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Original poster

can my friend's ex husband legally contest her decision to move 300 miles away to be near her family?

299 replies

troubledfriend · 23/07/2008 23:55

Very dear friend , 2 primary school kids separated from husband 2 y ago.

In separation agreement kids live with her. Their dad is half an hour away and sees thm loads. They are reasonably cordial and flexible about it all.

he did initially want residency but she would not let him and .

She is v unhappy and wants to move 300 miles away to be near her family.She is currently in Scotland and wants to move to England

She is dreading telling him.

Could the courts stop her?

Would he have any chance of getting residency if he pursued it through the courts?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 25/07/2008 14:59

How long has she lived where she's living now? I have to say I find it a bit odd that she hasn't made her own network, although I do accept that is neither any of my business or (necessarily) the point at issue here.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 25/07/2008 15:02

Copied from this website

s2 Children (Scotland) Act 1995 says a child cannot be removed from the UK without the consent of a person who hasparental responsibilities relating to residence or contact. Therefore a parent moving from one side of the Tweed to the other doesn't need consent, although a parent may apply for an interdict prohibiting the taking of any step relating to parental responsibilities.

expatinscotland · 25/07/2008 15:04

She needs to see a solicitor.

Because he could legally contest it if he really wants to and he just made.

BOTH of them have good reasons for a) moving b) not wanting the children to move.

So, I agree with Anna and MB, it's a conflict of interest and it sounds like it's one that may best be sorted through mediation and/or legal recourse.

Her problems are hers, yes, but as MB pointed out, the childrens' best needs and interests must be considered, and in Scotland, that will definitely be taken into consideration.

Many of these functions have been devoled to Scottish law and operate differently from the English system.

Monkeytrousers · 25/07/2008 15:05

Soapbox, with respect, you don;t know the needs of the children. You can't call the mother selfish on the info you have here. IOt's a tricky situation. Calling people names you have no basis on doesn't sort anything out.

Monkeytrousers · 25/07/2008 15:06

and Wannabe, the mothers emotional wellbeing is in the childrens best interests

nooka · 25/07/2008 15:13

The mother's emotional well being is of course relevant, but the court will be looking predominantly at the children's well being. If I was him and knew that she was thinking about moving I get legal advice and up contact time as much as possible with a view to gaining residency. I suspect however that unless he has them for a significant amount of time on a regular basis it would be difficult to stop her moving however much unhappiness it caused the children.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 25/07/2008 15:15

I would never move my children 300 miles away from their father. and were are serperated, and he has been a dickwad at times - but this isn't about him, and it isn't about me, it's about my children, and 300 miles away from their father is not doing the best I can for them./

Alexa808 · 25/07/2008 15:38

MT, you can't just say the Mum's wellbeing is important and overlook that there is a father who'd love full residency, who is well and can keep the dc in the area where they go to school, have friends, etc.

If the lady cites she is emotionally unwell and to mend that, she has to move 300km away, then I'm sure the courts would grant the father his wish. He is well and is their parent. Case solved. She can then move and regain her emotional wellness.

tiggerlovestobounce · 25/07/2008 15:58

If your friend did go ahead with this, and the dad won residency would she still move away from her children? It seems unfair to expect the dad to live so far away from his children if she wouldnt.
Could the dad do more to help out with the kids so that the situation was more tolerable for the mum?

Monkeytrousers · 25/07/2008 16:34

no one saying that teh father shouldf be overlooked. I said it was not on to call the nmother selfish is all.

milknosugar · 25/07/2008 17:23

MT you are right its not on to call her selfish. but the mothers wellbeing is not the same as the kids wellbeing. the court will not care about her at all, if there is a better alternative for the kids thats what they will choose.

Blandmum · 25/07/2008 17:27

I think that the mothers wellbeing is one of a series of factors that make up the kids well being. the others being access to their father (assuming he is not abusive etc) and staying in contact with their friends.

While the mother's wellbeing is very important it isn't the only thing to be taken into account. You are right, we don't know the kids' needs and given this we can't simply assume that what is best of the mum is always going to best for the kids

yerblurt · 25/07/2008 18:25

I think the mother is being incredibly selfish actually.

ilovemydog · 25/07/2008 18:43

wasn't there a case a few years ago where a mom wanted to move with children to New Zealand?

Father contested such a move, but judge decided that mother's rights and freedoms had to be taken into account too.

Anyone remember this one?

Blandmum · 25/07/2008 18:55

Can;t go into details but a mate of mine was involed in this sort of thing where one parent wanted to move the kids away from the pervious country of residence. Judge prevented it. (outside the UK btw so may not be relevant)

Blandmum · 25/07/2008 18:55

Can;t go into details but a mate of mine was involed in this sort of thing where one parent wanted to move the kids away from the pervious country of residence. Judge prevented it. (outside the UK btw so may not be relevant)

Flllight · 25/07/2008 19:07

I don't know the answer, troubledfriend, but please everyone look at it like this: if the father wants his children to be happy he might well recopgnise that their mother needs a support network (hether or not it was his or her fault or neither, that she does not have one in him)
and therefore he should possibly support the mother in her decision to move nearer family. Perhaps the answer is that she should do it and he should accompany her, so that he is nearer to his children also.

Has anyone thought about his responsibility in all this - to his ex partner who is doing the asses load of the childcare, and to his children who need a lass stressed mother and might benefit from an extended family also?

No, it's all about the mother's failure to put them first. When she is already doing most of the work.

HE needs to move with them.

Upwind · 25/07/2008 19:18

So the Mum

  • insisted that though he did not even want to separate, she should get custody
  • is a very unhappy person and not coping
  • has not told her xh she plans to move his kids 300 miles away, even though they have a cordial and flexible relationship

The Dad

  • wanted custody from the beginning
  • is in a stable long term relationship that was formed well after the split

It sounds like the children would be better off staying with the Dad. I feel very sorry for the Dad and the children whose lives will be suddenly disrupted in the near future, through no fault of their own.

AbbeyA · 25/07/2008 19:20

Has the OP talked to her ex? Perhaps he might be willing to move. If he can't because of his job then I think she needs to think of the children first.They are in the ideal situation of being able to easily spend time with both parents. Surely OP has support with childcare with her ex? She ought to ask herself how she would feel if he were to move 300 miles away with them.
Before she does anything she should sit down and discuss it with him-he might be agreeable if they spend long holidays with him. She won't know if she doesn't ask.
She ought to consult a solicitor if he might fight for custody-I would have thought he had a lot on his side.

Upwind · 25/07/2008 19:23

Fllight - he wanted custody and so was clearly willing to take on the childcare. In the past couple of years his wife has dumped him and he has lost a lot of time with his children. How horribly unfair to expect that he should sacrifice his career, new partner and social life on his x wife's whim.

zippitippitoes · 25/07/2008 19:53

he is doind a fair amount of childcare..it looks like almost half

i wqouild call that shared residency

Upwind · 25/07/2008 19:57

Also when you are not coping and very unhappy you can often decide that the answer is to move away and have a fresh start - I've done it.

Unfortunately, troubles are like shadows they tend to follow you wherever you go. Chances are, moving back to her home town will not solve all of this lady's problems.

Flllight · 25/07/2008 20:44

Sorry, I did not mean to sound horribly unfair. I will go back and read the whole thing again, I think I missed some key points. Apologies.

I am concerned that the woman has no support network.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 25/07/2008 20:48

I think without knowing the ins and outs of the relationship and situation its hard to know if she's being unfair or not.

I do agree that the children's welfare should come first (of course) but I think there are more ways than one that that can be achieved.

She needs advice from a lawyer first, and then needs to talk to her exh. Hopefully the situation can be resolved so that she is happier, the children are happy and the exh isn't unhappy.

berolina · 25/07/2008 20:50

I would actually agree with soapbox's use of 'selfish' tbh.

Goodness, I can't imagine doing that to dh, or the children. And we have gone through a very rocky patch this year, and splitting up was discussed, briefly. I live a long way from family.

I do feel for her, and it is entirely natural and reasonable for her to feel like doing it.But to actually go ahead and do it, uproot the children from their lives and seoparate them from a loving an involved father, is simply wrong IMO.