The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

Following with interest.
Just started HRT - estrogel and coil - 1 month in, not sure if anything working yet. GP been fab. But still so much to learn.
Feeling anxious about work and random crying at work which isn’t good! Frequent rage too. 45yo. x3 kids all primary age. Busy life yadda yadda yadda….
Hard to work out what’s work/lifestyle, what’s peri menopause.
Need to make some big NY resolutions about lifestyle but feel I’ve at least started the HRT journey and positive about that.
🤷🏼‍♀️😕

@tinkywinkyshandbag

I can't do HRT it affects my boobs too much, but iron supplements really helped my restless legs. Menopause basically is a bitch though. And post menopause not much fun either.

What did it do to your boobs?

30 years ago I took the pill for a short time and it made my boobs bigger. Unfortunately they were already massive....

Great thread. I'm 59 and have had many of the symptoms described (currently on 2nd UTI of the year) and have an appointment with urogynae end of Jan as the UTIs seem to be preceded by vaginal inflammation and awful soreness. I will try the coconut oil tip - thanks for that. Is it just the regular coconut oil found on supermarket shelves?

Back2front you can get the coconut oil in Holland & Barratt for about £1.99

Thanks SoyMarina

Things that helped me would be:

1. Yoga (I started at 50)

1. 4-7-8 breath. Great for calming down in the middle of the night and usually gets me back off to sleep. Takes 2 mins to do and about 15 mins to take effect. See here:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=p8fjYPC-k2k or search Andrew Weil 4-7-8 breath

1. Daily meditation practice

1. Rediscovering art (after a 35 year gap). I'm no great artist but the process of creating anything is meditative in itself.

1. Tap dance class. I hate aerobics/metafit/fast moving type stuff but I do love to dance and miss my clubbing days!

Apologies if they all sound a bit floaty - but they've really helped me through.

Just found this thread - hello!

I'm 48 and have recently started HRT patches, prescribed due to anxiety and bad sleep. Also having issues with my 'undercarriage' . Some good tips here, thank you!

Another one who would find it interesting to know how hrt has affected boobs. I'm 3 weeks in and mine have swollen considerably. I also have massive boobs and am hating this side effect!

I’m a month into HRT (gel and utrogestan) and my boobs have swollen enormously. I lost a load of weight last year and went down from an F to a D and now they are back to an F. My back is a 28 so they are quite large and heavy. Also very sore. Not happy with that particular side effect. I hope they don’t keep growing???
I’ve just been using the gel in the morning, 2 pumps only. I’m peri. Still getting regular periods. I’m not sure how I will tell when it’s time to move from cyclical to continuous HRT? Ie how will I know when my periods have stopped? I’ll ask my Dr at the follow up I guess. The oestrogen has been great - improved my moods immediately. But I’m not getting on so we’ll with the utrogestan. Makes me very tired and moody, which are the exact symptoms I am trying to alleviate. Also makes me hot, and I haven’t had any problems with that yet (until now). Again more questions for the Dr I guess.

Interesting, thanks TheSpanish. Exactly the same here, I've had to order a couple of new bras. I hate it. Also feel hot as I near the end of my first month.
I've been started on Evorel Sequi 50 and wished I'd asked for the lowest dose so I could have eased in. Tempted to cut my patches in the 2nd month, I know that isn't advised but I think plenty of people do it.... Just to see if my boobs deflate a bit!

Thanks for the tips on using coconut oil. I have the itchy fanjo area and even further back and the coconut oil has made a big difference as well as 100%cotton pants. I sometimes change pants twice a day. I'm also using femicare body wash to avoid irritation. I have what I think is a uti sometimes just for a day and then it's gone by the next day, so really not sure what that is but happened a few years ago for a period of 3 months and the gp kept putting me on antibiotics and extending the course but it made no difference so I didn't go back to the gp.

I sleep a lot lighter than I used to but I find my kindle is a godsend for getting me to sleep. I'm not a big drinker but not great if I exceed 2 large glasses of wine and red is better than white. I've always been prone to headaches and migraines and regularly get my eyes tested and I use dry eye drops which help enormously or a warm damp flannel over my eyes for 10 mins. Occasionally have night sweats but the tower fan helps with that. But they can disappear for months and then 3 nights in a row will return. Not sure if this is a thing but I am still regular on my cycle give or take a few days late or early and never had many cramps BUT I seem to get cramps during what would roughly be my ovulation window? I'm 50 and feel lucky that these are my only symptoms but I like to keep informed as much as possible and always grateful to those women that share their experiences as it can be a lonely and daunting time for anyone going through this and so many symptoms are inconsistent as well as less common so it's comforting to know we don't suffer alone.

I have what I think is a uti sometimes just for a day and then it's gone by the next day, so really not sure what that is but happened a few years ago for a period of 3 months and the gp kept putting me on antibiotics and extending the course but it made no difference so I didn't go back to the gp.

@mylipsarechapman Everything you describe is called vaginal atrophy. It's down to loss of estrogen. This causes loss of lubrication and skin thins, gets sore etc (inside and out) but it also affects the bladder which is affected too by low estrogen.

Instead of using coconut oil and 'feminine washes' you should see your GP (no examination needed!) and they can prescribe vaginal estrogen cream which will sort it out. It needs treatment or it will only get worse as you get older.

Info here and also Youtube videos online from Dr Newson.

www.newsonhealth.co.uk/uploads/2021/07/Vaginal-Dryness-v21-02.pdf

@JinglingHellsBells thanks for the advice. I will definitely consider the GP. In addition, sometimes I feel my bladder doesn't completely empty, but as mentioned before, it's intermittent and I can go for months with no issues. However, the itching is more frequent. At least the doctor can't say I'm too young for it to be a menopausal symptom. I have been fobbed off before and had to go privately, although they weren't much better. I appreciate your help and the advice of someone who understands :)

@mylipsarechapman A lot of what you have written in your post could be me! Especially the UTI stuff. I'm 59 and have vaginal atrophy but unfortunately the local oestrogen cream/pessaries did not work for me. I get more relief from using Replens twice weekly. I've just got back from a gynaecologist appointment and he is recommending HRT (systemic) to try and halt the infections.

@Back2front the UTIs (if they are actually that?) can last just 2 days or occur every other day. I have kind of given up with GPs as it feels like you're putting them out asking to just speak to them on the phone. I hope the HRT helps you. On the advice of @JinglingHellsBells I have made a phone call appointment (in February) to discuss it. At least it will be interesting to see what my GP's attitude toward menopause is.

@Back2front Did you persevere with the vaginal cream/ pessary for at least 3-6 months? I found it took that long to make a significant change.

On the other hand, many women need systemic HRT and local estrogen. But it's often done the other way round- they start with systemic and it's not enough so they add in topical for vaginal and bladder issues.

@mylipsarechapman When you talk to your Dr it might be best to be a bit assertive and ask for what you want to try , saying you have read a lot online (look this up! There is plenty out there .) It's such a weak preparation that it would be very odd to be refused.

@JinglingHellsBells thanks - given what I have read about GPs and their lack of training/understanding on this matter, I think you are right and I will have to be quite assertive - I will have 10 mins to get my message across I just know how doctors hate it when we consult Google. Fingers crossed she will listen.

I’ve been using coconut oil as lube for years! It’s the best!
I’ve just begun HRT and am going to try splitting my oestrogel dose after reading this.
I have started 3 weeks ago and am feeling so much more on the ball and energetic. Do have a bit of dull achy period type pains and headache though. Plus v thirsty?

Hello. I'm 47 and have been peri for about 4 years now. It's not too bad so far. I'm on vaginal oestrogen cream but am going to use coconut oil too. I get sore a LOT. Recently it was daily, constantly adjusting my pants until I bought some new pants which are a bit more stretchy. I think I was giving myself micro traumas from the non giving cotton pants. It was a game changer, getting new ones.

Not nice tho.

I also use antihistamines for sleep. I'm waking at 5.20 atm. I dont have children tho so that helps and I'm a bit insular too, so I get enough rest. I think I am not the same worker I used to be either, i want to be left alone a lot and things piss me off a lot.

But on the whole it's not too bad. I have had one or two flushes but not bad, but when they GET bad, I'll go to the doctor.

I'm enjoying coming into my crone years (reclaiming that language) and enjoying them. Wisdom, strength, power.

Hello, can I join you please?

44 years old, periods stopped just over 2 years ago after they just got lighter and less frequent. I was getting some hideous hot flushes which led me to going on HRT but I had to come off it 7 weeks ago because of bleeding. Funnily enough I’ve not had a hot flush since! What I have had though is either problems getting to sleep or staying asleep but it’s either or with that 🤷‍♀️ I also have bladder urgency which wasn’t so much of a problem when I was on HRT. I don’t and never had any issues with dryness. I am generally much grumpier than before 😂

My biggest problem though is just how bloody hard I have to work to lose any weight. I’m talking 3 months to lose 5lb but I can gain that on a weekend. I have to do a lot more exercise compared a pre-menopauser.

I hadn’t considered antihistamines for sleep so I’ll buy some tomorrow

Forgot to add that I had Mirena years ago and didn’t get on with it so that isn’t an option