Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
   
   
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
   
   
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
   
   
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
   
   
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
   
   
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
   
   
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
   
   
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
   
   
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
   
   Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

[RainbowsAndRain]

Thank you, trying to rest as much as possible and stay positive. Hoping for better days ahead 🥺

[Pippy20]

Hi all, just been reading through all this and so sorry to read about everyone’s losses. I think I’m in the process of my second miscarriage. My first was a mmc back in February picked up at fist scan baby died at about 7 weeks. I’m 6 weeks today and had light bleeding yesterday and all my symptoms have pretty much disappeared, did another pregnancy test and it’s not very strong, and my rhr has plunged like it did last time. Spoke to midwife yesterday and she said the EPU will only see heavy bleeds and ectopics at the moment so to rest for the week and do another test then. I really really can’t bare to remain like this and don’t want to sit around waiting for the inevitable. I had medical management last time and as horrific as it was I would rather have that and a bit of control than try and wait it out as it could be weeks. As sad as it is I just want it out and over so I can try and deal with this. I feel completely numb and can barely move from my bed from the weight of the grief and sadness I feel that this is happening again. It’s such a scary lonely time x

[Cloe70]

Pippy20
Sweetheart if I could give you a hug and tell you it will be okay I would.
Cry as much as you need to. Do whatever you need to gain some comfort whether it’s crappy tv, boxset, movies. Have a bath and put on comfy clothes and eat what you can. There is no expectation on how you should be dealing with this.
I am currently laying in bed watching old eastender episodes drinking cups of tea.
We are so strong to be tested like this as we will get through this. Hold yourself my darling it will get easier. Each day your strength will grow and time will heal. Allow yourself to feel the sorrow but love that you have. X

[RainbowsAndRain]

@Pippy20 sorry to hear about what you're going through, I know how hard it is, I've been told the same thing as I'm not 6 weeks yet and that I need to wait it out and then wait till an available appointment, it's really hard not knowing, I've been bleeding as well and trying to rest as much as possible, take things easy and take each day as it comes xx

[Jg80]

Hi all I am new here in the past couple of weeks. Long story short I had A miscarriage at 12 weeks in March baby only measured 9 weeks. Had to have medical managment as nothing was happening. Felt like this was the worst thing in the world to happen to me and my partner. During lockdown me and my partner decided to try again as there was no reason for miscarriage. Within a few weeks after the miscarriage I found out I was pregnant all was going great sickness tiredness all the things I would associate as being horrible signs of pregnancy made me feel good. Seen a heart beat and baby at just over 8 weeks. I was so confident then at 12 weeks I had a horrible feeling something wasn't right. I had the slightest tinge of brown once and everyone reassured me it would be fine but I just knew. And my fear was confirmed at a scan baby was measuring just short of 11 weeks. So home I went numb. Had a bath to take everything in and within 20 mins heavy bleeding and everything passed it was a horrific sight and I was then told to preserve the pregnancy in my freezer for 3 days until the EPU could take me in and confirm it was complete. Which they did. I am 2 weeks past but how do you ladies go about every day knowing what you have been through? I've went straight back to work for my own sanity and I am doing my best but I feel "lost" I feel like I am in a dream does that make sense? At night am struggling sleeping and if I awake I feel like I can't breathe I think about dying and it freaks me out. Do you think this is "normal". Sending love to each and everyone of you 😘😘xx

[Pippy20]

Hi @Jg80 I feel exactly the same - completely alone and lost. Just gone through my second miscarriage and struggling massively. I’m also back at work as thought it would be good to get some routine back and not miss too much - I only had 3 days off last time I had a week and a half. I feel like I’m watching myself going through the motions rather than actually living it. I know it’ll get easier over time but what worries me more is the fact this has now happened twice and what if it’s something wrong with me, like what are the chances it’s just bad luck twice in a row? I also don’t know anyone personally who’s been through this so although friends and family are trying to help they just don’t understand what it’s like. One friend said oh isnt it just like a bad period? Comments like that really don’t help at all ☹️. I think the main thing to concentrate is looking after yourself - I’m being selfish and only doing what I feel like doing and not trying to pretend I’m ‘fine’ just to make others feels less awkward. Feel so sorry for my husband as well as he’s really upset too but trying to be the strong one whilst I fester away in self pity! It’s good to have a place like this to offload thoughts/feelings - it definitely helps! I take comfort in the fact other people feel the same as me and that I’m not the only one going through this. Sending you a big virtual hug xx

[Pippy20]

3 days of this* time

[Jg80]

@Pippy20 thank you for that every bit of that made sense. Especially the bit of worrying there's something wrong with you. Am terrified that's was my last chance as I just turned 40 the day before the miscarriage and now am so scared I am too old I have 2 teenagers from a previous relationship and had no problems back then but I got with my now partner almost 5 years ago and we decided last year we would love to do it all again. I've had bloods done and only thing showing is anemia down to the miscarriages so I am on iron. I could be doing with losing a stone or 2 but am not the unhealthiest. I just keep thinking how can u be that unlucky. No one knew about this pregnancy which makes it harder as am trying to put a brave face on and even my daughters never knew this time so they just think am moans and huffy constantly. I just want to feel like myself 😥

[GingerCalico]

@Pippy20 im coming back to this thread after a long time off it but i just wanted to send a virtual hug!

I know it seems like no one could understand my love, but statistically (and sadly) theres a huge huge chance your female friends will have experienced MC in their lives but never talked about it / dont want to talk about it. You are not alone in this, people really struggle to know what to say but keep digging and looking for that connection, it could be from a kindly older aunt who will have had MC of her own but never talked about it, or friends you'd never think to ask but once you do they'll open up and you can bond and comfort each other.

I promise you you'll know someone in your life who can empathise - if not this thread can be a great source of comfort when feeling lost:)

[Twcsteph84]

19th June - week 6 (US scan showed heartbeat)
17th July - supposed to be week 10 (US baby size at week 7, no heartbeat)
Opted for expectant management as wanted to avoid D&C since it’s my first pregnancy after 2 years.
3rd Aug - started bleeding slightly
5th Aug - extreme contractions & excessive bleeding (minimal 1/2 cup blood every 15 mins for 3 hrs when I decided to go to A&E)
O&G did an abdomen scan, baby was inside, but via vaginal scan couldn’t find anything. Vagina speculum check and found part of POC (product of conception - that’s what they call it by the drs) stuck at my vagina OS. Using forcep, they removed the tissues and immediate pain relieve. Bleeding was still bad so they gave IM Synometrine.
Admitted for observations as they were not sure they got it all out. Another O&G came to ward and decided to induce MC again with Cervagem. Just to be sure. Another POC was removed and bleeding slowed to period-like.
19th Aug - spotting finally stopped
24th Aug - follow up check in hospital. Pregnancy test negative and cleared.
Due to age 36, Dr ask to try again after first period.
25th aug - getting period-like cramps (is this common?)

*I’m worried if I will ever get pregnant again. After 2 years only succeed. Anyone experience of healthy birth after MC? How long did it take you to conceive again?

[Shubby79]

HI ladies
I am 20 years old. I had a missed miscarriage this Friday 28/08/20. It was my first pregnancy. Am not happy. Been in pains. I find myself crying. Lost of appetite. I don’t want to tell my partner as he lives in Paris and he is gone back on Sunday. Am so lonely. Abdominal pains, back pains and still bleeding 😭😭😭😭. I feel like I lost a part of me. Help me am so weak and sad. Just trying to stay strong

[Twcsteph84]

So sorry to hear that. Initially it is difficult emotionally and physically. But it does get better. You are still young and there will be more chance for you to try again. Mine was also my first pregnancy and I’m not young. I’m 1 month after bleeding and awaiting period so we can try again. Focus on the future. 💪🏻💪🏻
Would be good to inform your spouse or family as I find it is better if you talk about it. Makes it more bearable. Otherwise the suffering alone is very painful.
All the best...if your pain and bleeding is too much, do take care of yourself and go to the hospital.

[Seunbabe]

I need a reply fast.I have a miscarriage n I do a d n c and am using antibiotic n d bleeding stop when I finished the drug.so after someday I started feeling a sharp pain at d left side of under my stomach later again feeling pain at my back too hope no problem

[Cloe70]

Seunbabe I would call your doctor and make sure everything is okay. Hope everything is for you.

Everyone I’m having my first period since a miscarriage at the end of July, I’m on day 9 and have spoken to my dr today who said this can be the normal but does anyone have any advice or just experience of this please? X

[mrsawhite]

Hello

Had 12 week scan yesterday but no heartbeat. Size was about 8 weeks. Now waiting for nature to take its course. I'm worried about how painful this is going to be. Have some cramps and pink tinge when I wiped this morning. Still hasn't really sunk in ☹️

[Cloe70]

@Mrsawhite
I’m so sorry! Be kind to yourself and know that what you are feeling now will not stay forever. You will get through this xxx

[mrsawhite]

Thank you @Cloe70 I'm so worried about what's to come. What I'm going to see. How much it's going to hurt.

[Ladyvee8]

After I started bleeding couple of days ago, I just got a private scan today. Was booked for next week by epau but could not wait to know. They detected no heart beat. I'm just heartbroken. This would be my second miscarriage and no kids yet. There's no getting used to this feeling. It sucks.

[Ladyvee8]

Was 9 weeks. Baby only measured 7 weeks

[Munestruck]

I’m so sorry we are all going through this. I miscarried on Friday, I was 9 weeks with my first pregnancy. I started spotting on Wednesday and I just knew in my heart it was happening. I wanted to just stay home but my GP told me I had to go to the hospital to get a Rhogam shot because my blood type is B Negative. Apparently my body will start producing antibodies to kill off any future pregnancies if I don’t get this shot. Because of covid I had to go alone and my partner had to stay home. It was awful. I just wanted the shot but the hospital gave me blood tests, and an ultrasound and then confirmed that the baby had died a week before. Having to hear it alone in a busy emergency room (I’m from Canada) was awful. The walk to my car felt like an eternity after hearing the news. I’ll never forget it.

The next day I started getting terrible cramping which turned into contractions around 5 am. Shortly after I passed the baby in the gestational sac. The pain got so much better after that. I’m still feeling a lot of pressure in that area and in my rectal area. I saw another thread about that but wanted to know if anyone else here has experienced that. It hurts to sit down.

My heart goes out to you all. I can’t believe how common this is. I had no idea. You are all so strong. Women are amazing.

[Munestruck]

@mrsawhite I feel for you. It’s an awful thing to prepare for. At least this thread can help you know what to look for. It’s up to you how much you want to see. I wanted to see it because I wanted to know the process was over, I wanted to know my risk of infection was low and I wanted to say goodbye. I really needed that closure but everyone is different. I hope you know you’re not alone.

[haidri]

So I had a MC at 11wks. Scan showed no heartbeat despite me having an emergency scan just 10 days before where I heard a heartbeat and saw its little body. Wish I could replay the heartbeat sound again. It's gone, but it'll all stay with me

[Cloe70]

I’m so sorry for your losses.
It’s a pain so individual, so unfair, so shit!
You do what you need to do. This is a loss, an unexpected event and a reminder that Mother Nature can be a bitch!!
Take your time - don’t compare, just focus on you and just you alone. I genuinely mean this I thought my world was over, I couldn’t see how I would ever get off my sofa and stop crying but one day at a time and I’m feeling good again.
I miscarried at 9 weeks and spent a whole week just feeling every single emotion grief threw at me. It’s been a couple of months and I have triggers but I look at myself as a strong woman. How do we go through all of this and keep going???
We are f**king warriors!!!
Love and light to all ❤️

[NCX534178]

I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. I found out yesterday at my 12 week scan that the fetus had no heartbeat and had fluid under the skin (probably chromosomal). I have to go to the hospital on Monday for the medication to bring on a mc. I have no idea what to expect so thank you for all the advice on here.

[Cloe70]

I’m so sorry this has happened. Just listen to what you need. Be kind to yourself darling. There’s nothing you could have done and the most important thing is you are okay. Xxx