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Menopause

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Original poster

I kind of feel like I'm dead

254 replies

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:25

I really really hope you can tell me that this passes

I have no energy, everything hurts yadda yadda. but I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to clean the house. I don't even want to spend time with friends. I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything. I just want it to be quiet. I long for retirement but I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to move house or if I am happy were I am. I have no interest in travelling or going on holidays or anything. I think I could become reclusive. but it frightens me

OP posts:
Bookist · 11/09/2023 17:06

I've decided to take a break from Tamoxifen. I think while I was still having regular periods I had enough estrogen roaming around to keep me fairly balanced out. But I haven't had a period since April/May and my symptoms have just been getting worse since then. It's not just the hip pain, the coccyx pain, the palpitations, the excessive bloating, and the exhaustion though. It's the awful friggin low mood tinged with dread and despair. It's horrible. We've been in Spain for the last week and I haven't enjoyed a minute of it, I just feel so dead inside. My lovely husband is trying so hard to help but I just can't help it. It feels like something is properly bio chemically wrong in my brain.

I've read that Tamoxifen interferes with serotonin and brain chemistry so I'm desperately praying that if I stop taking it I might start to improve. I can't go on like this.

WhereAreWeNow · 11/09/2023 17:28

I feel like I've found my people @whatisforteamum and @StandUpStraight . My DP's throat clearing and sniffing are driving me insane. It's always done my head in but now I'm in the grips of some kind of hormonal rage/depression/nervous breakdown, I honestly can't tolerate it at all. Why do they do it? Is there some middle aged man illness that causes excess phlegm/tics?
Sign me up for the village of detached, secluded cottages where we can be alone in our peri misery but still meet up for a cup of tea and some friendship when we need it.

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2023 17:53

🤣🤣
The fact they don't try to sort it out. I will vom one day...

Writingonthewalls · 11/09/2023 17:57

Another one being driven mad by OH and his habits. He went away for a few days and it was absolute bliss. Much as I love him, my tolerance for his idiosyncrasies is much lower than it used to be.

WhereAreWeNow · 11/09/2023 18:41

Yes @whatisforteamum !@whatisforteamum ! I've nagged him to see the doctor about it lots of times but he doesn't and then I end up feeling resentful that I'm nagging him like I'm his mother 😬

Clickigen · 11/09/2023 18:55

MentholLoad · 11/09/2023 16:33

maybe we should all move into a neighborhood together. then we can be alone but not lonely

Yes please!! Where do I sign? I can make a good ☕ but will have to leave 🍰 to someone else!

Sugarcoatt · 11/09/2023 19:03

Can I come too? It reassures me so much to be with people who have the same symptoms and can put it down to menopause. Because I’m making myself ill thinking there’s something seriously wrong with me. I don’t know anyone else who is going through this and I feel incredibly isolated. DH is just angry because I’m constantly in pain and crying and scared, he’s sick of me.

WhereAreWeNow · 11/09/2023 19:24

@Sugarcoatt I find this thread reassuring too. I'm feeling a bit more normal today but the last few days have been horrendous. I've just felt so low - veering between flat/numb and fizzing with anxiety and rage. DP might have been sympathetic to start with but I suspect he's now just feeling annoyed with me and wishing he was with someone a bit less crazy.

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2023 19:34

Clickigen put me down for cake.
I'm a chef.👩‍🍳
I'm laughing now yet I've had some v difficult years.
Sorry for those that are still finding their way through.

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2023 19:36

Wherearewenow are you on HRT.
Might sort out the mood swings and help with slèep so you feel less irritable.

WhereAreWeNow · 11/09/2023 20:12

Yes I am @whatisforteamum . It was working well but for some reason all these emotional/mental symptoms are back with a vengeance.

AchillesHeel23 · 11/09/2023 20:26

Have my nutrition and exercise dialled in so am fairly certain it isn’t that, and don’t drink. Made myself do some strength training this morning after a near panic attack, and felt better after (also ashwagandha helped) but now just feel like what’s the point, can’t get interested in anything, can’t get motivated to do things, don’t know what I enjoy anymore
You sound exactly like me @StandUpStraight feel like all the healthy living is in vain sometimes!

Slavica · 12/09/2023 05:51

Day 4 of my so-called cycle, I have a cold and hot flashes and night sweats, hey-ho! It is miserable.

Yesterday evening was tough, my mind just kept obsessing about different things, it is no way to live. The worst aspect of it is, though, that I cannot imagine what would make me feel good. Magically not having to work any longer while still getting money? No, I'd be stuck living inside my head still. This seeming hopelessness is what really gets me about this time of life.

I've been reading online about menopause, as I'm sure we've all done, and while a lot of what is written only scratches the surface of how this feels, one sentence stuck with me: loss of the sense of self. Ugh.

AInightingale · 12/09/2023 06:48

Have you read 'The Change' by Germaine Greer, @Slavica ? I think it's really good, really intelligent book about 'the climacteric' as she calls it, and how profoundly women are changed on every level by it. There isn't really much in-depth stuff online, and I don't really want to read some celebrity's take on it, or how HRT 'saved' them.

Naturerhymes · 12/09/2023 09:33

I was so shaky yesterday, this was accompanied by a 5 days of spotting now my period had started and it is so heavy. I've had enough and feel so low. I've become isolated but feel this is yet another barrier to getting out and about (alongside the mental health issues I experience). I am finding all of this emotionally crippling. I just want it to stop.

Naturerhymes · 12/09/2023 09:38

Not working helps in that it allieviates any work stress BUT I am left with my thoughts a lot. I could almost do with the distraction but feel so tired and drained. Was going to try some voluntary work but feel jittery and awful and keep putting it off leading to a spiral of hopelessness. I had begun to up my exercise (and want to do more swimming) as this was giving me a lift...then a heavy period struck, now feel drained. It's like a constant spiral of crappiness.

Sugarcoatt · 12/09/2023 09:41

I can cope with all of the physical issues. What I can’t cope with is the anxiety. The constant fear that these issues can’t possibly just be menopause, I must have a terrible illness and I’m going to die.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 12/09/2023 10:52

have been thinking of what kind of jobs would be easiest/best?

I really want to change what I am doing...complex desk based work. I can't do it. I don't want to sit at a desk and my brain doesn't work

I can only think of Postie, but I don't know if I have the strength/stamina

any ideas?

OP posts:
AInightingale · 12/09/2023 10:59

Postie would be an awful job in the winter, getting soaked all the time wouldn't help. Sorting office would be easier.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 12/09/2023 13:09

AInightingale · 12/09/2023 10:59

Postie would be an awful job in the winter, getting soaked all the time wouldn't help. Sorting office would be easier.

I would LOVE it, stomping along in the rain on my own. just don't know if I would be fast enough

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 12/09/2023 17:32

How about gardener @MentholLoad ?

Original poster
MentholLoad · 12/09/2023 17:55

WhereAreWeNow · 12/09/2023 17:32

How about gardener @MentholLoad ?

hmm, I have a bad back so couldn't do all the bending over. also shelf stacking couldn't do

OP posts:
AInightingale · 12/09/2023 18:29

Wouldn't really bring in enough to pay the bills probably, but what about dog-walking or a cat or dog-sitting business? If you are anything like me, you might increasingly prefer and value the company of animals...

Writingonthewalls · 17/09/2023 12:18

Bump

Sortmylifeout52 · 17/09/2023 16:23

How is everyone doing?
DD is heading off to university next weekend; empty nest syndrome is setting in!

I'm ready to upsticks and leave Ds and partner to it.
My life needs a complete overhaul!