Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Original poster

lets laugh, who gets maintenance and how much?

297 replies

onlywantsone · 12/02/2009 08:11

I'm laughing, really I am - my XP doesnt see my DD due to various issues but givesme a voluntary contribution towards her upbringing out of the "kindness" of his heart of

drum roll please

£5 a week

TA DA!!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/02/2009 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PurpleOne · 12/02/2009 14:53

SGM - DD1 is nearly 14. They (her and exh) didn't speak for almost 6 months 2 years ago cos of his wife hitting DD1 and exh just stood there and watched.
She doesn't want to see him. Think DD1 is more worried about the wife, due to past history.
Exh meanwhile told me he wants to cut off contact permanently but still see DD2 Like thats really going to work well.
Either you shut them both off or not at all.

I'm dreading Saturday, as it's my birthday and I have plans to go out and the DCs are going over his. I've already told DD1 to walk out of there if she gets hit by wifey or abused by exh and I will come and pick her up.
It's not worth £17 a week. And they call themselves good christians!

oldraver · 12/02/2009 14:54

AhappyMummy.....I know you dont like the situation you are in but the ex isnt exactly doing anything wrong and the CSA ar not being unfair. For once they are following rules taking 15% and reducing for your child. This isnt unfair no matter how unhappy it make dyou feel

To be honest if you DH bought the ex a car and hasnt paid a penny since then frankly he got off lightly. At the mo you are paying £3600/year, this would equate to a LOT for 10 years

I agree she doesnt sound too nice doing a bunk and thwarting contact. I assume he is now trying for contact ??

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/02/2009 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 16:20

do you guys think there is something that we can do to make the government sit up and take notice about just how wrong the csa system is from both sides view? a petition? a PEACEFUL protest? chaining my naked self to railings somewhere?!

oldraver · 12/02/2009 16:24

But HP ... why is the CSA system wrong from your side ?? because your DH, finally, after a long break has to pay money ?? I dont understand how you can say its unfair and wrong for your DH to at last pay for his daughter

I would say 90% of posters on this forum are on the other side from you... fighting for years on end to get something from the absent parent and from what Ive read the CSA doesnt help them much. I can understand these people being upset but not you

I think its an insult actually your maoning

oldraver · 12/02/2009 16:25

Moaning even

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 16:30

Excuse me? please dont judge me until you have been in my position.
my husband would have been more than happy to pay for his daughter and see her had the slapper of an ex not disappeared nowhere to be found.
an insult? i think you will find there are plenty of people on my side.
have you actually read my situation in my earlier post?
Have you ever feared being out on the street with a newborn because the csa taking so much money you were struggling to keep up with your rent,never mind pay for heating and bills?
i actually find your post insulting.

FAQinglovely · 12/02/2009 16:48

the system definitely sucks - they don't take into consideration that my ex took all of the (massive) debts on when we split - all being in his name, but he's never asked me to pay a penny towards them, except the mortgage when I was still living in the marital home - which is fair enough. They don't take them into consideration because apparently they weren't taken out "for the benefit of the family" - because they were business loans.

The irony is that we both worked blood hard to try and set up the business, and had it succeeded it would have most certainly been for the benefit of the family! As it was it didn't get off the ground and we were lumbered with large debts, which he is taking full responsibility for - leaving me with only my own personal credit card to pay off. Yet they don't consider this when asking him for £170 odd £ a month.

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 16:54

the system stinks.and people that dont take into account the stuff that nrp have to go through just makes my blood boil.
Especially when the ex has done the same thing to 4 other men! why is this allowed?
AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/02/2009 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 17:06

the csa wont tell us where she is,we pay the maintenance through them,and they definantly will not pass on any sort of messages.
reality,yes you are probably right,he could have done.to his defence i just think he never thought he would ever be able to have any sort of contact or be able to find her so just didnt think to put money aside.

FAQinglovely · 12/02/2009 17:12

thing is you can never assume that the children are never going to contact them off their own back in the future and then wonder about why they were never "suported" financialy.

my BF has 5 children, her 3 oldest (22,20 and 17) are all from her first marriage. Youngest from her 2nd marriage. Her first H was a bastard, she escaped from a violent relationship 16 years ago and he's had no contact for the last 10yrs at all, and no money either - he ran off to Greece to escape paying her the £15k that she's owed.

Anyhow, 2 days ago her 20yr old DD found him on facebook and has got into contact with him, obviously all 3 children know what little my BF has told them about him, including his lack of financial contribution to their upbringing. She's leaving them to form their own opinions, but I'm sure once the question of why he didn't help her financially comes up they're not going to be impressed with his answers. Yes he's been an extremely absent father, but any hopes he may have of forming a relationship with his (very shrewd) children are going to come unhinged I reckon once his lack of support comes up.

oldraver · 12/02/2009 17:47

HP I have read you post fully and the ones about the CSA whe all this kicked off. Frankly I think you are the insulting one coming on a Lone Parent forum ostensibly to moan about your DH having to pay for his child and trying to drum up support to try and wriggle out of it. Thats an insult to all Lone Parents who are fighting their ex's for support. Have YOU ever had a newborn to support on your own while you ex shirks his responsibilties ?? You knew he had a child when you married him and surely knew that this would crop up at some point ??

Does it matter what his ex is, the fact you think she a slapper is neither here or there. I'm sorry you are finding it difficult financially its an obvious stress to you but thats not the CSA's or DH's ex fault. A lot of single parents dont have the luxury of support form their dc's father. Just spend a few moments reading through some old threads and you will see what I mean

I stick by my statement that a car for 10 years child support is a good deal. You could of been having to pay this £300 since you met so you have got off lightly

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 18:03

i am not trying to wriggle out of anything.my argument is not with my husband having to pay,it is his child and of course he should pay.it is not a whinge that we are having to pay at all,it is purely with the fact the whole csa system is wrong and unfair.
i know many lone parents who struggle to get any support from their exs financially which is totally wrong,but i also know lone parents who openly admit that they are far better off financially being on their own.
i agree that he could have been paying csa
for years,but i dont think in any way,shape or form we have got off lightly.
his ex...popping out one child after another,getting child support for each one,living off the state and never having done a days work in her life is the one that has got off lightly.
i had to work from the age of my son being just 4 weeks old just so we could survive,thats not me saying poor me,thats me saying you know nothing about how i have struggled in order to cope financially so no i havent got off lightly.

mrsjammi · 12/02/2009 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 18:05

AND even the lone parents have been saying the csa are a complete joke,which is the point i was trying to make but it kind of seems you are just trying to twist what i am saying.

FAQinglovely · 12/02/2009 18:06

"his ex...popping out one child after another,getting child support for each one,living off the state and never having done a days work in her life is the one that has got off lightly."

hang on - I thought you didn't know where she was? So how do you know she's not working??

mrsjammi · 12/02/2009 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ahappymummy · 12/02/2009 18:11

partly the csa.the guy that she originally had an affair with and ran off with bumped in2 a guy my husband works with and told him all this.she apparently cheated on him 2,and now he is getting stung by the csa too.
he has no clue where she ran off to either.

oldcrock · 12/02/2009 18:14

£0 here as well.

As he is a student, technically only £5 a week is due. But he has plenty of savings and just went on holiday to USA for 3 weeks, so think he could afford something

oldraver · 12/02/2009 18:15

Yes you HAVE got of lightly because up until now you have not been paying child support. If I were you I would think phew thank God they dont have the same system as in other countries where you have to pay arrears. Yes I dont know how you have struggled but we all struggle. Struggling on your own is no joke. It does brake my heart when I read some stories on here about how some lone parents struggle and I always consider myself fortunate even tho things are very tight for me

I still dont understand how you think the system is unfair, maybe you could explain this so I do understand you as all I see at the moment is the system working finally, and its a very rare thing to hear

What do you suggest would be fair ?? I am honestly interested ?? At the moment there is a formula for CSA and yes I do understand that suddenly taking a chunk out of your income is a shock. But does that mean that the PWC should have a reduced amount ?? I dont know how a system could operate that both parties would find fair.

With regards to the ex.. she may not of had any choice in naming the fathers (I know the system has changed but not how) I'm assuming that as your Dh hasnt had contact from the CSA that she hasnt previously been on IS ?? I dont think in the past you had any choice but to co-operate

FAQinglovely · 12/02/2009 18:18

yea and we all know they always tell the truth too ............

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12