Chat for single parents!

[autumngirl714]

I just wondered if there was anyone here who might like a space to share with other single parents?
Just day to day chat and support!

I am a single mum, I have two primary school aged children.vibe been in my own for 5 years!!
They live with me mainly but do see their dad.

I don't have any single parent friend in the real world, all friends are happily coupled up (of course!) so I'd just love to be able to chat the day to day stuff with people on my boat!

I absolutely love being a Mum! Parent of me also likes doing it on my own and not having to listen to his stupid opinions and judgements 😂 But heck it can be lonely can't it?!

My biggest struggle is mum guilt. It's everywhere. I feel guilty when I'm over whelmed, guilty when they're not home, guilty that I don't have a big house and they share a bedroom... just everything really 😂😂

Anyone out there fancy a chat ☺️

@VegTrug how old is yours? Mines 12

Hello! I'd like to join. Lone parent to two. I've raised them alone since they were tiny, now 6 and 7. Work full time.

Absolutely no to dating! No time and not interested, and wouldn't bring anybody into their lives anyway.

I also know very few single parents. I am the only one in either of their classes at school. I do have one older colleague who has done it all alone, two girls now grown up, and her advice and solidarity is valuable.

Also zero family help here... seems to be a common theme!

Hi, not a lone parent as such because their Dad is around & they see him a couple of times a week, at his convenience.
We split when both kids were early/mid teens & they wanted to stay put so he got a new place - and all the freedom that came with it.

So he dated & has a new long-term partner now while I was firstly reeling from the marriage ending and then focussing on the kids & navigating them through secondary school, major exams etc.
I desperately wanted them to get through it as unscathed as possible which I think they have but I have now realised that I am the one who lost out on dating etc.
Although tbh the thought of it terrifies me esp when i think that my ex was on all the apps & I don't want to end up with someone like him, I know what he's like!

Only have one friend who is technically single although she still has to live with her partner for £ reasons.
Was just thinking the other day that the 50% of marriages ending in divorce doesn't apply to people I know.

Single mum of 3 here, 2 have sen.

The hardest part for me is feeling so overwhelmed and needing a break and no one to take over or help in those moments when you've had enough!

I was dating someone but is so hard when you have the kids most of the time, it became an extra burden.

My best tip for Christmas is to save money every month aside, it adds up and then no financial pressure

Just jumping on.

Currently at home nursing ds2 (9) who seems to have got a stomach bug. He woke up vomiting, he's just had a bath, gone back to bed and has been sick again, poor boy.

Yes single parenting is hard. Me and the kids dad co-parent but he has them one night a week so I don't know if that counts as co-parenting when everything falls to me. We split up years ago and ex is still a bitter arsehole from time to time.

As for dating I'm currently in a long distance relationship with someone I knew when I was 16. The long distance is good, we talk all the time, he comes to see me as he has more time than I have (he's childfree) and him being so far away means my time isn't impacted too greatly. I've never been to his yet and we've been dating 11 months.

The hardest parts of lone parenting for me are feeling like I'm always pushed for time, never have time to do anything fun as I seem to be always doing chores outside of working. And finances. Oldest son started secondary school this year and costs more money (bus fares, school trips, ipad etc). Ex contributes but it still impacts me more than it does him.

I've got today off work anyway looking after youngest so I'm going to make a point of sorting some jobs out I never get round to doing. It never ends.

Hello everyone! Thanks for joining the chat! God all the struggles seem so relatable! It's nice to feel less alone in single parent world!
I'm feeling extremely over whelmed and stimulated tonight.
I've had a cold for weeks, it started to go but then my youngest got it and now it's starting again. I can tell I'm going to wake up absolutely full of it! Ahh!
My ex has been away the last couple weeks so it's just been me and the boys at home on our own. His absence has been like a breath of fresh air for me on a personal level.. but with not being 100% and being SO busy with work and commitments I have just felt SO overwhelmed and stressed. I feel guilty that I've felt stressed and now I'm stressed he's coming back and he'll get to just ride in on his white horse in all his Disney dad glorey!!! And next thing I know they will be having a sleepover there and I'll spend the whole time missing them 🙈
How do you guys cope with mum guilt?

Also, what does after school normally look like for you? I think I out way too much pressure on myself to always be busy etc, and then I wear myself out like I am now!

Hi Can I join? Single and solo parent to 2, one 6 and one 16, they have different types of SEN from each other. They haven’t seen their dad in 2 years even though he lives close by, neither does he support them financial.
Hardest part is the overwhelm and making all the decisions for everyone all the time. Constantly feeling short of time. But also we are so much happier than before.

Hi, I'm a single mum to two, 3 and 6yrs old. My 6yr old is awaiting assessment for Autism. No real involvement from the dad, although we do have family locally. I'm 40yrs and can't see myself dating for the foreseeable.

@autumngirl714 for the mum guilt, you just have to remind yourself that as long as your ex is looking after the children well whilst they are there, they will have a great time. My kids love staying at their dads, it's a break from the hum drum of being at home with me cos all I do outside of my job is chores and chivvy them up to do homework. We all have fun together when time permits but generally speaking, I'm always busy. It does bother me but not a lot I can do.

As for hobbies, I practice my bass guitar when I have time and record songs at my friends house when the kids are with their dad. Or I see friends and go to the cinema or for a coffee out somewhere. I get one night a week to myself and sometimes I just flake out on the sofa.

Try not to be hard on yourself, parenting is rough, being the main parent the majority of the time is even more rough. Everything falls to you. I read a phrase on here years ago that stuck with me. "Everybody fed, nobody dead" and I keep it in mind on those stressful days.

And after school/ work is me being busy busy busy. I sometimes don't get sat down til 10pm and I'm up at 6.30 everyday so not a lot of downtime before I go to bed.

I just remind myself it won't be like this forever. When I'm 50 things will look very different to the way they do now (I'm 38 btw).

Hey I'm so sorry I couldn't find the thread again! Mine will be 10 next month

@meltingsky, You have lots of company with that feeling.

I get endless guilt for wishing their childhood away because it's so exhausting being everything to everyone, sadness at them growing up as I love every minute of them, worry that will be alone forever as by the time I can get some personal space I'll be dull, unattractive and a bit of a waste of space, guilt for being so negative about myself in case they pick up on it, guilt for feeling so angry at my ex husband etc etc etc . I try really hard not to think about it as all of those thoughts crop up. Day to day, I'm tired but aware of how lucky I am to have gorgeous, loving, happy and healthy children.

God yeah, sometimes I get angry at my ex in my own head. Like "if you weren't such an arsehole, I wouldn't be doing this on my own" type feeling.

Absolutely. If I let my head go there I feel utter rage at the injustice. He swans about with girlfriend in another country both of them posting things all over social media about how he is being kept apart from his kids by evil ex wife and one day they'll be together again (the kids and I have never even met her or spoken to her before either!). Er no.....actually he has been prevented from contact by the court given his failure to act as a safe parent and can't contact me either as there is an injunction in place for their safety and mine. I wish I could scream it from the rooftops to all our old friends in common who for some reason have decided to believe his drivel. Wouldn't you wonder if there's a good reason someone can't see their kids and maybe they're not quite the charming person you think they are!???

I can't though, as family legal proceedings are private. I also would lose all dignity and it's the kids' private business too, not for me to discuss publicly on social media. It does make me sooooooo angry though.

Choosing to not carry all of that anger is really hard and I usually succeed, other than moments here and there (like now!). Why do I have to be maligned...why isn't he disgraced and cut off?

Does anyone else ever experience the same?

Ughh! Your ex sounds like a prize twat @mimosifolia.

It's a shame you can't tell ppl in real life, do you have support? Feel free to vent your frustrations on here. And the joys of single parenting too, it's not all bad.

My ex charmed everyone, my own family even into thinking it was all me, that I was this, that and the other. So I booted him out 5 years ago and funnily all the crap he tells people about me has dried up because I don't give him any grief at all ever. He on the other hand gives me plenty of grief every now and again and people around me have realised it's him that's the issue. He can flare up and kick off at the slightest thing and he often does. And I tell the people I trust what his latest saga is and those people that thought I was the issue now realise it's him and his anger issues at play and that's what I had to live with.

So yeah, eventually the scales will fall away. You can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

Hi everyone i’m not sure i qualify to be part of this chat but my partner and I have decided we are going to separate (well i’ve had enough and decided this time im going ahead with it ). He has accepted this will happen but i feel that until he has made arrangements to move out, it’s not quite real as he is known to drag his feelt.
Im half panicking that it is finally happening and how i’m going to cope with finances and if the kids will be ok but also deep down feeling a rush of excitement and energy release that i finally can free myself from this toxic unhealthy relationship.
Tell me about how long it all took your children to come to terms with the separation and if my delusions thought process of perhaps if your partner only sees the children occasionally, he will have more of an input and focus on them as i won’t be there so it will improve their relationship?

@Iwantthesunsobad I gave up and left my ex when ds was 2 years and two months. We moved into a flat in my old home area, 85 miles away.

DS didn't notice ex wasn't around any more, so little had he been involved. But ex now comes to see ds once a week for a few hours. He actually sees more of him now, because ex has to make an effort and put time aside for his son.

Leaving was absolutely the best thing I ever did.

Hold your nerve and push for your ex to co-parent positively.

@Iwantthesunsobad it's hard to imagine how you will cope because it's a new life you're thinking off, and it's so different o what you have now!
But you absolutely will cope.
My son was 3.5 and I was pregnant when my ex left us. Like the PO said, my son probably sees dad more now than he ever would have at home.
He was pretty oblivious to us splitting up to be honest. Maybe life was calmer and happier!

Don't stay because you're afraid of change. It's more scary to be in a u happy relationship ❤️

How old are your children @Iwantthesunsobad ? How they will handle it will depend a lot on age, and also on how you both manage the situation.

My children have no contact at all with their father now, but I divorced him when they were still babies so it's a bit of a different situation to yours as they do not remember every living with him.

Hello, I've been a single parent for about 2.5 years. Kids are 11 and 13. They see their dad EOW and go for dinner twice a week, which is more than they saw him when we were together.

I work part time but also do some freelance work from home. We're living in rented accommodation and I want to buy somewhere, but can't until the house sells, which doesn't seem to be happening.

I need to increase my work hours, in order to increase my mortgage borrowing, but there isn't childcare available during school holidays, so although I can work overtime during term time, I'm already working as much as I can in the holidays.

How do single parents work full time? When do you go to the dentist, take a pet to the vets, etc? I can only manage that stuff because of working part time and having flexibility with my freelance work.

@Castlerigg I work full time hours but compressed over 4 days. An employer should be giving you time off for medical appointments/ dentist. I have quite a bit of flexibility so can take kids to appts during the day if required then make the time up in the evenings.

My children are both autistic so can't manage breakfast club/ after school clubs/ holiday clubs on top of school so I have to have nannies for wrap around care in term time and for full days during school holidays when I'm working. It's financially crippling on top of a mortgage and won't get better until they finish primary school at least.

I had an especially horrific period this year where one child couldn't attend school for over a term as she was so distressed by them refusing to meet her support needs. No nanny cover during school hours so I had to home school in the day and work at night mostly, and sleep for just a couple of hours per day. That wasn't fun!

I am pretty exhausted because I am always either caring for them or working and they don't sleep well either. Very hard to keep on top of all the issues with school/ the Local Authority, and work, and sort out the general household stuff but no other option really and at least this way I can provide a stable home and some financial security for them. But I won't lie, I could happily sleep for a month given the chance!

The few weeks we have off together each year at Christmas and in the summer are very precious.

How's everyone doing? I am sooooo far behind with everything. Was meant to finish work already but still more to do. Haven't updated Christmas food order or wrapped any of the kids' presents yet. 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hoped it wouldn't be a crazy rush this year and I'd have time to relax, but it's not happened. 😫

Currently on the train to the Highlands with the child, the dog, all our luggage and Christmas presents for 7 people, and am very tired indeed.

Wow. Super organisation to have made that happen though! I hope you get some rest when you get there and others can take over for a bit.