leosmummy well done for getting through your obs appointment, I can imagine how nerve wracking that was and how much courage it would have taken - I have mine tomorrow and the build up is incredibly stressful. I'm so glad you've found such a good consultant who is taking you seriously and offering so much support to you for the next pregnancy. The next one is going to be so so hard on all of us - I wish I could be put in the freezer for the full 9 months and woken up when it's all definitely ok!
ilove my AF arrived 39 days after the birth. I had been temperature charting so think I ovulated on CD30, giving a useless luteal phase of only 8 days (which makes me glad we hadn't bothered to ttc then as evidently the hormones were still a bit confused). AF only lasted 3 days and has then been followed by a few random spotting patches so I don't think things are quite right yet but we are now SWI just in case. Hope that helps.
I also took a preg test the day before AF arrived, not sure why but I had a strange compulsion and had to do it. Of course a negative and then I got upset 
See how you feel about work but don't push yourself. Could you just do 1 day/half day the first week to see how it goes and just show your face really? I found the half day last week was as much as I could take, it was exhausting and draining.
Re the insensitive cow lady at work - yes that is fairly true to form I suppose but I was still so shocked. She has grown up children and I can only think she has either never lost a baby or forgotten what pregnancy/birth is like or had the sensitivity gene removed at birth.
I worked full days on Mon and Tues this week and it has been too much too soon. I was due to work today but I just can't and DH refused to let me go in and contacted my boss for me.
Here's a run down of yesterday: I drove to work (40min drive) and cried all the way there. Muddled through the day struggling to concentrate/do anything. It all took 4 times longer than it should have done. A couple of people asked how I was and I said "ok" or "variable" depending on the moment. One chap came in very jovially (I work in a shared office) and cheerfully welcomed me back and then told us all about his wife being frustrated last night because her baby (30 weeks pg) was sitting awkwardly and she was uncomfortable and feeling "big". I stared fixedly at my computer whilst my palms sweated and then scurried off to the loo to cry and howl noisily. Cried at my desk on about another 4 occasions. Slunk off at the end of the day without saying goodbye to anyone. Sobbed the entire way home, so much that I couldn't see properly and was speeding and frightening myself. I nearly turned onto the motorway and had to stop myself (I always go the non-motorway route) because a) I don't know the way via the motorway and b) I only nearly picked it because I wanted to crash.
I got home and sat down and cried. DH came in and spent about 40 mins holding me and trying to calm me. I was crying so hard I was nearly sick on him, my throat felt like I was choking and I was hyper ventilating again. Sometimes the crying was loud wailing, othertimes it was almost internal and I was completely tensed and quivering and hunched up as if I had a chest wound if that makes sense.
I was in pain all evening on Monday and Tuesday because I had been so physically tense all day at work I had given myself a stomach ache and hurt the muscles in my back. The effort of gritting my teeth and holding back tears all day had left me with an aching neck and jaw and puffy stinging eyes.
When I was at work I could only rarely manage to meet anyone's eyes. I didn't dare have a cup of tea because I was too scared to go to the kitchen in case I had to encounter someone. I had to take something to the post room and was waiting until the corridors were clear and picking odd routes to avoid passing certain peopled areas. My hands trembled and I kept dropping things. My phone was unplugged while I was away and I haven't replugged it because I just can't take the calls.
Mostly it is torture because everyone thinks I am ok and only ask once and then their lives are all continuing and mine is broken and stuck. I have been horrified by my rage and HATRED for their normal existences.
I feel so GUILTY for not working and getting paid. I have been such a drain on them for months. I had a terrible pregnancy and had some sick days, lots of holiday days, antenatal appointments, adjusted workload, ill all the time I was there, then these 6 weeks off, then this phased return. Soon I hope to be pregnant again so will be probably ill again with that and then maternity leave.... I feel terrible about this too.
I don't know what to do. I feel so vulnerable and just engulfed in such a terrible blackness and have no idea how to get out, or even if I want to. DH phoned the bereavement MW last night and left a message asking her to get in touch. I badly need some counselling or something and the promised details from the GP never materialised.
I haven't checked but I'm sure this is far too long now, I just need a place to let it all out. ilove I've just realised how soon you are planning to go back to work and I hope this hasn't distressed you. If you find it just as bad you aren't alone and please please please don't feel bad if you can't manage it/can't manage all your hours yet. I really hope you do better than me, will be thinking of you xx