Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

@californiacooper that looks like a very solid list to me! Keen to hear any additional tips from anyone who has been through this horrible experience before. And v good to hear you have some friends at work you can give a heads-up to, to grab the bag if you need it. Any other symptoms today?! Even my faint cramps and spotting have gone away now - haven't a clue what's going on now.

Haha, yes, had the same advice - "go to A&E if it gets bad" but also "it will be bad". Just want to get on with it now!!

Thanks for the info on when to try to conceive again. Yes have heard of a few people just going ahead with trying before their next normal period returned. Not sure I could deal with the uncertainty around dates and what size the baby is supposed to be, after this experience though!

@alex42 I'm not sure, I think ambiguity over dates might help. "Oh it's measuring 6 weeks, maybe that's all it's supposed to be!?" Rather than "it should be 6+6 now omg something terrible is happening"

@californiacooper I was one of the contributors to this post over 8 years ago. I’m typing this as I sit next to my 7 year old cursing him for refusing to go to sleep, so there is light at the end of the tunnel! 😊
Having gone through the missed miscarriage scenario 3 times you have practically everything covered I’d say. Something else I did find really useful was one of those wheat bags you heat in the microwave. That was almost nicer than the painkillers.
One final thing, I had to go to hospital for 2 of my miscarriages and my husband made me sit on a bin bag in his car in case of any mess 🤦‍♀️🤣 I’m sure the last thing you feel like doing now is laughing but it is funny over time how you can look back & find humour in even the worst situation.

@californiacooper @alex42 Hi both, I just thought I'd give you an update on me, I don't know if it will help but it's information either way.. just a reminder, last Monday I went for my 12 week scan and there wasn't a baby, just a yolk sac, I hadn't had any symptoms of a miscarriage at all so was quite a shock. They booked an appointment for this Friday to manage the miscarriage.
Yesterday morning I started bleeding, no more than a light period so I went to work for the first time and they sent me home at lunch time, greatly appreciated!! Today I decided to work from home as the period like pains were more intense! 20 minutes before I was due to start work I passed a lot of blood, it felt like I needed a wee and just came out in the toilet. Nothing major!
11am I had a teams meeting, 40 minutes later it finished and I had a big urge to go for a wee. Gravity screwed me over as I walked the 10 steps from the office room to the bathroom, and unfortunately there was that much blood myself and the bathroom was covered before I could sit down. I used the night pads so partly wished I'd bought bigger pads or maybe maternity pads but my view was I'd be cleaner if I just changed the pad quite often (this was such a naive thought!). I was upset and called my husband to come home from work, he only works 20 minutes away, but I just wanted to say it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. It was very stressful and it freaked me out that I couldn't clean anywhere without making more of a mess. This lasted about 2 hours I'd say. I needed a second pair of hands and my husband was willing to give it, i consider myself very lucky! It was tiring too, I slept for 2 hours after the bleeding had slowed and the pain had passed. It's now 850 and I'm starting to get the period like pains again, I'm hoping I don't have the same bleeding as before. I don't know what to expect in the next coming days, I could be completely naive again but I'd like to hope the worst is over? I will still go to my appointment on Friday and hopefully check that everything's passed?
I just wanted to give you an honest breakdown of what's happening to me. They say a lot of blood, it is a lot of blood but mine was manageable with help.

Hi @Meek16 - well done you for getting through an incredibly difficult day! Hopefully that is the worst part over. Did you pass anything that looked like the yolk sac? From what I read on here, some people describe being able to identify the sac or at least a large(r) clot and then things really calm down from there. I have started spotting properly this evening, enough blood to stain a pad, and have a strange dragging feeling in my abdomen so I think I might be heading into things soon too. It's really helpful reading how it's been for you over the last couple of days. How are you feeling now physically and emotion-wise?

@Meek16 well done you for getting through that, it sounds quite dramatic and difficult. Hopefully the worst of it is over now, as another poster said it looks like other people have been aware when the sac has passed, it looked or felt different I guess.
I've been carrying around my emergency pack for the last week but I think I'll make it through to tomorrow without it starting

@alex42 how are you feeling about friday now?

@californiacooper I'm not too bad thanks, but I think things are going to happen naturally pretty soon. Have started getting continued spotting/light bleeding - since yesterday evening. Cramps are still very mild but are coming more often now. Just hoping I have enough supplies of painkillers, pads etc to get me through it if it happens at home! Feeling reasonably calm at the moment but will see how I get on. How are you doing? Tomorrow is your procedure right? The end is finally in sight, you're nearly through this (the physical side at least).

@alex42 at least you can be at home, I think it will be much easier to deal with than if you are out or at work or something. If you feel it's imminent you can wait for it. Good luck.
Was your procedure booked for this Friday or next? it might be worth still going to make sure that everything has passed?
Yes mine is tomorrow but so frustratingly I went to the hospital for blood tests today- a 20 min journey took over an hour because of road closures/accidents/floods. Ended up going through some very pretty towns I've never heard of. Same time back. Just as I got home pathology called to say the tube was labelled wrong and could I go back to do another test. I said absolutely not, no. So I've got to go first thing tomorrow morning and drive back, then DH drive me back at lunchtime, or get dropped off 2 hours earlier than I need to and be hanging around before I can check in. Not the end of the world but Just frustrating!!! I bet I'm hanging around all day as well.

@californiacooper @alex42 i would love to say it went okay but it got a bit more dramatic- I ended up going to A&E at 3am yesterday, within 20 minutes I was in the early pregnancy unit and they had to do a D&C which actually went quite smoothly. The pain was too much hence why I called 111 and they told me to go to A&E, basically they found that the sac was too big to pass through my cervix as it was so they removed it. The whole night was stressful but the staff were absolutely amazing, my husband was there but the one nurse held my hand throughout, and I feel so so so much better now!!! I'm still bleeding now but like the end of a period type bleeding.

This is not meant to scare anyone, but it's my story and I wish it didn't have to happen at all. But I'm having an OK today for the first time in 2 weeks so there is light eventually. Good luck both of you x

@Meek16 sorry you had such a dramatic night! But that is great that it's hopefully all sorted now. Hope you are feeling okay and getting plenty of rest? Did you lose a lot of blood before the D&C?
My miscarriage started properly last night - cramps came on strong from 5.30ish yesterday just as I was wrapping up at work. By 2am I was writhing in pain and couldn't manage to get comfortable in bed or sitting down anywhere, so basically just roamed the flat from 2-5am, occasionally going to the bathroom. I think it was definitely more contraction-like pain by that stage - I kept having to double over and do very dramatic breathing (!) to get myself through it, and the pain was coming in waves every minute or so. By 5.30am the contractions had really ramped back down though and I got back to sleep for a few hours.
The weird thing is I haven't passed a lot of blood. When I sit on the toilet, I pass small clots and blood but I haven't even filled a pad when I'm not sitting on the toilet. I don't know if that means that was just phase 1 and I'll end up with another bunch of contractions later today?! I have steady cramps now which are quite painful but more like a bad period than anything.
I had pre-booked a day's leave today from work so that's come at a good time. I'm basically tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle, although sleep is a bit difficult with the cramps!
Thanks for sharing your experience and @californiacooper hope you are doing well today after yesterday's procedure.

@alex42 oh dear that sounds a lot like my experience Tuesday/Wednesday! How are you feeling now? Have you passed much more? I feel okay. To answer your questions first, I bled extremely heavily Tuesday afternoon, but just as a one off! I feel perhaps I'd sat for too long in one position? I don't know but standing up made me pass a lot. Then it practically stopped, and even when I had lots of pain later that night, enough to go into A&E, I was bleeding but barely anything compared!!
To update you on me now, because it may be useful to you, I had my appointment today to have a scan to see if I had passed much and to discuss having medical support for the miscarriage, obviously I'd had a D&C 2 days prior so I had to tell them about that. They gave me an external and internal scan and said that there was still quite a lot of "debris", as they call it, still inside... I was so deflated by this. I thought the D&C would have taken care of everything but apparently it wasn't a full D&C, they just took away the clot that was stopped by my cervix. Apparently you can get cervical shock, so this is when the cervix is fighting the clots that need to come out... I didn't even know this was a thing! But I know the pain stopped as soon as it was done. So now I have another scan booked for 18th March!! Then they'll scan me again and do a complete D&C. Now because they've done an internal scan I'm bleeding more again. I know this will end soon but it just seems to be the longest 2 weeks ever

@californiacooper how are you??

@Meek16 oh I'm so sorry this has become so drawn out for you. That's a long wait for the follow up D&C but will be such a relief when it is finally done. And maybe things might pass naturally before then? So sorry you had such an ordeal - I just read about cervical shock and it sounds horrible and scary, sorry you went through that and well done getting yourself to A&E and getting it dealt with.
To update you on me - Thursday night I had painful period cramps followed by contraction-type pain from 2-5am and passed lots of small clots but not much blood. Friday all day I was tired and having moderate/strong period cramps - really hard to get comfortable but certainly bearable with just paracetamol. Then suddenly yesterday evening at about 7.30pm I started to get the most severe pain I had experienced - strong contractions, they really were no joke, I was crawling around on the floor at one point and really struggling to cope. I took a couple of co-codamol and don't know how much they helped but I guess it would have been worse without! Anyway, pain went on for just short of an hour, I was barely passing anything - just droplets of blood - and then suddenly I passed a large mass. The pain stopped instantly and hadn't come back since. I think that was 'the main event' and I think I'm on the other side of it all now. It was painful but I've been fortunate in that I didn't lose very much blood (that's definitely what would tip the scales to 'scary' for me). I'm now having steady, period-like bleeding but no pain. I've got a follow up scan on Wednesday at the hospital to check if everything has passed, so will see what they say then.

Hi @Meek16. I really hope you're doing okay. Our experiences sound almost identical, apart from I had the medical management. My scan at 12 weeks showed two sacs and they'd stopped growing at six weeks. I still hadn't miscarried at 13 weeks. I also had product trapped in my cervix and had to go to A&E/EPU and have the clots removed. The pain was excruciating (even after max. doses of codeine, paracetamol, and ibuprofen) and they said that's why... I lost my radial pulse, a lot of blood, and was collapsing. My fiancé is a paramedic so I felt well looked after by him and by the incredible EPU team. Eventually I had to have a MVA because I still hadn't passed everything...

I don't know why reading other people's stories of a similar experience is helpful - it just is... I regret you and all the other ladies here had to go through this but it's comforting connecting with you all! So, thank you. 💫

Not sure if this forum is still used for practical tips but here are a couple of mine...

• Don't do a 'me' and excuse and explain why you're crying.
• Take all the time you need off work. If you're employed (not self-employed), your company won't collapse if you're not there and any decent boss will be lovely and understanding with you.

Love and hope to you all.

@alex42 how are you doing now? Is the worst over and you're just steady bleeding?

Thank you @WildWhirlwind it certainly does sound like you've been through a very similar experience? What's an MVA? (Sorry still learning everything!) I hope that's the end of your experience now?

Unfortunately I'm in week 3 now and I feel like I'm no better off physically or emotionally. I went for my 3rd scan today (18th) and there's still "debris" left in so I've started medical management. I don't know what the tablets were, I wasn't told, but I had the 2 tablets in each cheek and waiting for 48 hours. The inside of my cheeks have been red raw all day since where they dissolve, they don't tell you about that!! Still no bleeding 10 hours later. Ive got a sick note for the rest of this week and I've got next week off as I'm 30 on Friday (if I didn't need another reason to be utterly depressed haha). I feel like I was doing really well mentally, I wanted to get the bleeding over with so I could really deal with my feelings and look forward to trying again, but I've hit a wall and I'm just so sad that I'm still carrying the last of this pregnancy and I have to let go. I have to go back to being a normal human and not someone who's carrying a secret, albeit a sad one. Also found out today that baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, I was told 3 weeks ago that it didn't get past cells multiplying so really diddy, I don't know if it hurts more or less to think we got further than we thought but it's just started my sadness off all over again. I do feel really proud of my body for being able to grow a lovely home for my baby and hold on for so long, but it's utterly heartbreaking to have to go through it isn't it?

@Meek16 you've been put through quite an ordeal - how are you doing now? Has the medical management worked out?

I'm doing okay - after my last post, I had a scan at the hospital to check I'd had a complete miscarriage. They told me virtually everything was gone but there was still a small amount of tissue remaining - they actually got one of the doctors to come down and see me pretty much straight away and she was able to remove the last of the tissue just using a speculum and forceps (not my idea of a good time but manageable and not painful - just more uncomfortable). I'm to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks to the day from that hospital scan to check it's negative, so that'll be 2 April. I am so hoping it's negative - if it's positive and I find out I still have more to pass, I will be devastated! I did a pregnancy test with the weeks indicator on Friday (probably a dumb idea I know) as I'd managed to convince myself I felt like I was ovulating - anyway the test was still positive and said 1-2 weeks pregnant so at least I know my HCG levels have come way down, but doesn't look like I'll be ovulating or getting my period as soon as I hoped. I had steady, pretty heavy bleeding for several days after the initial miscarriage, but it started to taper off once the doctor removed the last bits of tissue. I'm still spotting now nearly 2 weeks later but it's getting lighter and lighter every day.

@Meek16 I feel exactly the same - a bit sad my body took such a long time to realise that the pregnancy had ended, but at the same time I'm proud of my body for doing such a good job of developing all the stuff that is meant to go along with pregnancy, and for going through all the motions of miscarrying (which definitely felt like a mini labour - although I've never had a child so can't 100% be sure!).

I feel hopeful for the next time we try, and just hope we don't have to wait too long for my period to come back so we can restart the fertility treatment for my PCOS and get on with things.

Wishing you all the luck - let me know how you're getting on?

Glad to have found this post, definitely makes you feel less alone. We are in limbo at this moment in time with our situation.

I am 9 weeks at the moment. 4 weeks ago we were referred to EPU due to pains I was having in my right side, along with a tiny bit of spotting.

we were scanned and told that we had an empty gestational sac and were prepped for possible ectopic

I had my bloods taken and was sent home. They called that night with a figure of 8800. I was called back 48 hours later for another draw which came in at 10800. They called this a suboptimal rise and said they wanted me to wait 3 days for a rescan.

we went back in for a scan and were surprised to see baby there with a heartbeat. The sonographer said she was placing us a week behind where we thought we were. The nurses said not to worry about the suboptimal hcg rises now they could see a foetus with heart pulsations.

fast forward to 2 days ago, we decided to get an early private scan.

the ladies at the scan place explained to us that the sack is there but much smaller than expected with the dates we gave them and to seek hospital advise asap They didn’t tell us if we still had a heartbeat. But I’m presuming because they didn’t say that we did, that way we don’t.

we went to our local hospital where I was basically ushered out because I wasn’t bleeding. They told us we could have an EPAU appointment 3 days later.

my other half drove us to the other hospital in our town where they were much more compassionate, however, also told that we have to wait 3 days to been seen.

that was 2 days ago and now our appointment is in the morning. We know in our heart of hearts that we’re at the end of our journey, but the wait is agonising.

I still have no signs of miscarriage, other then the pain I’ve had in my side (I’ve had this since I was approx 3 weeks). I cant help feeling like it’s the final cruelty, your body failing to realise the loss.

I’m hoping that we are allowed to book the surgical option tomorrow. From reading the previous posts, you ladies that handled it naturally and with medical help are absolute warriors. I don’t know how you had the strength to go through what you all have done.

Thank you all for your helpful posts on what supplies are needed to get though it, I’ve placed an Amazon order for delivery today with everything we’ll need to get us through it. x

I've been trawling through this thread the last 24 hours, and have now packed a bathroom/hospital bag full of all the suggestions so thank you so much to all the women who have come before me.

I'm 10 weeks but found out yesterday that little bean had stopped growing at 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

The bit I'm really struggling with is that my body hasn't recognised it these past 4 weeks, and is still putting me through horrendous morning sickness and other pregnancy symptoms.

And I feel housebound - it could happen in a minute, in a week, in a month.

Just shouting into the void really - sorry for everyone else who has or is about to experience this.

Moomaemoo- sorry you’re going through this too. We’ve been to the hospital this morning and had it confirmed that ours stopped growing a few weeks ago and there’s no longer a heartbeat.

we’re booked in on Tuesday for the surgical option.

@Meek16 @alex42 how are you guys doing now? This popped up in my "I'm on" and I realised I never updated you on how everything went. After my surgery I took a break from the m/c threads as it was too much to deal with.
Surgery went well. Bled lightly for 3-4 weeks after but no real pain. Tested -ve about 3 weeks after as expected. My cycles have been longer since which is a bit odd and makes dating things confusing.

@Sarah0911 I'm so sorry you had to find this thread, and I'm sorry you have the limbo of not knowing what's going on and having to wait to confirm something you think you know.
I'm in a similar situation now, albeit not quite.
I found out I was pregnant on 7th June (my second cycle after surgery for MMC) and was so surprised, but delighted. We didn't believe it because I was actually really ill with a kidney infection at the time and have only just finished 3 weeks of antibiotics. I started bleeding 10 days ago, and had a scan last Monday at EPU, they saw an empty sac so I had the bloods. First blood 32000, 48 hours later was 53000, so about a 75% increase which they were happy with, so they've booked me a follow up scan next Friday. Unfortunately I've been bleeding since then (hardly anything, just spotting, then once a day (or 2 days) a bigger bleed and a clot.
I can't see that there's anything progressing in there with losing several clots, but also don't know how my hcg could have increased normally if the pregnancy is not viable and that's the reason for the bleeding.
I'm going to call EPU tomorrow morning and see if they can scan me or redo bloods or something as it's so horrible at the moment (I preferred the MMC as awful as that is. at least I didn't know about it)

What a horrible situation we all have to go through :(

@californiacooper I hope they can get you in and get you seen asap. Our locals units seen to have a 4 day wait both times we’ve needed them.

we were at a different unit today than the one we originally visited (we live between 2 hospitals) and the care and compassion they gave today was outstanding.

they gave us 4 options today. Natural, medical, local surgery or general surgery. We picked local surgery as it’s the better option for us at this moment in time. They’ve managed to book us in on Tuesday so thankfully we don’t have to wait very long x

I'm hoping they can see me tomorrow I really am, they have been pretty quick when I've needed them before (the longest was waiting Friday - Monday but I'm hopeful if I call them as soon as they open they can squeeze me in.

Tuesday isn't too long to wait at all, I had to wait nearly 2 weeks for my surgery last time. I will be thinking of you and hope that it all goes smoothly

@Sarah0911 I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday, hope everything goes smoothly. Let us know how you get on if you feel comfortable to.

I'm worried my private scan won't count and they will want to scan me 2 weeks apart before they offer me help - ideally I'd like surgical management as soon as possible as my body is already over 4 weeks late to realise what's happened and I still have all of my pregnancy symptoms in abundance.

@MooMaeMoo I can’t speak for other units but ours told us today that they wouldn’t be counting our private scan. We had complications early on so had a NHS scan 3 weeks ago so they agreed to use that one as our comparison. They said that if we hadn’t have had that one, then they would have sent us home for a week.

They’ve warned us that our sac has decreased in size so things have started to naturally progress. They said there’s a possibility nature might take its course before Tuesday but I’m hoping it doesn’t so that we can still have the procedure.

@CxCxTtc2024 hope you’re not waiting too long xx

I've spent three days reading these 40 pages of 10+ years of posts. I think it's saved my mental health, so I literally joined Mumsnet to say thank you. Thank you so much...and sorry. This is unfathomable and horrendous.

After a week of very very very light spotting and a single, very sinister single dark red blob in my wee on Thursday night, I found out on Friday that my first pregnancy had stopped the week before. Today (Sunday), I would have been 9 weeks.

I panicked when I saw the blob on Thurs night, rang a number I had for Gynae and they told me to come into EPU. That needed a referral from out of hours GP. Called 111 to get a call from out of hours GP who said to expect a call Friday between 8 and 11am. I was inconsolable and the absolute beating my mind took on Thursday was awful - in all, I ended up waiting for various calls or on hold for 6 hours. By the time the out of hours GP called me back, everything was closed and they couldn't do anything for me.

By 9am, I couldn't bear the wait. I called the EPU who said I was on the list for a phone call and maybe appointment next week. Absolutely beside myself with anxiety and no sleep, I broke down on the phone and they agreed to see me the same day.

Excruciating wait for 40 mins in the waiting room while they scrambled for my notes.

Spoke to wonderful nurses who scanned me. Explained there wasn't a heartbeat and things were smaller than they should be. DH looked at the screen but I just couldn't bear to.

Given some options and provisionally booked for medical management but in hospital - the thought of dealing with this at home was too much. First set of tablets will be on Tuesday, main event Thursday. DH broke down in the car. I'd wrung out all my grief by the time we got to the car and now gone into period mode, with small cramps and some bleeding.

The sonographers/nurses were amazing. I just wept and they gave me a hug, got me through it, answered all my questions even when I asked them the same things four times over. They said it was different for everyone but they'd be here for us whatever happens. They were so lovely I ended up crying all over again.

The timing of this has been bizarre. A fortnight ago, I booked a private early scan for Friday. I got a partial refund but I couldn't believe that I found I was about to miscarry the same day. DH and I also booked a fortnight's leave months ago to just potter over the next two weeks. If we hadn't have booked that leave when we did, DH would be in work and I'd be doing this with my mother on speaker phone.

The bleeding and cramps started yesterday, so we're bracing for all this to be over by Tuesday. I'm secretly hoping I pass the worst of it before Tuesday so we can move on.

DH and I keep getting little waves of sad. It should have been the size of a raspberry so we planted a raspberry cane today.

I was told to expect anything from "heavy period" to "a few big clots". I'm so glad I found this thread because I have been able to brief DH...and now know that the clots could be much more than pea sized! I'm terrified about passing the sac more than anything else - I don't want to rescue it from the toilet if it lands there and that makes me feel so guilty. I just feel like I want to flush and move on. If I examine it I think I might fall apart or completely freak out. I Googled what it might look like (for reference) and threw up. I don't recommend this.

I'm managing the quite light bleeding I'm having at the moment with TOTM super flow pads inside WUKA super heavy stretch period pants. I think this is probably overkill but stems from an experience I had in school once where I suddenly started a heavy flow with no pads during a PE lesson 😬 I bled all down the inside my shorts and into my socks and it's haunted me for 18+ years.

It's barely filling the pad atm so I think I'm nowhere near the worst bit, but sleeping with folded towel and keeping an eye on things. I might post after it's all over to add some practical tips.

I'm camped out on the sofa with box sets, Fanta (still having aversions to alcohol - handy during pregnancy but frustrating now!) and chocolate. I'm taking my Pregnacare tablets for the iron (just in case). I bought a new box the day of the scary blob...so getting the most of my £4.95.

I wasn't sure if I'd even want to keep the pregnancy when I found out (I've never been particularly maternal), but it turns out I really did want this pregnancy. We did zero research, just took out my implant and waited to see why would happen. We literally conceived the first time we tried so it all felt a bit too good to be true.

Thank you so much again for this thread. I hope people keep finding it, it's an absolute godsend. The waiting is excruciating but I feel like I'm not on my own. DH, parents and my siblings are being amazing, but still conscious that this is something my body alone is going through.

(This post is huge! Sorry. But I feel a million times lighter now.)

Wanted to update in case it helps someone in the future.

I went to the hospital for the first dose of pills, and was sent home. I was due to come in 2 days later and do the the rest of the medical management in hospital. The universe had other ideas!

I started cramping and bleeding (about 5/10 intensity) a few hours after the first set of pills. I was scared to sleep in case something happened, but eventually nodded off. Woke up the following morning in significantly more pain. Took some paracetamol and valiantly tried to curl up on the sofa. To put it frankly, the paracetamol did fuck all.

Pains got much worse over the next hour or so and the shuttle between bed and loo got too painful, so I plonked myself on the loo and sobbed over the pain, emotion, lack of sleep and indignity. DH called the emergency number for the EPU and they prescribed cocodamol because I thought I would pass out with the pain. He had to nip out to pick it up, so he called my mother to sit with me in case I passed out. I was sobbing with the pain - I was told to expect period pains. These were not period pains!!! I was in agony. This was my first pregnancy but when I tried to describe the pain to my mum she looked at me and said it sounded like labour pains. It was like someome had put a huge knot of rope into me and was pulling with a ton weight. She couldn't believe they'd told me to just take paracetamol and lie down. 11/10 horrible pain.

Clots and blood were pretty regular but couldn't tell you how much blood I lost as I couldn't move from the loo. DH returned after 2 hours and I could take the pills. Had to wait an hour to take the pills but eventually took the cocodamol and they took the edge off but I could still feel the cramps and they were still a bit painful. Managed to doze off in bed for about ten mins. Ran to the loo needing a wee and felt something bigger plop out of me and gasped. Husband heard the plop and gasp from outside the bathroom. Immediately felt much better, either my body knew the worst was over or the cocodomol had kicked in. Bleeding was a little lighter, and I could walk around. I was able to get some food in my belly, and I slept and slept. I was on the loo for about 8 hours.

I was due to go in the next day but we weren't sure if I'd passed the sac. We called the EPU to ask what it should look like and what happened next. We'd planned to flush it but the nurse on the phone told us to take some photos first if we could bear to. I'd passed so much blood and clots we couldn't see the bottom of the loo. What we fished out with the toilet brush was a sort of hard lump of something - we couldn't see anything inside of it (thank god). TMI warning: it was just much more solid, purple-white-red clot about the size of a lime. We took some awful pics and flushed and sobbed. It was horrible to think about but we didn't have many other options. We thought about burying it but didn't want our neighbour's cats to dig it up. We thought about taking it with us but had a horrible feeling that would mean putting it in a jar in the fridge.

I went in the next day and they scanned me - I'd passed everything but the lining and I was told to take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks. They were absolutely lovely (thank you, NHS!) and sent us home. They asked if we wanted the scans or a memory box but we politely declined - we want to try again and put this behind us. We immediately went to sit on a beach and read a book, I was that much better. I'm currently having regular flow period-type bleeding, a bit redder than normal but no pain at all.

My tips:

• ask for pain relief before you need it, paracetamol will not cut it
• find something inane or daft to doze off to - I watched early series of only fools and horses
• Eat when you can, it's a long day and I struggled to force down a cheese sandwich but 8 hours is a long time on the loo
• make sure you're with someone who can handle blood, hand squeezing, sitting on the edge of the bath and will chat shit to take your mind off things
• Dioralyte- I found it hard to drink anything, I felt zapped afterwards but this helped me feel a bit less of a zombie
• Call for help when you need it. I waited way too long to ask for stronger pain relief
• people at EPU will answer your questions, you're tired and stressed and this is scary but you aren't alone so just call them when you don't know what should be happening
• When you're up to it, have an everything shower, a square carby meal, some gin and see people you can just sit with in silence. My in-laws are great at this. We played cards for hours and it was an absolute godsend to just sit and focus on something that wasn't blood.

Thanks again to everyone who posted here. I can't believe how much I didn't know about miscarriage or how much came out of me. I hope your stories got happier endings. ❤️