I hear you. During perimenopause my mum died, my Labrador died, my partner cheated on me big time, I lost my job (not my fault), I had to move back to my hometown to be my father's sole caregiver, with no support from my siblings. Over a decade of misery and despair alongside hot flushes, joint pain, fatigue, poor sleep, migraines, flooding periods, health anxiety, amongst other symptoms.
I tried HRT for 6 months, it didn't help and I had suicidal thoughts. My life was upside down and all I could do was keep going.
Did I feel that I had been robbed of my 'life' during this ordeal? Yes. Did I blame it on the general ignorance and taboo about menopause? Yes. Did I regret not persevering with HRT? Sometimes, but only after reading other women praising the benefits of HRT. Did I feel like I was dying from all sorts of diseases? Yes.
Do I still feel like this? Absolutely not.
I see everything differently now, probably one of the benefits of hindsight, but I think it's more than just that.
It's about perspective and perception of what life is.
When some women say they want their life back I struggle to understand. Life is so much more than the comfort zone in which most of us are, and I think that clinging to it is a mistake. Every experience is valid, even the most terrifying ones.
Life is tough and we have to try to make the best of it, but that doesn't mean pursuing unrealistic goals and clinging to unreasonable expectations.
How do I cope in moments of uncertainty, fear, stress, anxiety, depression, pain? I try to learn as much as possible from all the shite, so I can be prepared for the worst.
If I had been previously educated about menopause, (and puberty, and marriage, and ageing), I'd probably be a happier person, but I still have a lot to learn and that's probably the only thing that I can be arsed to do.