Biggest meal out you’ve ever hosted/attended?

[Doglover321]

It’s my birthday next Saturday and I’m hosting an evening meal at a really fabulous local curry house. There’s a whopping 35 of us down to attend, some of whom I don’t know very well! Bit nervous that they won’t pay their bill and I’ll be landed with it….

What’s the biggest meal out you’ve ever hosted/attended and what was the occasion?

Why not? It’s clear and fair!

Bet they loved that! Good if it worked though!

I personally don’t really agree with an equal split. Much prefer ‘pay for what you actually ordered’! Some of these people haven’t even met each other before, and some are veggie and t-total and will have ordered less than the meat eaters and drinkers of the group :)

Just out of interest, who would you guys usually expect to pay at a birthday meal?

It's completely irrelevant who I or anyone else would expect to pay for anything. The important thing, especially when organising any with so many people who do not have reliably shared cultural experiences is to be completely upfront and clear. You can best do that by setting out yourself how it's going to work right up front and remind everyone in every communication.

The restaurant are confident they don't need a deposit because they have you as their contact.

Now is certainly the time to tell the restaurant that everyone will be responsible for their own bill for good and drinks.

Snd update your invitation saying something g like 'in response to the many questions, the restaurant are aware that everyone will be responsible for their bill for anything they order. Please ensure you make clear to the staff that you will be billed for the things you have ordered.

And be aware that you do not need to play host by getting anything for anyone, or you will end up paying for them.

Ad it happens, in my culture, once adult, the birthday child invited and picks up the bill.

I know this is not the same everywhere and am very happy to go with whatever the organiser wants to do. The last thing snyone wants is the potential embarrassment that comes from a lack of clarity

Eeee this has the makings of absolute chaos.

You will probably find the numbers drop a lot now.

How come?

Every meetup I have ever seen that is at a restaurant or other venue with food or drink service has included a short paragraph that attendees will need to pay for themselves. It has also encouraged people to at least buy a drink in order to encourage the venue to continue hosting the meetup in the future.

were you explicit on the invite?

as for when I have birthday dinners, I hate asking people to pay, so I always host. If I had the dinner at home, I wouldn’t expect people to pay, and I just don’t want to cook, so since I chose a restaurant I figure I should pay. Yet when I go out with others, they always expect everyone to pay their own way which I do without complaint. Life is odd and confusing to me but I am not NT.

I'd ask the restaurant to sort out smaller bills eg for 4 people then there's not a massive bill to sort.
Normally there are tables pushed together, so they mentally split the bill per table

Numbers haven’t dropped at all yet, so fingers crossed!

How did it go @Doglover321

Sounds like a freebie the way you’ve worded it.

I’d also be worried about no shows and having to cover the cost for the restaurant as they’ll basically have no other customers that night from what you’ve said.

In the UK the general rule for inviting people out for a meal is that who invites pays. It’s different if you say you are going and ask if someone is else wants to come along too rather than inviting.

It is also pretty normal for everyone to cover themselves on say a birthday night out, but really the onus is on you to make that clear when the possibility is mentioned.

We paid for a meal for 30 for DH's 50th. Prebooked the entire restaurant, preordered and paid for food and first glass of champagne, then drinks were billed per table - people could order whatever booze they wanted then.

Was miles easier than fucking about doing a proper party, and cost about the same once you factor in the cost of venue, music etc.

Everyone was happy, but we made it very clear what the deal was from the start! I think you need to clarify, and quickly!

About the same number for a graduation (mine) a couple of years ago. Older demographic as we were all postgrads. Spoke to restaurant beforehand about how they'd prefer to handle it, they wanted use to pre-order main courses which was fine. Also speak to them about payment logistics as they will need to be prepared for however many different payments on cards/cash on the night.

It was wonderful! There were 31 of us spread across three different tables and everyone ordered different drinks, different starters and different mains, but the restaurant were fabulous. Service was really good considering and food great!

Paying situation was fine. The bill was brought to the smallest table and they settled theirs. However, one of the guys from our table insisted on going up and paying for his and everyone from our and the final/third table followed suit. I think it was fine though because I haven’t had any angry messages from the restaurant despite not being last to leave (some of us went on to a pub up the road).

6 out of 30 guests brought a card and/or present/gift card with them.

Glad it went well op. My advice for others though is to negotiate a set price menu for larger occasions and get people to pay for that in advance or on arrival directly to the restaurant so the only bill that needs to be settled is the drinks bill. We do this for a group I belong too, though in our case we buy drinks from the bar to be even easier.

So you ended up expecting presents from the randoms? The plot thickens…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/other_subjects/5076360-to-think-birthday-etiquette-is-going-downhill?page=1