through helped so much when I had my miscarriages.
Sending lots of love x

I'm so glad this thread has been helpful to people, it just popped up in Threads I'm On and brought it all back from 10 years ago. So sorry you are experiencing this@justsayso, it is such a very sad time, hope you have someone to talk to and that it's not too painful. I didn't have very much pain so was able to sit it out at home - I think it helps to let yourself be sad, and just take time to rest and acknowledge what you are going through. Sending love xx

Thanks @MrsEve and @heidipi hope it hasn't bought up too many difficult memories for you.
My darling, sweet DH had been great so far and my friends as well have all been in contact. My parents tried to be kind but are very old school 'oh well try again'. DH compared it to someone telling him 'oh well you can remarry' whilst body of deceased wife is still in the house. It was not meant unkindly, but still.
I am going to come back to this thread to update with my experience once it's over but am conscious I don't want it to resurrect itself and start showing on the active threads section in case it outs me too much.
Can't believe it's been posted on so many times for 10 years. So much sadness.

@justsayso i found there were so many comments from well meaning people that were so hurtful and it’s hard to respond to them when you’re already so emotionally exhausted. One thing I would hugely recommend is a book called The Baby Loss Guide by Zoe Clark-Coates. Someone bought it for me as a gift after my miscarriages and I found it so helpful. I even asked my mum to read it as it had a section on how family/friends can support. That book was a game changer in how I dealt with my losses.
Take care x