The very useful 'menopause is sh*t' hints and tips thread

[SquirrelsEverywhere]

Brief (ha) background - peri meno/meno for 2yrs.
Symptoms have been:
Hot flushes (misery thy name is hot bloody bastard flushes - and who bloody coined that term, sounds like mild cheek reddening rather than the sweaty, overwhelming, stressful and mortifying-if-at-work event they are)
Increased anxiety (and associated depression)
INSOMNIA (x 10000000000 + 1)
Brain fog
Vaginal/bladder/kidney inflammation (meno causes thinning vag walls which can then become inflammed, inflammation then moved on to bladder and kidneys in my case). Symptoms were period-type pain- no periods as have Mirena - and blood in urine FFS - only diagnosed by Urogynae consultant who says he sees it all the time, very common, treatment has been oestrogen pessary (as well as gel I already had) and coconut oil (!)

So here's some stuff I have found REALLY helps:

1. HRT* (if taking oestrogel, split doses eg 2 in morning, 2 in evening- this is essential for effectiveness, wish I'd known...)

1. A sympathetic Gynae (I officially LOVE mine, I have, of course forgotten her name but she was an absolute dream to talk to, so kind, I was referred to NHS menopause clinic by GP)

1. Cooling gel pillow inserts (got mine from evil amazon, buy TWO) absolute bliss at night to put your head on something which actually cools you. You may wake up later and find it is now body temp, that's when you reach for your handy second one...send me mental thanks... and swap them over)

1. Naps (aforementioned sympathetic Gynae was lucky she was on a zoom call otherwise I might have hugged her when she said, 'have a nap if you feel like it, you NEED one')

1. Coconut oil - apply to fanjo (vulva is too gross a word, like moist) after showering and if possible after weeing**

1. Nightdresses (having been pyjama lover for years, I've now rediscovered the joy of a nice cool nightie )

1. Exercise (I feel duty bound to include it, everyone says it helps, I'm too bastard tired to do it but apparently it's very beneficial...blah)

1. The calm (or any alternative) app. The very boring sleep stories can be helpful for insomnia, highly recommend Jerome Flynn as narrator, that man's voice is so damn soothing

1. Kirkland Sleep Aid (can be bought on t'internet) it's basically a very strong antihistamine. I use it when tiredness levels become nuclear. It doesn't work if you take it all the time and do start with 1/2 tablet to see how you get on firstly, if I take a whole tablet I'm a bit zombified the next day but my friend takes 1, no probs. I've discovered about 2/3rds is best for me!

Right, so I really, really hope that my experiences and tips help someone because it seems to me the menopause is an unrelenting shit storm. We're finally starting to talk about it but not enough. It can be debilitating, life changing (and not in good way, lost jobs, severe decline in mental health, marriage breakdown etc). I had no idea it would be this hard.

*and if it doesn't, GO BACK TO YOUR GP or even better asked to be referred to a menopause clinic, it can be adjusted, alternatives can be given, not every form works for everyone. Do not be afraid to ask.

** this tip was from urogynae consultant, he said it contains natural antiseptic and obviously moisturises poor old arid fanjos (he didn't say that bit). It's a bloody miracle worker, trust me on this.

@SquirrelsEverywhere I see you did mention Vagifem in the first post, but I don't think you have been told about Ovestin? It's the same kind of thing but in a small 15mg tube. You can use a pea-sized amount on your labia as much as you need to. No need to raid the supermarket for coconut oil :)

Tip from me for gel users.

There are 64 doses of oestrogel in a bottle. So mark them off on the side of the packet as you use them. Or number if days depending on doses (maths not my strong point!). Then don't use anymore even if I it gives you gel as this won't be a full dose.

Also when the bottle is finished the dispenser automatically does not depress fully (see picture) and again stop using that bottle.

Quite a few people me included keep going trying to use up all the gel and end up short changing ourselves.

That’s fab to know! Thank you. I already use shed loads of coconut oil anyway ( on skin and hair and teeth!) so always have it in. Aldi sell big jars for next to nothing for anyone who wants a cheap source, it seems to be good quality.

@cosmosforall

Tip from me for gel users.

There are 64 doses of oestrogel in a bottle. So mark them off on the side of the packet as you use them. Or number if days depending on doses (maths not my strong point!). Then don't use anymore even if I it gives you gel as this won't be a full dose.

Also when the bottle is finished the dispenser automatically does not depress fully (see picture) and again stop using that bottle.

Quite a few people me included keep going trying to use up all the gel and end up short changing ourselves.

In all honesty, the tiny reduction in the amount of a final pump is neither here nor there. Sorry to disagree but I make sure I get every last drop out of my pump and if I feel there is hardly any, just start a new pump and add some more. (I pay for my own HRT as it's a private prescription so make sure I use every little bit ! :) )

I'm on combined HRT tablets - Indivina.

Despite being 49, my last period was when I was 45 & I was perimenopausal from around 41 onwards.
My GP at the time said I was too young & that was that.
Late 2018, I saw a locum about another matter & just mentioned it in passing.
He ordered blood tests & I was found to be in the menopause & I started HRT in early 2019.

As a result of the delayed action from my GP, I was diagnosed with vaginal atrophy so also use Vagifem twice a week.
Other days I use Yes Vaginal Moisturiser & Balance Activ pessaries.
Both are very messy so you have to do them at night & wear knickers.
Certainly with the Yes VM, I lie back on a towel on my bed, use the applicator, put my bum in the air for a bit then on with my pants & that avoids too much mess - what goes up does come back down!

I also use Yes VM daily to moisturise my vulva & use Doublebase to wash the vulva (but nothing goes near my vagina!).
Not tried coconut oil but might give it a go.

Due to the atrophy PIV sex is no longer possible however I use silicone dilators & Yes WB lubricant in the hope that things might improve.
This has pissed me off considerably - I was in a sexless relationship so basically didn't realise. If if had realised then I might've got HRT earlier.

My hair thinned so I had it cut short - less weight means it looks a bit fuller.
Bizarrely my pubic hair also thinned, quite a bit actually, but it has mostly grown back since HRT.

Also due to the delays in treatment I now have osteoporosis.
I only had a DEXA bone density scan because a consultant for another issue requested it as he thought I should have one given the length of time that I was perimenopausal.
My GP had done nothing about this which meant I wasn't that pleased about it when I got the results.
I take Adcal-D3 twice a day & do lots of weight-bearing exercise.

I started to take Seven Seas Perfect Woman 50+ Max at the start of 2019.
Since Covid happened, I also take Better You D3000+K2.

As my name says, the Menopause Sucks.

@JinglingHellsBells I hadn't heard of that! Only found out about vagifem and coconut oil from consultant - I guess he would have mentioned it then if he thought it would be helpful but I will definitely keep it in mind for if anything changes. This sharing of knowledge is so helpful!

I am horrified by the amount of plastic waste that comes with the vagifem tablet applicators. Each tablet has its own applicator which is just chucked in the rubbish afterwards . I might email the company who makes them and ask them if they'd consider cardboard applicators, if it's good enough for tampons!

@MenopauseSucks - so sorry you've had such a rough ride and your GP has let you down so badly. Some are better than others but in fairness they don't have the training, just wish they were trained to refer us to the experts sooner.

Bit boring but, after having excruciating pain for weeks due to kidney stones, I stopped (eating 🥺) drinking alcohol as I was just in too much pain to want to do anything at all. After about three weeks I realised that all my worst menopause symptoms had dwindled to negligible levels - night sweats, insomnia, multiple trips to loo for night weeing, extreme fatigue particularly in the afternoon and the middle body ‘thickness’ I couldn’t shift previously. A few glasses of wine at the weekend are my only vice and as I don’t really drink that much and have a very good and healthy diet, I hadn’t ever considered not drinking alcohol. But was only after I realised I’d not been suffering as much that I started to think back - even a couple of glasses of wine on a Saturday night would make me wake up feeling like death on a Sunday morning, and with bad headaches. I also got ‘drunk’ on just a couple of wines too all of a sudden. I do wonder if something about the hormonal changes had exacerbated or changed my body’s reaction to alcohol. I still get the menopause symptoms but noticeably nowhere near as bad and I’ll still have the odd glass of wine over Christmas, but even giving up just those few glasses at the weekend seems to have made an immense difference to me. Also, the not feeling like eating whilst I was ill also saw me cut back on everything but particularly carbs I suppose. I do feel so much better now. Might not be true for everyone but worth a try and I’ll be sticking to it.
Also (and if you can afford it) don’t move from room to room, move from fan to fan . Just relatively cheap tower fans will do, though I have invested in a dyson for the bedroom as it’s so much quieter at night. I also bought myself /neck fan for when I’m out - game changer!

I didnt have any alcohol for 7 months this year. Unfortunately it didn't make a jot of difference to my weight my skin or menopausal symptoms. The only thing that benefited was my bank account. I have to say I was a bit disappointed.

[quote SquirrelsEverywhere]@JinglingHellsBells I hadn't heard of that! Only found out about vagifem and coconut oil from consultant - I guess he would have mentioned it then if he thought it would be helpful but I will definitely keep it in mind for if anything changes. This sharing of knowledge is so helpful!

I am horrified by the amount of plastic waste that comes with the vagifem tablet applicators. Each tablet has its own applicator which is just chucked in the rubbish afterwards . I might email the company who makes them and ask them if they'd consider cardboard applicators, if it's good enough for tampons![/quote]
It's very common practise to use both Vagifem and Ovestin together because they have different uses. (Vagifem pretty much stays where it's put and doesn't reach the vulva.)

I was offered the choice by my consultant and chose Ovestin as I thought the cream would work inside and out. (Is yours an NHS consultant or someone you see privately?)

Ovestin comes with a plastic applicator but it's for many uses - you just wash it and reuse (indefinitely.)

@MenopauseSucks Ask for Ovestin cream as well as Vagifem.

You use it externally if needed. If you use this you might get away with reducing Yes and all the other stuff.

Also, Vagifem is now much weaker than it used to be.
Previously, each pessary was 25 mcgs. A few years back they changed it to 10mcg (no idea why.)

What this means is that many women need to use it more often than the 2 x a week . In fact some use it daily or several times a week.

If you are still suffering, it's worth upping your dose to see if that helps.

[quote SquirrelsEverywhere]@JinglingHellsBells I hadn't heard of that! Only found out about vagifem and coconut oil from consultant - I guess he would have mentioned it then if he thought it would be helpful but I will definitely keep it in mind for if anything changes. This sharing of knowledge is so helpful!

I am horrified by the amount of plastic waste that comes with the vagifem tablet applicators. Each tablet has its own applicator which is just chucked in the rubbish afterwards . I might email the company who makes them and ask them if they'd consider cardboard applicators, if it's good enough for tampons![/quote]
I felt the same about the plastic waste of Vagifem applicators, but for the last few prescriptions the pharmacist has been giving me Vagirux which comes with a reusable applicator. It works fine but you obviously have to wash it carefully after each use.

@GoodnightGrandma

I frequently can retrieve the right word, it’s very frustrating. I’ve now started Googling to find it ! I had some symptoms, that I put down to menopause and getting older, which disappeared when I started taking iron. So it’s always worth checking.

Thank you. I'll ask about iron at my next appointment. Sorry for long wait for reply, I've been away.

I don’t know if there is anything to see, but up until recently there was an awesome Aussie resource in FB called the Hot Flush. Amazing. (The two women running it were just overwhelmed and have moved on, but there is so much useful info there too.)

great thread - thank you. following

I managed to get Ovestin cream from an online pharmacy last year - no consultation fee or anything, just had to answer some questions. Will try and remember which one it was! Probably chemist direct or something. If it saves the hassle of making GP appointments then worth a go.

Close… it was pharmacy online!

£24.99 so if you get free prescriptions then probably better to speak to the GP first, but if you’re paying anyway then it could be worth buying directly if you come up against a hurdle with the GP

I was on HRT patches for a year then came off because of the fear of breast cancer. Most of the menopause symptoms are manageable and strangely daytime hot flushes have gone completely, but the insomnia and night sweats are still there. I recently had to start on 6-monthly injections for osteopenia, the other alternative would be going back on HRT again. What would people do? I wonder if I should switch back to HRT.

And for those who recommend Sage, what dose do you use? I do sometimes use Valerian drops to sleep, but I feel a bit funny in the morning.

Have you watched the Davina documentary on channel 4 @theDudesmummy ? The old study that showed a raised increase in breast cancer was flawed and the changes to the way HRT is made these days makes it’s much safer, especially the patches/gel. Have a watch and make up your mind about whether you might benefit from it again.

@theDudesmummy

I was on HRT patches for a year then came off because of the fear of breast cancer. Most of the menopause symptoms are manageable and strangely daytime hot flushes have gone completely, but the insomnia and night sweats are still there. I recently had to start on 6-monthly injections for osteopenia, the other alternative would be going back on HRT again. What would people do? I wonder if I should switch back to HRT.

And for those who recommend Sage, what dose do you use? I do sometimes use Valerian drops to sleep, but I feel a bit funny in the morning.

@theDudesmummy Surely you have osteoporosis if you are on injections for your bones? Osteopenia is mild bone loss. It doesn't get treated with injections. The only women I know who are having injections have severe osteoporosis and bones that are very fragile. In the UK, you need to have spinal fractures of similar to qualify for injections.

My headaches were cured with remedial massage. I knew there was a stress link to them but I was unaware of the significance. The first time I went my neck muscles were so tight she couldn’t get the knots out even with hot stones. I had a few sessions and decided the benefits were so good that I would go every 4-6 weeks. It costs me £30 a time and makes a massive difference to how I feel.

Very helpful thread.
Has anyone got any advice for hair loss/thinning? I'm finding it really distressing.

Brilliant post, thankyou, although I've just scared the life out of my cat as I guffawed at 'poor old arid fanjoes' 🤣

@Knittedfrog

Very helpful thread. Has anyone got any advice for hair loss/thinning? I'm finding it really distressing.

The way your hair is cut is important. It needs some texture to give it a bit of lift. My hairdresser does something at the front where I’m thinning She also said you can buy keratin fibres the same colour as you hair to dust in and set with hairspray but it won’t work if the hair loss is extensive. Amazon sell them I think.