Chat for single parents!

[autumngirl714]

I just wondered if there was anyone here who might like a space to share with other single parents?
Just day to day chat and support!

I am a single mum, I have two primary school aged children.vibe been in my own for 5 years!!
They live with me mainly but do see their dad.

I don't have any single parent friend in the real world, all friends are happily coupled up (of course!) so I'd just love to be able to chat the day to day stuff with people on my boat!

I absolutely love being a Mum! Parent of me also likes doing it on my own and not having to listen to his stupid opinions and judgements 😂 But heck it can be lonely can't it?!

My biggest struggle is mum guilt. It's everywhere. I feel guilty when I'm over whelmed, guilty when they're not home, guilty that I don't have a big house and they share a bedroom... just everything really 😂😂

Anyone out there fancy a chat ☺️

Hi there sorry you haven't had any replies! I'm A single mum to 3. One reception age and 2 pre school age (twins). I've been on my own doing 99.99% of the parenting for over 2 years now.

It's funny isn't it that the news and statistics would have you believe half of marriages end in divorce and about the % of single parent families.....but I don't know anyone who is divorced and a single mum. In my eldests class of 32 she's is the only child from separated parents 😳

I feel guilty ALL the time - tonight has been a particularly shit evening with one of the kids behaviour and I've struggled to keep my patience! X

Hi, I'd love to join a chat @autumngirl714

I'm a lone parent to three (2 primary and one secondary) and have raised them on my own for a few years now.

Mum guilt is a horror, you're not the only ones. @onceisenoughinlife did you lose your patience in the end or keep it?

@Mimosifolia

Ha no patience well and truly evaporated into thin air! Same this evening!! My child likes to push all my buttons at the same time - not even push really - bloody jump on the buttons more like 😂

Feel crap about it but I've had a really stressful week at work and I just want to get them to bed so I can have some time on my own

I'm a single mum of one DS. I work full time, and he's in the lower sixth doing a levels. I've cared for him on my own since he was two although he does see his dad sometimes.

Nothing much changes. They just get bigger and eat more. A lot more. Mine's an endlessly hungry teen who I still need to chase off to bed but now I need to look up when he hugs me. 🤗. There is less guilt now because I know he's had a good childhood. GCSEs are done

@onceisenoughinlife I know several who have been divorced and two or three who are married and utterly miserable. We aren't rare at all. But with ds being old enough to look after himself for a few hours, I'm considering if it might be time to look for a new partner. I put that side of life on hold while raising DS, but he'll be off to uni in less than two years. Just an idea at the moment.

What is everyone planning for Christmas? Extended family or Christmas at home with the DCs?

@Meadowfinch

Welcome! I'm dreading the teenage years 😂 they already eat so much it's like a herd of locusts going through the cupboards!

Dating is definitely on hold for me - I'm early 40s and sometimes feel a bit sad that I likely won't date until I'm well into my 50s now. And yet I still feel young enough to have fun etc but there isn't anyone to have it with

It will just be us 4 at Christmas - I've realised for extended family it's a lot having the 4 of us at Christmas time - the twins have been through epic terrible twos then threenager stages!

@Meadowfinch does your son choose not to see his dad much or is he not around much by choice?

@onceisenoughinlife My ex comes to see ds weekly. this involves a 5 minute conversation about school, then ds plays computer games and ex reads the sports new on his phone. They ignore each other and after a while ex goes home.

They don't dislike each other, they just have nothing in common. Ex loves football and cars. Ds loathes football and thinks cars are simply for getting from A to B. He prefers his bike. I've explained to ex that if he doesn't find some shared interest with DS soon, their relationship could just fade away but ex won't make the effort to try something other than what he wants. 🙄

Luckily ds and I practice martial arts, cycle and cook together. So I try to make up for it. I'm a lot fitter than I would have been, as a result. 😁

@onceisenoughinlife I'm also early 40s and knowing I won't date again until 50s. It's crazy as I feel the most myself I've felt in my life and I wish I had someone who could / would appreciate that.

I woke up when I left my marriage and realised aid let myself become just a Mum. Now I have an impulse to be a person again too, but don't have the time or space to do it. The kids are worth it though, I know.

How come you've put dating on hold your side?

Hi @Meadowfinch !

Like the others, I also don't know anyone in the same boat re being a single parent. Do you ever compare notes with the people you know in a similar situation, or is it not acknowledged?

@Mimosifolia Yes. Our office manager is a single mum. Our receptionist is a single mum. My closest friend is married but desperate to find the finances to leave now her dc are grown. My ds' best friend's parents are divorced and his mum is on her own.

We all share some details when we have time. Mostly money, sickness/holiday cover, working hours, dating/not dating and co-parenting. Generally seem to be in two groups, mums who enjoy single parenting, can manage the mental load and are relieved not to have the dead weight of a difficult partner anymore. And those who crave a partner and struggle on their own.

I cope ok, and I've learned to be very grateful that my house (while scruffy) is almost mine and I don't have a husband who could take half and leave. Some of my married friends seem to be living fairly unhappy lives because they can't afford to leave.

I had become 'just a mum' but reclaimed a lot of my life once ds was about 12. I run Parkrun and have friends there. I've joined the parish council. My career has rebounded. I could even date if there was anyone I liked the look of.

Life got much easier once ds could be left for an hour or two.

I have a nice job today, buying my own Christmas presents.

It all started the Christmas that ds was four. We were living alone by then. I'd done the tree/decorations and a huge pile of presents for him. Christmas morning he opened the first two and then asked what Father Christmas had brought mummy. I said that FC didn't bring grown ups presents, and DS got very upset. Divided his presents into two piles, counted out carefully and insisted I had half of his. God, the guilt 😀

Ever since then I have been careful to put an equal number of little presents under the tree for me. So I'm online today ordering a new scarf, a new mascara, new hand cream, chocolates, a new phone case. One of the joys of single mumhood. I get to treat myself and have the perfect excuse 😁

I'm a widow since my kids were 4 and 6. My parents were already well into their 70s when my kids were born and lived more than half the year in another country (as do my siblings), so no support there (and my father died shortly before my husband anyway).
It's tough. I got the 'you have to be dad too now', except I'm not dad. Sure every Saturday and Sunday it was either rugby or football depending on the season. I volunteered at the club making bacon sarnies for the parents and match lunches for the 40 odd kids. Never missed a match, sports day, performance, assembly or parents evening. I had to deal with detentions, failing exams, first loves (and sex), drugs etc. Covid was a disaster for one and a breeze for the other. Then don't get along because they are total opposites - one is gregarious and sporty and high energy the other is quiet and very academic and an introvert.
I was ready to date after a couple years but it just never happened. In 62 now (youngest is (19 at uni) and I don't mind.
Hardest thing? I'm the one responsible for everything. From the food on the table to the discipline to the planning to the taking care of the house their schooling the pets the bills the taxes the whatever. And I've made mistakes. I've made wrong decisions and have regrets.
And there's no one else if anything happens to me.
But, it is what it is. I have a great relationship with both my kids. They know I love them and I know how much they love me. Life isn't what I'd planned but you can only do what you can do. Get rid of the guilt.

@Mimosifolia

It's mainly because my children are so small. Twins were 1 when their dad left. He also didn't have any overnights and only really seems then about an hour - I'd say fortnight but this time it's been nearly 6 weeks

I don't want to bring anyone else around children so young and honestly I don't have the time or energy raising 3 small children and working full time - I'm not sure when I'd fit in dating?

Today has been an epic shitshow. Boy twin kicked off getting his hair cut and I burst into tears in the hairdressers. Culmination of a very long and trying week with his behaviour and me feeling like an epic failure at parenting

@Meadowfinch

I don't know many single parents at all. I seem to very much be the minority in that I don't get a break from the kids at all. The ones I have spoken to have more like 50/50 custody or every other weekend at least and so they have a lot of free/down time and most are dating already.

@onceisenoughinlife yes that makes complete sense re not dating. Not that it's fair though.

Are you feeling better (kids in bed)?

Hi single mum to two autistic boys aged 16 and 19. As @Meadowfinch says have to look up when they hug me.....and they can eat for England!! But they have moments where they are extremely kind and loving, they still see their dad regularly. It's not been easy bringing them up but I love them to the moon and back

@Mimosifolia

Yes! eldest now in bed too - I feel a lot of guilt I don't get to spend much time with them now as the twins take up so much time attention focus and energy

Still feeling a bit emotional about how crap today has been. Seems like life is massive highs and massive lows and no inbetween.

Tomorrow is another day and it's Christmas decorations time which no doubt will the the catalyst for an epic brawl 😂

Can I join in? Single mum to 6 year old girl who's father has never seen her. No family anywhere near, every single thing is on me.
I'm very tired. I've never had a break, or a night without her, or a night out even, since she was born.

My friends with children are all married, I don't know any single parents in really life as it were.

Hi All... I logged on tonight to start a similar thread myself when I found this one. So I'll jump on too! I'd love to have a chat with some other (bored) single parents. I'm 42, 1 DS aged 12. Rarely sees his dad (once in a blue moon). Once he started high school I too felt I started to reclaim a bit of my life back - I'd get out to the gym for an hour or to the shops on my own. I work full time, very busy stressful job. So far as a lone parent, I've been too busy to feel lonely / bored at weekends or on a night. But lately I've been feeling it more and more. When he was younger we'd do things together every weekend. We'd snuggle up on the sofa etc. Now he's out with his friends or in his room gaming with them online (as he should be!) but I'm increasingly feeling very lonely all of a sudden ! I need to find some hobbies I think !

Hi everyone!
Sorry it's taken me ages to reply. It's lovely to see so many people want to join the chat!

My boys are with their dad tonight, back home I. The morning. I've done some Xmas shopping and spent far too much b money so now I'm getting overwhelmed thinking what we can do tomorrow with as little expense involved as possible 🫣

I wish I could be own the them people who could have a film/pj day with their kids... but mine would both end up sacking the film off and sitting on their iPads no doubt!!

Yes! Can I join please? Lone parent of one. No co-parent

Hi everyone,
Single mum to my 8 year old boy. I separated from his dad, who then passed away when my son was only 4. So I'm kind of a widow but also not. It's just me 100% of the time though with support from my parents. That tends to be with me there too though as he has a lot of separation anxiety and possible neurodivergence.
I seem to have been drawn to other single mums and there's quite a gang of us now. 3 close mum friends from my son's class (and there are other single/remarried parents in there too) and several others dotted around. It's a huge help.
Dating has been a nightmare really - I do sometimes envy those who get EOW to do non-mum stuff, but I know I'm lucky not to have an abusive ex around that I have to co-parent with.
I'm happy with it just being us two for now, and feel so much more peace when I "lean in" to being single. We have some great adventures and an amazing bond. He's a great kid.

I'm a sole parent, and quite an isolated one! All parenting down to me.

Both my parents are dead, no help with day to day things. Responsible for everything, hate having to deal with some things alone, especially car matters!

We're now at the high school stage but there were no other single parents in primary that I knew of! Feel a bit alone in other circumstances too, no solo parent neighbours, they are all coupled up and many elderly, still coupled up xx

@Treesinthewind enjoy and make the most of your DS being this age where he still enjoys doing things with you! I have to prise mine out of his bedroom now, he doesn't want to hang around with mum anymore 😒 But at 12 he's too young for me to leave on a night, obviously, so you just find yourself chained to your living room by yourself !

Personally I've given up dating now until he's off to uni / over 18. I'm not very good at relationships and have found it's harder as the kids get older, to get close to someone's only for it not to work out.

What pastimes / hobbies / interests do people keep themselves occupied with on a night when the kids are upstairs ? I stopped watching tele years ago ! I must try to get back into it. Thinking of learning the guitar ! I often end up getting the work laptop out and working just out of boredom ! Not a good habit to get into !

@Tabbyandwhite I feel your pain! I've had lots of single parent friends over the years but right now, most have found themselves someone or are happy sitting in alone doing nothing. I have very little family support for childcare. I do get the odd night out once every few months which isn't too bad I suppose