Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

So glad ive found this thread. Im 8 weeks pregnant. Had a scan yesterday and the baby has no heart beat:/they discused with me about medical removel which I said yes too. And im in tomorrow. The first lady I spoke too said I would have two lots of pills one yesterday and tomorrow but then saw the specialist and she said she wasnt going to give me the first lot of pills as the baby has no heart beat so the second would be enough to help the miscarrage along :/ I know everyone is different but what should I expect? Ive read a few posts on here and should expect heavy bleeding but what about pain wise? Im really nervous, my app is at half 10 tomorrow :/ xx

Hi trixlady, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had medical management for my first MMC, just like you they gave me one lot of prostaglandin medication which you insert into your vagina with a tampon (sorry if TMI!). After wearing this for a few hours, I started to have strong period pain type cramps and then started bleeding. The bleeding was quite heavy and the pains were like really bad period pain, I took paracetamol, codeine and ibuprofen and that was strong enough. It enabled me to have my miscarriage at home which felt more private and dignified, but it was a little scary at times with the heavy bleeding. This thread has some amazing advice, and I would re-iterate it - keep taking your preg vits, they have iron in them which might help you recover from the blood loss, and keep yourself well hydrated. A hot water bottle helped me with the pain. I hope this helps, and really sorry to hear that you are going through this. I've been lurking on here as am having my second MMC and going in for an ERPC (for medical reasons) tomorrow.

Great thread ladies! I found out I had a missed miscarriage on Monday, should have been 10.3 weeks along, baby was actually 9 weeks along and no heart beat. I opted for the medical management option (mainly because I have PCOS and was worried about possible scarring if I had the op and thus further reduced fertility. Plus I didn't like the uncertainty of waiting for a natural miscarriage as I am due back to work soon (this has happened in the middle of my holiday) and I really don't want to have to tell anyone at work. They didn't even know I was pregnant. Anyways, before I got the mc induced I went into active mc naturally yesterday. It started with really intense abdominal pain. I was really worried at first as I took two nurofen express tablets as soon as it started but they didn't seem to do anything. But fortunately the pain eased after an hour and whilst I have had some pain since then it is intermittent and less intense. I was fine over night (slept well) and I haven't needed to take any more painkillers yet. My advice to anyone going through a mc would be stock up on loads of winged long night time sanitary pads (or more industrial ones if you can find them), stay at home near a toilet if you can for at least the first three hours or so, have wet wipes with you as well as lots of toilet roll (I was in public loos when this happened to me but at least with the wet wipes I was able to clean up after myself, toilet paper on its own wouldn't have worked.) if you do go out and about take spare clothes as well as underwear with you (my jeans were soaked through by the time I got home having toilet hopped the whole way). Also, I know this won't be the same for everyone, but I am feeling much better emotionally as well as physically now the process is well underway. Before i couldn't speak about the mc to anyone without bursting into tears and was permanently on the edge. I think it was hard dealing with the fact I still had the baby inside me and still had the bump and looked pregnant and I was also really worried about how much the process was going to hurt. Whilst it has been very messy and there has been a lot of blood it wasn't
as painful as I expected. I am still obviously very upset and sad that my pregnancy has ended this way but I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to all of you having to deal with this sadness in your own lives. Wishing you all the best and sending you lots of hugs. Xxx

I'm sorry if this has already been covered but there are hundreds of messages to read...
I'm currently miscarrying while a couple of hundred of miles away from home. I have been staying with family when it all started. I'll be travelling home tomorrow as pre planned.
I don't really know what to do next. Do I call my gp on Monday to refer me into the EPAU?
TMI: The bleeding is heavy with big clots. I am experiencing strong cramps which come in waves and feel nauseated. I don't have a temperature though.
I have no idea what's 'normal' or whether I just carry on with going to work on Monday.
I feel lost if I am honest. What would you advise?? I'd appreciate any form of opinion. Thank you

Hi Miffy, I'm sorry you are going through this, especially so far away from home. I am also going through something very similar, I don't have a huge amount of pain but I do have nausea and am bleeding alot.

I went to the gp on Friday as I was spotting even then and she has given me a referral for an early scan. Obviously things have moved on since then and I know the outcome but I think it is important to go and make sure everything is going as it should. I don't think you should put yourself going to work on Monday, maybe call your gp and see what they say on Monday. Unless it gets really heavy and you are worried, then of course you should see someone sooner.

Looks like in mc right now, I only got a bfp yesterday.

It's 5am and I've woken up in a lot of pain, bleeding lots with tissue in it when I sit on the toilet but not really into a pad so far. TMI but feel like I need to poo, have that pressure but can't go, is that normal?

I've only taken two paracetemol (nothing stronger just in case - who am I kidding? ) but it's not touching the pain, I don't know what to do with myself so just staying in the bathroom.

This is just awful, an ectopic in April and now this, need a break.

Oh Tranquility I am so sorry, was really hoping that wasn't the case. I didn't have that much pain so I'm not sure, have you tried calling 111?
Not silly at all re paracetamol, I avoided caffeine etc for the rest of the weekend even though I knew there was no point. Hope you have some support there in rl.

Thank you purple, I appreciate it. Pain finally subsided so I could get a bit of sleep. Feel completely lost/angry/tearful this morning.

Hugs Tranquility , it's so tough, especially after what you went through in April. Are you going to see the doctor this morning? Someone said to me the other day, it is worth getting it recorded and making sure that you are ok physically. Thinking of you.

I saw her yesterday and she sent off a urine test. I guess I can just let them know over the phone in a few days. Thank you x

Ok but if you get alot of pain or really heavy bleeding maybe go and see someone. Hope you have some support there.

Bleeding's not as bad as it was last night and pain fine of unless I do too much xx

Is there any advice you can offer for me to support a friend who just found out today that she mmc at 8 weeks (3 weeks ago). She had slight bleeding over weekend but couldn't get a scan until this morning.
She's my friend and colleague and I really want to say/do the right thing. It was her 1st pregnancy and was after ivf treatment. She will find out tomorrow when she has to go back to hospital for surgical procedure.

Thank you to everyone who has posted here and given their experience and tips. It makes me feel better prepared - much more useful than information given by the hospital. I was told at my first scan a couple of days ago that I had a mmc and now I have to wait for my body to go through the mc. I'm scared but at least I can expect what's going to happen & prepare for it the best I can!

Friendofsadgirl - you sound like a lovely thoughtful friends! having been through this myself I would say just to keep asking how she is and if she'd like to meet up or for you to go round to hers. It is a week and a half from my mmc and some days I just want to stay at home and mope and not see anyone but my friend is coming to see me in a bit so looking forward to that. Your friend may be very up and down. Don't be afraid to ask her about it and make her know she can talk to you about everything. I've found that some people don't want to talk about it in case it upsets me but it's a horrible feeling thinking nobody wants to know. Sure you're doing a great job anyway!
Lobster -sorry you're having to go through this! I had medical management and was very scared but also read up on it and spoke to people so felt quite prepared (as I could be). Hope it happens as quickly and painlessly as possible for you. Just take your time after it has happened. I was quite crampy and sensitive when on a my feet for a while after, so put your feet up. Also it may take time for the emotional aspect to sink in so please be kind to yourself and don't feel pressured into getting back to 'normal', do what you feels right. Thinking of you, you're not alone.
X

Thank you for this thread. I'm going through mc just now and found this useful

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HI all - this thread and some others helped me mentally prepare for my first MC however it turned out to be a bit different than expected. I miscarried at 11 weeks, but we found out at 10 weeks that fetus stopped growing at 6 wks 1 day. We also had a weekto grieve and come to terms with our loss - we were excited about the pregnancy, we just got married and were looking forward to starting our family.

We preferred to go the natural route - and wait it out instead of opting for D&C.This was due to some risks associated with D&C but also bc I prefer to avoid gen. anesthesia, and let things take their course naturally. Essentially the body should shed the lining on its own, D&C prematurely severs the sac and placenta - this was thinking anyway.

• By 10 weeks my preg symptoms were subsiding so at least I knew the hormones and my body were realizing I was no longer pregnant.

-1 week after finding out about nonviable pregnancy - so I was at 11 weeks, I started to get discharge, first pink, then brownish. -On day 2 I had cramps and red gloops coming out, as well as some white and gray tissue. It felt like a painful period, although the cramps were wierd - I felt more pain in my cervix, and it felt uncomfortable to sit in a chair - I am guessing because it was dilating. I thought -ok well if it stays like this, I can definitely do this at home. Also - I had read on a blog prior to this coming on about how some women helped their MC along - I can't scientifically say that it this worked, but I took the following things to help my body eject the matter and in hopes of preventing infection.

1. eating a lot of pineapple ( if you google it, it's also recommended for pregnant women who have a hard time going into labor so are overdue)
2. Primrose oil capsule - I took 1 pill 1,000 mgs for first few days then took 2 a day
3. drinking raspberry leaf tea - both primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea help regulate the menstral cycle. You can read about this if you research those specific things and what they do on google - so I won't go into this here.

-so day 3 of MC, I woke up at 5 am feeling a lot of pain, ran to the bathroom but was surprized to see not much stuff coming out - which was odd. I then broke into sweats - dripping down sweat, and felt nauseous, campy and just horrible. Thought I would pass out in bathroom - not convenient when hubby and parents were esleep. In retro-spect i would recommend leaving bathroom door open, and fan off in case you need help. eventually I managed to get up and wake up husband. I few mins later we decided to make up my parents - my mom is a nurse. by then I was screaming in pain - I may have a lower threshold, I don't know but when something hurts that much you can't help it. They decided to call an ambulance. So this was all crazy and dramatic - the ambulance guys came really quickly, and they started to count my contractions - essentially I was going into labor - at 6 wks! which is crazy. I also then had the chills- so my whole body was shaking.
Got to ER within 10 mins, blood pressure was low and i was bleeding pretty badly by then and contractions were really powerful and close togther. They gave me morphine and an IV which helped the pain and my blood pressure which still got pretty low. They managed to get my GYN on the line - and did a sonogram which by then showed I had passed most of the matter - but it was stuck to lining of my vagina. So by 12 ish the GYN made the call that I didn't need D&C, and he was also of opinion that nature is better at making things happen, but I was right to come in for observation, IV etc. He removed the sac and placenta ( painless) and sent it off for analysis ( non chromosomal since it was first mC). I was able to go home by 3 pm.

1 day later - I have a huge headache ( apparently due to estrogen withrawal - and drinking coffee is recommended, seems to work), and still walk like a penguin - the cervix is still raw, and I am still passing come blood clots but other than that there is not other discharge.

Psychologically I think this was v traumatic - for me and my family but I still am not sure I should have gotten the D&C. I just wish they could admit you as soon as you start MC for observation as a normal procedure - the ambulance/ER visit was kind of traumatic part, and the fact that I had to reach the super high pain threshold to get the pain medication too.

I am writing this not to scare anyone - but to prepare in terms of what you need to have available and what options you have - you'll have to make your own decisions etc., Some women from what I read pass this as a difficult period, for me it turned out to be more than that.

All the doc's, nurses and ambulance guys were amazing btw - i got superior service and good information from them but the choice on D&C still rested with me, they hesitated to make recommendation and since I didn't have excessive bleeding - the only thing they could worry about was my blood pressure - which normalized only closer to when I was released.

So many more days of recovery for me - and my husband - who I am lucky to say was so supportive. Make sure you have at least 1 person - loved one or friend who can support you through this before and after, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Find help with blogs or support groups.

Things I plan to do to work through this

1. get plenty of rest
2. talk to my close friends
3. think and do other things to replace negative memories with positive ones
4. re-start my yoga practise, and hiking - two physical activities I love and which help my stress levels
5. be profusely thankful to my family for being there for me :)

If you are reading this - you may be trying to learn what to expect - all I can say is, prepare what you can, and try to relax as you are going through it - stress makes everything worse. life is full of ups and downs, and this is a difficult moment in your life but it's a common female experience and you can get through this as many of us do and have. the physical, the emotional are just as important and you need to take care of both sides of yourself. all will turn out ok - but make sure to have what you need to help things along in case of worst case scenario.

hope this was helpful for some people.

Very helpful thread thanks. Started miscarriage yesterday at 10 weeks. Big shock as still had morning sickness the day before. Was fine leaving the house and within 10 minutes had to pull over due to severe cramps. Was close to a hospital so drove to a and e. Was still hopeful it was a threatened miscarriage but then in a and e felt a big wooshit and blood stared pouring out. Was a low point to be standing half naked in a toilet bleeding all over the floor whilst a nurse washed my legs ( though she was very nice). Was eventually taken to epac and scan confirmed no baby. I was having quite bad cramps so consultant examined me as they though I might need a d and c. He pulled out clots and the baby which was stuck just at the entrance to my cervix and after that pain improved. I'm home today wallowing :(
Told all my friends who have been great.
currently in the angry phase of grief. Angry with the baby for leaving us as we have a happy family and it would have been loved. Also don't know that I can face going through morning sickness again. Love to all of you who have been through this and unfortunately to anyone who has to do this in the future x

This thread has helped me once already this year. And now it helps again. Thank you. I hope it happens quicker this time. Miscarriage should be spoken of more. Its such a lonely experience. Don't know what I would do without mn.

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