can my friend's ex husband legally contest her decision to move 300 miles away to be near her family?

[troubledfriend]

Very dear friend , 2 primary school kids separated from husband 2 y ago.

In separation agreement kids live with her. Their dad is half an hour away and sees thm loads. They are reasonably cordial and flexible about it all.

he did initially want residency but she would not let him and .

She is v unhappy and wants to move 300 miles away to be near her family.She is currently in Scotland and wants to move to England

She is dreading telling him.

Could the courts stop her?

Would he have any chance of getting residency if he pursued it through the courts?

and therefore their father would cope better and they should move in with her and let her run home to mummy and daddy. How can anyone argue it's fine for one parent to take children away from one loved parent but not agree it woudl be fine if the other parent did?

It's also an issue if you do marry someone who lives far away or abroad, the price you pay for Thai or even male saudi spouses - you risk losing your future children. Marry someone from the same town and whose family are tehre and there is less of that risk. Look at the US lady who in my view wrongly took the 7 year old to live in the UK, father gets to desperate he's now taken his daughter to South America. Would not have happened if she and he had married someone near where they live. Traditional mathcmkaing did have some sense to it.

annie i know a kiwi who has lived in the UK now for ten years longer than she would have wanted because of the son she and her British ex-partner have.

she feels as you do, the child has a good relationship with his dad, and that's greater than her desires to go back to NZ.

he's 13 now, so not too much longer for her.

but she has stuck it out and it hasn't been easy. when i asked her, she shrugged and said, 'well, that's part of having kids with someone from a different country.'

I feel an overwhelming desire to find the ex h of the friend of the Op, (hope you followed that), and warn him what OP's friend is thinking of doing.
I know this thought is irrational.
Its just that I feel really sorry for him.
I worry that she won't tell him what is going on. Then she will spring it on him. And it will be too late.

Maybe my pg hormones are running away wtih me. Sorry, but can't stop thinking about this thread.
And this poor dad.

I'm still hoping that the OP will do the right thing by the children and warn her friend's XH - but I know that the chances of that are next to nothing as she will be loyal to her friend [sa]. It's a sad situation for both him and the kids

Yes paolosgirl, maybe we can appeal to OP , to her better nature, to do the right thing.
Let dh know asap. Its only right.

I keep coming back to this thread because I feel so sorry for the father. He must be enjoying his DCs summer holiday at the moment with no idea of the bomb shell that will come his way. It is very underhand not to tell him her plan.

Likewise, the children involved will also be making plans with their friends for the school year with no idea that they will very soon be uprooted. I hope the courts take a dim view of the mother's behaviour.

Me too Abbey. I keep thinking about how I would feel if I were in that situation, and about to have my children taken away from me and moved hundreds of miles away without my knowing. It makes me feel physically sick. That poor, poor man - and anyone else who has been through something similar, be it mum or dad

Unfortunately I think she will get away with it. If she keeps it secret until the last minute and then goes, I don't think a court would order her back to Scotland.

I know a man at the moment whose family emigrated when he was young. He went to work in a European country and met his wife, they went home to her parents in England to have the baby and then set up home nearby. She decided the marriage wasn't what she wanted (I don't think he earns enough)and left him for someone else. He is now stuck in this country although I expect the XW would like nothing better than for him to go home.He never chose England-his mother works just so that she can afford the airfares to come across the Atlantic twice a year to see the grandchild.

300 miles is nothing. She is proposing the DCs do it regularly so she and her parents could manage to get together several times a year.

I know lots and lots of stories similar to the one that AbbeyA posted about. International marriages are a fact of globalised life, and therefore international divorces are too.

There is actually quite good international legislation (including specific EU legislation) covering international divorces and child residence arrangements.

The legislation is good, but the enforcement of it is dreadful. The man I know who lost his daughter overseas has a court-endorsed access agreement signed by both parents and clearly setting out the number of times she returns to the UK, the times he is allowed out to visit. All means bugger all when she phones up a few days before the visits to cancel, and threatens to 'disappear' without forwarding an address if he makes a fuss.

What's sadder is that it wasn't an international relationship to start with - the whole family is British but the mum fancied trying her hand living overseas. Almost all of her extended family are back here where the father lives

There is virtually no enforcement. You marry a foreigner at your peril. You risk losing your children. It's a huge risk particularly if you're male but even if your female. the recent case in the papers I think they are both American and yet the mother moved the daughter to the UK (she works for a bank) and that in my view was wrong. Now the father's snatched the daughter having not been able to see her for 6 months and is being pilloried but imagine if any of us hadn't seen our daughter for 6 months and let's not forget he was the full time at home carer I think, not the mother.

I can't see that troubledfriend has said that her friend is going to move without telling the dad or only telling him at the last minute. She said she has made her decision and now has to tell the dcs and dad. There doesn't appear to be any timescale mentioned either.

She should be discussing it with XH before she makes the decision.

Difference is, annie, is that I love it here.

This is my home, always has been.

Well of course she should be doing that, but not everyone acts as they should when facing difficulties in their lives. It sounds to me as though the mum is suffering from depression and is therefore unlikely to make decisions which a rational person would. My point was that there are a large number of posts on here condemning her for considering moving without telling the dad and the OP has never suggested that that is what she is proposing to do.

I'm sorry but I think your friend is being very selfish. Presumably the kids love their dad and he sounds like an excellent father and I'm sure the courts would be sympathetic to him - 300 miles is an awfully long way.

I'm divorced with a daughter of 8 and her dad lives down the road - she loves both of us and spends a great deal of time with him and is a very happy child because of it. I'm in love with a man who lives 200 miles away and would love to be closer to him but wouldn't dream of relocating because I believe in putting the needs of my child before my own.

HAPPY UPDATE.
I spoke to my friend today. She just returned from a week away with her kids and has been thinking things through and has decided NOT to move away.

There is lots more to it than this but I wanted to post this news asap because many of you were very kind and concerned about this family and I wanted to pass on the good news.

troubled, your friend has a really valuable friend in you, and i'm glad she took some time out to think things through and come to a decision that is probably what is best for her kids.

i'm glad you continue to support her and help her get the support she so desperately needs.

i hope as time goes on she comes to have a bit more peace.

thank you for updating us.

THank you expat. I don't pretend to know what it feels like to be in her shoes and would have supported her in any way I could . In fact I made it quite clear that if childcasre issues were part of the problem I am happy to look after her kids as often as needed.