Xmas gift ideas for your horrible ex/h/p....?

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

a hamper full of ready-meals for one?
anger management course?
good-parenting workshop?
any other recommendations???!!!

maybe send him an arsed shaped one?

I bought my ex a mug that said on it 'if I gave a shit you'd be the one I gave ot too!'

ooh that sounds good
did you fill it with arsenic too?!
what did he say?

Oh yes - Pinnochios nose - fantastic! Or maybe a lie detector that works over the phone - so that when 'soon to be exH' (decree absolute coming in Nov actually - sorry I got a bit over excited in a previous post) says that he is 'working' and therefore cannot see DCs a large klaxon will go off. (I know he's lying but it would be nice to have it confirmed.)

well it is on a special BOGOF deal like we mentioned
will look into the lie detector thing tho am sure that we can modify it to include electric shock for him klaxon sound for you..sounding good?!

another modification to go with the klaxon could be that some Skunk spray could spray out of the phone at the same time and make him smell luverly for his night out!

Blonde I did consider actualy shitting in it but then though better of it. He didn't even deserve that He just said humph but he still kept it

ginge let's face it he'd prob.get off on it nobbers like our ex's always do!

www.cafepress.com/cp/moredetails.aspx?showBleed=false&ProductNo=9372752&colorNo=0&pr=F

something for the car or window perhaps? this made me roffle...

lol @ purpleone
have also thought of a special seasonal sattelite link so he can see what fun we're all having without him..
..or..telling his boss that he has volunteered to work xmas day and new year's eve..or..a specially prepared xmas dinner(straight from the knackers'yard,and it won't be paxo for stuffing balls either)

Haha!! Might have to get one of those stickers and the superglue it to his car!!!

And in case you're stuck for something to write on the gift tag:

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

1. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

1. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

1. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you 'cause I was p!ssed.

1. I thought that I could love no other

-- that is until I met your brother.

1. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

1. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

1. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

1. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe 'Go to he!l.'

think i'll be using no.10

Good thread!

Hmmm....

A conscience, and the ability to consider other peoples feelings?

Bit of a long shot but if you don't ask you don't get.

hmm...bit of a tall order for even santa that

Oh yeah. Even santa and all his little helpers working 24/7 from now till christmas eve couldn't manage that one!

ive told my db he can do whatever he likes to xp after today. specifically poke him in the eye or scare the hell out of him

number 10 gets my vote too

Yup No 10 does it for me too - especially after the telephone call I have had tonight! (Just don't get me started!)

thats my feelings too neverjamtoday only mine was texts earlier knowing full well my current situation. arsewipe lol

I don't get texts but if I put the phone down I then get more and more threatening voice messages. Found myself offloading to a poor unsuspecting man (an aquaintance - not a complete stranger) who is at least 15 yrs younger than me as a result of just having a series of these. Oops - have a bit of an apology to make next time I see him (if he ever comes near me again - there was a look of fear in his eyes!) So I would like to re submit my request (or maybe I am just supporting others) for a mobile phone that explodes every time the words 'F*king b*ch' are said into it

i only get texts, would cost too much to see how his ds is.
Can i add any time 'my son', get rid of csa' or 'hope you and your family are happy' are typed into it??
The last one purely cos he knows what me and my family have been through in the past few weeks, not likely to make us happy

OK everyone I have just been asked by my ex to suggest something that I would like him to get me for Xmas from my kids
What I would really like is for him not to forget important dates in their diaries, to remeber the committments he has made to them, to turn up to some of their school events, to give the school a forwarding address and not to act like a bear with a sore head when he comes round here. I expect I will get given some slippers and a Robbie Williams CD

Buy him a ready filled in diary!! Then fill out the forwarding address form with a glittery arrow showing where he should sign.
Then ask him for a ticket for you to the 'How to cope with a twat' masterclass at the SPA resort of you choice!

You will get a 'gift' from the 99p shop...