Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

if my salary is scrutinised to see what should be paid, I have a right to question what the money is being spent on.

And Lo, one of the bitter men who resents paying maintenance for their child has shown up on this thread to put his side and show us all what he really is.

You pay your council tax and expect your bins to be collected each week?

We don’t know if @Daddycool2024 has his child 2 nights a week, he says that he sees his child his child every weekend. That could be for a few hours when he takes him to MacDonalds

He still has no answer why he won’t go to court and get his child 50:50. I’m sure it’s NOT because it’s so much easier to sit around and criticises his ex instead of actually doing his fair share of parenting.

So there must be some really REALLY good reason he’s not mentioning why he’s not trying to rescue his own flesh and blood from this abusive , neglectful woman.

Do you know how misogynistic and controlling you're making yourself look?

If we took your words as the gospel truth - A trip to McDonald’s is more than some fathers offer? Why are you insinuating this is not acceptable when this could be the only form of access some fathers can provide?

A child needs both parents.

my ex has moved 30 miles away (and he changed nursery) so as it stands, it’s better for him to have a 10 min journey rather than over an hour?

A lot of men seem to think that if their relationship with their ex terminates, they ought to be able to terminate their responsibility for their children as well. They see their children essentially as extensions of the mother, rather than independent people in their own right. So of course they resent paying for them if they're no longer playing "happy families" with their ex. They'd prefer out of sight, out of mind, and move on to the next family without any encumbrances or expense.

What is wrong with what I wrote here? Are we forgetting it takes two to make a baby? Yet us men find ourselves scrutinised publicly when a relationship breaks down?

So how long do you have your child to stay at your house every weekend?

And why are you not going to court for 50:50?

The weekend is the duration? Please elaborate on your question? I collect him after nursery on a Friday and home at 6pm Sunday evening.

Er what?

ROFL - you're not paying her to look after your child and therefore entitled to know what the money goes on, a nanny to cover the difference between when you have them and 50% of that child's day would cost a lot more

Put it this way, raising a child takes personal care, and costs money. If someone does none of the personal care, they should provide all the money. This is scaled according to the proportion of care provided (which is why no money is generally owed in 50/50 situations).

You're not 'purchasing' any knowledge with this money, you're just paying the bare minimum to make up for not taking on your full share of caring for the child.

They obviously do not love their children. A man who loves kids stays with his wife.

The 50/50 care was taken away due to mums life choices (relocating) making it unrealistic to have shared custody when he’s at nursery so why is it fair that now a father pays?

mums are parents too!

Yes, and she's doing the parenting while you're pissing about being Disney dad and thinking children are PPV.

My son is late 30s and pays several hundred a month for his daughter (8) hes a fabulous father and to be honest has her almost every weekend plus long spells in holidays- he wasn't actually with the mother that long but I've never heard himmoan once- despite the fact he now has another child and partner ( who is a fabulous stepmum)

His mum is his parent 100% of the time, your son lives with her.

I read your previous thread, what do you mean by I’m not an authorised parent for him.

I’m not as a ‘next of kin’ or authorised parent at this new nursery.

If he’s unfortunately ill, or has a problem, they will not contact me. I don’t even know who’s noted at this nursery in the event mum is unavailable. In the same breath, mum happy to collect CMS payments.

As you have read the post, it’s a constant battle. The number of days, collect pay, clothes, haircuts (which is normal for him) and where he stays.

You pay your council tax and expect your bins to be collected each week?

Oh I'm so glad I called it before this gem @Daddycool2024 you're literally comparing paying child maintenance to paying for an item/service but deny the fact that you view your child as a possession, this is golden 🤣

You have narcissistic traits, you are controlling and coercive and you are attempting to alienate your son from his primary caregiver by viewing his life as a pizza that can be cut into equal slices of time. I can tell this immediately because you are no different to the 100s of men that call me yearly that I refuse to provide a service for. You are literally telling on yourself. Are you not embarrassed? I would be!

I’m not as a ‘next of kin’ or authorised parent at this new nursery.

How are you collecting them from this nursery then? 🙄

Why should you have any control about what education setting he attends when he lives miles away and you only see him 2 nights a week (which will reduce down to 2 nights a fortnight when he starts school FYI because mum rightly deserves quality time too, she's not your maid).

Embarrassed because the system is shit because people have exploited it?

Mums taking advantage and just wanting money for their own lifestyles and dads not paying enough for their kids and giving them the bare minimum?

if I wanted to not support my child, I’d follow suit like many other men that mums on this website have commented on!

She texts them every Friday morning. I have not had any feedback on his progression whatsoever.

just gota go to work and pay what mum requires I guess…

just gota go to work and pay what mum requires I guess…

Sounds like bliss compared to full time parenting.

I used it as a metaphor as my son has been showing up inappropriately dressed. Hence why I have questioned the whole process?

I used it as a metaphor as my son has been showing up inappropriately dressed. Hence why I have questioned the whole process?

Yeah.... healthy parents do not compare their children to innate objects. The more you talk the worse you sound because you can't even see why it's problematic when it's pointed out.

There we go. If mums want to limit the access a father has to their child then this is expected.

mums want little puppets.

apologies for caring for my son!