weather is en extra shit for lps

[Unlikelyamazonian]

Snow and ice makes lone parents feel crap about themselves. We have no one to enjoy blitz spirit with, the house is fucking freezing as can't afford to put heating on, no time to build a family fucking snowman. Eevryone else is off being a family with their bloody tin tray sledges and hot muffins.

We lps should get extra tax credits in weather like this just for existing.

i'm 42 this year,so know how you feel there,but i had a peek at your profile,you look great!!!

and your ds is gorgeous

posh, i know what you mean. I am bitter that x gets to live the life of a wealthy bachelor (he won't contribute). I am going to be forty soon, and I haven't got a pot to piss in. I'm ok really. But when I met him, we were 'equal'. Now I'm a forty year old mother of two with tuppence to rub together and he's a single man of forty (which sounds younger - grrrrr).

mind you, like UA, although I feel pissed off sometimes, I wouldn't go back and i wouldn't be without the children.

It will all work out in the end. I would have liked to have been younger than 62 though, when I finally think, phew, mortgage paid off (haven't got one yet!) and now I can relax.

will i ever get to relax? will life always be 'hard work'? I feel an awful whinger typing that!

UA, your son is gorgeous and you look like tamsin outhwaite. hope you're not offended! she's a bit annoying, but you only LOOK like her. You're far cleverer and funnier

Hi UA

I looked at your profile and you and your son look lovely.

You look HAPPY in those photos too! You will be happy again but the snow is pants.

What I really want to know is what married people ACTUALLY think of us single mums...? I still feel there is a stigma but is that my issue? Non-SMs how do you view us? Are we the benefit-pinching, societal drop-outs the media makes us out to be or just gals who have had a tough time?

Orit Sutton
How To Be A Happy Single Mother: An Inspirational Guide To Parenting Alone

I'm not married, and am technically a single parent, but I have a very beloved partner who I don't live with but we spend more time together than many married couples. I can't see how anyone would look down on single parents. On what grounds? It would be just daft, surely?

It would be, we're amazing. If there's any stigma I reckon it's based in jealousy

Just because the media portray a stereotypical view of single Mums, doesn't mean everyone believes it. I'm married and I don't actually think anything about single parents. I don't judge single parents, or anyone come to think of it, on their "title". My opinions come from knowing individual's circumstances.

people do though bitoffun, there was a thread deleted on the other forum i visit a couple of days ago. and one woman who has in the past argued that all mothers should stay at home with their baby for the first couple of years then argued that single parents should go out to work as they shouldn't be allowed to 'choose' to stay at home, even though she as a married woman was 'choosing' to stay at home for financial reasons. Single mothers had fewer rights! There was quite a feeling of supremacy on that thread! And not just directed towards that much-maligned group 'young single mothers' even women who started out thinkingthey were signing up for the whole white picket fence set up, they were basically told (by a toxic few) that they'd made their bed and had to lie in it. This was about 3 posters out of 30 or so. So I reckon about ten per cent of people have zero time for single mothers.

chochobnob, if I ever say anything in passing about being a single mum within earshot of the children, my Mum says 'shhshshshshshsh!' to me!! as though it were a secret I could hide from them!! It must not be mentioned.

Shineoncrazydiamond- do you mean I invite a newspaper, for example, to give their opinion on this subject?

UA,

Just seen this and completely get what you mean.

The cold weather is starting to REALLY piss me off. And it does feel a lot like it's just something else sent you try you. ATM I have to get up at 6.30 to get DS into nursery and me into work on time and it's no fun.

I have spent day after day trying to dig out my drive and pathway only to give up. And DS (5) does not want to go out every day and build snow men/play with snowballs/go sledging. He's sick of the cold too!

O123, Shiney meant that if you are asking for opinions for research then you need to go to the 'media requests' section of the talk board as MN has a section just for you.

It's also not quite the done thing to advertise a book on the boards but as you seem to have done so very pleasantly I don't think it matters much.

Welcome, by the way!

...and I think I am going to buy your book!

Sorry, didn't mean to offend. Thank you so much for guiding me towards the 'media requests' section - at the moment I'm just interested in different views, it's not really research. Very good to know about the media requests section anyway and a huge thank you if you do buy my book!!

No probs

Hope you stick around.

I will do

I would like to send EVERYONE a big virtual hug - I'm sure we can all do with one...

is it more about the "smug marrieds" versus the "single mothers" ? or just the daily mail-reading married mothers.

you cant ask the question what do married think of single mothers because you can't tar all married mothers with one brush - just as you can't put all single mothers in one basket.

the media - depends what you read too. a minority few my choose to become single mother to get more benefits, frankly i dont really care. if it goes to the child...

0123 if you are orit
www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/HowToBeAHappySingleMother.html

then it looks lovely - but not really my thing... tho there is of course a place for "uplifting quotes, poetic verse" .

and i think we all have happiness in our reach whatever our circumstances - is about doing that whatever the challenges.

but if the book helps someone turn around from thinking "i am a single mum now i can never be happy again" into yes you can, then fantastic.

i think my struggle is the title - the implication that "happy" and "single mum" should be difficult to attain. and we need coaching to get there....

frankly in my case being with someone who was abusive was decidedly unhappy therefore, on many levels, being single mum is naturally happy (at least a darn sight happier than living with someone impossible to live with) .

it is not the single bit - often it is what led one to be a single mum that is the challenge?

specific single-parent (with no ex to call on) challenges - who to call for childcare when school is closed due to snow and you have to get to work? doesnt make me unhappy about life - just irritated!

cestlavielife- Yes, I am Orit (sorry, didn't mean to be mysterious). I totally agree: being a single mum is complete bliss compared to living with an impossible, abusive partner. In fact, my book wants the reader to see that being 'happy' and a 'single mum' is actually very attainable and very compatible. I am not trying to coach anyone, I'm am just sharing some of my own experiences and some of the things I've learnt since I became a single mum. The 'uplifting quotes and poetic verse' is just my publisher's turn of phrase. Yes, I have included some poetry and some people may find it interesting, inspiring, comforting or plain irritating - I suppose it is for every reader to decide for themselves. I have certainly made a deliberate attempt not to preach, patronise or counsel, but I have written what I would have liked to read 3 years ago when I found myself alone with a newborn.

And I am not asking all married women what they think of all single mums, I am asking individuals about their own views and opinions.

Shineoncrazydiamond- yeah, as I said, the 'uplifting verse' is my publisher's phrase. I hope it's a little less syrupy than it sounds

0123/orit - tks for explaining - your puiblisher may be doing you a disservice and i am more inclined to read your book now

"And I am not asking all married women what they think of all single mums, I am asking individuals about their own views and opinions"

As a married - but hopefully not smug - mum I don't view single mothers as an homogenous group (with the exception of the very young girls with baby or babies who make me despair).

I just see us all doing our best for our kids with whatever support/resources we have. A single mum with supportive family might have it easier than someone whose husband works very long hours or works away from home but has no other family to help out.

I think some posters on this board romantisise the two parent family but it takes a lot of work and compromise to make a relationship work and children can often cause conflict within the marriage.

What I do wonder - if you want me to be honest - is (a) the number of women who become pregnant unintentionally - surely there can't be that many contraception failures.

(b) why so many women on this board chose to have one or more children with "fuckwits" (their description, not mine?)

RR - to answer b) - if they were 100 per cent FWs clearly it would make many of us look stupid - however, they arent like that all the time...if you met one in the street he (or she, let us not just assume all are men) would appear nice and charming and lovely - just like your own husband.

so we get taken in thinking that "we" can fix them, or that they are just "stressed". not to mention slide into alcoholism/mental illness/mid-life crisis whatever.

RebeccaR your post has made me fume.

'(b) why so many women on this board chose to have one or more children with "fuckwits" (their description, not mine?)'

How long have you been a simpleton? It must take an enormous amount of energy just to put your shoes on the right feet of a morning.

Does your husband realise he is married to a fuckwit?

You sound very smug married.

Hope no daughter of yours ever drinks 5 vodka shots at a party aged 15 then gets between the sheets and ends up pregnant by the local handsome shagger. It does happen you know. But probably not in your world. Saintdom is a boring place.