Biggest meal out you’ve ever hosted/attended?

[Doglover321]

It’s my birthday next Saturday and I’m hosting an evening meal at a really fabulous local curry house. There’s a whopping 35 of us down to attend, some of whom I don’t know very well! Bit nervous that they won’t pay their bill and I’ll be landed with it….

What’s the biggest meal out you’ve ever hosted/attended and what was the occasion?

If you invite people to a meal or host a meal or similar you pay.

If you just decide to go for a meal eg, "Shall we grab some food after the film?" then you're splitting the bill or paying for what you eat each.

Hi, by ‘Host’ I mean host/owner/Organizer of the Meetup group

I would expect to pay for myself and contribute towards the Birthday Girl or Boy's expenses at a celebration meal, unless it had been clearly spelled out that it was the host's treat, ie that they were paying.

I would expect to pay for myself and chip in on the birthday person's meal. However therr are alway cheeky people who will say they thought it was paid for and they did not bring any means of payment.

I’d expect to pay but not everyone does, so you do need to make it clear.

Make everyone order drinks from the bar - they will have to pay upfront. Tell the restaurant you want them to do individual bills. I went to a lunch for 35 and this is what we did.

22 family members to my dm's 80th.

Everyone was happy except one brother in law who moaned endlessly and loudly about how expensive it was (it wasn't) and was a complete pain.

Basically he didn't want to be there but had a bad case of FOMO.

Bluntly, OP, this has ‘potentially expensive clusterfuck’ written all over it, especially the combination of your actual friends and a Meet-up group of near-strangers at a birthday meal, and the ambiguous wording of the invitation.

This has disaster written all over it. You realy need to make it clear that everyone is paying for themselves as soon as possible.

I think your clickbait "grab ‘em while you can" invite goes past ambiguous and into the arena of implying your paying for those who were quick enough to get themselves on the list.

I think you should get an email out to the whole list pretty sharpish, with a link to the menu and a reminder that everyone will be paying for themselves on the night.

Yeh agree your clickbait has fucked you over. I would assume from that you're paying unless you explicitly stated otherwise. I would have expected it to be really clear up front it's a pay your own situation.
How are you going to manage that when it comes to paying and knowing who ordered what and who was drinking and wasn't etc

That is seriously misleading. You'll need to send a very clear message to any people/group likely to be attending to clarify that they'll be paying for themselves. Why would people pay to come to celebrate your birthday?

I'm sure other posters will come up with some suggestions for you but I would definitely include reference to 'reasonable menu, pay on the day' so that attendees are crystal clear.

You're not hosting. If you were, you'd be paying. It matters.

I have never in my life expected the host to pay for my meal at a restaurant for their birthday

I've probably been to 100 such occasions and paid for myself each time

This is one of those weird "Mumsnet land" situations where the expectations of people here are wildly out of sync with what people do usually

Don't worry about it OP

Yes, your 'clickbait' has tripped you up nicely. If I were meaner I'd say that you deserve to pay for your folly but, you still have time to walk this one back.

Have a nice birthday

Yeah you need to contact all those people asap and make it very clear that you are not in fact hosting.
It's the ' grab them while you can ' that's going to get you in hot water . Did you mean the restaurant has limited space ?
It really doesn't read that way , it reads more like first come first paid for .

I think if it’s at a restaurant you have to say organising, not hosting, and make it clear each is paying for their own meal.

’Hosting’ is at home. I’ve paid for takeaway when not cooking but that was for 4 of us.

Birthday girls, 6-9 of us, we bring cash and someone works out each person’s bill. Need a clear bill and not feasible for 35!

Best work do I organised was for work Xmas do late November, normal menu, no deposit for 20 people. I put their preorders on a spreadsheet with the costs and each paid their own bill by card, didn’t need cash.

I think your "grab em while you can" post was very misleading.

I think you need to explain to the restaurant everyone will be paying for themselves so they can organise accordingly.

I also think you should make it clear ti the attendees beforehand that everyone will be paying for themselves. Perhaps you could circulate a copy of the menu with a friendly message to make this clear?

I’d expect my husband to pay for my meal, and everybody else pay for themselves. Certainly wouldn’t expect to treat others on my own birthday! Shame the OP didn’t clarify it. I hated sorting the bill on other occasions when there’s a group, especially when they want to split it equally- of course they do, when they’ve had 3 courses, steak etc lots of alcohol , cocktails, when I’ve had only a main course and soft drink! You don’t want to appear stingy so feel forced to agree, and it Mars the occasion. I don’t do that now, I insist on paying what I’ve actually had, and so do others!

How about if I put out a message nearer the time with something along the lines of: ‘just to remind everyone, we will be paying for whatever we order rather than splitting the bill equally. It’s fairer that way’ ???

😵‍💫🤣 no, sorry, that won’t do!

Who’s going to enforce that?

Do these MeetUp people even know each other?

55 people. Had a set meal. I bought some wine for the table

I told the restaurant in advance. Everyone was to have individual bills

Here’s my advice FWIW:

Ask the restaurant to do a short menu at a fixed price

Add in a service charge

Tell everyone the price. Tell everyone it’s a pay-as-you-go for drinks.

Either A get everyone to send you the dinner money in advance or B ask the restaurant nicely if they will take 25 inidividual payments

I’ve just sent out the below message:

‘Also, just to remind everyone - let’s pay for what we’ve actually ordered instead of splitting the bill equally. Much fairer that way, since some of us might order more than others :) xx’

Okay, good luck!! 🎂

Good luck OP. If the restaurant has a bar I'd suggest that you make everyone order there or you'll be there for hours figuring out who had the expensive gin or drank 5 pints etc.