Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

bump

Scan yesterday showed baby without heartbeat but I have had no pain/bleeding.. has anybody experienced this and can they give me some indication of what will happen next? Bleeding etc? Xx

Thank you so much for this thread. my story might help others? it is also a relief to find somewhere to write it down.

I lost our baby on Sunday 20th July at 11 weeks.

I had cramping from the Wednesday then Saturday morning I had spotting. epu booked me in for Monday but were reassuring that it can be normal. bleeding got worse so we followed their advice and went to a and e. They were very helpful and I saw gynecologist who said that cervix was closed and all was fine. I am thankful for the few hours of relief this gave us as I slept well until about 4 am.
bleeding started like a period and built up until about midday Sunday when I couldn't leave the toilet. it felt like early labour. I felt contractions.

in between wipes i suddenly felt a small lump drop. I knew then that i had lost him or her then. DH was out taking DD to friends.
We went back to a and e where gynaecologist confirmed that I was miscarrying. Scan yesterday showed nothing but lining left. negative urine means I lost at least a week before. This ties in with me feeing healthy again last week I don't have to have any medical intervention which I am so thankful for.
The pain for me was about 6 hours at it's worst but continues to be only managed by codeine and ibuprofen. I recommend maternity pads rather than sanitary pads.
I am only dealing with the physical at the moment I can't tell you about the psychological side. that is yet to come
I wish everyone else lots of luck and love x

Torib34.. It just seems so cruel that they have told me that there might be a heartbeat by next week. then my midwife text to say how sorry she was so they must have informed her that my baby is dead! I have atleast a week of knowing my dead baby is in my belly. But it is comforting that I can talk to him and cuddle him before he is taken away I guess. :( I don't know, it just hurts so much it's horrendous xx

Thankyou so much for posting this. I started spotting a few days back and knew things weren't going to end well, but had no idea what to expect.

My tip to add is that if you suspect things might not be working out, get the painkillers in while 1/ you are still able to walk without doubling up and 2/ the chemists are open.

I am writing this in alot of pain on a Sunday morning counting the minutes until the local pharmacy opens its doors!

Bumping for a friend x

I'm not sure if this thread is still active, but i came across it whilst looking for other some 'real' guidance on miscarriage.

I lost our first baby yesterday at 10 weeks. I'm devastated.

After starting to bleed lightly at work on Monday I called 111 who advised i saw a GP - the nearest was a walk in centre at hospital, so after 3+ hrs of waiting was told there was a threat of miscarriage and booked in for a scan on Wed. When i got home the bleeding got heaver, and i started getting really bad period type pains, so called 111 again as they had instructed me to. Waited an hr for someone to call me back who told me to take a bath! Over the next 30mins the bleeding got extremely heavy very quickly and i could feel myself passing a massive clot-type thing. I knew what was happening, and though yucky, it didn't look like a typical period type clot, i knew it was my baby.

My husband took me straight to A&E where the staff were fantastic. The receptionist rushed me straight in, and all of the nurses, gynaes etc were lovely. Going to the EPU the later that day for a scan to confirm was horrible. The staff again amazed me at how nice they were, but waiting in the maternity unit full of pregnant women was so hard.

I feel all over the place now. Should I tell people? When should i go back to work? Will this bleeding ever stop?!

Ive been sat in my PJs on the sofa all day and just feel so miserable. I know I shouldn't as some peoples experiences on here are far worse than mine.

Sending love to everyone else going through this xx

Hi Tori, thanks so much for your reply and support. im sorry to hear of your loss too. I hope things are starting to get better for you.

As I had already lost most of the baby, i was advised to let it continue naturally, so it's just a waiting game for the rest to pass.

I'm trying not to put pressure on myself to get back to 'normal' and just take it easy. I figure i'll tell close friends but at the moment, apart from my boss, i dont want to tell work colleagues if i can help it. I'm not sure I want lots of sympathy (which just makes me cry!), or them constantly wondering when i'll get pregnant again!

I've never actually joined a forum discussion before, but after finding this thread, I found it really helpful to hear other peoples experiences and guidance on what to expect. It is making me feel lot less alone - thank you ladies for sharing.

xx

claireash I'm in exactly the same situation as you. Went to a&e on Sunday afternoon with some light bleeding, finally got home last night. Was 10 weeks pregnant when I went to hospital, and now I'm not.

Feeling really numb, awful moments when I suddenly remember and sob uncontrollably. Then guilt when I find myself just doing everyday things.

I'm giving myself tiny goals just to keep going. Today I'm going to grab a sandwich and find a spot at the beach to throw stones.

Trying to decide whether I'm up to going back to work on Monday...I'm a manager and it's appraisal time. Not sure I have the emotional stability for those types of discussions or to be able to make important decisions.

It's just so very very sad.

northdownmummy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I understand how you feel - I keep thinking this all isnt real somehow.

I think setting small goals is a good thing. Perhaps don't make a decision about going back to work yet - take each day as it comes and see how you feel nearer the time.

Feel free to msg me if you need to chat. x

Adding another practicality ... Get someone else to go to Boots to pick up bits and pieces for you. The place is full of tiny gorgeous babies, it's heartbreaking

I have found this thread so helpful over the past week or so..
But I think how much time you take off work depends on on your situation. I have birth to my angel baby 6days ago and am returning to work tomorrow - I already know that this is going to be a really silly mistake, but I can't bare sitting around 'waiting for my partner to say the right thing.' He's lovely but it seems surreal that he can carry on with life while I'm feeling worse and worse every day. and sitting around only unnerves me, I need at least some time in the day that I can be busy.
Also, don't economise on anything. If you want something, just go out and buy it for yourself. I have been buying textbooks like crazy, just because I want to. honestly, just do whatever makes you happy at that moment in time. Another thing I have become obsessed with is sunbeds.. probably because I have a 20month old and it is the only 10minutes of peace I can get..
Just find something that makes you happy because with all the hormones and grief, it's your time to be selfish.

Hugs and love for you all xxxx

I'm currently going through a medical miscarriage (baby died round 8 wk mark despite an early scan at that stage showing a heartbeat - we found out at the 12 weeks scan on Tuesday so a bit of a shock). Yesterday after the vaginal tablets I have to say I felt unbelievably ill with the pain (similar to severe flu when you just can't move/do anything). I started on paracetamol which didn't seem to do anything but found Ibuprofen much better (plus a really hot hotwater bottle). I'm feeling physically much better today although am still waiting for the bleeding to start. It's a really horrible experience - the shock of losing a much wanted baby and the lost time, plus the physical side.

Unexpected3 - I chose the medical route because I didn't like the idea of having a general anaesthetic because of the associated risks - although I was reassured from the NHS guidance I was given that both procedures are very safe. I also suspect women feel fairly ill after that route too. Try and line up some care for your children if you can and have someone to hand to look after you - I wish you all the best with it all and a speedy recovery.

Boco2. You poor thing! I had a medical miscarriage last week and know how you feel, not much that I say at the moment will make you feel better.. but hope you find some comfort knowing that you aren't alone at this time.
A medical miscarriage is unfortunately extremely painful physically and emotionally. I found comfort knowing that because I had this procedure, the baby would be cremated and a communal service was to be held for my baby and other babies. I hope that you are not alone and have somewhat physical support whilst you go through this. Love and hugs xx

Thank you to all the ladies who've posted here in what are the most awful of circumstances for any of us to go through. Please know that your sharing of your stories though heartbreaking have really given me lots of information that I really didn't have and I feel a lot more prepared for what lies ahead.
I went to EPU on Thurs after I'd had some spotting. The did an internal scan and found that the 'sac' is only measuring 5wks and my dates are that I should be 10. Even looking to when I had my positive test the dates don't work, there was no mention of h/b or even a baby and I was too upset to even ask if the baby had developed or what had happened. The doc was lovely and said there was nothing I could've done and that nature was taking a course. I asked her if she thought I was going to lose this baby and she said 'I don't want you leaving here with false hope. I'll see you Friday and we will discuss things then.' They have told me to go back on Friday for another scan and to talk about things but that was all the info I was given.
I am so blessed to have had 2 successful pregnancies resulting in ds and dd, but have never been through this before and feel completely lost. This thread has given me so much info and I am so grateful though so sad that this happens to so many of us.
I just wanted to ask a question if anyone can help. I had a bit of bleeding this morning and resigned myself to this being 'it' but then it's all stopped again back to spotting. I am feeling really numb today, was really upset yesterday but today just numb. I was wondering if I can request intervention or a scan sooner or whether I have to wait til Friday to find out something I already know. This waiting is the worst and part of me wants this part over so I can start to deal with our loss, totally contradictory that another part of me knows that when the mc does happen then that will be that and I don't know if I'm ready to deal with that reality. Any advice most welcome. Thank you and take care ladies love to all who need this thread and to all those who have posted, x

Hi Katimp,

You're story sounds similar to mine, except I'm a few days ahead. I went for a scan at the EPU on 8th August after having some slight cramps and they said I was measuring about 5/6 weeks when I should have been 10/11 weeks. I knew my dates weren't wrong but they wanted me to go in a week later for another scan to confirm.

I tried to get them to move this forward as I knew it was a miscarriage and I wanted to be able to book in for an ERPC as soon as possible. Unfortunately they couldn't though as they do need a full 7 days to be able to confirm 100%, at least the EPU I went to did.

I went in last Friday and they confirmed a miscarriage and I'm booked in for an ERPC this Friday. I've started bleeding yesterday but it's only light... so I'm currently at work but really nervous that it might get heavy without warning. To be honest, as harsh as it sounds I just want to get this part over with. I was devasted when I found out I'd miscarried, it's my first pregnancy and I'd never even heard of a missed miscarriage so it was a complete shock when I went in for the scan and got the news. We both just want to move on now and hopefully try again soon.

I'm so sorry for everyone who's going through this or has been through it. I've been reading through this thread today and it's been so helpful. The nurses I've seen have been lovely but it's hard to think of any questions when you've been given news like that, even though I had loads when I got home, so this thread has been a lifeline for me. Hopefully this part will be over for me soon x

As many have said before, this thread is a great help.

I started to have light bleeding 6 days ago. As this is my first pregnancy I wasn't sure whether this was spotting or bleeding. I called my GP two days ago, he was brilliant and called me back within 10 minutes as had arranged for an early scan the next day (yesterday)

I would have been10 weeks yesterday. Sadly the scan showed no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped developing at 9.5 weeks which is when the bleeding started.

As I am already bleeding I have opted to miscarry naturally. The information given by the EPU yesterday was that I would experience heavy bleeding and pain for about 4-6 hours. But when this would happen could be anything from straight away to maybe six weeks away.

I was not told to expect to pass a sack or that you may be able to see the baby. This fills me with dread. I want to see my baby but I don't want to at the same time.

I returned to work this morning. I manage a call centre so work in a large open office. My colleagues know what has happened and it was soon clear after a couple of hours that I am not I am not in right frame of mind for work. I couldn't face anything other than basic admin tasks and so will be taking at least the rest of this week off.

Now it is a waiting game. I had a little period type pain earlier and heavier bleeding but the pain has now gone and the bleeding light again. Having read many posts I will be stocking up on a number of things mentioned to help make the experience as manageable as possible.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. Learning about other peoples real experiences is really helpful.

My heart goes out to anyone who has or is currently going through this difficult experience.

Italygirl and MrsSordy I hope you are as ok as you can be right now. Before this, I had no idea at all and it's through the experiences off others that I have found solace. Although we would wish no-one to be going through a miscarriage - if you are, know that you aren't alone - ever. The testimonies of women on this website are there to support you and give you strength through this horrible time.
Today I went back to EPU, as Italygirl rightly said protocol is that they need 1wk between scans to verify mmc. I wasn't sure whether we should go this morning, as yesterday I began to bleed heavily. I think I passed clots but me being me I couldn't look. The splashes into the loo kind of made me think that. My lovely mum took ds and dd to her house and I am so grateful. Yesterday early evening I began to have really strong pains, literally contractions, but without the excitement that something good was going to happen. I alternated between the loo and bed for a good few hours. Poor DH didn't know what to do, and being honest he couldn't do anything thing but being close really helped. I managed some sleep but awoke at 5am with horrible pains particularly on one side. I forced myself into the shower and when DH woke I asked if we should go to EPU as was obvious what was happening. Part of me was scared that I was only at the beginning stages as the pain was really getting to me and the blood loss was scaring me too. Not long before we were due to leave I had to go the loo again and I literally felt a "Woomf". At my shout of "oh my god!" Poor DH was shouting do you need me??? After that I bled heavily but padded up and went to EPU. They re-scanned and said I'd, thankfully, passed the majority of the pregnancy tissue. The sonographer was lovely and I felt so relieved, tbh I was terrified that I wasn't coping or couldn't cope if the pains got worse. But, knowing that hopefully the worst(physically speaking) was over, was really reassuring. I've slept a lot today, and managed to talk to family members who since last wk I couldn't. I don't know quite how I feel, but in a way I do feel like something has lifted physically from me. I'm sad, and DH is sad but we're going to get through this. We've laughed at completely inappropriate things- I've been totally honest about what has happened in the bathroom, something I never would've before. Bizarre but true - even after 2 home births I was still a bit 'private'. Not any more! The worm has turned!!!

My advice is get through by whatever means. If people offer to help, accept it - it's not a sign of weakness, you are going though a traumatic time.
Ask about pain relief, I really wish I had had the opportunity to or even if I'd been clued up enough to ring the doc or the out of hours. There is no need to struggle through if it can be helped. Believe me paracetamol and hot water bottles don't cut the mustard, I wish I'd rang the doc and got a prescription- it's not a bravery competition.
Get the bestest pads you can. I used always night ones, had to dbl them up a couple of times but to be honest that was more for my head than was necessary for bleeding as I was never far away from loo and able to change.

I know that I am not by any means over this but, having had a 'missed' miscarriage which has now happened, I feel like I can accept it a bit more. I will get through this, and if you are reading this then it means that you need to know this- you will too. We will never, ever forget but we will get through, because do you know what? That's what mums do. Just because this baby didn't quite make it, doesn't mean I'm not it's Mama. I am mine, and you are yours. X

Warning - the below is my account of my miscarriage and may be TMI for some.

The last few days have been tough. After leaving work on Wednesday, I spent some time with my nieces and nephews which really helped and kept my mind focused on something other than losing the baby.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time alone which was not good. I was brooding and was crying on and off throughout the day. I went to Tescos to stock up on pads and nearly broke into tears when I walked past the baby aisle. Like someone else had mentioned before, I could not bring myself to buy baby wipes. It felt like a sick joke so I opted for moist toilet tissues.

Last night I woke up at midnight and my bleeding was a bit heavier ( I have had light bleeding for a week). I woke an hour later and had a dull stomach ache. By 1.30 the pain was getting worse so I took cocodamol. I sat on the toilet for a while and then felt a whoosh of liquid leave my body. I am guessing that this was the waters breaking. As soon as this happened I felt the pain subside a little. I am guessing this was because of the release but may have been a combination with the painkillers. I went back to bed for about 15 minutes. When I stood up I realised that I was losing a lot of blood and for a moment thought that I was going to leave a huge mess on the bedroom floor. I went back to the toilet and spent the next couple of hours there. The bleeding was too heavy for pads to cope with so the toilet was the best place. I periodically tried to clean myself up but it was pointless. The blood continued to flow and there were some very large clots so any effort to clean up did not last.

At about 3.00am I tried to leave the toilet as it is not the most comfortable place to be. I stood up and walked about for about 20 seconds but very quickly started to feel faint and was burning up. I had to dash back to the toilet and remained there for another half hour.

I returned to bed for a short while at about 3.30am but was worried of making a mess. I returned to the bathroom a few minutes later. I heard something drop into the toilet. There was a lot of blood in the toilet so I could not see what it was and could not bring myself to fish it out. I could be wrong but I am guessing this was the baby. This was the bit I was worried about and so in a way am glad I couldn't see it.

By 4.30am things had settled down and I was able to return to bed and get some sleep. I am now settled in for a recovery day at home watching films and not doing much at all.

I feel mentally in a better place today. Yesterday I just wanted to get it over with so that I could move on. Going through the miscarriage I think helps to give closure. I am not saying that I am over it but it is a huge step in the process to get past.

My husband and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. I am 34 and my husband is 43. We knew that we had left it late so just said, if it happens it happens and did not have our hearts set and focused on children. However when we got pregnant it made me realise that I wanted a baby more than I thought I did. And now having lost one, I realise just how much I wanted it.

There was no pressure before as we were very relaxed about children. But it now scares me to think that I really want it and am not sure if I can go through this emotional roller coaster again.

I am sorry for my long posts. But I actually find writing about this experience very therapeutic.

Hi all. Well over a week ago I had my miscarriage and my head is still all over the place. Mine sounds quite easy and pain free considering what some of you went through. On the Thursday I had a scan which confirmed early pregnancy and then the day after the nurse gave me a scan and said the pregnancy had gone but I never passed the baby until the Saturday. Other that that my bleeding was like a period that eventually stopped the week after the initial bleeding. I'm signing my self back to work next week as I need the money. I just still feel down a week and a half later. I'm 34, 35 in a few months and have no other children. I'm worried that I won't get over it when I'm supposed too xx

Just gone through a d&c after finding out I had a missed miscarriage at my first scan the day after I found out I was pregnant at 9 weeks. Felt quite stupid to be so totally unaware I was pregnant but after the endometriosis and being 35 I didn't think I could get pregnant without trying and knew it sometimes takes a few months for cycles to get back to normal after stopping birth control so wasn't too worried when I missed one period. Now that I think about it I was totally in denial of all the signs.

Physically I feel alright (felt really good to get back on my bicycle this week) and am glad I went with the d&c option which wasn't too bad, but emotionally still going through all kinds of crazy mood swings, feeling sad, crying at random moments, and finding it really difficult to talk about.

I haven't been able to tell anyone other than my partner and my mother (who I waited a week to tell, even then it was really really difficult) not even our flatmate who just knows I have been off work on sick leave, and my workmates who know I have had to take leave for an unspecified medical matter.

Quite a blessing no one has pressed me for details (probably some of my workmates have guessed) as I feel really unable to talk about it, but I'm really struggling with not being able to simply pretend everything is normal. Feeling guilty for ignoring texts from friends asking me out to lunch or drinks, but I don't even know how to start to explain.
How do I talk about this? What do I say? Will it get easier?

I don't know why this is so hard for me to talk about. I hate making lame excuses (lying) or being intentionally vague when I run into a friend at the super market. Normally I am a very outgoing and cheerful person but I just wish everyone would leave me alone at the moment.

It all just feels so raw and painful and personal and such a huge deal, I can't bear to bring it up. I dread leaving the house and having to talk to people. How long will this take to pass? How do you talk about a miscarriage?