The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

Great thread 😀

I thought my periods had stopped this year but no they've come back 🙄🙄

Interesting about low carb, I don't get hot flushes yet! But I'm not into sweet food and naturally do low carb and hate eating breakfast too, which is now called intermittent fasting. So maybe that does help?
I do get night sweats not ridiculous ones but they are there. Had such a lovely sleep last night as it was -1 so nice and cool.

I am single parent so I really do value those weekends off so I can just be grumpy on my own 🤣 I think it definitely helps not having another adult in the house!

I think I'll start taking supplements too as my hair is getting very thin and there appears tyre forming around my waist actually I think I have 2 tyres now

@Justilou1 I'm so not with it I'm not sure I understand your post. I think I've been confirmed as menopausal the doctor is just repeating the blood test to see what they say because I've been ill as well. I just had no chance to talk to anybody about patches or anything. I took HRT tablets of years ago but had to come off them just got permanent headaches.

Oh okay… a lot of women need to fight hard to be heard when all they want is HRT. That’s all. A lot of doctors are much less informed than their patients on this one. As a very soon to be 50, very soon to graduate nurse, I’m kind of passionate about this one.

@SunshineCake1 - also, your doc is smart checking cause of headaches (possible migraines?) you may do better with gel. I can’t take oral hormones for this reason, but gel has been a godsend.

@Roselilly36 that sounds exactly like my situation. If you can, asked to be referred to a urogynaecologist rather than just a urologist. Never be afraid to ask!

Not read all the posts yet, but just remembered one thing I've found to help with joints and stiffness: turmeric. I get stiff elbows, knees and other bits and turmeric has helped.

[quote SquirrelsEverywhere]@Roselilly36 that sounds exactly like my situation. If you can, asked to be referred to a urogynaecologist rather than just a urologist. Never be afraid to ask![/quote]
That sounds a good idea, will do.

[quote SquirrelsEverywhere]@MothExterminator apparently, according to gynae and GP the gold standard (and lowest risk carrying) way is to have Mirena coil plus Oestrogel. But that doesn't work for everyone. My friend didn't get on with the gel but now has patches and they work well. The main thing to remember is whatever you start on, you can and must ask to change if it doesn't work. It's not 'oh I've tried HRT and it didn't work', it's not a one size fits all thing.[/quote]
Second this whole heartedly!

I am 50 and found out I was menopausal just before my 50th birthday (happy birthday to me ).

I have tried so many combinations of HRT this year and the thing which really works so far is 4 pumps of oestrogel a day and 100mg of utrogestan.

My sleep still isn't as good as it used to be, but I now have no other symptoms and so can live with that.

I also use amitriptyline as a one off if I have a few poor nights which seems to sort it out.

Incidentally I use 2 pumps of gel in the morning and at night and having read the leaflet properly last week realised I need to spread it over the whole of both arms or legs and not just a small area!

Marking place, early forties here, not quite there yet

Thanks for the laughs as well as the info btw- 'poor old arid fanjo'

Can I share something that helped with my insomnia? A snack.
Well 2 snacks - always small bowl of cereal before bed and for early hours (and hours) of wide-awakeness at 3am - I get up, have a small glass of warm milk + apple/slice of bread/cereal again (no sugar). Back to sleep in no time.

I read the that the hormone fluctuations play havoc with your blood sugar. Same thing for me when I was pregnant and light snacks really helped. Plus there's something in warm milk that helps you sleep.

I haven't gained weight as I'm less exhausted and snacky during the day & more likely to excercise.

I'm not on HRT.

Another recommendation for the Calm app. I find the sleep stories especially helpful.

Wool duvet. They're breathable and enable you body to self regulate it's temperature. Massively improved my night sweats. I got mine from Woolroom.

Oestrogen cream for vagina. I'm peri and that has been v helpful.

Be a bit kinder to yourself - your body is going through a lot. Naps are good!

Great thread thanks!

My tips:

1. Blood tests only help to rule out other issues. If you are 45+ you are peri. It’s just nature, no one is going to skip this.

1. People who say ‘I sailed through menopause’ are usually those who don’t know the symptoms. I have friends who have said this and a. Have a terrible temper now b. Gets dizzy spells c. Is very forgetful. All aged 50 but don’t think it’s menopause 🤷‍♀️

1. Weight training is great for bones and general mood.

1. Switching to herbal tea as much as pos is great.

1. And yep HRT seems to be great for mood and sleep - big fan here.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard stiffness is my worst problem, I am 54 and still having long monthly periods. Every time I sit down or stand up I am like a very old lady, even my walking is stiff and odd now. Struggling to bend and tie my shoelaces, struggling to get my knickers on! My mum is 85 and less stiff. I am keen to try your recommendation of turmeric, how do you take this please? Thanks.

My few tips
Complete Woman Supplement from Boots has everything you need and helps with energy

Cold shower at the end of your shower each time brings down the heat and helps with hot flushes..or sea swimming but shower easier!
And exercise lifts mood, helps sleep and increases body confidence..l do circuit training and walking.

Yoga
HRT
Vagifem
Testosterone cream
Sessions with a pelvic physiotherapist

Sorted. 😊

@TrueGrit54 - so sorry to hear you're suffering from stiffness too - it's a nightmare. I take turmeric tablets that I get from Healthspan, though they're widely available on the internet I should think. It has anti-inflammatory properties, so useful for people with arhtritis, etc. In fact, I believe I have a bit of it myself, it was picked up on a scan years ago.

It can also be used in cooking, of course, but I'm not much of a cook!

I can't do HRT it affects my boobs too much, but iron supplements really helped my restless legs. Menopause basically is a bitch though. And post menopause not much fun either.

Tonic water is meant to be good for restless legs.
I find putting them outside the duvet so they’re cold helps.

Lovely wonderful helpful thread!

The thing I struggle with most is the constant change. I went many years with totally random periods, could be 3 weeks could be 3 months apart. Who knows! What fun!

Then I had a year and a half of pretty damn regular periods. OK! Predictability, great!

Then period disappeared and I had two months of frequent hot flushes. I don't think they were as bad as yours op, but the resulting sleeplessness was crazy. I'm already an insomniac on all the pills I can get for sleep so there was no help for this.

Then that just stopped... still no period. Happy Times! Last night though... I'm very chilled, quite fortunate to not suffer anxiety, but last night I either dreamed of anxiety provoking scenarios, or would wake with a startle, heart pounding away, certain that someone's in the house, or a pipes burst or, I kid you not, I must have breast cancer. Ffs.

I think women are amazing because we deal with so much change and then carry on doing stuff.

I've tried hrt but it didn't do anything for me. I'm watching my diet. (And watching my hips expand).

Following…

Great thread, thank you OP. Can I ask what your symptoms of bladder/kidney issues were? I have no pain on peeing but have a sharp pain in my back which I'm sure is kidney related. I've never had a UTI before and have had three (helped by those over the counter UTI crystals since the shitstorm of peri started. I will of course check with Doc but am curious after your post.

@Perime, basically the main issue was lower abdominal pain and some lower back pain (exactly like period pain but I don't have periods because of the Mirena). I went to the GP about the pain and they dipped my urine which had blood in it. This went on for a couple of weeks, three doctors, three wee dips, three lots of blood in urine. Each time my wee was sent away and came back with no sign at all of infection. I had no problems weeing or pain when weeing. When the doctor examined me, my lower abdomen and kidneys (when pressed front and back at the same time) were very tender.

The key thing was though I did NOT have a UTI, no infection at all which was what was causing the drs alarm bells. So the bladder problem for me was all about inflammation (which also showed up in a blood test) and not infection.

Having said all that, the urogynae consultant said to use coconut oil after urinating and showering to try and prevent any infections. I don't know if that means menopausal women are more prone to UTIs or not but for me the bladder problems didn't manifest as infection.

Sorry to hear you've had so many UTIs, they are awful

@dudsville - if HRT did nothing for you then you were on the wrong type. It will have an impact if they find the right combo for you. Do go back and ask again if you do want to try it again!

I have many questions about HRT.
I dont have sweats - do get hot at night. I sleep OK.
I'm anxious emotional bad tempered and lack focus. And now vertigo and tinnitus.
Should I be looking at HRT (last period about 15 months ago).

Added wrinkle of a small stroke last year - so I've never really pursued it with my GP. Is it worth while asking- or a flat no?

Woe I had no idea about the coconut oil & am going to ask for a referral to gynae. Thanks op!