I kind of feel like I'm dead

[MentholLoad]

I really really hope you can tell me that this passes

I have no energy, everything hurts yadda yadda. but I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to clean the house. I don't even want to spend time with friends. I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything. I just want it to be quiet. I long for retirement but I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to move house or if I am happy were I am. I have no interest in travelling or going on holidays or anything. I think I could become reclusive. but it frightens me

I think having no mobile signal or internet made a massive difference too. I read four books with the sort of concentration I rarely have when reading now. I went out to connect my phone twice and ended up embroiled in difficult phone calls and exchanges that ruined my good mood. Being out of contact meant family members couldn’t get an instant response also . I seem to be the ‘fixer’ for everyone , and I end up drained and resentful. From now on I am going to try putting my phone in another room and not checking it constantly all day.

I have stopped watching rolling news channels lately and that's made a difference. Cut back on all terrestrial TV actually - I've started just recording dramas and films, interesting old stuff from stations like Talking Pictures, and watching those when I sit down to watch telly. Modern life is so shouty and combative and opinionated that I think it's making us all highly-strung and ill. Literally 'switching off' from contentious issues and arguments is helpful. I don't use Twitter any more, it's just a virtual 24 hour pub brawl between strangers. Were we more grounded and content when 'the news' was just a half-hour segment at 6pm every day? Possibly.

Coming in here just to say that it’s been a relief to find this thread. Sorry you’re all going through it but am grateful to know I’m not alone.

Im 40 and in early meno, on 100mg patches and fluctuate between feeling fine and a raging mess. Can switch really quickly so can totally resonate with PP about the BPD concerns.

Ive got two young kids and a senior role in a caring profession, so no qualms about having missed a career as such, but f me what @Naturerhymes said about feeling emotional over the “what’s the point” really resonated.

It’s the emotional rollercoaster I find so hard and it impacts everything. GP is great, has referred me to an NHS meno clinic to see if I can get a higher dose due to age, but said waiting list is horrific. She suggested private options if able and they are tempting but it’s a lot of money.

Quite tempted to get the testosterone test at Superdrug and see what my levels are like, might be a few quid well spent.

I just can’t be arsed though. With anything. Glass wall nails it. Had friends over the other week and just couldn’t join in the conversation. Felt like there was some invisible barrier between us where I could see them all but had no way to join in. It was really sad.

I feel really lonely with it tbh, and I’m surrounded by people.

24 hour pub brawl nails it! 🤣

I am 48, have been in peri for some time. Still having periods, but they are changed (21-25 day cycle, light). I have hot flashes and some night sweats, insomnia (not every month), headaches (not every month) and irritability and low mood (always). My gynecologist just gave me 200 mg utrogestan pills to take for 12 days of the month, let's see if it helps.

I am so mentally all over the place, it's hard to take. I've always been anxious, this is nothing new, but a lack of positive emotions and motivation is really hard to take. I don't have much self-control either, and I really don't want to mess up my family life.

but f me what @Naturerhymessaid about feeling emotional over the “what’s the point” really resonated.

usernamenotavailable This is interesting. You have a job where you provide care for others (so purposeful) but are still experiencing a 'what's the point feeling'. I can't do it right now but I wondered if helping others might lessen this feeling. But nothing seems enough somehow - can't quite explain it. I go around in circles asking myself what am I looking for. I've also got existing MH issues that have not been treated (yep, I'm on a good old waiting list) so frustrating because I wonder if this will make a difference to the quality of life. DC are up front and central in my life but they are gradually getting older. It is a startling fact that apart from close friends and (caring) family nobody really cares what you do or values you particularly (sorry, feeling very cynical). I think I'm scared of getting older too (for a myriad of reasons).

I am so mentally all over the place, it's hard to take. I've always been anxious, this is nothing new, but a lack of positive emotions and motivation is really hard to take. I don't have much self-control either, and I really don't want to mess up my family life.

Yes, the lack of motivation is a real kicker. And yes, now I have anxiety overlaying existing anxiety. HRT still needs meddling with to see if things can be improved. It's rubbish and it's difficult to see an end to it. I have one friend who is experiencing difficulties but I feel there is only so much moaning I can do. Watching everyone else carrying on, carrying on makes me feel extremely isolated and yes, lonely.

Does HRT stop working in hot weather? Just in from standing in bloody McDonalds, in a heat wave, the noise of that hideous place, Jesus, the lights, and the SWEAT. Just changing into my third t-shirt of the day now. Life was not always this wretched, it really wasn't.

@AInightingale i was wondering the same thing. I've been so sad and angry and tearful and flat. I did wonder if the heat affected the patches or something. Or maybe I'm just depressed.

I can relate to some of this. I didn't realise what all those hormones were actually doing until they stopped doing it

I am so hot and irritated I keep checking to see if the patch has fallen off! God I just want a chill autumn breeze. The thought of it is keeping me going...

I just feel dreadful. Cramps in my arms and legs. Pain in my neck and shoulders. Upset stomach. But the fear and anxiety is the worst. I’m terrified that something sinister is going on. I keep thinking “this can’t be normal, I must be terminally ill”. I’m going insane.

The NHS has recommended treatment for health anxiety. But I don’t think it’s anxiety if I genuinely have symptoms? It’s normal to feel scared if you’re in unexplained pain for months?

@Sugarcoatt I'm the same.
Severe pain in abdomen and left side. Had CT and a pelvic scan.revealed a medium fibroid and bulky uterus. I feel dreadful too.

I can't go on.. literally.

If you have symptoms, they need investigating, end of.

Best of luck.

Have yo had any investigations @Sugarcoatt ? Gynaecology wait times in particular are deplorable. When I heard that thing about the womb transplant a couple of weeks ago, I felt like throwing something at the TV. Yes, let's play Brilliant Scientist while thousands of women and girls live in agony. 🙄

@AInightingale agree 100%
Permanent pain right now. Fibroid possibly. Bulky uterus. Bleeding. Just in total hell. 😢

I hope you get sorted soon, @Sortmylifeout52 . No, no one should be left to live in pain with debilitating bleeding.

@AInightingale i know.
I'm so sad with it all.

Just 56 and feeling bloody awful too, no get up and go, achy although I do have arthritis in at least one leg due to a very old injury. I have the most wonderful husband, he is doing my head in big time right now (my fault not his) I have dreadful misophonia related to his eating noises and throat clearing tics. I am 2 years into a new job and I have started to hate it. I feel like I have done all the exciting things in life, engagement, bought a house, got married, had children, now have grandchildren. I want to run away and I want my tiny cottage with no neighbours in the countryside. Doesn't help that my Mum's birthday is coming up, the first one without her. I am full of rage, hate and intolerance generally. I don't take HRT for other health reasons but do take a multitude of supplements. My Dad and sister both have low thyroid issues, mine were tested years ago and were apparently ok. Sending hugs to all who are struggling right now

I have the most wonderful husband, he is doing my head in big time right now (my fault not his) I have dreadful misophonia related to his eating noises and throat clearing tics.

Yes, I experience this with my husband too.

I also feel like all the good things have happened (apart from the fact I don't have grandchildren - and if ever I do, I won't for quite some time as I had my children later).

for those with fibroids and bulky uteruses...I had adenomyosis and periods were ridiculous. I had a hysterectomy 6 years ago. it doesn't ease any of the other symptoms, but not bleeding is bliss. highly recommended hysterectomy, 5-stars

Gah! So enjoyed eight good days but then Thursday evening started to feel flat and inexplicable anxiety, again. Really worried now that my stretches of good days are getting shorter and shorter. Woke up this morning with really painful hips and my fingers so stiff and swollen.

@Diversion The cottage in the countryside with no neighbours seems to be a common theme! This is exactly how I feel.

I've got palpatations too. I did have low iron, don't know if it is causing it as my iron levels were apparently rising. This is aggravating my anxiety. I feel totally and utterly stuck - going around in a viscious circle.

I stumbled on this thread today and glad I did because I feel like crap today - which is why I’m aimlessly scrolling Mumsnet instead of doing anything else… I relate to a lot of what previous posters have said. I’m nearly 48, am on HRT, and while it controlled the insane peri migraines I am wondering if I need to get prescription reviewed as I just feel dreadful for half the month. Alternatively anxious and fearful, or low and lethargic. Or both! Have my nutrition and exercise dialled in so am fairly certain it isn’t that, and don’t drink. Made myself do some strength training this morning after a near panic attack, and felt better after (also ashwagandha helped) but now just feel like what’s the point, can’t get interested in anything, can’t get motivated to do things, don’t know what I enjoy anymore. I know what I don’t enjoy and my husband is starting to be top of the list, even though he’s a lovely man who loves me. (Eating noises and throat clearing tics, yes!!) Add me to the list of women fantasising about a cottage in the country with no neighbours. But at the same time I’m sad about feeling isolated, like everyone else has better friendships - I’m just someone to have a coffee with in a spare moment - I’m not first on anyone’s list because I only moved to the area 10 years ago and have always worked full time. Or maybe because I’m not likeable. I don’t know. Anyway, cottage in the country sounds good…

maybe we should all move into a neighborhood together. then we can be alone but not lonely

Oh hell coughing,eating or throat clearing.My husband has reflux that I've told him for a yr to sort out.
I can barely cope with it at 5am as we get ready for work.Also sniffing.Anyone sniffing but dh sniffing.use a bloody tissue it is grim.