The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

@Knittedfrog

Very helpful thread. Has anyone got any advice for hair loss/thinning? I'm finding it really distressing.

Are you eating enough iron, protein and vit c? If you are cutting back on meat eating your hair might notice. Otherwise HRT does help with hair loss too.

@JinglingHellsBells the guidance here (ireland) is to go onto treatment if you have ostopenia AND have had a fracture, which I have had this year (wrist fracture). This was advised by the specialist bone health clinic. I have only had one injection so far.

@RaisedByPangolins I am seriously considering going back onto the HRT patches. I am very much in two minds about this all. I think I might call the GP before the next injection and have a chat again.

The euphemism “vaginal dryness” needs to get to fuck and back again!

It’s not just “dryness” it’s the loss of oestrogen leading to skin thinning & possibly splitting, the vaginal lips flattening & in some cases disappearing, clitoris atrophy, the vagina shortening & tightening, increased UTI, itching & burning

Get topical oestrogen - vagifem, ovestin, an estring, get moisturisers like YES or Hylofemme , get an emollient to act as a barrier if you need it and do not be fobbed off by GPs who think you can’t have systemic hrt and topical oestrogen

Also it’s not your fault - have seen some appalling comments from GPs saying “use it or lose it, women do not lose oestrogen because they don’t have sex twice a week, they lose it because it’s a normal part of the ageing process!

And breathe…..

[quote theDudesmummy]@JinglingHellsBells the guidance here (ireland) is to go onto treatment if you have ostopenia AND have had a fracture, which I have had this year (wrist fracture). This was advised by the specialist bone health clinic. I have only had one injection so far.

@RaisedByPangolins I am seriously considering going back onto the HRT patches. I am very much in two minds about this all. I think I might call the GP before the next injection and have a chat again.[/quote]
@theDudesmummy You are being treated differently to in England/ UK!

Here, osteopenia alone is not treated. Only full osteoporosis ( T score of -2.5 and below) is treated. The way osteoporosis is treated is with oral drugs initially and often that is all.

Injections are reserved for very severe cases where there are spinal fractures or bone density that is very low. (well below -2.5)

When I was told I needed treatment I chose the 6 monthly injection because I know the tablets give you heartburn and are hard to swallow. But I am rethinking now. Insomnia and night sweats are causing me problems. I may try Sage and an antihistamine for a start but I am leaning towards going back onto HRT. My mother has osteoporosis and it basically did for my granny (went downhill very fast after a broken hip and spine) so I am keen to keep ahead of it...

@Theeyeballsinthesky

The euphemism “vaginal dryness” needs to get to fuck and back again!

It’s not just “dryness” it’s the loss of oestrogen leading to skin thinning & possibly splitting, the vaginal lips flattening & in some cases disappearing, clitoris atrophy, the vagina shortening & tightening, increased UTI, itching & burning

Get topical oestrogen - vagifem, ovestin, an estring, get moisturisers like YES or Hylofemme , get an emollient to act as a barrier if you need it and do not be fobbed off by GPs who think you can’t have systemic hrt and topical oestrogen

Also it’s not your fault - have seen some appalling comments from GPs saying “use it or lose it, women do not lose oestrogen because they don’t have sex twice a week, they lose it because it’s a normal part of the ageing process!

And breathe…..

Eek I had no idea about this. Thanks for the heads up

Brilliant thread OP thank you!

So interesting about the fanjo info. Before HRT I felt I had constant UTIs and stress incontinence needing daily pads. This went after 3 days on oestrogen.
I am on my second month of HRT. (Elleste duet tablets) I sleep better and my hot flushes have gone.
My mood has improved. Not massively but enough that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am no longer weepy and fearful of everything. I do get a real dip in the progesterone part of my cycle. It was awful the first month but seems to be settling slightly. N
ot convinced I am on quite the right HRT yet but need to give it more time.
Off to find my coconut oil.

This is all so helpful

I really feel for all the physical symptoms women are having but I seem to have fallen into the "less than 20%" who report significant drop in libido. I feel like a different person and I'm fucking raging about my otherwise reasonable husband looking at pre menopausal women. On the other hand, I'm thinking that all marriage vows need to have the caveat that there will be love and devotion until the menopause and then everything is up for negotiation. Rich medieval women would enter monasteries. I used to think that was cruel but now I realised they wanted to. I feel like a different person. I can see fabulous men and not feel a thing. Raging

Hi,
Great reading this thread and thanks for all the tips. Makes me feel less alone and in the dark about all this.

Been peri for years with on off random symptoms, so for a few months it will be dizziness and headaches, then all change and it’s waking up super early, then miss a few periods, then dry/itchy eyes and it goes on. A few months ago it was the turn of depression, anxiety and crying, thought I was loosing my sh*t, rang the gp and they refused to give hrt (still having periods tho 22 day cycle now), wanting to prescribe SSRI which I found to be antidepressants- noooo not going there! So found St. John wort, now I know that not suitable for all, it interferes with a lot of medication especially hormonal contraception. However using copper coil and not being on any meds thought to give a try, game change! Took it for 2months and it really helped, could smile again and work became manageable again. stopped taking now as don’t feel I need it. Would take again if got that low again. I know I am not depressed just hormonal.

Oh and the last few weeks, new symptoms hot flushes! Woohoo!

Going to start Meno complex, got sage, soya, flaxseed in with a few other useful bits like magnesium and vitamin D which has been mentioned here. So hope they help issues at the moment of disturb sleep, flushes, brain fog and mood. A bit expensive but a friend suggested it.

Also really interested to hear if reducing carbs works for anyone? Sure I read it on here also heard it mentioned before somewhere.

I Prefer natural methods to medical, but willing to try hrt if symptoms get worse or medical reason.

Keep sharing and thank you everyone.

Great thread, but alas, no tips.
Going through the most miserable crappiest menopause ever!

Breast cancer history.
Fought hard to get Hrt prescribed by Chelsea and Westminster ( to then be continued by GP)

Fast forward, bleeding, pain, bleeding, pain, hyseroscopy, scan, all clear, bleeding!!

Now off Hrt due to bleeding AGAIN, symptoms are raging, tummy hurts, bloody kids driving me mad by breathing!

Taking myself off to a+e tomorrow to try and get a scan then.

It’s the worst time EVER!!! 😬😬😬😬😬

Joining - not much to offer advice wise, but I bought low dose melatonin (1mg) to help with sleep. The first night I took it I thought it really helped me fall asleep and fall back to sleep after I woke with a night sweat. Last night I also fell asleep quicker than usual initially but woke so many times.

Wondering why people use antihistamines instead of melatonin? Do antihistamines help you stay asleep?

All the supplements sound tempting but really add up if you buy sage and turmeric and magnesium and Dmannose... I'm also not sure I'll remember to take things which have to be taken with meals (I've been looking up the supliments and something was fat soluble but brain fog means I've already forgotten what! Turmeric maybe?)

My most bothersome issues are sleep problems (falling and staying asleep used to be my superpower, I've only ever had sleep deprivation caused by non sleeping baby-toddler, which was hourly waking for 2.5 years and impacted my whole life, so I'm willing to believe sleep is at the root of most other things) night sweats - which partly cause the sleep issues as they wake me, although I'm generally finding it harder to fall asleep/ back to sleep, and brain fog, low mood, reduced interest in sex - they're all connected and possibly stem from the sleeping problem I think, or maybe theyre distinct symptoms, its so hard to know!

Also, I had a UTI in the summer and ever since then my bladder has been weaker, which is really weird. I can't last as long or wait as long once I need to go. Its impacting my enjoyment of walking - I'd been going for hike length walks as part of losing weight but am suddenly restricted by only being able to walk for an hour before urgently needing the toilet. I assume this is also menopausal/ peri. Obviously this also interupts my sleep!

I can't believe that I'm sleep deprived now my kids are all secondary/ tertiary age!

I have a gynecologist appointment in January but am not sure what the attitude here is to hrt (not UK). I think it's less commonly prescribed and probably only privately, but we'll see...

My periods got heavier about 3-4 years ago (really flooding) and stayed like that for a few years but they seem to be lighter and more irregular now. I'd thought the irregularly was from weightloss as I had to lose a big chunk of weight, but they're still irregular now I'm trying to maintain.

I find it hard not knowing whether its peri/ menopause or just stress/ getting old generally/ something else/ my imagination!

Great thread.
I am 56 and on Oestrogel, 3 and a half pumps every morning.
I also have the merina coil.
I take multi vits (Boots woman 50+).
Vit D 3,
Omega 3,
Biotin
At night I thaïe magnesium glycinate and 7.5 mg of metazapine because sleep was my worse symptom.
This system has taken about two years to get right and I think I’ve finally got it!
Zero help from my GP practice and I tried several , male and female….all clueless and some quite arrogant!

My oestrogel works if I put it on in the morning, no need to split the dose. I don't have hot flushes on it, and sleep soundly, so no need for cool things in the bed/pillow! I don't wear clothes at night, never have, as I can't sleep if I do. Works for me, we're all different.

For hair I recommend the Hair Gain gummies - you need to take them for 2 to 3 months before you notice a difference.

Marking place to read and learn!

What do people think of Louise Newson's book and app? Are they good?

Just a note on sleep
For me , no sugar helps loads

No chocolate bar, not a single biscuit, no cake , ice cream , pudding ... you get the drift

I cannot work out the sleep at all. At first HRT seemed to sort it out, but now I'm back to the 4am starts to the day. Occasionally I manage to get back to sleep, but most days, that's when I start the day. Yay!

On the plus side, I have noticed my skin has improved alot since I started HRT. I've had lots of compliments. Which is nice. (Or maybe they're just saying nice things because of my huge eyebags and air of general exhaustion).

Maybe I'll be strong enough to try the no sugar in January @bordermidgebite

Itsnotdeep if you want to try low carb or sugar free I just wanted to point out that you don't need to eschew sweet things entirely. Having been very much a 'real, fresh food' person all my adult life I'm experimenting with sweeteners now so I can have the odd biscuit at Christmas. Erythritol is indistinguishable from sugar to me and dh (who is not low-carb). I made pumpkin pie with it in November and I've made almond shortbreads with it for Christmas. After months of no alcohol I treated myself to a small Old Fashioned with cinnamon syrup I made with erythritol and it was delicious.

I did cut out all sweetened food for a long while, which was fine, but if this is going to be a long-term thing I want to allow myself some wiggle room around special occasions.

On a different note I wanted to know if anyone is using Ovestin cream as well as other hrt. I've got Estrodot patches and Utrogestan capsules 100mg (this was changed from 200mg vaginal pessaries) and I know I will probaby end up ringing the GP to ask anyway but wondering if Ovestin can be added in.

This board has been an amazing help to me. Who knew that the euphemistic 'dryness' that the GP asks about can be manifested in so many ways?? I always said this wasn't a problem for me, but I've still got so many other symptoms of vaginal atrophy (trouble emptying bladder, various kinds of discomfort, weird squelchiness etc) I wish I'd known earlier that 'dryness' is such an unhelpful word, I would have talked more about the other stuff.

Fantastic thread!

Peri menopausal here so beginning to get symptoms. Can't remember where I read it but wearing socks to bed helps regulate body temperature apparently and therefore helps with night sweats. I do this now and am definitely less sweaty! Also, summer duvet with windows open and a fleecy throw on top so that you have layers to add/remove as necessary!

I got told I was fine as my menopause number is 79.

Surely I'm not fine in that it means I am menopausal ? I'm so out of it I'm confused with everything.

Tomorrow I am going to hospital for a scan and biopsy as have been bleeding irregularly for three and a half years but no period for the last 14 months. I'm not sure that makes sense but hope someone understands.

My tummy really hurts and I can't blame it in the major internal check any more. Not sleeping very well. My eyelashes hurt . Every time I have a hot flush I have anxiety at the same time . I'm in sage, 5-http, Angus castes, vitamin d and vitamin E. Sucks to be a woman at this age.

I was back and forth to the dr for a few years with niggly symptoms that I had no idea were menopause related. I never had hot flushes but did have heart palpitations, joint aches, anxiety and the worst was this awful pelvic pain and needing to pee every 5 minutes even though there was no uti. Not one dr looked at all my symptoms and put it together. I found out I was menopausal by accident really, by having a full blood test to see what was wrong, which happened to include fsh level.

Tried the gel and utrogestan tablets but those gave me hideous headaches and menstrual cramps. Have just had a prescription for the patches so will see how that goes. My body has reacted to me giving up utrogestan halfway through the cycle and I have the most awful cramps and backache this week. Plus booster jab tomorrow so yay!

My advice is get vagifem for the uti symptoms- it really does help. Also if you can get referred to a womens health physio, they are also really helpful.
I take vitamin d3 (plus k2 because they have to be taken together) a B complex, Magnesium citrate, and a probiotic.

Amazing tips. I have just started another thread on here this morning as I'm so fed up with the waking up early, anxiety, sore boobs, repeated UTIs, vaginal dryness and hot flushes. They seem to go in cycles, hot flushes were november, insomnia has taken over for December, and I can't wait to see what January will deliver.

I had a hysterectomy (kept my ovaries) 5 years ago and this makes it pretty hard to know where I am in the the process. GP did bloods and said my oestrogen level was fine but i'm still having symptoms. Just crap. Hopefully I will get a more sympathetic hearing next week when I speak to someone different.

On hints and tips - I really like the Headspace app. It does cost £50 a year but it's very good. nothing menopause specific, but the general daily meditations and anxiety exercises do help clear your mind.

And exercise too. Doesn't have to be anything mad like a triathlon or cold water swimming. Getting out for a walk in the fresh air does me the power of good. Which is why I think i'm struggling at the moment, it's been grey, dark, cold and drizzly in Scotland for weeks.

Reading with interest. Almost 44 and starting to get the odd symptom. Could anyone recommend a particular coconut oil as suffering from serious hormone related pubic area itching which I'm guessing is hormone related?

Thank you for this! Super helpful and thoughtful x