Late miscarraige 20ish weeks - need to share my story.

[iloveblue]

Hello all

We lost out baby yesterday afternoon.

It was all very quick (thankfully). I had been having period pains for a couple of days and was advised that this was normal and to take some paracetemol. Thursday evening these pains turned into what felt like mini-contractions (my 3rd baby so I recognised the pain) - I was up all night in pain, made two more phonecalls and ended up on labour ward at 9am yesterday morning.
I was scanned and no heartbeat was detected.
I was given the pill to induce labour at about 12 and told to go home as it could take 48 hrs. Went home for an hour to grab some stuff - then straight back into hospital where baby was born an hour or so later. I am 99% convinced I was already in labour as it was so quick.

We decided not to see the baby - and were back home that night. I was 20 weeks.

No idea why this happened - lots of blood tests and swabs taken.

Looking back I was amazingly calm yesterday - it didn't feel real, at times I thought I was about to wake up and it was all a bad dream. Since I got home it has been much harder - have cried so much I can't physically cry anymore at the moment. DH has been amazing - as well as the rest of my family, my 2 boys are staying with my mum for the weekend which has been a huge help.

I keep seeing reminders everywhere - just broke down again earlier after seeing the anomaly scan date filled in on calendar, we never made it that far.

I'm also having tremendous feelings of guilt and disloyalty about the fact that we chose not to see the baby (although I know it was the right decision at the time).

I have had a niggling feeling all the way through this pregnancy that something wasn't right - particularly over the last few weeks as I wasn't feeling much(any?)movement. I was finding it hard to commit to things that involved baby plans - eg booking private gender scan, booking holiday during maternity leave etc and I never felt like that when pregnant with my sons.

So many questions and feelings - I felt it might help to write some of them down here.
I am really keen to chat with others who have gone through this - and I will be doing this in real life too.

Sorry for the long post - thankyou for reading it, if you made it to the end!

OH WOW!!!!!!! Massive Congratulations ilove Im so happy for you

Thanks split and badger

I will ring GP on Monday.

It will be an October baby (if all goes to plan). Approx EDD 5th Oct but my boys were 10 and 11 days late so might be more like mid-October, but trying not to think ahead too much, (what with the fact that we lost our baby on 22nd October, it will be a poignant time all in all) I'm going to be like you spilt - taking one day at a time.

I just can't believe how sick I feel so early on - am having a bacon sandwich for my tea as can't face lovely risotto that DH had planned!

How are you feeling ilove? Has it sunk in yet? The sickness is rubbish. Did you suffer much with your previous pregnancies? I've definitely found it's linked to blood sugar and if I let myself get hungry it gets worse. Orange juice has been immensely good for getting sugar straight in and being nice and acidic so not upsetting my stomach straight away.

I can't quite believe it but I am 10 weeks today. I'm just hoping desperately that on Tuesday we will see that someone is actually in there.

Hope you are all having gentle days x

Hi spilt
I'm okay thanks. The sickness has subsided - not sure if it was due to a burst of hormones.
Had a panic yesterday as took another test and it was negative, and along with absence of sickness, I got myself into a bit of a state. Went and got an First respnse type test and got another faint line, and did one this afternoon and got another BFP, so feeling more positive now. I have decided to step away from the HPT's for now, honestly.

I was nauseous during all my previous pregnancies (but never actually sick) from about 6-14 weeks.

10 weeks has flown past - I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Hope you get some lovely pics. x

Hi ilove What lovely lovely news! so very happy for you and your DH. Loads of luck x x x

Hope all goes well tomorrow spilt with the scan, hope you are feeling well. x x x

Thankyou littlewish - how are you doing?

Good luck for tomorrow spilt - will be thinking of you x

Been scanned and all is well
One little baby measuring 4.2cm with heartbeat.
I am so relieved, I have only just stopped wanting to throw up!

What great news spilt I've been holding my breath for you. 4.2cm how lovely, I had a ruler out earlier helping ds with maths and had a peek at how big that is, so exciting. Hope you have a good nights sleep tonight. Sending a big hug x

Hi ilove I'm doing o.k thanks, comming to terms with things more as time goes by. A good friend at work who was so nice to me when I had our sad news is leaving in two weeks so feeling sad about that, I'll miss her because she is just so kind, you see peoples true colours when these things happen.

Hope you are feeling ok, both nerves and excitment I should imagine, look after yourself x

Hope everyone else is feeling ok too x

Lovely news spilt - does it makes it seem more real?

Sorry to hear you are losing your colleague littlewish - will you be able to keep in touch, do you think?

I've had period-type pain on and off all day today - and although I know it is normal to get them when period is due (AF due today) and I've had it with all previous pregnancies, I can't help assuming the worst.
Just did another test and the darker line that appeared much quicker than last time has cheered me up a bit.
This is going to be hard.

So glad your scan went well spilt

ilove i know how you feel completely. I spent an absolute fortune at the beginning buying pregnancy test to check i was still pregnant. I have to admit sometimes wanting to buy some now to 'check' despite the enormous bump that appears to have sprouted overnight.

Im having a hard day. Spent most of the night awake convinced i was going into labour. Burning pain in the center of my pelvis and hip bones. Am wondering if its the beginning of SPD???
Just waiting in for a midwife to call me back. Have been listening to the baby constantly on the doppler to make sure there is still a heartbeat.

Im a bit of a nervous wreck today

Hope everything is ok badger, that you've spoken to someone and you are feeling less worried.

Thanks littlewish Iv just got in from the hospital. They think i have a UTI so have antibiotics. Had my cervix checked and thankfully its still closed.
The stress when the student midwife couldnt find the heartbeat though....

Hope your doing ok littlewish

Glad you're okay Badger - is the pain any better?

The pain is gone this morning after one one tablet :D I cant tell you how relieved i am.

I spent last night in floods of tears as everything finally caught up with me... Just how stressful is this pregnancy

Thanks for your messages girls, bless you littlewish for checking it out on a ruler! ... not that I haven't been doing that myself

How are you doing ilove? I peed on tests every day for about 10 days, and then every 2-3 days for a bit, desperate for the reassurance Thank God for internet cheapies! I get those pains too for the first few weeks, but it's horribly unnerving.

Badger you poor thing, it sounds like a terrible few days. I can well imagine how your own heart must have practically stopped when the student MW was making a hash of finding your baby's heartbeat. So glad all is well in there, though a UTI sounds grim and I hope it passes quickly.

I think our scan has sunk in now. I was too scared to look at the screen at first and just stared at DH's face trying to read it. He looked deeply serious which was very unnerving. The thing is, the baby was completely still and whilst that is apparently fairly normal when they are very young - could have been sleeping too - our previous scan experiences were Bobbie's 12 week one where she was leaping around like a mad thing waving all limbs and her 20 week one where she was still because she had died. So seeing a perfectly still little person had our hearts in our mouths and they had to point out the flickering heartbeat in the chest several times
I still don't feel quite as relieved as I should do, I wish it had wriggled. Is that stupid?

We've got a date for the dating scan and consultant now - Mon 7th Feb so not too long to wait and hopefully little'un will be alive, awake, moving and bigger. Not too much to ask surely?

Bobbie's on my mind more and more now as her due date comes up and as we get nearer to the stage where everything went wrong for her. There's this huge sense of sadness and emptiness. Looking around there's very little of her here if that makes sense, when there should be a cot built, a stack of clothes and nappies, a packed hospital bag and an ever more panicked mother desperately reading all the calming HypnoBirthing books again... It feels very odd for there to be none of this.

Thats not long to wait for your next scan spilt - I am certain you will see a little wriggler then.
When is Bobbie's due date?

How are you feeling physically - are you still being sick?

Well I had a horrendous day at work, very hectic, no time for lunch and felt on the verge of tears all day.
I told my brother our news today (the one who is expecting twins in August) and he popped in on his way home from work. He had been chatting to my Mum on the phone earlier and she said something along the lines of 'how do you feel about your sister's news , does it feel like they're stealing your thunder?'. I am so with her - how on earth could she say such a thing considering the circumstances.
I started crying there and then and have been off and on ever since - I just feel very betrayed by her. We do have a difficult relationship at times and she is not known for her tact. I know I am probably overeacting too but I just can't believe she said that.

Agh poor you - no food is bad at the best of times, but when newly pregnant just unthinkable! I'm sorry your mum was so completely tactless, I hope your brother put her straight. Have a hug with your DH and I hope it hurts less soon and you can ignore her comments. People can be so clueless.

Bobbie's due date is Feb 25th. I hope I can get it off of work, I think I'll need to be at home, it might not be pretty.

Physically I'm ok really. Last sick on Tuesday and will see what tomorrow morning holds! I definitely think it's easier than last time which is a great relief. I was wondering - when is too early for nesting?! This evening I have found some mojo from somewhere and scrubbed the kitchen and done a whole heap of laundry. DH will be in when he gets in as the poor love has been trying to do everything for ages!

Hello ladies - hope you've all had a lovely weekend

spilt defintely sounds like nesting to me!

I went to see the GP on Friday and he wasn't helpful at all. I had to explain about the fact I had lost our previous baby - i thought this would have been apparent from my notes which he had on screen when I came in. He told me to ring consultants secretary again and wouldn't even check to see if any blood tests had come in to the surgery. He just seemed cross at the amount of paperwork that had to be filled in.

I'm going to ring the consultants again tomorrow - and at least my details will be passed onto the midwife now, hopefully I'll get the same one as last time, who was lovely when we lost the baby.

Hi Everyone, hope you all had a good weekend.

ilove How are you doing? Your having a really rough time recently.
Im so shocked about your mums comments. How did your brother react? Im actually sitting here open mouthed, some peoples brains just dont engage sometimes do they.
Im so sorry you are STILL waiting for your results its unbelievable.

Spilt Hows the nesting going? I have been scrubbing anything i can.

littlewish shiningstar and leosmummy i hope you are all doing well

Have had a bit of a weird weekend. Still feeling a bit rubbish due to my infection and now my back is playing up.
Me and my husband keep picking fights with each other for no reason and im stressing about my scan next week.

Hi Badger

Lovely to hear from you. I'm okay thanks - still not feeling pregnant yet (will be 5 wks tomorrow) but just POAS and a strong line came up immediately.

I rang the consultants office this morning and the full results were back last week, but the consultant was on leave. She was back today and the secretary said my file is on her desk ready for her, she will also pass on the news of this pregnancy which might speed things up. It will be 15 weeks on Friday - it can't be much longer, surely.

My brother was also cross about my mum's comments. I could tell he was genuinely really pleased and excited for us - speaking to him made me feel excited. If all goes to plan our baby will be about 3 months younger than their twins and they live just around the corner from us, so will be lovely.

Sorry to hear you are still suffering with the infection and your back. Is it your 20 week scan next week? That has flown by!
Are you going to find out the sex of your baby?

Hi all,

Haven't had the chance to post for a while but have been snatching the odd glimpse so been keeping up-to-date with your news.

Sounds like things are going ok for you spilt and badger. Can only begin to imagine how worrying it all is but sure things will be fine. Just got to take it day by day to stay sane.

Congratulations iloveblue, that's great news but sounds like your GP isn't very nice. I've just recently changed doctors surgery after putting up with a disinterested doctor for the last couple of years. Whatever I saw her about, she was never very helpful and last straw was when I went to collect sick note after losing Petal and she didn't even ask how I was and simply put "miscarriage" on the note. Everyone else who has dealt with me has always classed it as a late miscarriage and acknowledged the fact that I delivered our baby. My new doctor seems lovely and has been very sympathetic so far. I chose her as knew she had a special interest in family plannng and women's health. I'm off to see her again tomorrow!

My blood tests the other week came back normal but I'm still spotting. Doctor has referred me for a scan to check everything's ok and having a physical exam in the morning. Getting a bit fed up of it now and just want to get back into a normal cycle again. The bleeding isn't heavy or painful but the on/off nature of it is so annoying and a bit worrying now.

Last Friday we went to scatter Petal's ashes in the baby memorial garden. Our hospital chaplain came along to say a prayer and it was all very peaceful. So sad though to think of all the babies resting in that little garden. As you can imagine, felt very sad over the weekend and kept reliving moments in my mind but glad we have properly put Petal to rest now.

We're now waiting for my check-up scan and then our consultant appointment on 15th before we start trying again. I've already got a month's worth of Pregnacare in me and hopefully my cycle will right itself in the next week or so.

Can't believe how long you've had to wait for your appointment iloveblue. Ours will be around 14 weeks by the time we get to it but at least we were given a firm date quite a while ago so knew where we were with it.

Hope you're ok littlewish. And leosmummy, really hope you're doing ok too.

Hello everyone

Nice to hear from you star - and glad you've now got a sympathetic GP, it makes such a difference.

Well, I've been off work for the last few days feeling rubbish - not pregnancy related - sore throat and chesty cough.
Also got a phonecall from the consultant's secretary with an appoinment date which is .... wait for it ...... 15th March!
Another 6 weeks away - so will be almost 5 months all-in-all. I was fuming (even made my very post on AIBU about it) and still am although I have calmed down a bit.
It is also not at our local hospital as the consultant doesn't do a gynae clinic there apparently - don't know why that makes a difference, I'm sure she could borrow someone's office for an hour.

I rang secretary back and expressed my concerns about the fact that I will be 11/12 weeks pregnant by the time appointment comes around and if there is any action I need to take now (eg take aspirin, higher does of folic acid etc) it will be too late. She said she was sorry but that was the earliest appointment available and has passed on the news of the new pregnancy to the consultant. So I then said - I'm assuming that if there was anything that I should be doing the consultant would have let me know and the secretary said yes, although I am not reassured, it felt like I was being fobbed off.

I'm not sure where to turn now - can't wait another 6 weeks to discuss my concerns, I just feel like no-one is listening to me (especially after useless GP last week) . Lots of people suggested seeing a different GP and explaining the situation - which I think I'm going to do. I'm just so fed up of it all.

Anyway, rant over - hope you are all okay.

How are you doing spilt - havn't heard from you for a while x

Hello all,

ilove I am so appalled at your hospitals "care". I would agree with trying a different GP, they vary so much - do you know of any sympathetic ones at your surgery? Another option is could you request the consultant phones you? At least if you could have a 10 minute talk you could ask the most pressing questions about your current pregnancy and then go over all the information at your booked appointment? Have you seen your midwife yet? If not, you could also try booking to see your midwife - they may be able to help in some way or make an urgent referral? If it's getting too much get your DH to phone and say you are very distressed and be really forceful.

It is utterly horrible to feel like no one cares.

Lovely to hear from you shiningstar, your description of scattering Petal's ashes is very touching, I'm glad you found it a peaceful thing to do if that makes sense?
How did the physical exam and scan go? I hope they figure out this spotting for you soon, it must be really annoying and worrying.

How's the infection Badger, are you feeling any better?

I have a new pregnancy complaint. I have piles . I felt really sick after realising what the problem probably was and having a look. Yeuk. So I think I shall be down the the docs tomorrow to ask what I can do about the blighters. Sitting down hurts .
DH suffers with them too from time to time and tells me to push them back in Not sure I can cope with that!

Hi all,

Had my scan today and the good news is that all looked well with my uterus.

The less good news is that my ovaries appear to be "classicly polycystic". This would explain the longer, irregular cycles which have been masked by being on the pill for years. When I stopped taking the pill last spring to conceive my cycles were around the 40 day mark. Still, we fell pregnant on the second cycle of trying but I had been pretty determined and was monitoring my fertility signs, having reflexology to try and regulate things and generally putting quite a bit of effort into it! I'm not that surprised about today's news. Will need to speak to doctor again now.

My main problem now is that I've come home and hit Google and am slowly feeling the fear creep in. Well, not even that slowly. While there are loads of stories out there of women with polycystic ovaries having babies, I can't fail but dwell on the apparent increased miscarriage rate. While for many this seems to be due to hormone levels early on - which wasn't my problem - I read something about egg quality possibly being affected leading to increased risk of abnormalities leading to miscarriage. We had an as yet unexplained but very high nuchal measurement at 12 weeks and you can imagine where I'm going with this now... I'm wondering if there was an underlying problem caused by poor egg quality.

I've also read that the stress hormone cortisol can affect insulin and hormone levels that play a part in polycystic ovaries and now feeling horribly guilty as I am one of the most anxious people I know!

Sorry for the steady flow of negativity here! I know deep down that none of this has been proven in me. Apart from irregular cycles, I haven't really shown the symptoms of full blown PCOS. But I'm just terriefied this is going to make things even harder than they've already been. I'm trying so hard at the moment to be more positive and get myself ready to try again, I just don't want anythingg to ruin that.

I hope everybody else is ok.

iloveblue, hope you've been able to get further with the consultant. Still can't believe they haven't given you an earlier appointment.

spilt, sorry to hear about the piles. I was convinced I'd get them when I was pregnant but somehow managed to escape this time. Hope it settles down.

Hope you're doing ok badger

Off to do some yoga to try and get rid of the nasty stress hormones!

X

Wow shiningstar that's a lot to take in, it must be overwhelming. Did they talk to you much about what PCO means and if there's anything to do to manage it? I know very little about it but I believe there is a difference between having PCO and PCOS so it's good that you don't have signs of the syndrome I guess? It's often under discussion on the Conception boards and there are lots of knowledgable folk on there.

I think I maybe know a bit of what you are feeling as I had blood test results indicating an underactive thyroid. Of course I set off to Google too and found it carried increased risks of pregnancy loss and fetal damage and started to believe that that was the reason I lost Bobbie. I thought my body wasn't up to the job and I felt so guilty for not being able to look after her. It was a horrible mix of feelings. As it happens, my thyroid probably didn't help matters but the toxoplasma was more likely to be the culprit so beating myself up was pointless.

If it turns out PCO might be the reason you lost Petal I just hope you can get through it without blaming yourself. It's not something you could have foreseen, and without being aware of the problem there's nothing you could do. But even if it was an egg with problems, you grew that little baby for 20 weeks, and I think usually problems with the baby cause earlier miscarriages, so you did a damn good job of growing your little baby against the odds. Be proud of yourself.

Hope you enjoy the yoga! Maybe when you've got more information on PCO and what it means for the future, might it help to have some counselling to help you with the anxiety and help you get your feelings out and make sense of them?

Really sorry xx