The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

Do you just slather the coconut Oil all over? Or do you put some inside op?

Great thread, OP. Here are mine:

HRT has many other benefits than just relieving symptoms: it protects against heart disease (which kills more women than breast cancer) and osteoporosis to name just two. Do try it if you can you tolerate it. Dr Louise Newson's website, Balance, is a great resource for myth busting.

I'm not usually a fan of supplements, but I've found a good probiotic, turmeric, magnesium, omega 3, vitamin D and a menopause complex really help.

Reducing ultra-processed foods to a minimum and switching to plant based diet stopped my night sweats. It's fucking boring, but after a few months I got used to it and actually like it now.

Same with alcohol

Being active. I took up running and strength training but couldn't contemplate any form of exercise after midday when I got so tired it was all I could do to stay upright at my desk. Nope, not happening. So instead as soon as I woke up in the mornings I'd throw exercise gear on and get it done before breakfast and before my brain had opportunity to throw a hisssy fit and talk me out of it. Again, like giving up delicious ultra-processed food, it's shite and it's difficult but it works, and as a bonus my anxiety was always much reduced on the days I exercised first thing.

If you share a bed, buy two singles quilts instead of sharing a double/king. That way, you can have a nice light cooling wool quilt and you can easily stick your feet out either side as well.

what's the benefit of taking the HRT twice @SquirrelsEverywhere ? I only take 2 pumps at the moment.

And also, how do you know whether it's enough? I did increase it, but put on weight, so decreased it again. (I'm only a few months in).

Can I ask a couple of questions please?
I’m on the combined pill so technically have withdrawal bleeds rather than periods. Would these change in any way in meno/ peri? They haven’t yet…
I have night sweats maybe a night or 2 a week but no hot flushes and I’m always cold. Does this sound like a symptom?
The last week and a half I’ve had really sore boobs. I’m suspecting this is a symptom. Any tips on how to manage this? It’s especially annoying as I’d normally sleep on my front.
Thanks, and sorry if this isn’t in the spirit of the thread and I’ve nothing useful to share.

@Howmanysleepsnow

Can I ask a couple of questions please? I’m on the combined pill so technically have withdrawal bleeds rather than periods. Would these change in any way in meno/ peri? They haven’t yet… I have night sweats maybe a night or 2 a week but no hot flushes and I’m always cold. Does this sound like a symptom? The last week and a half I’ve had really sore boobs. I’m suspecting this is a symptom. Any tips on how to manage this? It’s especially annoying as I’d normally sleep on my front. Thanks, and sorry if this isn’t in the spirit of the thread and I’ve nothing useful to share.

I don’t think they would change due to the pill 🤔 Aren’t night sweats hot flushes, but at night ? You maybe need to look at what you’re wearing in bed, and what’s on your bed. For sore boobs I take a good quality Evening Primrose oil, still get a bit sore and swollen sometimes, but much better than they were.

Sympathies everyone. Here is what helped me:

Cooling nighty from Dagsmejan. Expensive but great
Woollen duvet rather than down/ synthetic
Fan - a good , silent one for nights
Another vote for Calm App. Sleep stories are good, as are the guided relaxations

Magnesium Ok tablets from Boots. No other supplements made any difference.

And the biggest, most boring sounding thing of all:

Losing weight, eating healthily - lots of veg, everything cooked from scratch. Reduce sugar, wheat and veg oil, except olive oil. And no alcohol. Gentle exercise helps also.

I think I am coming out the other side now and symptoms are much reduced. Working from home has also been an absolute game changer.

Solidarity to you all. It's hideous.

I had two glasses of wine last night and woke up sweating at 2am. It doesn’t usually happen when I don’t drink.

I've gound it interesting what you are all saying. A few years ago I had a traumatic event then last year I had covid then long covid and my symptoms of anxiety, memory loss, brain fog, can't think of a word, knowing I had the wrong word but not able to retrieve it from my brain. I feel I have so much going on I can't work out what is menopause related, what is personal stuff and what is just getting older.

I frequently can retrieve the right word, it’s very frustrating. I’ve now started Googling to find it !
I had some symptoms, that I put down to menopause and getting older, which disappeared when I started taking iron. So it’s always worth checking.

This is a fab thread , I had a complete hysterectomy almost 4 years ago , all my stores have now officially ran out ! Brain fog , quick tears and anxiety have arrived, let’s not forget insomnia! I spoke to a herbalist, who has given me magnesium, ginkgo Bilbao and sleepy tea , I’m also trying to remember to take milled flaxseed. This is all in last few days so let’s see 🤷‍♀️ I’m definitely going to be using coconut oil 🤞. Can I add that the herbalist was first 15 min consultation free , gave me all advice on where to buy or happy to add to her next order . Win win ☺️

Vagifem and Ovestin for vaginal dryness. Need to get it from the doc's - can be GP. Life changing.

I’m confused as to what coconut is used for and why it’s beneficial?

Great thread, thank you.
I'm 48 and beginning to skip periods. Sleep has been broken for a while. I should probably drink less caffeine.
I take Menopace. Going to look at Sage supplements.

@SquirrelsEverywhere, thanks. I'm limited in what I can have because I used to have migraines. It's been a long time since I had them, so I now think they were hormonal, but the fact that I had then so badly means I have fewer options. I'm OK, not suffering anything just now, it's more the radical changes that bogie my mind!

I bought Menopace but not sure if I should take that or take individual supplements ins7.
I take EPO, vit B’s and cod liver oil. Plus Epsom salt baths for magnesium.

I'm also on oestrogel and interested in the reasons for spreading out the doses - I'd heard that oestrogen could have stimulative effects so was best avoided at bedtime (insomnia is probably my worst symptom though HRT has definitely helped). Calm app is nice but pricey, there are two free podcasts called the sleepy bookshelf and get sleepy which do much the same thing.

DH goes crazy at the smell of coconut oil. Putting it on my fanjo risks reigniting his desire for sex which is not the result I'm looking for!

On a more serious note DMannose supplement really helps with cystitis bladder irritation and HRT covers off the rest.

Those with the dry fanjo fun - do you get itch as well? Mine hot so dry but omg itchy itchy itchy. And external not internal from cliteris to anus and side to side.

Have been tested for everything and anything and found nothing.

Could this stil be atrophy but without dryness?

Oh wow, I wish I could answer everyone's questions but I just know the bits I've experienced. I'm also not a medic so don't want to mislead anyone, and in fact as I've said, loads of medics barely know anything about menopause!!

@panacotta, just on the skin, nothing internal!

@SunshineCake1 - I know exactly what you mean. One of my besties (and she may well be reading this as I know she's a mnetter ) and I have the most ridiculous conversations where we're saying 'you know, the thingamy' , 'oh yeah, I know, the wotsit' - we have to hope we're both talking about the same thing because our brains have gone to shit!

@Itsnotdeep - 2 is a very low dose, is it effective at all? So I think it's because you are taking something to replace what you are missing. If you take it all at once, your body is getting one big hit which has worn off after a certain amount of time. By taking one dose morning, one evening you are maintaining a more stable level. Think of a curved graph like a camel hump, that's a 24 hour period when you take one dose. If you take two, as the curve is at the top and starting to go down again, you take another dose and the curve goes back up again. Any medics, feel free to correct me but that's what I understood by it!

If anyone takes away one thing from this thread (apart from coconut oil) it's please, please go back to your GP if things aren't working for you. We absolutely do NOT have to put up with this. If your GP can't help then ask for a referral to an NHS a menopause clinic. We must ask not just tolerate feeling so unwell, I think that is a disservice that our mothers did to us, following on from the example of their mothers and theirs before. We must speak up, expect help and treatment. We don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed, we are women going through a medical crisis not 'women of a certain age' - it's really bloody difficult. When you do get to the right medic you will breathe a HUGE sigh of relief and wonder why you didn't do it sooner, I promise!

Now come on sisters, women fought for the vote, we can fight for fair and appropriate treatment of our arid fanjos, fogged brains and sweat addled bodies.

@Trixiefirecracker coconut oil is soothing on dry vaginas (bit problem during menopause) and it's a natural antiseptic so helps to reduce the chances of infection. It's cheap as chips and really does help.

On the matter of coconut oil -- primark used to sell (hopefully still does) packs of tiny plastic pots with screw on lids (in the make up section) and I decant coconut oil into those for handy travel purposes (or if you want to secrete some in your downstairs loo but don't want visitors to see). Not sure I'd want to explain why I have a massive jar of the stuff in my loo/handbag .

@dementedma

Ps thanks for everyone sharing advice on supplements - I didn't get to the health shop yesterday (forgot FFS) but I'm going today!

Great tips SquirrelsEverywhere
I'm in my late 50s and started with the menopause this year. ( still having periods)
My only symptoms had been the hot flushes and feelings if doom. The flushes would start in my neck then raise up and I would feel like my head was going to explodec( no wonder I had a feeling of doom🤣)
My advice would be to get medical support as soon as you get symptoms. I tried to brave it out for a couple of months but after chatting on MN got in touch with a doctor. He was fantastic. After some blood tests he suggested HRT and asked if I had researched and what treatment would I like to try. I let him decide and we've gone for tablets. It's been brilliant.
Why suffer?
My other advice is general life advice which is be kind to yourself and not take too much on. Say no to some things if you can rather than feel obliged to take everything on. I used to be like this and no feel calmer now that I delegate more.

Is the coconut oil you’re talking about the thick white stuff in a jar ?

@SquirrelsEverywhere Can I ask why you prefer coconut oil to Ovestin cream? I may have missed a post or two you wrote, but I can't see any references to vaginal estrogen.

Ovestin cream can be used inside the vagina but also outside to reverse dryness.

Have you tried this? I started using it around 15 years ago mainly for bladder issues and a feeling of rawness externally which I'd assumed for years was thrush.

@cosmosforall

Those with the dry fanjo fun - do you get itch as well? Mine hot so dry but omg itchy itchy itchy. And external not internal from cliteris to anus and side to side.

Have been tested for everything and anything and found nothing.

Could this stil be atrophy but without dryness?

Yes.

Dryness is a bit of a misnomer. In fact women who are very dry have a watery and sometimes even bloody discharge as the vaginal walls chafe and bleed slightly. [NB any bleeding that seems odd, have it checked.]