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where have all the fit,interesting and available men gone PT19

1001 replies

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/03/2010 11:35

blimey do we really talk that much?!

OP posts:
lou33 · 26/03/2010 12:25

i think if i was him i would have said no too, i would prefer to do it when i didnt have to wait about until she had gone

i wouldnt say you had blown it tho, and tbh if that was all it took to put him off, well he would be a cock wouldnt he?

SingleMum01 · 26/03/2010 14:24

lol Lou!

piratecat · 26/03/2010 15:57

not heard a thing from mine.

lou, you seem to have found a great bloke!!!

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 17:02

Hi all. Away for one night and there's pages of catching up to do!

Pirate I sympathise with you because this is exactly what happened to me with roofer. Full on and then sporadic texting. From flirty to perfunctory! Keep going though as it will happen with someone eventually.

SM your bloke sounds lovely and I think it's a really good thing that he isn't rushing into getting you into bed!

Lou you have one of the only decent man in the entire universe! What site did you meet him on?

I was out last night and when I got home I chatted to fireman who seems quite nice and normal! He seems quite keen so am looking forward to meeting him next week. We are going to chat again tonight hopefully.

SingleMum01 · 26/03/2010 17:26

PC- any news from your bloke?

Cake - fireman, luck you!! Love a uniform! Yeh I'm quite glad my nm isn't jumping on me really!

piratecat · 26/03/2010 18:25

cake, hope you get to chat tonight with him!!

Gah, he was my first one in 5 yrs. I feel v , as he is someone I really thought would have the decency to be straight with me, as part of his profession is working with kids.

The only thing i have come up with is that he left his phone at home today. yet hmm, i doubt it.

Betty79 · 26/03/2010 18:47

pc-maybe he's been busy today or his phone is playing up, one day isnt a big deal. Whatever you do dont text him again!

Ive done what other people have said and put my texts on silent, partly cos im not allowed to be texting at work but also so I'm not waiting for texts and that means I dont always reply straight away

Am meeting estateagent at 8, looking foward to it. If i get chance i will be back later to report lol

piratecat · 26/03/2010 19:09

oh good luck betty, have a good time.!

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 19:29

Pirate there may be an explanation. Doesn't sound too great though but that's because I've had the same experience so yours may be different.

I don't understand why it's so difficult for them to just text someone they've been talking to and say that they've met someone else or aren't in the right place. It's not like they have to face someone in person is it. That hanging on feeling is horrible.

Betty you prolific dater! Have a great time. You're gonna come up trumps very soon!!

piratecat · 26/03/2010 20:07

yes, me neither cake. I may have got some stuff wrong, but maybe i had an underlying feeling which made me wonder about him in this recent week. The lessening of contact, was weird, for me, becuase i was going by what contact we had had at start, and it was loads each day and mostly made by him!!

I hope he is ok.

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 20:24

Pirate I've learnt to listen to my instincts but sometimes I choose to ignore them like I did with roofer. I had exactly the same - loads of lovely texts before meeting him and then afterwards, practically nothing. I don't get it. I now feel I may have said too much in my text but it was the truth of how I was feeling so it had to be said. Needed to know one way or the other.

As for you, you don't know at the moment and that is the hardest part. Don't give up though.

piratecat · 26/03/2010 21:12

yeah, I'm not one to just blurt out random things in texts, i go with how that person is being with me, I have become very cynical and guarded. if someone starts to open up to you, well in theory thats a sign of good communication, as in any relationship, and i, prob like you, responded to it.

How else, do you give something a shot?

Remotew · 26/03/2010 21:36

Bit of angst going on. I second what the ones who have met good guys say. The right man won't make you keep wondering, they will be in touch and not play games. I am often wary of the ones who come on too strong in the beginning too, especially if it's all via text rather than in person. Think of how the long term relationships you have had in the past have started and if these guys aren't doing the right thing then try and keep it casual or move on. Easier said than done, I know.

Hey Betty, things seem to be picking up for you. Few options open, good for you.

I'm off shopping tomorrow for Prom Dresses, lordy! Might see if I can afford a new top for myself.

The younger man has been in touch and asked if he could -booty-- call round last night! Said no as I was working today. If he gets in touch again and catches me in the right mood I might say yes.

piratecat · 26/03/2010 21:39

ooh eve. booty call!!!

I guess i need more exp in this, he is the first one! So long since i did this dating lark, 1995 to be precise, and then it wasn't online, texty or anything like that.!!

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 21:41

Pirate that's all you can do is to give it a shot but I must admit I'm finding it all a bit painful. Keen fireman last night and text me today saying he wanted to chat tonight - nothing! I hate it.

Yes, I only said what I said in my text because he said we were in a relationship, in which case ok I thought.

Hope you're ok. Are you still phone checking! It's like it's a big deal for us but not for them. I get a teeny bit attached in some way if I'm talking to someone. It's not really attachment because it soon passes but while I'm in that moment I give it a go. What men do with this in their heads I don't really understand.

I take it you've still heard nothing.

Where is everyone tonight? Prob all out on dates!

piratecat · 26/03/2010 21:48

yeah painful is the word.

not sure what your background is, but i bet it accounts for how you/I feel eh?

You try to be brave, but it just hurts.

ninah · 26/03/2010 22:01

out on dates - not me! hello all
pc and cake sorry you are going through this luke warm thing atm, tend to agree that if bloke is keen he WILL be in touch
and if he leaves you hanging on wondering, it is time to move on at least mentally
we have all had enough man related stress in our lives to go looking for any more
and we all know we can have a good life man or no man, yes?
lol at monty and my virtual drinks party last night - better than some rl ones I could mention!
monty by 'career mums' I meant the ones who treat motherhood so professionally they do the ballet, the baking, the directed craft sessions round the kitchen table, etc
my approach is much more random and slapdash I'm afraid
oh, and I meant to tell you, one of the mums I had round the other night picked up a retro kind of thing I had and were wow, where did you get this?
when I said at a charity shop her face went 'ewwww' and she put it down pronto
so pleased to have broken up. Am planning a bath and an early night (middle aged emoticon)

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 22:08

Yes Pirate I think my background does account for how I feel. Can't say too much because I have a stalker type xh and I don't want to be recognised as I'm pretty sure he will still be trawling mumsnet to find out info about me. Like most of us I am no stranger to rejection and it never gets any easier.

I saw your other thread earlier and what struck me was what you said about loving your ex and not knowing that he had stopped loving you back. I am familar with that one and my god it hurt like hell.

Hey, we have survived and we will find someone eventually. The older I get the scarier it gets being on your own even though I'm perfectly self-sufficient in terms of money, house etc. I don't need a man, I want one. I want to be loved and to love.

And you're right, it does hurt but it won't always be like it is today. Maybe we are very sensitive women which is neither good nor bad but just is!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 26/03/2010 22:32

hi all,

been lurking but not posting. trying to catch up with studying. got exams coming up soon.

ninah - your other mums sound lovely

cake and pc - being single now is a whole different minefield with blooming msn/text/email... but it's basically the same of the days when there was just plain simple phone calls. if they are keen they will make the effort to contact once a day.without being prompted. best thing to do though is when you start talking to someone through the sites.. try and avoid msn/fb chat. email nsite. then switch to giving them your number. then there is only the option of text or call.

but the important thing ladies.. is to thoroughly enjoy your dating experiences.. it's great to see betty is going on a few dates before she decides on 1 of her fellas to take to the next level and see regular. if any..

in the time of this thread. i've been known to go on more than one "date" on same day. date can just be a coffee, or lead to more. when you only have limited time free it's best to be able to go ad hoc.

i've also been known to go for a coffee and not part company till kids are due back from their dads .. and that was with someone i had very little contact with. we just had been sending the odd text maybe once a week... no intentions of meeting anytime soon. then i found myself randommly free one wkd kids were with their dad and on off chance i asked if he was free.

the reason this worked i think was mostly down to us not having any misconception or pre-conceived ideas of what each other would be like.

what i'm trying to point out id you are single ladies. enjoy this time. enjoy spending time going for dates with different men. even coffee or lunch... not with the idea of looking for a long lasting relationship... but for some adult company. to have some fresh conversations with someone you may or may not fancy the pants off. the only thing important is from their emails or text/calls you have before hand you can have a good stab at judging if you would get a great convo.

and if someone seems so-so and your in 2 minds if you will fancy them or not from their pics... but you find them interesting.

just go on that coffee date.

for the oppotunity to ask questions about someone.

other people have led a different life from you

it always fascinates me hearing about what other people have done with their time on this earth.

use this time in your life when you are single to discover different people. with different views.

and one of these days you will meet someone and think

wow - what a great outlook on life, i really like your personality and fancy meeting with you again to find out more about you.

and what never ceases to amaze me in my single time is how it always the ones who i dont expect to be my cup of tea are the ones i want to see again and end up fancying the pants off of.

yup - you will go on plenty of dates with someone you dont fancy once you get there, but just becuase you dont end up fancying them.. doesn't mean its a waste of your time.

and i must admit... i always find the average looking bloke with the wicked personality and a quiet confidence(without arrogance) is far sexier than the gorgeous bloke full of arrogance and nowt to chat about.

cor i'm waffling.

but the absolute most important thing ladies that you come out with at the end of this dating lark ladies..... through meeting different types of men and personalities. you discover what you like, what you will put up with and what qualities you want in a partner.

you have now learned you want someone who contacts you when they say they will.

if they will say they are going to call/text... then they should. if they dont then they are letting themselves down.. and also you.

if they can stick to something simple they have agreed to like making a call.... think how hopeless they will be at keeping other promises/arrangements they have made.

right. lecture over. how is everyone.

things fine and dandy with forces. should probably see him this week sometime.

to everyone. will try catch up. but cant be arsed just yet. shattered.

ninah · 26/03/2010 22:34

well said juicy!
and good luck with the exams

cake4ever · 26/03/2010 22:46

Wow Juice what an amazing post! I feel positively uplifted. You talk such sense.

You're so right - I know I've been getting too bogged down in it and not enjoying it at all - I've been taking it too seriously and thank you for this wake up call.

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 26/03/2010 22:57

thanks ninah. will try.

cake - oh one other thing.

i inform anyone i start seeing regular.

"i'm never living with another adult again unless they do more housework than me"

when your on your deathbed you will never say "i'm glad my house was tidy"

you will be saying "thank god i avoided the housework and did the bare minimum so i could enjoy doing things i enjoy"

that way you weed out the losers who want to be mothered and act like boys...

you already have dc. you dont need another grown one.


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lou33 · 26/03/2010 23:08

I met him online but not on a dating site.

SingleMum01 · 27/03/2010 08:19

Morning all,

pc - u ok? Sorry to hear you didn't hear from your bloke. At least its better to know in the beginning rather than be strung along for a few days. Doesn't make you feel any better though

Betty - well done you! How did the date go with the estate agent?

I was out with the girlies last night on another one of my birthday do's! They usually last for a few weeks! My nm text me b4 I went to say have a lovely time. Then text me later on to see how it was going and a further one when I didn't text back! We exchanged numerous texts then and have arranged to go out next Sat

Catch up properly with everyone later. Off out again today for a family birthday lunch.
Be glad to have a night in tonight

piratecat · 27/03/2010 09:15

hi all, no news this morn.

Great post Juice, you make sense. Not sure what to think when soemone goes awol on you tho.

We'd both said we fell quite hard for each other, 2 properdates in about 4 days, him popping in for a chat and a snog on another occasion! he couldn't wait for the end of this week cos he's got a week off work now, and wanted to spend time with me.

I just don't like liars.

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