Recurrent Buns Graduates - Pregnancy and Beyond

[Glitterybits]

Thought it was about time we had a new home for all those lovely ladies who used to frequent the original Recurrent Buns thread, or anyone else who has been through the hideous journey of miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage, infertility, testing etc. and now finds themselves either pregnant and in need of hand-holding (or better yet) with their long-awaited bundle(s) of joy.

I know it perhaps seems a little inappropriate to start a thread in the miscarriage topic but it still seems the most relevant spot for those of us who haven't yet completed the journey - and nowhere else really seemed right or fair to everyone.

I do hope you'll come along and say hello. I do miss you all!

Hi all, what a stressfull week. have been admitted twice with DS having severe bronchiolitis and a secondary infection. hes on ABs, had two days on oxygen and was tube fed as he was too weak to suck a bottle. but after a good rest from feeding he is back feeding (but only 4oz, was previously on 7oz) and is maintaining his sats and resps on his own and we are home. i feel more scared having him home now than i did when he were discharged when he was newborn.

they did the heart scan while we were there to save a trip and he had a VSD (ventricular septate defect) a hole in the bit that separates the two ventricles. the hole is on the edge and is small. He will need no surgery, just regular check ups to check that it is getting smaller or closing. we will be seen by GOSH Drs so is in the best care.

Been one hell of a couple of weeks but heres hoping he is on the mend. i have been living on custard creams and coffee all week.

Well, at least i might have lost some weight

coconuts I'm sorry to read about your stressful time with your DS. It is good to hear that he won't need surgery.

Thank you all for your support and advice on testing over the last year. I'm marking the anniversary today of the loss of my third baby. In so many ways, it feels like yesterday that it happened, but so much has happened since then. I remembering crying my eyes out early on Christmas morning praying that for the next Christmas I would have a baby or be close to it. Tomorrow I will be at 27 weeks. As you all know with miscarriage, you remember the little spark in you that was taken away, and always wonder what could have been, what milestones you should have had with your baby that was not to be.

However, I have been panicking big time about this pregnancy today, I think because of what happened a year ago, but also because I went for a 3D scan last night. The images weren't great, but it did seem to show the cord near my baby's neck. I put the photo on my profile. I don't think it is wrapped around his neck, but of course I panic. I know that there is nothing that I can do. I will see the sonographer again next Friday for a 28 week scan. The guy last night wasn't great, but he didn't say it was wrapped around his neck or that I should be worried, but he was running late to see me and had 2 other couples waiting too.

I have been trying to calm myself by knowing that the baby isn't really breathing right now and the cord is supporting him inside. I used the doppler this morning and the heartbeat seems OK, not slow, and he has been moving around quite a bit today. Any thoughts about this? Should I ask to go in for a scan earlier, but I don't know what this would achieve, as from what I've read, it is common and can happen at anytime and can't be prevented.

LAF I don't have much advice, as I can't really see the picture very well and I don't know much about umbilical cords. But I do know that from a normal ultrasound they can't tell where the cord is. i asked this same question in one of my scans and they explained some medical jargon to me as to why it doesn't show up well enough, something to do with the thickness and the freqencies. It went a bit over my head but only the parts not near the baby show up, so they can dopple it and check the blood flow through the cord to and from the baby.

I also don't know whether it is normal for the cord to go round the neck whilst they're still in the womb and then come back off it again as and when the baby moves. Perhaps it just looks close to the neck as the baby is growing and taking up more space?

Maybe another 3D scan will put your mind at ease and you can ask some questions? It is natural to panic and worry and be anxious. you'd be strange if you didn't worry IMO!

DS is badly teething now. Poor mite has been screaming all day. I'll be glad when december is over, I'm too stressed to enjoy xmas.

laf Eliza was born with her cord around her neck. Obviously she was fine, please try not to stress too much (realises that is not easy) I can't see pic as on my phone.

If you have any concerns please call your mw, that is what they are for.

Having a shitty time here. The baby has horrific nappy rash, it has spread all down one leg and has turned into ulcers. She is in agony with it. Hopefully antibiotics will kick in today. I had zero sleep last night. I feel like a zombie!

I dont know what to say im still having bad days and i miss him so much all imfocussed on is making his grave perfect i think im driving the hubby mental his grave is the only one with so much stuff on i cant go a day without going to the grave and playing his music to him that he loved i thought i would try miss one day and it got to about 3oclock and i was pacing and had to go sometimes i sit and scream and think to myself why did this happen to me and then other times i think i no hes in a better place and free from pain but i still wish he was here and with me where i can protect him .. hes on my brain 24-7 i cant explain how much hurt i have right now onestly its the worst thing in the world i just wanted to thank you all for thinking of me im just praying im strong enough now to get through this

i went to hospital today for some blood work the examined me and said my body was back to normal ect but said i had to wait another 2 and half months to try again as after my c section they advise 6 months half of me thinks god thats a life time away and half of me thinks i dnt deserve a child ever again look what i done to my precious little boy .. :'( what if i done it again i couldnt watch an other baby slip away in my hands

sorry for all my natter anyway the reason i came was to post that im still here i no i dnt come on alot nomore its not because i got what i wanted of you girls and have left ill always be on here and if anyone ever wants any help with anything they only have to message me the reason im not on alot is at the moment i just find it hard reading about pregnancys and people with there babys im sure in time ill be ok and i want to thank you all so much for everything youve done for me ... xxxxx

justmee first of all you did not do anything that caused your little boy's problems. I can understand it may like that but really you cannot and should not blame yourself.

I have not been in your situation so I am wary of offering advise (in case I get it wrong) but I would think the best thing you could do right now is talk about how you are feeling. Whether that be with you dh or family or with a councillor. Even posting on here. Have you looked into the bereavement threads?

Just take each day at a time.

Wish I had more words for you :(

RIP baby justmee.

(It's mumatron btw, I'm in my christmas name change)

justmee I am so sad for you. It is such a truly awful thing that you have been through. I second mumatron to say that you didn't do anything wrong or cause the problems that he had when he was born. I know it is so hard to reconcile yourself to that thought. You want to know what caused this to come to terms with your loss and know that the future will not have the same thing happen again to you with your next pregnancy. However, it isn't your fault.

You are grieving for your son and it isn't wrong to want to go and visit his grave every day. You want to be with him and it is so hard to come to terms with the fact that nothing will bring him back in your arms. But the love that you have for him and that he has for you will be with you forever. You will never forget him, but the passing days will ebb away at the hurt that you feel.

Please feel free to come here on the thread at any point to share your feelings as we want to listen to help you get through these hard times.

Thinking of you xx

Hello to everyone and sorry I've been so absent. Both kids have been really poorly and I've been in hospital with both as they had breathing difficulties. Thought it was a cold but the coughing has been hideous. I hope you are all coping okay.

justmee You must never feel that you did anything wrong at all. You were a caring and conscientious Mummy from the moment you fell pregnant and nothing you could have done would have changed anything. I really doubt you are upsetting anyone by needing to be with your son every day. It's perfectly normal. Again, I really wish I could be there to hug you. I can't imagine how you must be coping. You are so strong.

Coconuts I feel like a complete traitor trying to take the pill. I'm rubbish at it and regularly forget. Good job I have no libido whatsoever. Hope everything is okay now. Sounds like you've had a scary time. Kids often grow out of these things, but I know it's no comfort, especially when you're women on this thread!

LAF the downside to having access to such detailed scans means we are given more to worry about. I'd try not to worry unduly until you are a little further along. My baby had the cord around her neck and I had no idea until after she was born. Try not to panic. Stupid to say, I know.

julez, frazzled, Lunatic, mumatron I know I owe you proper messages but my little girl is now screaming so I must depart. I'll be back very soon. Sorry. xxx

laf is your scan today?

glittery how awful for you. Being ill an in hospitalat christmas time is awful. Hope they feel better soon.

glittery Did DD have bronchiolitis?

It seems like everyone has some sort of battle going on right now. glittery I hope that your DCs are recovering and released from hospital.

mumatron/tronkey my scan is next Friday.

Hi all, have been having a few chats with justmee She is really bloody struggling. I don't know what to say to make her feel it isn't her fault. Life is so so unfair.

She apologises for not comng here, but she feels she is burdening us with talking about things. I told her this is so not the case and that we will always love to hear from her, chat to her, and offer her advice on anything she needs.

I just wish I could take this all away from her :( We have beconme such good friends since the other thread, through FB and I hate the fact she lives on the other side of the world.

Anyway I just told her I would pass on her apologies (even though they aren't required) and I will C&P and messages to her thru FB so she doesn't have to come here if she finds it hard.

Oh god coconuts :( how sad. I just wish there was something I could say or do to make things a tiny bit better for her.

Pass on my love to her. Xx

thats the thing though tronkey there isnt anything anyone can say that makes it any easier. i said to perhaps go over to the bereavement boards. i told her the way she feels is totally normal.

Yes I think the bereaved mums thread would be good for her. It's just so heartbreaking. Can't stop thinking about her and her ds.

justmee this is a support thread, we're all here to listen to you when you are ready. If not you can always pm if you feel like you can't talk on here.

Just a quick Merry Christmas to you all from me.

hope you all have the best day possible.

Same here from me too.

Merry Christmas everyone xx

Just a short message to wish you all as peaceful and happy a Christmas as possible.

Love and sympathy especially with justmee, laf and coconuts. But sounds like quite a few of us have been in the wars :-(

Am at parents' so posting from phone, will come back and do more when I can Nick their laptop.

So far we are all slightly ill - F in particular has cough and will be sharing a room with us - and Dh has managed to leave my present at home. Did not have heart to be cross, he's gutted!

Am looking forward to a few days with family and hoping also that I can get through this New Year without disaster (nyd 2 years ago was my first mc; last year waters broke and kicked off the whole scary F saga).

Love to you all x

Another quick message from me, I'm afraid. Been a bit manic over the Xmas period. Thankfully both of my DC's are feeling a whole lot better. I don't think either had much more than a hideous cold with a hacking, croupy cough, but it was sufficiently worrying for me to get them checked out, with it affecting their breathing. Thanks for the well wishes.

justmee We will be here to listen as and when you can talk. You mustn't ever feel that you are burdening us. This is a support thread and began as a result of loss. As Coconuts said, I wish you weren't on the other side of the world so I could give you a hug.

I hope the majority of you have managed a good Christmas. It's been the most calm for me for 3 years, so I'm hoping to step into 2012 with a much more optimistic attitude to everything. I think it was Coconuts a while back who said she found it hard to take the pill and I must admit it feels almost brutal to try and prevent pregnancy after trying for so long. Even five months down the line, it still seems alien to me.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support and being so fabulous. What a year, indeed. I hope you all have a lovely NYE celebration, whatever you are doing. Unsurprisingly, ours will be a low-key at home affair. I promise to try and be a little less AWOL in 2012, but I am thinking about all of you all the time, even if I'm not always here.

Much love to you all. xxx

Evening all. Hope you all had a good new years.

Are we all as well as can be?

Dealing with E's never ending cough/cold/nappy rash here. Every time she seems to be shaking it off it comes back a little bit worse.

Can't believe most of these babies are going to be one very soon fingers crossed this cold buggers off before Friday.

Back to work tomorrow so off to get an early night.

Belated Happy New Year, and thank you to you all for preserving what was left of my sanity in 2011 .

Had v quiet New Year - I actually saw it in for the first time in three years, but from the sofa - until I went to bed and spent the rest of the night listening to the party next door. Huh.

New Year's Day passed without actual disaster, which was nice, although I think I pre-empted by smashing my hand on the changing unit on Friday. Thought I'd broken my finger (still not sure I haven't) and actually blacked out for a bit. NVG and also Ow.

Anyway, all is well here and F's birthday today was lovely (v small tea party, with cake which brought a sort of 'and pray why have I not had anything as nice as this before?' look).

I've spent the last few days feeling a bit wobbly, though. Am glad and grateful that F's doing so well, but given that the day he was born was the worst and most frightening day of my life, approaching the anniversary has been quite difficult. DH and I watched Wires, by Athlete, on YouTube yesterday and ended up crying because it all seemed so vivid again.

Am hoping that next year F's birthday will be just that, and have been feeling a bit of an idiot for being so drippy (thank you to mumatron for finding my thread in the prem section and reminding me to stop being hermity and actually come here ).

Am going to stop mithering now, send love to you all and take some notes on DH's ever-more creative swearing - his team are two goals behind with 15 mins to go...

sf dp's team are two nil up he has woken E up with the delighted screams. That song makes me sob so I can imagine how it for you to watch it.

OMG is your DP a Newcastle fan?

Glad I'm not the only one who snivels at that song. DH heard it while driving to hosp the day after F was born, it absolutely tears him up.