weather is en extra shit for lps

[Unlikelyamazonian]

Snow and ice makes lone parents feel crap about themselves. We have no one to enjoy blitz spirit with, the house is fucking freezing as can't afford to put heating on, no time to build a family fucking snowman. Eevryone else is off being a family with their bloody tin tray sledges and hot muffins.

We lps should get extra tax credits in weather like this just for existing.

I totally get where you are coming from UA I often would like those things too. I make the best of it but that does't mean I cannot whinge about it occasionally when it all gets on top of me. I've been an LP for 18 months too but my DS is 7 so a lot more rewarding (if a little frustrating ) at times.

Well for those of you who manage with several dcs I just cannot imagine how hard it is if you don't have plenty of support. It's not having people to say these things out loud with that I find difficult.

I am lucky because I have a child. I know this. I would never ever swap my situation for a second. It is not having dc that is the poblem for me - he is my sunshine, he makes it all do-able and worthwhile 100-fold. But it's the fears and the feeling of loss and the way my life and experience of motherhood has ended up being so catastrophically different from how I had hoped and thought it would be, that gets me very down. Sometimes. I stress sometimes. When the sun is back and the ice gone and I have some sun on my bones on my holiday I am sure things will not seem to grim and terrifying.

Knowing you as I do from the EA threads OP, I would say you have a perfect right to feel angry and short-changed by life in general. What your ex did was fucking appalling.

You were having a bad day. You wanting someone to listen. Or maybe not even that, you just wanted to rant.
I saw nothing wrong with your OP, but maybe that's because I know how it feels. I don't take it personally.

You are quite right about anger being borne out of fear. But at least you are looking to the future. I wish you and your DS the best of luck.

UA. Glad you managed to get out today. I did too and Asda was carnage. Got most things I needed and could afford.

You sound down at the moment. Do you have much support in real life? Having a network of friends in times like this can make things seem better.

My friends husband rendezvoused with me on the main road to drop some supplies to me yesterday as I couldnt get out. That cheered me up after 4 days with no adult contact.

Worrying about things like breaking a leg and crashing car are normal when you have no support network. I had swine flu before Christmas and was bed bound for 3 days. Luckily my ex is good and helped.

I would support looking at support network and trying to build on it. Even maybe moving clsoer to any family or friends?

i thought i had posted quite supportively , i think you are adoing marvellously well, and everyone EVERYONE is entiteld to a moan.

UA I hope you are feeling better.

I think that the snow is pretty and fun for a day or so but any longer than that and serious cabin fever sets in. I just long to take dd for a walk in the buggy without slipping over etc.

Mum and dad are getting on my nerves but bless em theyve been great.

Mabe try and get some things done that you havn't got round to if you are feeling up to it. I might revise the highway code - wey-hey!

Just went for a mini walk and hardly any families were out sledging. All sledges on ebay are very expensive.

I get times when I feel very down about beeing a lone parent. Then times when I am very grateful to be rid of all my exes. Hope you feel better soon. Being cooped up like this gets people introspective and morose.

Mabe try and find little treats for you and dc. Baking, tv, redaing, crafts, even a good cry might help. I am certainly thinking too much as I can't get out there.

At least we are not a really elderly person alone. That must be truly terrifing.

Thanks. I agree posh about prospect of being old and alone (it's not far off? worry worry worry worry etc). I clean for several very old and quite unwell people and I do worry about them. Have rung a couple to see if they are ok and they are.

And Yes. No adult contact. Cabin fever. Getting morose and thinking too much at times and in freezing weather like this. I can relate to all that totally. Especially when it's blazing bloody sunshine in Thailand. Yes yes I know I shouldn't bother thinking about him anymore and most of the time I dont. But I do see his eyes in my son's everyday. And he didn't give me time to get to loathe him. He planned his disappearance in advance and come the day, drove to Heathrow and boarded the plane. One way.

I am not self-pitying but I can see that it might come across as that. It's my language that lets me down in my posts probably. I swear like a navvy when I can't get the milk open let alone when I am genuinely pissed off.

I do wish I had been allowed the chance to have another child.

UA- that is truly terrible about what your ex did. I have been to Thailand and although it is lovely it is FULL of western men who take advantage of the sleazy sex trade and poor desperate Thai women who think that a western man is the answer to it all. The sex trade out there(because that's what it is) thrives on human unhappyness. I can assure you that your ex cannot be happy to leave you like. that. Think of it like this; he's a sleaze.

Also it would be far too hot to go outside if you were there with your dc and you would all get bitten to death by mosquitos. Lets hope that your ex gets totally beseiged by them!

I know about the longing for another child. At the moment you probably have as many as you can cope with alone and in the future-who knows?

A good friend of mine is 60 and she has just remarried for the third time proving that it's necer too late to find love! Don't despair.

If you are really cold mabe get a few blamkets and cosy up on the sofa with your dc and hot chocolate or tea?

old? not far off?? come on....bet you arent as old as me!!

And I mean he's probably not happy within himself now. It was not your fault that he left. He did it coz he's a tool.

My dd's dad left us coz he's a tool. I'm glad I know that now rather than ten years down the line.

It's horrid though.

Try to stay positive and warm.

UA I'm glad you are slightly less on a downer today

I really don't think that all this lashing out and blaming everything and everyone for what you are feeling is going to help you

You are going down a path of misery and bitterness.

Yes you are allowed to feel that way of course, we all do from time to time but it isn't good to actually believe it's the truth. That will get you nowhere fast.

I guess that's why the resistance you may have felt from some of us last night...I will listen and I will acknowledge but I will not confirm for you that the world is a bad place and life has to be shit.

And I don't think I should feel obliged to.

You are evidently grieving the life you wanted and for a while had. That's completely understandable. But I think you need to refocus as soon as you can and start looking outwards and forwards, instead of bitterly backwards.

I dunno about anger coming from fear. I do know that depression comes from turned in anger. I suggest you might want to take up some kind of counselling to rant about your ex. Or write some letters to him, or read up about horrible bastard men of the world. Basically you need an outlet for the anger.

And then maybe you can start to think about other people and that will also help you.

For instance you don't acknowledge or thank any of the kinder posts on here from last night. You don't apologise to anyone you have upset. You don't consider that you actually enjoyed 7 years with a 'proper family', before it all fell apart - some of us have never had that privilege.

I'm not trying to have a pop at you but I am stating what I see to be going on, and hope that on some level it makes sense and helps you. I know it will probably be hard to comprehend if you are truly depressed at the moment. It's hard to accept any outside input at those times.

Take care.

I think people need to be ready to move on before they can move on.

You can't rush it. You've got to give people time to feel the anger and yes, wallow in it for a bit if that's what they need.

Look after yourself UA. It does get better. It just takes time.

UA, sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. The snow is a bugger for all of us (I'm not comparing but my dh is in a wheelchair so the poor sod hasn't really been out at all since before Christmas, he's going insane).

I suppose one point of view would be to think of what it would be like if tossface hadn't have run off to Bangland with all the money. His mood would be dictating everything, you'd still have to deal with his nutcase family, and he'd probably be abusing you both emotionally and physically in some respects. And think of that poor girl who is with him now. Good god, the sun may be shining but there's a blizzard of pain to come.

Maybe it's a good moment to go back and read your old thread and remind yourself just how far you've come and how much you've achieved. You've survived. And you're free, as free as you could ever hope to be from tossface. Even if it doesn't feel like it yet. Give yourself time and remember eventually the bloody snow will melt! (Both literally and metaphorically).

Glad you had a better day today. Also glad that the thread has turned around a bit too.

18 months is nothing. Im 12 months along. 99% of the time im fine. I get an odd day where i get a bit frustrated at being a long parent. Just at having to do it all, all of the time and that this wasnt ever what i expected/hoped/wanted. BUT 6 or 7 months ago i was still a ball of fuming rage. So, im guessing ive come quite a long way. I can honestly say i am no longer angry. I agree with herneautitude, you cant rush it. If you need to feel sorry for yourself, thats what you need to do. When you are ready you will start to let go and feel better.

Lps should stick together a little bit more i think. We have all had terrible days/weeks and we are all in different situations. A little understanding goes a long way i think.

I know what you mean UA, hunkering down isn't what recharges me. getting out and talking to people is what recharges me. I've run out of coffee now. so tomorrow morning is going to be quite bleak. I know it's not on a par with croatian refugee stories, but, no coffee! it's freezing, no fruit, nothing on tv..... urrrrrr.

poshsingmum, i do that, i go out, so that when we get back, we're glad to be back!!

I for one am sick of this snow!!
i have been an lp for almost 3yrs now, and it has acually flown by.

I am lucky in that i work full time and my dc are at school. I love being with other adults all day and i find being stuck at home is so restricting.

I have just split up with a guy i was seeing for 9mths, and i just want to go back to work and be BUSY BUSY BUSY and get over it!!
but i find the moving on process is being slowed down by the fact i can barely leave the house, let alone move on with my life!

I know that no one can move on until they are ready, but I don't think this is the right place to come and rant AT other single parents (albeit in a subtle manner) as a method of exorcising whatever bad feelings are going on.

I don't think anyone needs to accept that.
This is a place for all of us and that means all of our feelings need to be considered.

Counselling is somewhere anything goes...mumsnet isn't.

I wish OP the best. But I don't think indulging any rudeness from her or anyone else in a similar position is helpful. That's all - I think I had better take my leave now, without wishing to sound antagonistic, just I need to be elsewhere.

Good luck OP.

Of course I am thankful for kind posters last night. Thankyou.

Because I got a bit of a flaming I left quickly as I couldn't handle it.

Tribpot you have always been a great support. Thanks. And gosh I am sorry about your dh. How terribly frustrating that must be. I was in a wheelchair for a year when I was 7/8. No school. Nothing to do. Left at houses. Couldn't walk. It was bleak. Will he be out eventually o r is it permanent?

You see, we all have such difficult times to cope with. As well as the good times. We all cope marvellously then sometimes we dip. I am a right bastarding saddo as I do most of my 'dips' on MN, because I know, or hope, that there will be others in similar situations on hand who can empathise. And it's easier to get immediate support or comfort on MN often, than maybe to ring friends who have tea to make/kids to bath/are not back from work etc and just don't have the time at that moment to talk to you for half an hour or whatever it takes to pull you round.

It is lonely. And flightattendant, I do not wallow in it. I do not feel bitter. Not one bit. Sadness, anger and loss are very different from bitterness.

I am not bitter because I know that I would have had a miserable abusive marriage if it had carried on; he had hidden his true self and his seedy proclivities from me and when they finally got the better of him and were exposed and he decided to run for it, what I thought I had in him and in our marriage turned to dust. Disintegrated.

It was very traumatising. I know I had a lucky escape but that doesn't mean I am able, yet, to go around punching the air and shouting Hurrah iyswim.

Tiffany ds has just tuned 2 and I am days off being 46....It feels old enough to worry about getting old

I am bitter about an ex. I am not bitter that we are no longer together. I am bitter that I stayed with him for any time at all and let him bugger up my life.
I guess I should just be glad that I am no longer controlled by him to that extent.
However, I am also happy about many things so I guess I am bitter sweet!

46 is no age but birthdays are awful and bring up a lot of stuff.

Think of my fab 60 year old mate who found love again!

UA- a similar thing happened to an ex flatmate of mine. Her dh ran off to Thailand to be with a native girl. It was awful for her but she found love again.

I think it is an ideal time to rediscover YOU and what YOU want from life. At last you won't have to accomodate some selfish bloke and what HE wants. Make 2010 all about YOU.

Posh. That is true. I hope and feel that this is going to be our year. Last year was all about getting over it and leaving him in the past (obvious lapses however ).

This year is about moving onwards and consolidating. Not in terms of finding love though. I never want another relationship. In terms of not thinking about him 24/7 and getting the business on a better footing etc.

Lots of love to us all.

Yes good luck oa. I do remember the first months being terrifying and in particular the first Xmas and winter, constantly worrying about heating, money, and dd getting sick and being miles from anywhere.
It does get easier. I occasionally wonder what's round the corner but having coped through the awful times gives you incredible resilience. At the moment you just have to take it day by day I suppose, and don't hesitate to moan on here. For every poster who offers you a cake recipe there are five others that have been there