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Menopause

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Original poster

I kind of feel like I'm dead

254 replies

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:25

I really really hope you can tell me that this passes

I have no energy, everything hurts yadda yadda. but I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to clean the house. I don't even want to spend time with friends. I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything. I just want it to be quiet. I long for retirement but I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to move house or if I am happy were I am. I have no interest in travelling or going on holidays or anything. I think I could become reclusive. but it frightens me

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 17/09/2023 17:13

I'm feeling on a much more even keel than last weekend. I'm so up and down.

I'm dreading empty nest so you have my sympathy @Sortmylifeout52 .

How's everyone else getting on?

EstrogenPatches · 17/09/2023 17:31

I am the same @WhereAreWeNow . So much better than this time last week but still not fixed, had a hot flush last night for the first time in months and still feeling a bit all over the place.

WhereAreWeNow · 17/09/2023 17:50

Did you recently switch from Estrodot to Evorel because of supply issues @EstrogenPatches ?I think that might be what caused my terrible mental health dip last weekend. I wonder if I'm just sensitive to slight fluctuations in estrogen. Hopefully my body is getting used to the Evorel and things will calm down a bit.
Online meditation has been helping too - I've found a few free ones.

Naturerhymes · 17/09/2023 19:17

It would be interesting to hear how Evorel is working as I am coming to the same conclusion - I will have to switch. But in all honesty, I don't think the patches are working very well for me. Waking early seems to be a massive problem at the moment...and then anxiety kicks in, it's dire.

Empty nest seems like a horrible nightmare as my life hinges around the dc (in spite of me trying to build other interests/hobbies). I guess I have not found anything as fulfilling as having dc plus this apathy - what's the point feeling is really not helping - everything I think about trying...I think 'what's the point?' and then go around in circles about what to try. Lots of sympathy from me sortmylifeout

Naturerhymes · 17/09/2023 20:01

Feeling somewhat discontent although on paper everything looks good and I know I have a lot to be grateful for. About the only thing I wouldn't change is my dc. I'm bored and crippled with anxiety (underlying mental health issue which has never been resolved). Don't particularly love our house (in spite of it being sizeable, but not particularly characterful) and in a 'nice'(but dull area) but I get the feeling I will never move (and the friends that I do have are relatively nearby). I have a horrible dread of being alone (most likely due to my upbringing including abandonment issues) plus I know the grass isn't always greener relationship wise but I feel disconnected from dh who is essentially solid and loyal and provides a huge degree of stability. The onset of darker nights/bad weather isn't helping. Feeling meh and stuck in a weird space. Not sure how much of this is the menopause and how much is real.

vjg13 · 18/09/2023 11:32

I really dislike the change of the seasons and this one, summer to autumn is the worst for me in terms of making me unsettled. My daughter heads back to Uni soon and I've been waking after about 4 hours sleep with awful anxiety and dread for the last week. Weirdly, I do feel better when she actually leaves but I find the build up awful.

Writingonthewalls · 19/09/2023 06:16

I feel the same about the change of seasons. I particularly dread Winter. Also have the waking up at 4 or 5 am with feelings of doom. It’s horrible.

Writingonthewalls · 19/09/2023 06:17

Naturerhymes · 17/09/2023 20:01

Feeling somewhat discontent although on paper everything looks good and I know I have a lot to be grateful for. About the only thing I wouldn't change is my dc. I'm bored and crippled with anxiety (underlying mental health issue which has never been resolved). Don't particularly love our house (in spite of it being sizeable, but not particularly characterful) and in a 'nice'(but dull area) but I get the feeling I will never move (and the friends that I do have are relatively nearby). I have a horrible dread of being alone (most likely due to my upbringing including abandonment issues) plus I know the grass isn't always greener relationship wise but I feel disconnected from dh who is essentially solid and loyal and provides a huge degree of stability. The onset of darker nights/bad weather isn't helping. Feeling meh and stuck in a weird space. Not sure how much of this is the menopause and how much is real.

I really relate to all this.

vjg13 · 21/09/2023 10:27

I've upped my Oestrogel to 3 pumps in the last week or so and do feel less anxious and less of the existential dread at 5am. Oestrogen seems to have a huge part in feelings of well being.

Mmhmmn · 21/09/2023 11:56

I hate the change from summer to autumn, with the early and long darkness. Hate it! Nothing that can be fixed by those light lamps either, just wish there was more natural light in autumn and winter.

Mmhmmn · 21/09/2023 12:03

@MentholLoad I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything.

You do but the less you do gives you less to say and less to think about. Even doing one thing that appeals to you, that you like, can change that feeling and remind you that you do have insights and things to say about things that interest you. (I do recognise that feeling of cba with anything though)

Naturerhymes · 21/09/2023 12:14

I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything.

You do but the less you do gives you less to say and less to think about. Even doing one thing that appeals to you, that you like, can change that feeling and remind you that you do have insights and things to sayabout things that interest you. (I do recognise that feeling of cba with anything though)

This is my issue too. I am interested in things and do have a favourite interest but don't meet people on a daily basis to discuss this interest. I need to get out more - volunteer as I'm not working but motivation is a problem especially as what I volunteer at is largely outdoors (and so is second interest). I also have to travel to these things as nothing is on the doorstep. The colder/greyer weather isn't helping.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 21/09/2023 18:20

Mmhmmn · 21/09/2023 12:03

@MentholLoad I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything.

You do but the less you do gives you less to say and less to think about. Even doing one thing that appeals to you, that you like, can change that feeling and remind you that you do have insights and things to say about things that interest you. (I do recognise that feeling of cba with anything though)

I work full time in a complex and technical job (which is usually interesting to me, if I am not menopausal) I have to think about things all day long, and give my opinion. it's exhausting. by the time I am done, I just want to stare into space. infact, I feel like that, long before the working day is finished

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 21/09/2023 18:58

Sounds a bit like burnout..

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 18:27

If anyone has found their way out of this please post some tips. I’ve just eaten a whole Toblerone. I feel utterly and completely depressed and unmotivated, hopeless about everything. Any commitments I make to change last about ten minutes as I feel so low.

AchillesHeel23 · 22/09/2023 20:21

I find it comes in waves @Writingonthewalls and sometimes are easier than others.
Do you have anyone you can talk to IRL?

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:25

@Writingonthewalls
The whole Tobelerone made me laugh, thank you for that. Sorry I have nothing to offer, I feel exactly the same. In fact, have just come up to bed because I can’t even be bothered to watch TV. Went and joined a gym after work hoping to find some motivation, have an induction on Sunday. I can’t believe how crap I feel.

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:29

@AchillesHeel23
I ‘m also in NI snd completely agree about the long grey ‘summer’. Very loooooong. I have joined the gym in a bid to change my routine and see if I feel more motivated.

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 20:34

AchillesHeel23 · 22/09/2023 20:21

I find it comes in waves @Writingonthewalls and sometimes are easier than others.
Do you have anyone you can talk to IRL?

My husband. However he really doesn’t understand. He tries to jolly me out of it all the time which just irritates me. It must be a real drag for him and it makes me feel worse that I’m dragging him down too. I don’t really have any friends any longer. Just slid away from me somehow.

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 20:37

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:25

@Writingonthewalls
The whole Tobelerone made me laugh, thank you for that. Sorry I have nothing to offer, I feel exactly the same. In fact, have just come up to bed because I can’t even be bothered to watch TV. Went and joined a gym after work hoping to find some motivation, have an induction on Sunday. I can’t believe how crap I feel.

I’m glad it made you laugh! That’s something. I feel the same about going to bed. I seriously considered it a couple of hours ago . Sometimes I think I could go to bed and not bother getting up tomorrow. The ‘what’s the point ‘ feeling just dominates everything theses days. I absolutely hate Winter too. It feels like another six months of darkness and cold coming up is the final straw.

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:38

@Writingonthewalls
i feel just like you have described. For me the worst thing is that I feel like I have no control over how I feel or look. One day I feel bouncy and optimistic but it can turn to despair within the hour. Nothing works on the weight issue like it used to - feel like my body isn’t my own. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:41

@Writingonthewalls
my Husband is the same - doing his best to ‘lift my spirits’ which is lovely but I just want quiet which is why I came to bed. How do you even try to describe how you feel ?

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 20:55

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:38

@Writingonthewalls
i feel just like you have described. For me the worst thing is that I feel like I have no control over how I feel or look. One day I feel bouncy and optimistic but it can turn to despair within the hour. Nothing works on the weight issue like it used to - feel like my body isn’t my own. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Yes I am exactly the same. It’s like being on a permanent roller coaster. So disturbing. Ditto the weight issue.

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 20:57

Pinkshoes71 · 22/09/2023 20:41

@Writingonthewalls
my Husband is the same - doing his best to ‘lift my spirits’ which is lovely but I just want quiet which is why I came to bed. How do you even try to describe how you feel ?

I keep thinking why can’t I be like him? He’s just a happy go lucky accept things at face value, don’t think too deeply person. I am completely the opposite. I spend all my time thinking about the past, analysing everything, feeling like I’ve screwed up my whole life.

WhereAreWeNow · 22/09/2023 21:48

Writingonthewalls · 22/09/2023 20:57

I keep thinking why can’t I be like him? He’s just a happy go lucky accept things at face value, don’t think too deeply person. I am completely the opposite. I spend all my time thinking about the past, analysing everything, feeling like I’ve screwed up my whole life.

Show quote history

Same. DP just doesn't think deeply about stuff. Doesn't stress. Doesn't worry. I stress and worry about everything.