What did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause?

[TheUmberKoala]

I've been having a long-overdue conversation with my mother about her experience of perimenopause. She's in her 60s now. When I asked her what anyone had ever told her about it growing up, she said her own mother had once told her: "It happens, it's a phase."

That was it. Five words. For something she lived with for years.

My older sisters are approaching that same age now, and I've been thinking about how much of this silence is generational. The dismissal, the lack of anyone passing down practical knowledge, the way the topic just wasn't discussed at home.

I'd love to hear from this group: what did your mum or grandmother tell you about perimenopause growing up? Was it spoken about at home, or was it taboo? And for those of you who've been through it (or are in it now), what do you wish someone had actually told you?

Not looking for medical advice or anything to buy. Just curious about the inheritance, or the lack of it, and how families pass this knowledge down (or don't).

I am through it now - my GP - male - was useless when I went to see him with what I thought were an odd collection of symptoms and he offered me antidepressants which I refused
If I had been aware of it from the start I would have talked to people around me about it
Also what I think people may not realise is that it doesn’t happen like a cold which you get over in a week- it is a process

My mum barely spoke about it, but she sailed through with hardly any symptoms at all.

I think the changing attitudes to talking about menopause are great. But not sure that just because our mothers and grandmother's didn't mention it that they necessarily suffered in silence. I'm sure lots did - but lots and lots of women get through it without issue.

Some women really do suffer. I did and my symptoms both physical and psychological were real.

We are all different. Some women don’t have any or many symptoms. For some, it can border on deep psychological trauma.

I am really glad that you haven’t had to suffer.

Nothing. My mum is nearly 70 and she recently mentioned that she dusht get any of the hot flushes and sweating her friends did. I dont know if she realises how very angry and irrational she was for several years though.

They never mentioned it. I'm still waiting for my mum to tell me about periods (I'm 46 and perimenopausal myself)

Nothing, Nor menopause, Nor period pain, Nor mood swings.
She was formerly a midwife🫤
I went to boarding school so discovered Periods because some girls in my dormitory had already started.

My nan called it “the change” - same here. I don't particularly mind about the euphemism.
The awareness around perimenopause is a bit too much I think because it seems to imply that all women suffer debilitating symptoms.

Awareness itself is good but I feel a bit that I'm considered useless because of my age and sex

I found the Pill absolutely horrible despite trying several brands.
It was like having PMT the whole time and made me grumpy and intolerant.
Compared to regular unproblematic periods and barrier methods of contraception it was a no brainer.

It’s only on MN that people use it as an excuse ‘my peri brain’ etc. In RL people just don’t notice.

Thats very unfair. Some women have absolutely awful syptoms, one friend of mine, literally poured sweat, including her face. How would you have dealt with that in class ?

Nothing. There was no need. I had no symptoms of either. If I had, there is more than enough information available to inform me.

Nothing. Same with periods, just handed a pack of super large period pads! Looking back and with more knowledge, it really affected her and consequently us as a family.

On MN it's used as an excuse for anything. Husband leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor and I mind - AIBU or is it because of my hormones?
DC trashed the brand new sofa and I'm crying. Is it a peri symptom?
DH just called me a useless fuckwit but I am due in two days...
I've put on 10 kg because of peri (not because I eat takeaways, cakes and pies)

Pretty much nothing. I do however remember her being in a very bad mood for about 10 years 🤣

I talk about it openly with my daughters. I want them to be aware of what’s coming - and to be understanding of what older women go through.

Pretty much nothing. I do however remember her being in a very bad mood for about 10 years 🤣
I've never been in a bad mood. Cross is my default mode.

She said it was a huge fuss about nothing. All that happened was your periods stopped and women should be grateful for that.

Absolutely nothing

I was in an all-women environment growing up and 'women's problems' were openly talked about. My Mum only had hot flushes/night sweats, no other symptoms during peri, but that was bad enough. My grandmother had 'flooding' which sounded really bad, and embarrassing back in the day. I wasn't ever told I'd have those things, but I took them as experiences women went through, usually without complaining or there being much to be done about it. We all had painful periods so there was a sort of camaraderie about it!

Edit to add: I just recalled my grandmother talking about her face getting red with flushes and how that was really embarrassing when in company!

I don't have kids but if I did they would be fully informed and of course offered more hope about what can be done to help, rather than suffer in silence.

Same here.

Although my Grandparents all died when I was a child.

I've only ever hear it mentioned / read about it on MN.
I'm in my 60s and obviously post menopausal. I've had the odd, brief conversation in passing with peers about loss of confidence / hot flushes in menopause, but have never heard of perimenopause outside of MN.

I don't discuss menopause with my adult daughters, let alone perimenopause. Why would I ?

It's not unfair. Some women have debilitating symptoms but many don't.
Awareness is fine but assumptions that all women become incapacitated by brain-fog, weight gain, hot flushes etc is not fair.

That her doctor one time suggested HRT or plenty of milk / she chose milk.

but if her experience was like mine it’s a bit of a none event

Maybe your peer group don't. It is a regular topic amongst my friends and colleagues.

It is sad to see so many women on this thread dismissing it as a new invention. No, women have suffered for generations but there was no name for it, no treatments, no support. Women used to be sectioned and lobotomised to treat the associated mental health symptoms. It is great for those of you who have been fortunate enough to sail through. Many of us don't. I have found that trying to hold down a demanding career in a way that didn't happen until relatively recently in human history as well as having kids still at home, elderly parents to care for etc, has made it an awful lot harder than if I might have anticipated.

The suicide rate in women in their 40s and 50s is far higher than any other age group because of perimenopause symptoms. Many women who suffer with PND find this stage of life really bloody awful. No one calls PND a new invention and expects women to just get on with it.

I really would have rather sailed through without knowing how awful it can be. Those of you who have should sit down, shut up and be thankful for that.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing but that's because I'm 48 and I only really became aware of it the same time everyone else did, plus my DM had a hysterectomy aged 36, so didn't experience menopause.

My mum didn’t even mention peri menopause. I’m 50. She told me “oh I went through a late menopause so I expect you’ll do the same. It’s not a big deal, just wake up one day and your periods have stopped. Some women say they have hot flushes but we don’t get those.”

Apparently the “easy menopause” gene must have skipped a generation as I’m having a horrible time.

Bugger all. They were of the generations that swept everything under the carpet.