Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
   
   
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
   
   
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
   
   
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
   
   
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
   
   
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
   
   
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
   
   
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
   
   
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
   
   Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

[Chickoletta]

Just to add to my last post above, I am now on day 3 of my miscarriage. I have experienced some pain but it has been really manageable with painkillers. But the bleeding yesterday really took me by surprise. I have never seen so much blood. The Always incontinence knickers have been amazing though and I’ve only had one incident of having to change my clothes.

As others have said, it can take you by surprise. By bedtime yesterday it had slowed right down to being like a fairly light period, but I was woken twice in the night with gushes and pain. Today has been up and down.

I’m hoping that the end is in sight now (surely there can’t be much more blood in there?!) and am looking forward to moving on.

[Poppy10121]

This thread has been incredibly helpful to me over the last week. Just thought I would add my experience in case it helps anyone.
I found out I miscarried 10 days ago after I suddenly started spotting bright red blood. A scan at EPU showed the heartbeat had stopped and baby had stopped growing, should have been about 10 weeks. So it was a missed miscarriage. I was told no surgery is offered right now due to the pandemic so was encouraged to take the medical management but they had to check blood tests first and I was sent home with the medicine to wait for blood results. The next day they called me and said bloods were fine so go ahead. Within a couple of hours of taking the tablets (orally) I had period-type cramps and light bleeding. Over 7 hours it progressed to pain like contractions, very intense, and I threw up as well. The bleeding was medium heavy with some clots, less than a period for me, but when I spoke to EPU they said that’s fine. Once the contractions finished I felt tired but fine. For a few days I had normal light ish bleeding (changing pad every few hours). Suddenly, 7 days after the medical management, I felt cramps again and a huge gush of blood. Ran to the loo and over the next 2 days passed more blood and clots than I’ve ever seen in my life, sometimes filling a night pad within 1 hour, and terrible cramps. Last night I had to get up every couple of hours to change pad and pass more clots. A hot water bottle helped with the cramps. I’m hoping it’s almost over now. Feels like I lost a lot of blood and almost fainted yesterday. If we weren’t on lockdown I’d have been back at work as I’d been feeling loads better for days before this - so as others have said, don’t rush back, be careful to give your body time!

[Diorissimo1985]

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread - I’m currently miscarrying at 4+6 and it’s so helpful and has given me some comfort.

to you all, this is the saddest time

[Chickoletta]

A week after my miscarriage starting and 10 days after finding out that our twin pregnancy had stopped developing at 8 weeks, I think I’m nearing the end of it all.

I was beginning to feel a bit worried as I’ve still been bleeding heavily (not as it was at its worst, but more than a heavy period) for this whole time. I spoke to a doctor on the gynae ward yesterday who said that it was likely that there was something else that my body was trying to expel and that was why I was still bleeding.

At lunchtime today I felt cramping and went to the loo and felt something large come out. It was a solid object the size of a hen’s egg. My foetuses in their sac. DH has buried it on our farm near where my dad and grandmother’s ashes were scattered.

Almost instantly I felt different, as others have said. The bleeding has slowed down and the low level pain which has been there all week has stopped.

On Monday, I’m going to keep my appointment which was booked for a confirmation scan to check that all is ok. As a cruel twist of fate it is at almost exactly the time that I was booked in for my 12 week scan.

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of how long we had excitedly waited to be 12 weeks and how we should be telling the world ‘It’s twins!’. Instead I’m just hoping to be told that I’m empty at last.

On the other hand, I do feel able to count my very many blessings and feel hopeful that we will soon conceive again.

Love to anyone else who reads this because they are in a similar position.

My top tip? Always disposable incontinence pants. They feel so secure that you can go to bed or out for a walk without worrying.

[Diorissimo1985]

@Chickoletta I’m so sorry you’re going through this

[lookingforsomehelp]

Thank you everyone for all your advice and comfort. I'm 14w 5 and starting to miscarry. I am at home, haven't been seen by the EPU and feel totally unprepared and left. This is the only information giving me any information on how to be prepared. I am very scared and not sure how long this will go on for. EPU can't see me until tomorrow so I'm going to try and cope until then. I am totally unprepared, have one pad left, no painkillers or disposal underwear.
Sending hugs to everyone on here, everyone tells you about the joys of pregnancy and no one prepares you for these awful sad lonely times xx

[Chickoletta]

@lookingforsomehelp - how are you this evening? Thinking of you.

[lookingforsomehelp]

@Chickoletta thank you for your kind enquiry.
Last night the bleeding had eased so I at least got a little sleep. I have an appointment at the EPU this morning for a scan etc so I'll know more then. I hope I can get details on timescales etc.
Thank you again, feel all over the place today!

[Chickoletta]

Glad you’ll get some answers and help today. Be very kind to yourself and remember that it will end.

It’s now two weeks since the end of my MMC and I’m back to normal, physically. When I was in the midst of it all that would have seemed unbelievable.

Let us know how today goes. I hope you’ve got lots of RL support too.

[ChattyK]

Just found this thread and it is very comforting particularly at during this pandemic.

Me and my DH have been going through our first fresh embryo transfer after 8yrs of trying. One min the transfer is not happening, next we are the last couple in the clinic to complete. Emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. The tww was awful but at 3.30am on day 12pt that little positive sign popped up.

We went back to the clinic yesterday for our 7wk scan. I have done a test every week, each came up positive incl. the one I did on Monday. Sore boobs, tiredness and bloating still about. The Sonographer had just completed two scans before me and all I heard was ‘congratulations’ within minutes. I go in (on my own obviously thanks to this pandemic) and she was quiet for a very long time then said that she is sorry but it appears I have suffered a mmc. Baby stopped growing a wk or so ago and that I should bleed soon 😞

My world had just fell apart in the space of 5 minutes. The clinic were fab, they call my DH and got him into a private room where I met him. Our Fertility Nurse came in and sat with is for what seemed an eternity. They have now referred me to the EPAS unit at my local hospital for a second blood test to check hormone levels but I have not had any info on how to cope or deal with this next stage. I am presuming they will tell me tomorrow when I go for my appt.

To say the least, I am petrified! I have ordered lots of what I could get hold of thanks to the advise from all you wonderful and strong ladies but the unknown in this current climate makes for a very anxious time.

I am trying to look at all the positives of our experience to emotionally help me through this next stage but it is so hard xxx

[Hettie1981]

@Chattyk
So sorry to hear this after your long battle. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I know you must be so scared about tomorrow.
I had a MMC about 3 weeks ago and had a very different experience. I had the pessary just because I felt it was going to the right place. I only live 30 minutes from the hospital and the bleeding had started by the time I got home. Within 3 hours I passed 3 large clots and the bleeding pretty much stopped -it had been quite significant.
The pain stopped and apart from bleeding on wiping I have had nothing.
Im not saying it will be the same for you, and of course be prepared but please dont be scared. It was horrible and sad, but you will be OK xx

[Chickoletta]

@ChattyK - so sorry to read this. Don’t be petrified, you and your DH will get through this. I can honestly say that the process of miscarrying naturally for me was not nearly as awful as I feared. There was a lot of blood, but I was able to manage it with the pads, pants etc and not very much pain at all.

You will come out of the other side of all this, even though it may feel like the end of the world right now. Thinking of you and sending strength.

[ChattyK]

@Chickoletta & @Hettie1981

Thank you so much for your kind words.

So results today have shown my HCG levels are high and have risen over past couple of days. They are unsure what is going on now and want me to have another scan next Wednesday.

There is now talk of an ectopic pregnancy 😞 but not certain as no symptoms of that either..

My mental and physical self has no idea whether it’s coming or going. I prepared myself to come home and miscarry but now I am back to how I felt waiting for my first scan. I am not holding up much hope as the Fertility Clinic seemed pretty sure on the result.

Nightmare 😞 xxx

[Iris27]

Hi
I am sorry if this has been covered but im with my 5 year old and can't check back.

I went for a scan at 10 weeks, no heartbeat, baby measured at 8. Opted for surgical, just booked in for tomorrow at 12.

What doi I need to take please?

[Iris27]

Also how was the next day? Will I be ok to look after my child alone?

[Chickoletta]

Hi @Iris27 - have only just seen your last post, sorry. How are you doing?

[Chickoletta]

@ChattyK - how are you?

[ChattyK]

@Chickoletta

Thank you for asking ☺️

Well; the second scan definitely confirmed MMC. Thankful it was not ectopic. Went back into hospital on Thursday for Medical Mgt. Still waiting to bleed and have had very little cramping. I have been told I may need another dose of the tablets or surgery on Monday/Tuesday if still no show. This waiting game is starting to become a bit annoying..

I have to say the EPAS nurses I have dealt with have been amazing and very supportive. I know this hasn’t been the case with everybody’s experience.

@Iris27 - How are you?

[MrsEve]

This thread has been really comforting. I’ve had a bit of a rollercoaster over the past few weeks. Early scan at 5 weeks after experiencing spotting but not heartbeat detected. I then had to wait a week for a repeat scan which did show a heartbeat, but also an ECH, which was the reason for the bleeding. The following day I started to experience heavier bleeding so went back to EPU. They said they couldn’t see the ECH anymore but heartbeat was still clear. The bleeding continued to be heavy until I started to pass some large clots today. My midwife suggested I go to a&e which was a stressful experience with current situations, especially having to be on my own. I was told to go home and let the bleeding happen and then take a pregnancy test in two weeks to confirm, but I feel like it’s pretty obvious that I’ve miscarried. I’m not sure I can have past that much blood and everything be ok. Feeling like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks.

The practical advice here is really useful and makes you feel less alone.

Thanks

[Chickoletta]

Sorry that you’re going through this, @MrsEve. This is a wonderfully supportive group but not one that any of us would wish to be a part of!

How are you getting on now @ChattyK? Glad you’ve been well looked after. I really couldn’t fault the hospital care which I received.

Good news for me today (sort of) as AF arrived. 33 days from the start of my MC. So pleased that things are getting back to normal in there. I had read that the first period afterwards can be awful but this is totally average for me. Mission TTC now begins in a couple of weeks’ time!

[Jl2020]

Hi,

Not sure if this thread is still active but it has helped me a lot to be prepared for my missed miscarriage to begin at home. I found out a couple of days ago no heartbeat and measuring 8 weeks, should now be 10 weeks. Just wondered if anybody found anything helped to bring the miscarriage on naturally? I don’t want it to take too long as would like to emotionally be able to start dealing with it. But would also like to avoid taking medication to start the process.

Sorry to all you ladies that have been through this but you all sound so strong! X

[ChattyK]

@Jl2020

I am so sorry lovely; I have only just seen this post. I sadly can’t help with how to make the miscarriage start and I am unsure if there is anything that you can do to be honest going by what I have read. Hopefully it won’t be long for you though and I know exactly how you feel with the emotional process. Please know we are here for you! ❤️

@Chickoletta

Fab news re: AF. So glad things are getting back to normal for you. Fingers and toes crossed 🤞 Please do keep us updated.

Re: me. It all went a bit pear sadly. The first dose of medical mgt didn’t work so I went back on Friday 29th. All started working that evening at about 11.30pm with me passing the sack with no pain and very little bleeding. Very emotional which I didn’t think would happen. Anyways, come 3.30am all went horribly wrong, I couldn’t stop bleeding or passing clots the size of gold balls! By 7am, I was blue lighted to my nearest hospital (same one re: EPAS clinic thankfully). Subsequently collapsed and had a blood transfusion 😞 I was there for 3 days and had to have 2 procedures (non surgical) to remove stuck pregnancy tissue (not nice ladies). Home now and recovering slowly as blood count is still low. The care I received was second to none. The nurses were amazing giving that my husband was not allowed to come or be with me at all. The NHS are angels! I certainly salute you!

Please though to any new ladies reading this thread that are thinking about medical mgt during this current climate, what happened to me is quite rare. This is just how my body reacted to the whole situation. Most ladies have no issues with medical mgt at all so please do not be worried!

In high insight, I should have called an ambulance sooner so ladies; listen to your body! If something is not right; get help. Don’t be scared and know that you are not alone. Talk about your experience (when your ready) as it does really help. You will be surprise how many ladies close to you and around you, have been through a similar experience.

[Jl2020]

@ChattyK thankyou so much! 💜 Unfortunately still doesn’t seem to be happening naturally for me, will wait a few more days and then maybe speak to my EPAU about medical management!

[Poppypip]

@Jl2020 I was in the same boat as you. I got confirmation on the 26th April, when I was about 8+5 that the heart had stopped and baby was measuring small. Two weeks on and my body was showing absolutely no signs of recognising what was happening. I opted for medical management yesterday because being stuck in limbo was too exhausting. I really hope things start moving naturally for you but it's good to know there are choices if it doesn't. Hope you're looking after yourself in the meantime 💕

[Poppypip]

@ChattyK so sorry you had such a horrible experience. I hope you're still taking it easy