Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

just gota go to work and pay what mum requires I guess…

You need to pay what the law requires you to pay for your son. Unless your son is homeless, naked and starving it's pretty obvious where the money is going.

In the same breath, mum happy to collect CMS payments

The same CMS payments that only exist because you do not do half the parenting.

apologies for caring for my son!

You don't care about your son. You care about your ability to use your son to control your ex. This is domestic abuse by proxy.

Eh? Since when do mums want puppets? Mums want the fathers of their children to step up. That's all.

And dresses with pockets.

That's all we want.

Quality!!

I’m a domestic abuser because I question why my son is arriving in clothes too small for him when I pay CMS - look how this has snowballed out of control?

This is very extreme. You’d expect a father to raise concerns way before this happens.

instead, my argument ‘could’ be the early stages of such disaster but men are used as scapegoats and referred to as narcissistic, controlling, cohesive, bitter etc

What is the aim of such statements? You have heard one side of the story but somehow have it all figured out and I’m the person you’ve now labelled me?

Are you on the birth certificate @Daddycool2024? If so, you have Parental Responsibility. Do you know what that means?

I’m a domestic abuser because I question why my son is arriving in clothes too small for him when I pay CMS - look how this has snowballed out of control?

It's not snowballed out of control out all.

Healthy parents do not have any issues with financially supporting their children.

Refusal to pay, or complaining about paying child maintenance, or criticising how the maintenance is being spent, is THE biggest indicator of domestic abuse.

We've heard your side. And it's enough to warrant criticism towards you. Your own view.

‘Indicator’.

Unfortunately, child neglect happens and for you to build a stereotype on my peritoneal situation through your past experiences is totally incorrect.

if you’re in a position of providing advise, I’d strongly advise you going back to the ‘drawing board’ before making a recommendations based on past cases, especially in a public place.

It's a control thing isn't it?

My dad was like this with my mam, she had to fight for every little penny she got off him.

Weirdly I have none of that with my ex partner. Since the day we seperated he has paid £70 per week, no going through the CSA - no question about it. We also go halves on her birthday party every year. She also stays at his on weekends. But with us our split was amicable, neither of us wanted to be with the other one and we get along so much better separately than we do together.

Children in the UK do not have a next of kin. They have Parent(s) as per the birth certificate who have legal responsibility for the child or they have Legal Guardians.

Are you on the birth certificate?

Indicator’.

Unfortunately, child neglect happens and for you to build a stereotype on my peritoneal situation through your past experiences is totally incorrect.

if you’re in a position of providing advise, I’d strongly advise you going back to the ‘drawing board’ before making a recommendations based on past cases, especially in a public place.

Please be quiet. You are really embarrassing yourself here. You're dropping red flags and I don't even have to work for them at this point!

Yes, I am on his birth certificate - what relevance does this have regarding his nursery?

Have we?! You have constantly deflected or ignored questions about how long you actually have him. You have said every weekend amd that you collect him on Fridays from nursery. But what exactly does this mean? Do you have him from.3pm on Friday until 6pm on Sunday? There have been implications that he doesn't even stay overnight with you.

So you have your child for 2 nights out of 7 and his mother has him for 5 nights out of 7. You are unhappy with

how she cares for your son
having to pay maintenance for your child
not seeing your child more

So why don’t you go to court and get him 50:50 ? That would solve all three of your issues in one fell swoop.

You already make two journeys, one to collect him and one to drop him home. You could half your monthly travel by collecting him at 6pm Friday from nursery, keeping him for a week and returning him to his mothers at 6pm the next Friday.

Then you can do everything exactly the way you want for that week - choose childcare that you approve of and get the reports from , dress him in the clothes you like and collect him at the time you like.

It’s the perfect solution for you .

So Remind me why you are not going to court ?

Apparently the hours that the boy is at nursery, and his mum is "on call" for any pick ups don't count as Mum's time.....

Then you have equal Parental Responsibility as your Ex unless a Court states otherwise @Daddycool2024.

Nurseries do not ask for the child's NoK, they ask who has Parental Responsibility or Legal Guardianship and ask if there is a Court Order in place preventing one or both parents from accessing the child.

I'm a parent 24 hours a day - the hours my kids are at school, or I am at work, aren't deducted off that.

Sorry, if I remember correctly, you replied to my comment and injected yourself based on historical ‘knowledge’ you’ve gained from such cases and used that in your argument against me which should be treated in its own merit.

My goodness. His nursery is 30 miles from my home and it’s not ideal to be waking him early morning to arrive at nursery for 9am!

so I have him the weekends when nurseries are closed?!?

What?

Well, you clearly haven't bothered to educate yourself or you are leaving out a lot. If you are on the birth certificate, you have parental authority. As such, you should be able to take him from nursery without specific permission from her. The fact that you haven't bothered to even look into the legalities tells me all I need to know. You have lots to say about what you expect and your rights but have done sweet fanny Adam about actually looking into both rights and responsibilities.

It's sad.

Sure - they do provide feedback on their development etc. I have received nothing from this.

At what point do you want us fathers to step up?