What did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause?

[TheUmberKoala]

I've been having a long-overdue conversation with my mother about her experience of perimenopause. She's in her 60s now. When I asked her what anyone had ever told her about it growing up, she said her own mother had once told her: "It happens, it's a phase."

That was it. Five words. For something she lived with for years.

My older sisters are approaching that same age now, and I've been thinking about how much of this silence is generational. The dismissal, the lack of anyone passing down practical knowledge, the way the topic just wasn't discussed at home.

I'd love to hear from this group: what did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause growing up? Was it spoken about at home, or was it taboo? And for those of you who've been through it (or are in it now), what do you wish someone had actually told you?

Not looking for medical advice or anything to buy. Just curious about the inheritance, or the lack of it, and how families pass this knowledge down (or don't).

Mine claimed to not be impacted. I lived with her in this time and she most definitely was - as was everyone else… It’s a weird denial.

It was a very long time ago, but I remember taking my mum back to her GP after he refused to help her. And me saying that since she’d had a hysterectomy and had no period based sysmtoms to show him as he’d demanded, he’d have to rely on my diagnosis that she was officially NUTS and IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITH, therefore in menopause and for god sake’s give her the patch.

Mission accomplished.

I then completely forgot about all things menopause because I was in my 20s, knew everything, had confidence that outstripped my knowledge/experience by several light years, and smugly assumed I’d be fine when the time came because I knew so much more and was basically way stronger, more determined and in control than my mum.

Fast forward a few decades….

Got bitch slapped like a motherfucker by Nemesis with a proper nervous breakdown in my “welcome to peri-menopause” gift bag.

Why do you call perimenopause “an invention” @sorrynotathome? It sounds like you think Davina McCall made it up and registered it as a trade mark or something.

Peri means “around” as opposed to pre which means before. Perimenopause as a medical term appeared in the early 1960s, an acknowledgement that a lot goes on in women’s bodies before periods stop. However the lack of usage says much about the lack of attention paid to women’s experience, women’s health and the lack of information for women IMHO. To ignore or pretend nothing is happening before periods stop would be to ignore what is for many women a far more difficult time than menopause. - it needs a descriptor regardless of the individual’s experience of it. The term is new to you but it’s not new.

Absolutely never mentioned it. I have dealt with it by myself, as I am sure, did my mum.
I don't have a daughter so nothing to share, but ds will be educated.

I'm 57. My Mother told me nothing. A book from the Library about 's-e-x', othing about childbirth, Peri or menopause. 'The Change' was not spoken about.

Why wouldn’t you? I’m 40 and discuss with my friends all the time and even my sons who are primary age. I think it’s important to be open.

@Loubissou

I really would have rather sailed through without knowing how awful it can be. Those of you who have should sit down, shut up and be thankful for that.

Are you seriously suggesting that people should not be allowed on a discussion thread, because they have had a different experience from you ???

Nothing
Both my grandmothers died when I was a baby and I don’t re call my mother mentioning it

Nothing. I don't think perimenopause was even a recognised thing back then. Both mum and her mum had a hysterectomy in their 40s due to endometriosis and very heavy periods so I have no idea when their 'natural' menopause would have been!

I didn't discuss it with my Mum and I haven't discussed my own experiences with my daughter because there isn't much to say. My periods stopped a couple of years ago (mid fifties) with very little fanfare and the only other symptom I've had recently is night sweats which I went to see my GP about today and which I'm considering HRT for.

Not everyone has awful symptoms. A few years back I was so worried about all the stuff I'd read about brain fog I almost didn't apply for a more senior job in case I couldn't cope. I haven't had brain fog and was worrying for nothing.

My mum (mid 80s) has never mentioned it, but tbf I never asked her either because I wasn't and I'm still not that interested.

Not unheard of at all in Ireland, actually quite common! They called it having a 'change of life baby'!

Nothing.
My mum said she didn't notice it...

(She became an alcoholic in her 40s and still is at nearly 80...)

Nothing. But my DM didn’t tell me about periods so that was a shock, I can tell you.

I know a few women who had an unplanned baby in their 40s. It was quite unusual at the time.
One friend was a described as a 'miracle baby' in the local paper. 1970s birth to a 45-year old first time mother.

@YouOKHun I'm 69 and the word perimenopause was not used back in the day. Although I have discovered that it was first used in an American health journal back around 1964, it was most definitely not in regular or every day use. In fact most women from the the 60's through to the 90's or even more recently would not know the term and probably just ask you if you meant "the menopause", or "the change". To be honest I agree with other posters in that I've only ever heard it on Mumsnet. Now before you shoot me down, I'm not saying it doesn't exist or anything of the sort. I'm just saying that to all intents and purposes common usage of the word is relatively modern.

Nothing. I don't think it existed by name and I , post meno, had never heard of until read it on here.

Since they discovered it could be used to market herbal supplements and skincare.

The use of the word perimenopause might be new. Nowadays we use menopause to refer to an exact date, the date you have your last period. The period leading up to that, is perimenopause. In my youth and early adulthood, "menopause" was used to refer to all of that.

I am suggesting that if you think perimenopause doesn't exist or has been recently made up, or that it is easy for everyone and are dismissive of rhe very real struggles many of us experience should listen and learn instead of jumping into a subject that they clearly know nothing about.

My mother doesn’t speak about it very much, but I remember her going batshit crazy when she was in her 40s. I think she mainly developed insomnia and intense anxiety. Went on HRT for years.

It's a job creation scheme for Davina McCall and the like, just another bandwagon to jump on.

The term peri-menopause isn’t all that new.

I came across the first time on the ivillage forums when I was pregnant. DS is nearly 26.

SM and it’s algorithms have changed how people are able to “find their tribe” on a much larger scale and therefore how many people are coming across the term.

Even back in the day Gran, great-gran, aunties and great aunties would discuss who “was going through” and who “had gone through” the change. There was a general understanding that it was a process, sometimes very long and how easy/hard it was for an individual was hard to predict.

Just remembered something my mum said to me, must have been in the late 70s, early 80s, so after her hysterectomy but long before she hit peri. She said that some women suffered when going through the change because they were grieving the loss of their fertility. And she sounded slightly smug, because obviously she’d lost her fertility (after 3 kids) and had managed not to mourn.

So I wasn’t the only female member in the ancestral line to get bitchslapped by Nemesis.

Nothing. They spoke about their experiemce of menopause (my mum) or 'The Change'. Nobody spoke about perimenopause because perimenopuase wasnt a thing until about 5 years ago.

My mum left a leaflet about periods and "growing up" on my bed. Things like that were never soken about. I am 66 so was a teenager in the 70's.