The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

Thanks, @SquirrelsEverywhere - that was a great post. Will be looking at the Calm app (well, listening to it...) as insomnia is a major issue at the moment. I'm peri at the moment, so no hot flushes, but loads of other nonsense occurring with my body.

Thanks BB, I just wanted to share what I had learned - might save someone else a bit of heartache, particularly the fanjo/bladder/kidney thing. My GP was getting increasingly concerned about blood in wee and no infection and the internet said some scary stuff if you put in ‘blood in urine no infection’.

Also, coconut oil. Every peri meno/meno woman needs to know about it, cheap and effective!

I think we should all share what we've learned, even if it helps just one other woman. Useful to know another use for coconut oil - never thought about slapping it on the fanjo.

I also take an antihistamine when desperate for sleep, though not the one you mentioned (will look at that though) - and am somewhat out of it the next day, but I don't care! Insomnia can drag you down.

Sorry to hear you've been dealing with so much!

Thanks, it's been pretty rough but hoping to have turned a corner. I was really hoping other people would have some good tips or info to share too but seems it's just you and me BB shouting into the void!

Hello what a fantastic post thank you OP. I don't have any tips (sorry) except to say, don't listen when your mum gloats tells to you about her complete lack of menopause symptoms. The period and full menopause, turns out, are not something that you can decide to overcome with willpower. Nor should any woman be made to feel guilty about burdening the NHS with their symptoms, when there is treatment that helps. Women put up with far too much, in general.

I'm at the start of things but have a GP who almost goes out of their way to avoid mentioning the menopause. A bit like when you play hide and seek with a toddler and pretend to look everywhere and pretend you can't seem them. My menopause symptoms are metaphorically that toddler with a cushion on his head, giggling, while my GP says "noooooo, I can't see anything really wrong with you."

Hey PennyWus - absolutely agree on all points, we DO put up with far too much!

Also there are still a few myths about HRT which persist in scaring people off taking it, the increased risk of breast cancer is waaaaaay lower than they originally thought, it’s very small. It also actually protects you really well against osteoporosis (probably preaching to the converted here but no-one is taking time to promote the benefits over the risks - not to mention your sanity and general well-being being fairly important). You can also take HRT indefinitely according to my consultant.

Your GP sounds ridiculous! They do have very little training on menopause. Maybe you could ask to be referred to your local NHS menopause clinic or some GP practices have menopause specialists GPs. It’s so sad that so many doctors on the coal face of medicine should be so naff at dealing with what is a complicated and widespread problem .

As a general rule private healthcare policies don’t cover anything to do with menopause either because it’s a ‘natural part of the ageing process’. Having an inflammed kidney didn’t feel like a bloody natural part of the ageing process, not to mention the rain fog and being chronically fatigued from insomnia etc), Medicine is still fanjo/balls deep in misogyny.

Thank you for all those tips. I use coconut oil as lube so glad to hear it’s also doing me some good! Have had the UTI from hell for weeks now - tried all the usually remedies including anti biotics, but still it’s lingering. This explains it. Menopause - the gift that keeps on giving.

There's some fantastic information here on the resources page www.newsonhealth.co.uk/
and here along with a brilliant Facebook page run by these lovely ladies. menopausesupport.co.uk/

No tips (peri) as you can tell from the late night (sweat/restless legs) post.

Aside from that no other symptoms bar irregular/diminished periods and overall skin dehydration/dryness (though not vaginally) and a perpetual state of grumpyness (sleep deprivation?).

I'm going to call my GP re: HRT as living with myself is annoying never mind my loved ones putting up with me 😂.

I would also throw in high-strength biotin tabs (I take one Solgar 10000mg per day I live in Aus and cheapest way to get it is iHerb, but also available Amazon.) it’s great for nervous system and also helps you absorb other nutrients. Because it helps you absorb other nutrients, it helps keep hair, skin and nails in good shape.
High-Strength Vitamin D. To help ward off SAD, and great for bone health. Also vital for parathyroid health. (Nobody is really getting enough vitamin D these days.) Also wonderful for immune system, it would seem.
Start taking joint supplements early and doing Pilates or yoga to remain flexible for as long as possible. You want to be able to zip yourself up, put on your own shoes and will your own bum when your elderly, don’t you?
I am not what you’d call a naturally active person. (Fucking loathe going to the gym… I really do!!!) Have to say that I am listening to docs and load-bearing exercise does increase your bone density. It also increases testosterone levels a wee bit and helps bring back the libido. You also feel sexier and more confident and help with that mental block. This is how Stella got her Groove Back.

What a brilliant thread, I needed to read it. I've finally got my hands on hrt and it's taken so long for the patches to come back in stock I've forgotten how I'm meant to take it.

My tips, if anyone is interested, are: 1) linen bedding; 2) light quilt or throw on top of winter duvet so you can push aside the heavy one if you have a bastard flush and pull it back again if like me you alternate between boiling and freezing; and finally 3) low carbing to stop the flushes dead (I had rather hoped it wouldn't work but it did so now I'm stuck with it).

For sleep I alternate antihistamine with Sominex or similar to avoid developing a tolerance. I don't need them every day and often a half dose will do, it's great to have the option.

Hot flushes and night sweats - take Sage tablets.

Vaginal dryness/atrophy - Replens (the individual applicators)

General supplement - Menopace

Nothing else helped me at all, and I spent a fortune. I didn't go down the HRT route as dangerous for me according to GP

Thank you for this thread. I've been peri for 5 years and after being ill lately tagged on some menopause checking blood tests and I'm officially menopausal, in the menopause. Fuck knows how I am supposed to term it. My results were 79 and I don't know what they mean. Repeat blood tests in 2 weeks. Hope I get some actual advice.

Stuff - hot flushes that give me anxiety feelings at the same time.

• 3 episodes of soaking the bed including one in the hospital but the nurse was lovely about it as she changed the bed.

Can't fucking sleep even though I am shattered.

Very low mood at times.

Want to live on my own.

Sorry for the moan and have no tips to add just to make this post worse. Haven't found anything to help though I run for my mental health but what I am struggling with isn't menopause stuff but I don't think it helps.

@SunshineCake1 if you have symptoms you shouldn’t need to wait for Oestrogen. In fact, waiting for ACTUAL menopause is more dangerous than getting the jump on it, as far as using oestrogen’s protective benefits for cardiovascular health, neurovascular health, mental health, bone health and of course many cancers and autoimmune issues… (not to mention general “aging”)

No tips to add but I just wanted to jump on and offer solidarity and a WTF to the hormones!!!!

Who knew this is what meno was all about. Best kept secret that should be plastered everywhere. Can you imagine if men had to deal with this.

@PennyWus

Hello what a fantastic post thank you OP. I don't have any tips (sorry) except to say, don't listen when your mum gloats tells to you about her complete lack of menopause symptoms. The period and full menopause, turns out, are not something that you can decide to overcome with willpower. Nor should any woman be made to feel guilty about burdening the NHS with their symptoms, when there is treatment that helps. Women put up with far too much, in general.

I'm at the start of things but have a GP who almost goes out of their way to avoid mentioning the menopause. A bit like when you play hide and seek with a toddler and pretend to look everywhere and pretend you can't seem them. My menopause symptoms are metaphorically that toddler with a cushion on his head, giggling, while my GP says "noooooo, I can't see anything really wrong with you."

IKR - the mothers who just sailed through or, like mine "oh it was nothing, I barely remember..."

My suffering with peri-meno is another stick for her to beat me with, still - at this age!!! And many friends mums are the same, WTF?!

Hi, can I join you guys? I think I am peri menopause. I have massive flooding issues, recurring UTIs (started this past year), additional bleeding, anxiety, mild depression and insomnia. (Oh, and FSH of 18 day 2/3 and an 50 years old)

I am seeing my GP on Monday. Is there anything specific I should ask for? I am keen on HRT I think but just not sure in which form.

@RaisedByPangolins mine was never a UTI (no infection ever showed up on tests) and no problems needing to wee often or it hurting when I wee'd but the blood in wee kept making GP think it was. I hope you can get yours sorted out, UTIs are vile. Don't forget to drink those yoghurt drink thingys to try and keep the thrush at bay after antibiotics (oh the bloody joy of being a woman).

Until it started happening to me I didn't realise so much shit can happen to your body at menopause, I naively thought it was periods stopping and hot flushes (and wow did I underestimate what those were like). When I had the bladder/kidney issue I discussed it with two doctor friends (one GP, one consultant - totally unrelated area to gynae) and neither of them had heard of what had happened to me whereas the urogynae (as mentioned earlier) said he sees it all the time. I spoke to him briefly on the phone about something and he said he'd seen four women that day with the same problem. So the lesson is, go and see someone who knows their onions when it comes to menopause!

Thanks everyone for the tips, I do think I need to start taking some vitamins/supplements so I'll go to the health shop today and I didn't know low carbing could help hot flushes - not sure I can face it but it's worth keeping in reserve if new HRT regime doesn't help.

@MothExterminator apparently, according to gynae and GP the gold standard (and lowest risk carrying) way is to have Mirena coil plus Oestrogel. But that doesn't work for everyone. My friend didn't get on with the gel but now has patches and they work well. The main thing to remember is whatever you start on, you can and must ask to change if it doesn't work. It's not 'oh I've tried HRT and it didn't work', it's not a one size fits all thing.

I second Sage tablets. I have just run out of mine and within a few days I started waking up at 2am again!

Thank you, that is a really good point about making sure it works for me and changing if it doesn’t.

I am a bit scared of a coil, doesn’t it hurt to put in?

Great thread! I've finally made an appointment with a gynae for early Jan as I can't stand the all over body itching I've suffered with for 6 months or so now. It's getting worse and worse and nothing seems to help. My periods have also got even heavier (didn't think that was possible) and can't leave the house for more than 5 minutes on the heaviest day. The cycle is also much shorter so it feels like I'm always bloody bleeding! Don't get me started on the PMT rages and general intolerance for anything and anyone (not great when you have teenagers!). Most of the time I just want to be left alone...

No hot flushes though so have been putting off making an appointment as I wasn't sure my symptoms were "bad enough" but the itching is off the scale now almost 24/7 so I need to get it sorted.

Didn't hurt much, uncomfortable but no worse than a smear. did take a couple of paracetamol before though. sorted out flooding very quickly for me.

I've just started magnesium a week ago and I think I seem to be sleeping better :-)

Ooooh, would love to have the flooding sorted. I use a combination of super tampax and night pads to be able to do the school run.

Has HRT sorted out depression and anxiety for anyone? I am feeling quite bad actually and I know it is all in my head - but it doesn’t help!

Good to hear that the coil doesn’t hurt that much.

Great thread, I am in, I also have Mirena, my third & final, yay! I also have another condition that can cause some menopause type symptoms so
I am struggling x2! Brain fog is a pea souper. Flushing etc. Insomnia is something terrible.

I have just started Menopace supplement to see if that helps.

I am also waiting to see Urologist, due to blood in urine, that will be a waste of time, seen two in the past, but new GP, who has been lovely, is super cautious due to blood found in past few urine samples. I have explained it’s usual for me, but she wants it checked out.

I must read up on coconut oil.