What did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause?

[TheUmberKoala]

I've been having a long-overdue conversation with my mother about her experience of perimenopause. She's in her 60s now. When I asked her what anyone had ever told her about it growing up, she said her own mother had once told her: "It happens, it's a phase."

That was it. Five words. For something she lived with for years.

My older sisters are approaching that same age now, and I've been thinking about how much of this silence is generational. The dismissal, the lack of anyone passing down practical knowledge, the way the topic just wasn't discussed at home.

I'd love to hear from this group: what did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause growing up? Was it spoken about at home, or was it taboo? And for those of you who've been through it (or are in it now), what do you wish someone had actually told you?

Not looking for medical advice or anything to buy. Just curious about the inheritance, or the lack of it, and how families pass this knowledge down (or don't).

Nothing. They never mentioned it.

Nothing.

Nothing, I don't think my mother knows it's a thing.

Absolutely nothing, but I do recall DGM asking if I knew if mum had been through the change

Nothing. Perimenopause is quite a recent invention. Nothing about menopause either - it didn't bother my mum and my grandmothers were obviously past it by the time it would have been relevant for me.

My Dad has been on hormone treatment for prostate camcer, which gives a lot of the same symptoms and FML we've heard about that!. Afahc his wife and daughters sailed through with no symptoms at all.

Nothing at all. And then, belatedly, "never take HRT it gives you cancer" which I believe is very outdated indeed. She's 75.

My mum had an easy menopause: had me at 40 then never had a period again. Hope mines that easy

Both grandmothers died before I was born.

All I got out of DM was that she started 'the change' not long after she had me. She was incredibly reticent about anything of a 'delicate' nature like that, including periods. She gave me a book and some pads and that was it. I learned nothing about menopause from her. She died a long time ago, long before I would have had questions about it anway.

Nothing. I was aware that my mum went through it because she did speak about it in terms of how she was feeling, she called it
’the change’.

My mum is now 78, this was when I was in
my 20s.

We have spoken about it since my peri menopause. She said she went on HRT but came off it. This must have been the time of the health scare that plummeted uptake.

My mother never used this terminology. I knew her mental health took a big nosedive in her 40s and I wonder if this is related. I also recently discovered that she had a hysterectomy at the same age as I am now because of terrible periods. I did not know this before! Mine have been absolutely awful to deal with but she never mentioned suffering from this. I have actually asked to have a chat with her about all of this because I think I need to understand her history to understand what is going on with me. She is happy to answer questions but it just never occurred to her to tell me.

Not a single word. I'm 34 so I'm trying to gather as much information as possible from every source I can.

I was told nothing about periods, nothing about sex and nothing about menopause. Well my mum told me a very editied version about periods but not where the blood came out of so I thought as I assumed babies came out of your belly button then so did your period. I thought that i would need to wrap a sanitary towel around my waist! When my period did start I thought I had an illness, I was too scared to tell anyone and used loo paper and cotton wool for my first few cycles as I was too scared and embarrassed to tell anyone. The only sex education we got was about how rabbits breed and the lesson ended with "its the same for humans", we found things out via misinformation from each other. So much was taboo in those days (late 60's/early 70's) and of course nothing was said about peri (it wasn't even called that then) although there was an unspoken knowledge that women went a bit "odd" in later life. My mum died when i was quite young so I never had that conversation with her but there was a lot more info around by the time I went through it. I am so glad that there is so much more openess about women's health these days, For example it took me months and months to heal after childbirth and there was nowhere to get info and support as of course there was no internet .

Nothing. I think it was a bit of a taboo subject.
my mum is 76 and only in the last couple of years has she mentioned suffering with sweats but nothing else was said.
i honestly cant remember ever having any period or sex talks when I was growing up. I’m pretty sure they never happened!

Not a thing, I think they suffered in silence.

I'm now 62 and my mother is 90; she asked me a few years ago if I'd been through 'the change', I said I had and that was the end of the conversation. She now knows I'm on HRT and what a game changer it's been for me.

I don't have daughters, but if I did I've have told them all about it. As it is, my three sons who were teenagers when I was going through perimenopause in my 40s know all about it, probably far more than they'd like to. When I was going through the horrible brain fog stage they'd take great delight in finishing my sentences for me if I'd forgotten a word, nice helpful boys that they are.

Edited because I forgot to say my mother had a hysterectomy when she was 46 due to horrendous periods. She was fascinated to hear that I got a Mirena coil put in at a similar age to deal with mine, and that no surgery was needed.

I didn’t even get five words, lol. My mum said literally nothing.

Similar to other PPs absolutely nothing - nothing about periods, sex, menopause… nothing.
It’s so different now - thank god

Nothing but my mother went through menopause with very little bother except the odd hot flush and myself and my older sisters have all done the same although the eldest did go on HRT for a bit AFAIK.

I will add, that I think it is brilliant that we can talk about it freely today. I talk about it with my DD and my DGD. I talk about it openly with women of all ages. I am on HRT, it has had an incredible effect on me.

This is funny! Where I go to get my nails done, the young women that work there, got involved in us older women talking about our experiences with HRT and told their mums to go on it. 2 mums have done.

Nothing beyond "the change" and it took a long time to go through. It was all a bit of an enigma to be honest. And worse than talking about menstruation which was talked about in hushed tones.

Thank goodness times have changed/are changing.

@sorrynotathome Perimenopause isn't new, as such. We just have a name for it now.

My mum's generation didn't discuss periods or menopause in any depth. I wasn't told anything about periods, it was something that was embarrassing.

Perimenopause wasn't a named thing, so wasn't mentioned. It was called 'the change' but not really discussed, looking back I remember my mum being very short tempered but I didn't really know what was going on.

But I've sorted of educated myself, I didn't feel the need for my mum to discuss menopause with me, I still feel it's a private and personal thing.

Nothing.

Sex Ed she showed me a book then put it back in her wardrobe. When I later had questions and asked to see it again she said she’d given it back.

That was it. This wasn’t in 1950 either. Would have been about 2000.

I was a late teen/early 20s when I remember my mum going through it. At that age, being a selfish youth, I had no interest in hearing about it and it wasn’t the type of thing we generally talked about, she never explained periods to me, left that to my school.

By the time I asked her about it she was in her late 70s and like many things in her life looked she back on it with rose tinted glasses saying too many women make a big fuss of these things.

I remember her having hot flashes, hormonal rages, the rags she used when she was flooding and her trying HRT pills. She didn’t remember any of it. She was a traditional housewife and we were all adults at that point, some not living at home, so she didn’t have the additional stresses of FT work or teens going through exams etc.

It was a taboo subject, and women were expected to suffer in silence.

All Eve's fault, apparently.

Nothing from my mum, though she had a hysterectomy in her mid-40s so may not have experienced it. She’s very sympathetic about my symptoms whenever I’ve chatted with her about it! My grandmothers never mentioned it once, though they both lived quite far away and we only really saw them at family gatherings at Christmas or Easter.
I don’t have daughters but will be making sure that DS is informed about it when he’s older so that he can support his partner and female friends.