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Original poster

Can I be really nosey and ask how much maintence you get?

127 replies

returningstress · 14/04/2010 23:20

Just out of interest really, my dd is nearly 3 and I get £30 per week. And exp will pay for clothes etc when I tell him what she needs.

He has only recently started paying and I am finding from this amount of money I feel so much better off.

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MsDav · 23/04/2010 16:30

nothing, zilch, not a sausage etc. I wouldn't take it even if he offered though, he would think it gave him a right to control me again.

diamond2101 · 24/04/2010 22:06

After receiving no form of financial help once he left wen I was 4mths pregnant, despite us joint owning a flat together, I decided to take him to csa wen baby was 3mths old. Everytime I asked him for moneyor help it was always - 'i don't have any, wen I get some I will send it in the post!' Needless to say that post has never ever turned up!
I now get £118pcm! Wat a joke. I have a very heavy mortgage (over £1000 due to arrears as I lost my job whilst pregnant)as well as other household bills, running car etc.
But I still manage to do it......dnt know how I do it but I do!

HerBeatitude · 24/04/2010 22:09

Nothing.

Am supposed to get £5 per week for 2 children

9 years here

cassell · 24/04/2010 22:23

dh pays his exw c£1k a month for their 2dds and has done since they split plus she has mortgage free house he bought her as part of the settlement - she complains from time to time that it's not enough - reckon I should send her this thread so she can see how lucky she is!

FreakoidOrganisoid · 24/04/2010 22:24

£240 a month for 2 dc. I'm happy with that (although csa recommended £360). He doesn't really see the dc much, has had them overnight 3 times this year but picks them up at bedtime and usually returns them by lunch the next day.

My friend pays £200 a month for his 2 dc but has them 3 nights a week and buys all the extras eg clothes, shoes, school stuff.

My cousin pays £300 a month for 3 dc (one of which isn't his) and has them for 10-15 nights a month.

Another friend gets £300 a month for 1 child, her ex is abroad and rarely sees her.

Another friend gets £300 from one ex for her 16 year old and £360 for her 5 year old...

An acquaintance has 6 dc by 3 mothers and pays nothing for any of them

It varies so much....

elastamum · 25/04/2010 19:43

Cassell I could be wrong but I would guess your H is a high earner, in which case he should be paying more to his ex.

Cant imagine how being a LP makes her lucky just because he is doing what he should??

That is the problem, people think you are lucky if you actually get maintenance that is due to you, whilst the majority of men on this thread have just walked away from their responsibilities to their kids. Really you should be insisting he pays what he should, after all it might be your turn one day

Mutt · 25/04/2010 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madascheese · 25/04/2010 21:22

I don't get anything for DS...no great surprise

When he recently sent DS back in a new pair of trousers because the others were too small, I was told to make sure I returned them next time...

He's abroad so no CSA, but starting a Court Ordered action.

Incidentally he's looking for spousal maintenece from me, with my part time job, oh and for me to sell the house that was in my name for 10 years before I knew him and give him half the 'profit' on the basis he painted a couple of rooms...

cassell · 26/04/2010 17:50

elastamum - my dh is happy to support his dds, he has never (and would never) refused to provide for them and what they need and I of course support him in that, his eldest dd is 20 now but he continues to support her because he wants to. What annoys him is his ex-w's attitude that even though it is over a decade since they split and she has a house and hasn't had to work he still owes her more somehow (even though he has always paid & done more than he was legally required to do) and she will suddenly demand more money or e.g. kick up a huge fuss if he wants to pay more money directly to his dds, especially the eldest. It's in this respect that actually I think she is lucky that he is generous and usually gives in because he doesn't want her to take it out on the dcs if he doesn't. And yes he is a relatively high earner but wasn't particularly when he and his ex were together.

I'm certainly not saying that all LPs are lucky/should be grateful if they get what they're entitled to as that's obviously rubbish. What I'm saying is that actually some men are not quite as bad as most referred to on this thread, they do more than is required and that therefore in comparison to other LPs I do think dh's ex-w is lucky.

ChocHobNob · 28/04/2010 07:13

Where in cassell's post does to imply that her husband pays less than he is supposed to? [Hmm] Just because some non resident parents (and by all means not always MEN) try to shirk their responsibilities, doesn't mean ALL do.

mumtotwoboys · 28/04/2010 09:06

Madascheese

I am very interested in how you can get maintenaince enforced on parents abroad!
My 3 yr old's 'dad' is laughing about not having to pay while earning a good amount and living in a swanky bachelor pad in Hawaii.
He pays nothing, so I stopped sending info/photos too in hope he would pay up so I resumed this, he hasn't.
He loves having the wage of his fulltime graduate job to himself, while his son lives on income support and gets second hand clothes because I'm trying to get an education.
The cunt.

ChocHobNob · 28/04/2010 09:32

If you google REMO that will give you information on applying for maintenance from someone aborad. You apply through the courts.

mumtotwoboys · 28/04/2010 09:37

thanks!!

elastamum · 28/04/2010 14:22

Hi Cassell, You have made your point, but your original note did come accross soemwhat insensitively given the contributors on the thread.

I take it you have never been a lone parent???

I do think it rather sad that men (and often their new partners) think they deserve a medal for supporting THEIR children as they should

elastamum · 28/04/2010 14:25

Choc hob nob - I meant more than others here on this thread, not more than he is paying.. The point is that high earners should pay more, as child support is assessed as a percentage of income.

ChocHobNob · 28/04/2010 17:41

It seemed to me that Cassell was just giving an example of the other end of the spectrum ... you have the non resident parents who pay nothing and you have the resident parents who receive what they are legally entitled to and then want more.

mumtotwoboys · 28/04/2010 21:15

£1000 a month would be amazing, I could get my kids a piano, music lessons, adventure holidays, a good pair of shoes! All sorts..
I would appreciate £100 a month.
But still, if anyone's lucky it's the absent parent, for having someone who cares enough to look after their children.
I see absent fathers critisize their ex for various things and show lack of respect, but they need to get a grip, devoting your life to your child/children takes a lot more than handing over cash.

ChocHobNob · 29/04/2010 07:10

There can be a big difference between an absent parent and a non resident parent. Some non resident parents would give anything to have their child live with them full time.

elastamum · 29/04/2010 09:11

ChocHobNob, You obviously have an axe to grind on this. This thread is about maintenance, which is as you can see a big issue for a lot of contributors on this thread.

There are undoubtedly good non resident parents out there, but there arent many people on Mumsnet who seem to be getting MORE than their basic legal entitlement in terms of financial support.

Maybe start a new thread??

mumtotwoboys · 29/04/2010 09:24

Choc I'm sure there are some, actually my ex would claim to be one of them, despite not giving ANYthing or even visiting, he'll still anounce he loves him son more than anything and imply it's all my fault that he 'can't' be there for his son.

We're probably a bit biased here from our experiences..

ChocHobNob · 29/04/2010 10:17

I don't have "an axe to grind" at all. I was simply replying to posts which had moved on to basically tarring all NRPs with the same brush, something single parents hate themselves.

I don't have a new thread to start because I was replying to comments on this thread

Also, if you notice, I also replied to help someone trying to claim maintenance.

That is the problem with forums Mum, you're not going to get many posters posting about how their ex's are actually decent people or the resident parents who contact block and use their children to spite their ex's.

mumtotwoboys · 29/04/2010 10:29

I've heard of women who block contact and use their children to spite their ex, but I've never actually met any..

lindsaygii · 29/04/2010 22:31

£5 a week. It's a fucking joke.

Tawny75 · 30/04/2010 13:54

DD is 11 and I received nothing until last november when I have started to get £100 per month.

He doesn't see her or have any contact, his loss.

Unlikelyamazonian · 03/05/2010 00:30

REMO only applies if there is a reciprocal agreement with the relevant country. My exh is in Thailand. There's no agreement with the UK hence there's nothing they can do. Hawaii doesn't appear in the list of countries that share an agreement either.

Maybe our exhs should get together over fresh line-caught lobster washed down with bubbly and enjoy a mutual back-slapping session over how clever they have been.