Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
   
   
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
   
   
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
   
   
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
   
   
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
   
   
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
   
   
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
   
   
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
   
   
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
   
   Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

[alex42]

@californiacooper that looks like a very solid list to me! Keen to hear any additional tips from anyone who has been through this horrible experience before. And v good to hear you have some friends at work you can give a heads-up to, to grab the bag if you need it. Any other symptoms today?! Even my faint cramps and spotting have gone away now - haven't a clue what's going on now.

Haha, yes, had the same advice - "go to A&E if it gets bad" but also "it will be bad". Just want to get on with it now!!

Thanks for the info on when to try to conceive again. Yes have heard of a few people just going ahead with trying before their next normal period returned. Not sure I could deal with the uncertainty around dates and what size the baby is supposed to be, after this experience though!

[californiacooper]

@alex42 I'm not sure, I think ambiguity over dates might help. "Oh it's measuring 6 weeks, maybe that's all it's supposed to be!?" Rather than "it should be 6+6 now omg something terrible is happening"

[MrsValiant]

@californiacooper I was one of the contributors to this post over 8 years ago. I’m typing this as I sit next to my 7 year old cursing him for refusing to go to sleep, so there is light at the end of the tunnel! 😊
Having gone through the missed miscarriage scenario 3 times you have practically everything covered I’d say. Something else I did find really useful was one of those wheat bags you heat in the microwave. That was almost nicer than the painkillers.
One final thing, I had to go to hospital for 2 of my miscarriages and my husband made me sit on a bin bag in his car in case of any mess 🤦‍♀️🤣 I’m sure the last thing you feel like doing now is laughing but it is funny over time how you can look back & find humour in even the worst situation.

[Meek16]

@californiacooper @alex42 Hi both, I just thought I'd give you an update on me, I don't know if it will help but it's information either way.. just a reminder, last Monday I went for my 12 week scan and there wasn't a baby, just a yolk sac, I hadn't had any symptoms of a miscarriage at all so was quite a shock. They booked an appointment for this Friday to manage the miscarriage.
Yesterday morning I started bleeding, no more than a light period so I went to work for the first time and they sent me home at lunch time, greatly appreciated!! Today I decided to work from home as the period like pains were more intense! 20 minutes before I was due to start work I passed a lot of blood, it felt like I needed a wee and just came out in the toilet. Nothing major!
11am I had a teams meeting, 40 minutes later it finished and I had a big urge to go for a wee. Gravity screwed me over as I walked the 10 steps from the office room to the bathroom, and unfortunately there was that much blood myself and the bathroom was covered before I could sit down. I used the night pads so partly wished I'd bought bigger pads or maybe maternity pads but my view was I'd be cleaner if I just changed the pad quite often (this was such a naive thought!). I was upset and called my husband to come home from work, he only works 20 minutes away, but I just wanted to say it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. It was very stressful and it freaked me out that I couldn't clean anywhere without making more of a mess. This lasted about 2 hours I'd say. I needed a second pair of hands and my husband was willing to give it, i consider myself very lucky! It was tiring too, I slept for 2 hours after the bleeding had slowed and the pain had passed. It's now 850 and I'm starting to get the period like pains again, I'm hoping I don't have the same bleeding as before. I don't know what to expect in the next coming days, I could be completely naive again but I'd like to hope the worst is over? I will still go to my appointment on Friday and hopefully check that everything's passed?
I just wanted to give you an honest breakdown of what's happening to me. They say a lot of blood, it is a lot of blood but mine was manageable with help.

[alex42]

Hi @Meek16 - well done you for getting through an incredibly difficult day! Hopefully that is the worst part over. Did you pass anything that looked like the yolk sac? From what I read on here, some people describe being able to identify the sac or at least a large(r) clot and then things really calm down from there. I have started spotting properly this evening, enough blood to stain a pad, and have a strange dragging feeling in my abdomen so I think I might be heading into things soon too. It's really helpful reading how it's been for you over the last couple of days. How are you feeling now physically and emotion-wise?

[californiacooper]

@Meek16 well done you for getting through that, it sounds quite dramatic and difficult. Hopefully the worst of it is over now, as another poster said it looks like other people have been aware when the sac has passed, it looked or felt different I guess.
I've been carrying around my emergency pack for the last week but I think I'll make it through to tomorrow without it starting

@alex42 how are you feeling about friday now?

[alex42]

@californiacooper I'm not too bad thanks, but I think things are going to happen naturally pretty soon. Have started getting continued spotting/light bleeding - since yesterday evening. Cramps are still very mild but are coming more often now. Just hoping I have enough supplies of painkillers, pads etc to get me through it if it happens at home! Feeling reasonably calm at the moment but will see how I get on. How are you doing? Tomorrow is your procedure right? The end is finally in sight, you're nearly through this (the physical side at least).

[californiacooper]

@alex42 at least you can be at home, I think it will be much easier to deal with than if you are out or at work or something. If you feel it's imminent you can wait for it. Good luck.
Was your procedure booked for this Friday or next? it might be worth still going to make sure that everything has passed?
Yes mine is tomorrow but so frustratingly I went to the hospital for blood tests today- a 20 min journey took over an hour because of road closures/accidents/floods. Ended up going through some very pretty towns I've never heard of. Same time back. Just as I got home pathology called to say the tube was labelled wrong and could I go back to do another test. I said absolutely not, no. So I've got to go first thing tomorrow morning and drive back, then DH drive me back at lunchtime, or get dropped off 2 hours earlier than I need to and be hanging around before I can check in. Not the end of the world but Just frustrating!!! I bet I'm hanging around all day as well.

[Meek16]

@californiacooper @alex42 i would love to say it went okay but it got a bit more dramatic- I ended up going to A&E at 3am yesterday, within 20 minutes I was in the early pregnancy unit and they had to do a D&C which actually went quite smoothly. The pain was too much hence why I called 111 and they told me to go to A&E, basically they found that the sac was too big to pass through my cervix as it was so they removed it. The whole night was stressful but the staff were absolutely amazing, my husband was there but the one nurse held my hand throughout, and I feel so so so much better now!!! I'm still bleeding now but like the end of a period type bleeding.

This is not meant to scare anyone, but it's my story and I wish it didn't have to happen at all. But I'm having an OK today for the first time in 2 weeks so there is light eventually. Good luck both of you x

[alex42]

@Meek16 sorry you had such a dramatic night! But that is great that it's hopefully all sorted now. Hope you are feeling okay and getting plenty of rest? Did you lose a lot of blood before the D&C?
My miscarriage started properly last night - cramps came on strong from 5.30ish yesterday just as I was wrapping up at work. By 2am I was writhing in pain and couldn't manage to get comfortable in bed or sitting down anywhere, so basically just roamed the flat from 2-5am, occasionally going to the bathroom. I think it was definitely more contraction-like pain by that stage - I kept having to double over and do very dramatic breathing (!) to get myself through it, and the pain was coming in waves every minute or so. By 5.30am the contractions had really ramped back down though and I got back to sleep for a few hours.
The weird thing is I haven't passed a lot of blood. When I sit on the toilet, I pass small clots and blood but I haven't even filled a pad when I'm not sitting on the toilet. I don't know if that means that was just phase 1 and I'll end up with another bunch of contractions later today?! I have steady cramps now which are quite painful but more like a bad period than anything.
I had pre-booked a day's leave today from work so that's come at a good time. I'm basically tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle, although sleep is a bit difficult with the cramps!
Thanks for sharing your experience and @californiacooper hope you are doing well today after yesterday's procedure.

[Meek16]

@alex42 oh dear that sounds a lot like my experience Tuesday/Wednesday! How are you feeling now? Have you passed much more? I feel okay. To answer your questions first, I bled extremely heavily Tuesday afternoon, but just as a one off! I feel perhaps I'd sat for too long in one position? I don't know but standing up made me pass a lot. Then it practically stopped, and even when I had lots of pain later that night, enough to go into A&E, I was bleeding but barely anything compared!!
To update you on me now, because it may be useful to you, I had my appointment today to have a scan to see if I had passed much and to discuss having medical support for the miscarriage, obviously I'd had a D&C 2 days prior so I had to tell them about that. They gave me an external and internal scan and said that there was still quite a lot of "debris", as they call it, still inside... I was so deflated by this. I thought the D&C would have taken care of everything but apparently it wasn't a full D&C, they just took away the clot that was stopped by my cervix. Apparently you can get cervical shock, so this is when the cervix is fighting the clots that need to come out... I didn't even know this was a thing! But I know the pain stopped as soon as it was done. So now I have another scan booked for 18th March!! Then they'll scan me again and do a complete D&C. Now because they've done an internal scan I'm bleeding more again. I know this will end soon but it just seems to be the longest 2 weeks ever

@californiacooper how are you??

[alex42]

@Meek16 oh I'm so sorry this has become so drawn out for you. That's a long wait for the follow up D&C but will be such a relief when it is finally done. And maybe things might pass naturally before then? So sorry you had such an ordeal - I just read about cervical shock and it sounds horrible and scary, sorry you went through that and well done getting yourself to A&E and getting it dealt with.
To update you on me - Thursday night I had painful period cramps followed by contraction-type pain from 2-5am and passed lots of small clots but not much blood. Friday all day I was tired and having moderate/strong period cramps - really hard to get comfortable but certainly bearable with just paracetamol. Then suddenly yesterday evening at about 7.30pm I started to get the most severe pain I had experienced - strong contractions, they really were no joke, I was crawling around on the floor at one point and really struggling to cope. I took a couple of co-codamol and don't know how much they helped but I guess it would have been worse without! Anyway, pain went on for just short of an hour, I was barely passing anything - just droplets of blood - and then suddenly I passed a large mass. The pain stopped instantly and hadn't come back since. I think that was 'the main event' and I think I'm on the other side of it all now. It was painful but I've been fortunate in that I didn't lose very much blood (that's definitely what would tip the scales to 'scary' for me). I'm now having steady, period-like bleeding but no pain. I've got a follow up scan on Wednesday at the hospital to check if everything has passed, so will see what they say then.

[WildWhirlwind]

Hi @Meek16. I really hope you're doing okay. Our experiences sound almost identical, apart from I had the medical management. My scan at 12 weeks showed two sacs and they'd stopped growing at six weeks. I still hadn't miscarried at 13 weeks. I also had product trapped in my cervix and had to go to A&E/EPU and have the clots removed. The pain was excruciating (even after max. doses of codeine, paracetamol, and ibuprofen) and they said that's why... I lost my radial pulse, a lot of blood, and was collapsing. My fiancé is a paramedic so I felt well looked after by him and by the incredible EPU team. Eventually I had to have a MVA because I still hadn't passed everything...

I don't know why reading other people's stories of a similar experience is helpful - it just is... I regret you and all the other ladies here had to go through this but it's comforting connecting with you all! So, thank you. 💫

Not sure if this forum is still used for practical tips but here are a couple of mine...

• Don't do a 'me' and excuse and explain why you're crying.
• Take all the time you need off work. If you're employed (not self-employed), your company won't collapse if you're not there and any decent boss will be lovely and understanding with you.

Love and hope to you all.

[Meek16]

@alex42 how are you doing now? Is the worst over and you're just steady bleeding?

Thank you @WildWhirlwind it certainly does sound like you've been through a very similar experience? What's an MVA? (Sorry still learning everything!) I hope that's the end of your experience now?

Unfortunately I'm in week 3 now and I feel like I'm no better off physically or emotionally. I went for my 3rd scan today (18th) and there's still "debris" left in so I've started medical management. I don't know what the tablets were, I wasn't told, but I had the 2 tablets in each cheek and waiting for 48 hours. The inside of my cheeks have been red raw all day since where they dissolve, they don't tell you about that!! Still no bleeding 10 hours later. Ive got a sick note for the rest of this week and I've got next week off as I'm 30 on Friday (if I didn't need another reason to be utterly depressed haha). I feel like I was doing really well mentally, I wanted to get the bleeding over with so I could really deal with my feelings and look forward to trying again, but I've hit a wall and I'm just so sad that I'm still carrying the last of this pregnancy and I have to let go. I have to go back to being a normal human and not someone who's carrying a secret, albeit a sad one. Also found out today that baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, I was told 3 weeks ago that it didn't get past cells multiplying so really diddy, I don't know if it hurts more or less to think we got further than we thought but it's just started my sadness off all over again. I do feel really proud of my body for being able to grow a lovely home for my baby and hold on for so long, but it's utterly heartbreaking to have to go through it isn't it?

[alex42]

@Meek16 you've been put through quite an ordeal - how are you doing now? Has the medical management worked out?

I'm doing okay - after my last post, I had a scan at the hospital to check I'd had a complete miscarriage. They told me virtually everything was gone but there was still a small amount of tissue remaining - they actually got one of the doctors to come down and see me pretty much straight away and she was able to remove the last of the tissue just using a speculum and forceps (not my idea of a good time but manageable and not painful - just more uncomfortable). I'm to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks to the day from that hospital scan to check it's negative, so that'll be 2 April. I am so hoping it's negative - if it's positive and I find out I still have more to pass, I will be devastated! I did a pregnancy test with the weeks indicator on Friday (probably a dumb idea I know) as I'd managed to convince myself I felt like I was ovulating - anyway the test was still positive and said 1-2 weeks pregnant so at least I know my HCG levels have come way down, but doesn't look like I'll be ovulating or getting my period as soon as I hoped. I had steady, pretty heavy bleeding for several days after the initial miscarriage, but it started to taper off once the doctor removed the last bits of tissue. I'm still spotting now nearly 2 weeks later but it's getting lighter and lighter every day.

@Meek16 I feel exactly the same - a bit sad my body took such a long time to realise that the pregnancy had ended, but at the same time I'm proud of my body for doing such a good job of developing all the stuff that is meant to go along with pregnancy, and for going through all the motions of miscarrying (which definitely felt like a mini labour - although I've never had a child so can't 100% be sure!).

I feel hopeful for the next time we try, and just hope we don't have to wait too long for my period to come back so we can restart the fertility treatment for my PCOS and get on with things.

Wishing you all the luck - let me know how you're getting on?