Would you bother to have a relationship with someone who you knew wouldn't ever take on your kids ??

[IllegallyBrunette]

Just wondering about this because of my other thread.

I don't expect any bloke I meet to launch into dad mode and promise to be there for me and my children for all eternity, but at the same time, I don't see the point of starting anything with a bloke who catergorically states that he doesn't want to take on another mans kids.

How about you ?

I will and do treat DSD as one of my own.
I now have 3 children and tell people such.
I am a fair mother and tell all 3 off as appropriate.
I love my DCS in one way, DP in another and DSD in a different way.
All different.
If chips were down, I know I would protect all 3 children over DP.

sometimes not sure DSD realises that I do love her....but we will get there.

money & love for children & step children should not be different.

At the end of the day, children dont choose for their parents to get divorced and we should remember this and make sure they dont feel disadvantaged

as far as Im concerned, if you treat step children differently money or emotionally, its wrong

Good luck mistressmiggins, I am sure that it will work brilliantly because you have put so much thought into it, and are welcoming DSD to your family in her own right and not as some sort of encumbrance that you have to put up with to get DP.
I think that your truest sentence is that children don't choose for their parents to get divorced and so they shouldn't be disadvantaged.
I think that it is possible to hold them a bit separate (although not ideal)while you have no joint children. However if you present them with a half sibling they have to be equal. It is unfair to have them as visitors to a home where their half brother or sister is more important.
I have overheard my DH when he doesn't know that I have been listening and it is lovely because he always says our eldest DS, he never says my stepson.

I think some people are assuming the phrase "take on your kids" means taking complete responsibility for them, from very early on in a relationship, maybe even adopting them, being new dad etc.

That is not what illegally means. Contrary to popular belief, not all single mums are looking for an instant family fix. We're also not all gibbering and looking for a soulmate.

But if I were to meet someone who made it very clear to me that he would never, under any circumstances "take on" (ie live with, form a relationship with) another man's kids then I would not be going for a second date with him. Why? Well for one because obviously he already sees me as soiled goods and my kids as baggage and I have more respect for myself and my children thankyou very much. He wouldn't even get a shag.

If he felt the need to be so vocal about this early on then he's not seeing me a person anyway. He has a preconceived idea of who I am prompted by the stereotypical image of a single mother and therefore probably has no respect for me whatsoever.

Nah, dont think i'd bother