Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
   
   
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
   
   
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
   
   
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
   
   
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
   
   
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
   
   
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
   
   
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
   
   
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
   
   Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

[Jl2020]

@Poppypip it’s awful waiting isn’t it. It’s been a week since I found out and still no signs of anything happening! I’m sorry you had to go through that, how did you find the medical management?
Thankyou so much, I hope you have a speedy recovery also 💜

[Poppypip]

@Jl2020 it's just such a strange feeling being pregnant but not pregnant at the same time.

I'm really pleased I opted for medical management in the end because I feel like I'm moving forwards now and can begin to look to the future. I'll share my story in the hope it can help others in the same way the other stories in this thread have helped me. X

[Poppypip]

My experience of medical management of missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. From reading this thread it's clear that everyone's experience is different but I hope this helps someone.

10:30 clinic appointment at EPC where the lovely midwife took bloods, went through consent and explained the process. I then had a 90min wait for blood results- went to get coffee and cake in this time, you need all the energy you can get so not a time to skimp on calories 🍰 Went back and was given 4 pessaries on the end of a tampon. I put the tampon in in the clinic and was then sent home.

Told to expect bleeding to start any time between 30mins- 4 hours later. When I took the tampon out 4 hours later there was no sign of blood. Still no sign of bleeding at 10pm when I went to bed but wore period pants and a sanitary towel just in case.

At 1am I woke up and then my waters broke (?!) I totally didn't know that was a thing with miscarriage but apparently it is! Went to the toilet and something immediately popped out. In retrospect I think this was the sack. I then stayed on the toilet for the next 40 mins bleeding quite heavily and passing a few clots (roughly 50p sized I guess). I had no pain at all during any of this. When the bleeding had slowed I went back to bed with a large nighttime sanitary towel and managed to sleep a bit.

I'm now two days on. Yesterday I spent the day in bed and on the sofa. I answered the door at one point and had to quickly say goodbye because my vision blurred and I was just about to faint. I had to take a nap after showering today because it exhausted me! Bleeding has been medium flow period type bleeding and is slowing down. I've just got some floradix on the recommendation of a previous poster.

My recommendations:

• Have someone in the house with you just in case you faint/ can't get off the sofa to get a drink/ feel lonely.

• I don't have living children but there's no way I could care for a toddler right now. Get help with childcare if you can.

• I don't feel hungry but eat regularly to keep your energy up and drink lots to reduce the risk of constipation.

• Take it slowly and be really kind to yourself. Your body and mind have been through so much 💕

• Talk to people. Not everyone can deal with it but the ones who can are worth their weight in gold. You'll be surprised to find out how many strong women are in this club with us. This is not something to go through alone. 🌻

[ChattyK]

Hi again Ladies

I thought I would just update you guys and add a little detail that I think for me, was missed to be explained. I hope that it helps others and sorry in advance for tmi 😬

So I have been bleeding since leaving hospital and as we are all told, you will bleed and clot. OK fab, understood. Don’t worry this is normal and will decrease.

Well, today I had the urge to push. No pain, no heavy bleeding. Today is two weeks since taking medical mgt. I push out what can only be described as a solid lump almost the size of a tennis ball! 😳 To say the least I went into shock!

After speaking to the EPAS they have now said that I just passed the sac/pregnancy tissue. I hadn’t actually passed that on the first night. They were fab on the phone and knew exactly what I was talking about. I just wish someone would have explained to me the difference so I knew what to expect 😞

This will be different for each of us ladies but I thought I would add this incase someone has a similar experience and as me, didn’t quite understand what they had just passed.

I do hope that it is now finished as my poor body is at the end of it’s tethers.

Take care all xxx

[Pok13]

I'm so new to this kind of stuff. I have been huntng for someone's story that sounds like my miscarriage to so I can work our if there is anything to worry about. I had an early mc at 3 weeks, a few days after my period was due. I bled extremely heavily for 24 hours, then it was kind of nothing for a couple of days. I could almost have mistaken it for my period. I did "just know" I was pregnant though. I dismissed it as done, googled it and just carried on as normal. but each day I started to feel weaker and sicker until a week later I was so nauseous and dizzy that I went to hospital. Blood tests showed still a faint positive but scans can't show anything yet as still far too early. I have to have follow up blood tests to check the hcg levels, if it doesnt drop I wave to be careful and go straight back to hospital if pains start again and get a scan at 6 week to check for ectopic. Everyone keeps telling me it's ok to cry and worrying about me emotionally but I am not even upset? I'm actually so excited that after 5 years of trying we nearly did it! I just feel so sick and weak. I've had a headache for a week and waves of weakening nausea. Still a faint positive 11 days after the bleed. Very low constant abdominal tenderness...am I being a sook? Everything seems to say the pain and nausea stops a few days after the bleeding? Anyone had similar experience?

[Jl2020]

Thankyou all for sharing your stories. It’s nice to know what to expect! It’s been almost two weeks since the scan now so I think I am going to have to go down the medical management route as my body doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of it happening naturally :(

[GingerCalico]

@ChattyK i went through something similar and hoped that'd be the end but nope, more clots :( still sleeping on a folded towel, still bleaching bedsheets and doing laundry almost every night :(

Doesn't it feel like there cant possibly be anything more left? Like how much can one body expel? The amount of blood ive lost these past 3 weeks is mind boggling

[Poppypip]

@Pok13 sorry I missed your message before. Did things resolve themselves in the end? You were most definitely not being a sook! MC is long a d exhausting and none of the leaflets really explain that bit.

@Jl2020 did you go for medical management in the end? How are you getting on now? X

[Pok13]

@Poppypip oh that’s ok, today is the first day I have felt somewhat back to normal since all that happened. After my follow up bloods I have completed the MC now. I really had no idea what I to expect or how to feel. I do feel very grateful that I only bled for a day, and it passed. as awful as it was I really feel for you guys who have bled for days. I was so drained and you are right there is just no info about what to expect because everyone is different. I was very worried that I had toxic shock, there was a concern that a positive in my follow up bloods could mean ectopic. That worry is sickening too. So my story ends with a positive in that I did feel truly haggard for weeks after the bleed, felt pregnant, felt sick and dizzy like clockwork from 10:30am every day. It messes with your head but thankfully in my case it was my hormones and nothing more serious. I never imagined I could feel that sick from such an early miscarriage. Thank you @GingerCalico and @ChattyK for sharing your stories too. Medical management sounds like it takes a lot out of you! I hope everyone feels well soon. It is comforting to find people you can share stories and learn with. X

[Jl2020]

@Poppypip unfortunately I’m still stuck in limbo 3 weeks after the scan.
I started to bleed a little last week and had cramps but since then it hasn’t progressed to anything more. I haven’t been able to get through to the EPAU the last couple of days, hoping to be able to speak to them tomorrow about medical management. How are you doing now?

[bluebluebells]

Had my early scan yesterday at what was supposed to be nearly 8 weeks. First, they couldn’t find anything. Later, an embryo of 6,5 weeks and no heartbeat. They sent me home to wait for a natural miscarriage.

The waiting is horrible. There is no spotting or cramps yet.

I also have mixed feelings. I am not sure I believe it was a mmc. What if the dates are wrong and the echo couldn’t yet pick up the heartbeat? It was an external scan. I called another practice and getting a second scan in a few days.

I don’t want to get my hopes up, so I am preparing for the worst. This helps me so much.

[GingerCalico]

@bluebluebells im sorry, the waiting is so shit :(

Without trying to upset you, 99% of the time the news will not be good, take some time to prepare yourself, wishing you lots of hugs and support

[bluebluebells]

Thank you @GingerCalico

Just been confirmed it is a MMC. It's a relief to be sure, so I know what's coming. Have been having cramps for a day, but no spotting or bleeding.

So.... I am not used to wearing pads and it is actually freaking me out that I will have to use them. They are so uncomfortable. And I have no idea which ones to buy. (I know when you have had a baby it's much worse but my plan was to ignore the issue of child birth / pads / blood completely for the next few months.)

Which ones / brands are any good?

This may come across very weird, but thinking about the practicalities takes my mind off the whole emotional part....

[Jl2020]

@bluebluebells I’m sorry to hear you have had an mmc confirmed and I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can for you and you can start to heal.

I waited for over 2 weeks from my scan for any bleeding or cramps to start, I then had light bleeding and cramps for 2 weeks. I had another scan Tuesday and Yesterday I went into hospital for medical management as the sac and everything is still very much in place and now the size of a 13 week pregnancy (baby stopped developing at 8 weeks) I had to stay overnight and unfortunately it failed to work and I am now back home. Have to be re scanned tomorrow and looking at having an mva next week under local anaesthetic. Does anyone have any experience of this? I’m really dreading the procedure and have also been told that there is still no guarantee of not needing another procedure done to remove tissue :(

[GingerCalico]

@bluebluebells sorry to hear that but also glad you have a confirmation of what is actually happening, and i know exactly what you mean, knowing is so much better than being in limbo!

I also distracted myself (still am) with educating myself on the science aspects of MC so i could cope. We all do what we need to, love

For pads - prepare yourself for some heavy bleeding, if you need to go to hospital, ask for maternity pads, theyre the heaviest duty ones and what i needed. I was also sleeping on 3x folded towels under my legs at night (as you cant use tampons and leaks do and will happen) i was using my crappiest bedsheets as i had to bleach them a lot to fix stains at night.

^ this is the heaviest stage of blood management. If you bleed this much you will need to get time off work as you will need to be near a loo all the time, and the thought of an accident at work is unmanageable, as when these gushes happen its a LOT at once, sometimes i was stuck on the loo for 15 mins at a time (longest was 30 mins)

Medium flow - this is for when things calm down a little, i used the most absorbent (4 or 5 'drips' or 'super plus) nighttime pads which are the longest ones. Use black underwear you don't care about. In my experience brands dont matter, just whatever's most absorbent.

One thing i'd say is v important is dont think 'oh it seems to have calmed down now!' If your flow stops to light, and then be tempted to stop using pads, because MC blood can start-stop-start-stop and go from non-light to ultra-heavy again in the course of a day and then do it all over again. Its annoying and a rough ride.

Only after 3 weeks now am i using panty liners for spotting, and even thats making my nervous.

[GingerCalico]

@Jl2020 im sorry youre going through that it sounds awful :(

I dont have mva experience but im sure ive seen threads specifically about it on here, if you try a specific google or mumsnet search for it

[Jl2020]

@GingerCalico thankyou for your response, I did have a search last night and found some information however I went for a scan today and turns out I have passed the sac now and just lining left which they are confident will pass. I experienced heavier bleeding Wednesday and Thursday evening and felt something come out into the toilet (sorry tmi) but I didn’t see what it was. I mentioned it to the nurses on Friday before medical management and they told me it was probably just a blood clot. In hindsight they should have scanned me before the giving me the medication as I really didn’t need it which explains why it didn’t work. As horrible as it is I feel relieved this experience is coming to an end after going on for over a month.

[Jl2020]

I am also shocked at how little bleeding I experienced considering the pregnancy was 8 weeks and the sac had grown to the size of 13 weeks, maybe there will be more to come as the lining passes but when passing the sac it really wasn’t too much and the pain was manageable With ibuprofen which I was pleased with as was expecting the worse after reading through other people’s stories

[Poppypip]

@Jl2020 so sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time. The whole process really is so drawn out isn't it. Last time I was scanned they said I still had 15mm of lining but I've hardly bled since then. I'm expecting a heavy bleed whenever my period next makes a show.

I'm starting to feel much more human. Still have good days and bad days but I'm more able to look to the future with a little bit of hope than I was before.

[Poppypip]

@bluebluebells so sorry you are also going through this. I used ultra secure night pads. I also hate using pads but thankfully for me the bleeding was intense but shorter lived than for some (after medical management). Better to have more than you need than to run out and have to go back to the shops. Staying at home on the sofa wearing pjs definitely helped. I found reading back through this thread really helpful to prepare myself. Wishing you all the strength at this rubbish time 💜

[Jl2020]

@Poppypip it really is very drawn out, this was my first pregnancy so didn’t even know miscarriages could happen this way, I really didn’t know much about miscarriage at all! My bleeding has pretty much stopped now so maybe I will just get a heavier period when it comes too. I’m not sure how much lining I have left they didn’t say.

I’m glad you are starting to feel better and I’m sure in the future everything will work out just fine

[Cloe70]

8 weeks and miscarried today. I’ve had three days of spotting and cramps getting worse then this morning there was more blood like the start of a period. Called the doctors and went to the hospital they did an internal ultrasound and couldn’t hear a heart beat. I wanted to come home and the pain was terrible, I did take ibuprofen and paracetamol and the blood care thick and fast. I’m still bleeding big dark clots and feel numb. Any advice on the mental well-being side and how to grieve would be really appreciated. I’m so sorry to all the women out there that have suffered any type of miscarriage, how this is not spoken about more I don’t understand. Love to you all x

[Poppypip]

@Cloe70 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but make sure you give yourself the time and space to let emotions come up. I found that the hormone crash after the MC put me in a really dark place mentally but I did make it through and started to be able to have good days. Nine weeks on from being told my baby's heart had stopped I'm still very up and down and am starting counselling next week. Do talk to people in real life, I found it so important to have friends who knew what I was going through. MN is also a great space to offload and realise that you're not alone. I recommend chocolate and box sets for now. Sending love 💜💐

[RainbowsAndRain]

I've just joined here after reading through mumsnet many times and learning lots.
I'm going through a miscarriage at 5 weeks, we've been ttc for our first baby and this is my third miscarriage, finding it quite hard physically and emotionally 😔

Hope we all get the results we're looking for soon 🌈

[Cloe70]

I’m so sorry rainbowsandrain
Sending you love and light.
It’s such a sad event and nothing can be said to make it easier.
Remember the strength you have within you. Listen to what you need right now and be so kind to you. X