Xmas gift ideas for your horrible ex/h/p....?

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

a hamper full of ready-meals for one?
anger management course?
good-parenting workshop?
any other recommendations???!!!

I'm gutted - they don't seem to sell the bag of shit any more. Bah!

what about visiting your local farmer?or sending your v own jobby jiffy bag..festively adorned of course

I might arrange for a large bag of very organic manure fresh from a farm to be delivered to his front door. He doesn't do gardening so it would be of no earthly use to him apart from saving him the effort of looking in a mirror!

a dose of clap!

its what he deserves for being a prat

a pair of glasses for his current gf as she most certainly must be blind.

a 'how low can I go' barometer, cos he has exceeded my expectations.

a new personality, as the last one was seriously lacking.

I could go on!

Fantastic site

a zip for his gobb... with that little lock hook part for a combi lock.

pass my glass please do go on!
how's tricks btw?

Cheers!!!! Oh god - after today (see other post) I would give him a large hole in he ground - about 6x4 and ask him to sit in this big wooden box with a lid - just for a laugh!!!

rofl
yeah i'd forgotten about adding a shovel for him to dig his own grave with
how's your head lady

pmsl, some great ideas.

A big, fat raspberry?

a virulent dose of swine flu

Speaking as someone whose exH (soon to be anyway - decree absolute coming this month - hooray!!!!) 'overslept' and did not come at 8.45 as arranged and pick the DCs up for their Sat activities, I think I would buy him a beeping big alarm clock. For the record he didn't manage any of the day but when my DD phoned him at 6.00pm as he had requested so that he could say sorry he was out (and since I have a good idea where, my other suggestion would be a large dose of Antabuse). Two weeks ago (he is only supposed to do every other w/e anyway) he had 'food poisoning' (the liquid food variety I would hazard a guess) and didn't get round to telling me until 3.00pm so maybe I'll get him a big big bottle of something nasty to clear out his system if that happens again.

Sorry - rant over!!!!! Apologies!

neverjamtoday, I'd have much the same for my ex - regular doses of Antabuse and six months in a hard-as-nails rehab clinic. Or, failing all that, a one-way plane ticket to somewhere very far away...

a headstone?

one way ticket to a shooting range with instructions to wear a large hat with a target on it...

framed picture of an arse with the word 'mirror' stuck to it!

can you tell he has upset the Dc AGAIN (and me)

what's it he done now?
rocket up his arse?
break failure special service on his car?
bungee jump with a difference all money to exw and dcs charity?
spontaneous combustion?

Just read all the above twice....blooming brilliant.

yeah and what a great business opportunity it's going to be for leslaki and i
can see us making £££££'s out of this...

He was meant to pick the DC up from school and didn't turn up - cue very upset kids. Arse!!! He turned up at my house 30 mins later and blamed me beacuse of course I want to screw them up by telling hik school gets out at 1550 . Anyway he spent the whoe, weekend dissing me and telling loads of lies - jsut for a change!!

Maybe I'll buy him Pinoccio's nose, so that the DC know straight away when he is lying again - it will be so long, he may even trip over it and break his neck!!

yeah - asbm, we better get it all copyrighted!!

yep def.copyright for us both here..love the idea of pinoccio's nose-how frigging apt is that-pure genius girl!
but all this aside what he did was downright wrong and how can you explain that to dcs?fwiw my exh did similar and even had the audacity to tell me that he'd we'd agreed it
SO
i guess that maybe with pinoccio's nose we could do a BOGOF with a bull shit lie detector
think that will be a sure fast festive must have

As he is now back to sending me multiple copies of loads of prattish texts I'm going to get him a mobile phone which explodes when he has sent the same prattish message more than once. Should last him about 30 seconds!